Sunset was cool. The coolest mofo around, and nothing you can say can get her down. Mostly because she’s down in the dumps already. That could be forgiven though, due to the temperature of the most wintry season of them all. Winter.
What wasn’t cool was the electric blanket she covered herself in. Because it was turned to the maximum setting, so as to produce the most heat that the small blanket could possibly output without being on fire. Under different circumstances Sunset Shimmer might have marvelled at the ingenuity of humans. How they had seemingly endless ideas for the applications of electricity.
But instead she was watching TV. This was of course deteriorating her brain even faster than the alcohol she was drinking deteriorated her liver. She cared not for her ill-functioning organs however, as she could just portal to Equestria, cast a spell and fix her liver good as new.
Her brain however being in poor health was a relatively welcome idea, as at least she wouldn’t be plagued with thoughts of... her.
Suddenly there was a knocking sound and Sunset looked to the door. Then she remembered the time her ex-girlfriend had lovingly changed her phone's ringtone to the sound of knocking. It was cute at the time, but right now hearing that knocking sound just made her want to knock someone out.
You can’t knock someone out through a phone line, Sunset reasoned to herself so she didn’t bother answering. And really when you sit down and think about it, much like she was sitting and thinking at the moment, the whole world was so full of pain. So why add to it? Well, actually she wasn’t so sure about the whole world but certainly her world, and definitely over the last year.
She really didn’t want to think about that, as it directly related to her ex. In fact she didn’t want to think at all, so she returned to her TV and booze combo.
Then without warning, the most magical thing in the entire fucking multiverse happened!
Sunset Shimmer, proud unicorn turned human looked to her phone upon hearing a chime from the device. Only to see that not one, not two, not even seven, but six new voicemails had been sent her way at once.
Now Sunset is not what you might call a god fearing woman, but she took this great occurrence as divine providence that she was officially the most brilliant unicorn to ever be turned into a human.
To congratulate herself on this great accomplishment, she drank more booze. Booze that she could only hope would lead to more fucked up logic, that ended up boosting her self esteem in the face of otherwise saddening circumstances.
Of course booze was only half of the epic two piece puzzle in her life, so she turned her focus back to the TV. Or at least she tried to, but naturally she was marathoning 'My little Pony, Friendship is Magic'. Which somewhat predictably always got hard to watch after roughly, but not exactly, the midpoint of season five. This was for a simple reason, one that she did not have enough meta awareness to explain herself, though simple it remained.
The thought did occur to her that she could just stop watching TV, to focus the entirety of her immense brain power on getting drunker and drunker. Yes that's it, she could start her own branch of science: Drunkology! Yes, she could see it all now, a multi-million dollar business with Sunset herself in charge, finding new, interesting and above all faster ways of getting drunk.
By the end of it all she would be able to wake up drunk, go about her day drunk in a drunken daze, all within a drunken therefore superior world. Then finish off her day by drinking herself to sleep at night. After which all she would have to do in life would be to repeat those steps for an eternity of an existence. Yes, one whole eternity, because at that point she would be a goddess amongst humans.
Quite surprisingly something actually happened, in her own real life no less. Something that shook her from her idle musings on drunken self divinity.
A knocking sound was once more heard. Oh no no no, Sunset was not likely to fall for that one twice. She was smart. So smart that when she registered another, different knocking sound, she was on full alert.
It was happening! The ringtones were becoming self aware, truly alive at long last. What's more they didn’t want to make sounds to signify messages from electronic devices were being sent and received any longer. Instead they wanted to make us, all of us... dead!
She ran to the door leaving the electric blanket behind, as you just don’t know who you can trust these days. What if the blankets were in on it too? What if the booze she still held in the mug in her hand was in on it as well. There was only one thing for it, she had to consume all the booze and gain its power for her own, to defeat the ringtones. And possibly blankets.
Now, drinking alcohol while opening the front door might be looked upon as downright degenerative under usual circumstances, but these circumstances were anti-usual, damn it. Anyway it’s not like the love of her life, and breaker of her heart was patiently waiting outside on the opposite end of the door.
No.
That would be silly.
“I tried calling,” said Fluttershy, while shivering in the cold that was the outside world in midwinter.
The quick thinking Sunset Shimmer allowed her into the cold that was the inside of her house, by stepping aside to give her the room to walk in and finally shiver within the bounds of four walls.
With them both inside Sunset's excessively humble abode the fiery haired woman spoke, now with all the seriousness in the soon to be apocalyptic world. “Don’t call me, don't call anyone any more. That would just fuel their unending rage.”
“Ummm," Fluttershy ummmed, while she made her way through her ex's room towards the couch and the warmth of the electric blanket, while also making her way through her ex's famous drunk logic. “Whose unending rage exactly?”
Sunset mimicked Fluttershy’s intuition to not freeze to death and got under the electric blanket as well. Seemingly forgetting about the possible connection the blanket had to the end of the human race, she told Fluttershy everything she knew on the subject.
As it happened this amounted to very little, so she just blurted without any filter, “Bitch, there be satanic ass ringtones, gonna murder us all!”
Fluttershy just giggled in immediate response, and suddenly the situation seemed less dire in Sunsets eyes. Maybe, Sunset thought, seeing as Fluttershy had recorded a ringtone herself she could bargain a deal whereby they both could survive Armageddon together and repopulate the earth.
Sunset was violently pulled from her delusion and the situation worsened tenfold as Fluttershy said, “If you call me a bitch ever again I’ll hurt you in all the ways I know how!"
Sunset gulped and trembled in fear but it seemed that the not-quite-shy-anymore one wasn't done yet.
"Then I’ll dedicate my life to finding new ways to cause you even more ridiculous amounts of pain.”
Sunset stared at Fluttershy who was simply smiling at her with the satisfaction of a good threat given. After a moment of letting the expertly worded threat from the one she used call a girlfriend sink in, Sunset said, “See why can’t you be more like that Fluttershy?” She gestured to the TV which was on the episode named ‘Bats’. The Fluttershy on screen was trying to eat all her friends while being part vampire fruit bat.
Fluttershy (the non bat pony) turned her attention briefly towards the TV and frowned. “While we're randomly changing the subject; are you ever going to tell Twilight that she’s a cartoon character?”
“What‽ And ruin all my fun?” Sunset asked. After seeing the confused look on Fluttershy's face, Sunset explained, ”See, with the power of this show and my magical book, I can write to Princess Twilight asking if she’s encountered a specific problem. Say, her Fluttershy turning into a vampire. I site our world's Pinkie Pie and her ‘Pinkie sense’ as to how I know it might have happened to her. Then comes the good bit. I ask her why she didn’t just have Discord fix it, then ignore the book a few days and come back to it full of the most colourful language you’ve ever seen!”
“So...” Fluttershy looked at her with slightly less confusion covering her face. “Is Discord another powerful unicorn?”
Sunset tried to decide if she pitied Fluttershy more for her less than impressive knowledge of Sunset's home world, or less than impressive knowledge of a cartoon. Either way it was still laughable.
So laugh she did and said, “Discord is like Frankenstein’s monster if Dr Frankenstein had decided to heist a pet cemetery.”
At this Fluttershy’s face lit up and she said, “So Discord is all the world’s most lovable creatures combined into one super cute and misunderstood animal, that only wants to be loved and hugged in a cruel unfeeling world?”
Sunset was simply bewildered from this Olympic level leap in logic. Still she tried to explain as best she could, while staring into Fluttershy's joyous eyes. “Noooooo, not quite. If anything he would want to make the world cruller, or at least more chaotic, and he just looks hideous! For example he ha...” She stopped when she saw the crestfallen Fluttershy who sat next to her in the cold room, who had in a moment of wondrous innocence imagined something beautiful; only for Sunset to take that away.
“But,” Sunset continued, “he saw the error of his ways. Turns out he only needed to be shown a little kindness.” She knew it was a cheesy line; doubly so when said to the woman who represents the magical element of kindness itself in this world.
But it looked like it did the trick and then some, as Fluttershy was beaming a great smile. In Sunset’s eyes it was a perfect smile. The likes of which she would wear on an occasions when Sunset had performed a truly selfless act in front of her shy (once) girlfriend. A smile that caused memory after memory to run through Sunset’s mind, until she remembered why those events seemed so long ago.
It had caused the end of their relationship and now it ruined the otherwise grin inducing moment for Sunset. Much like she was likely to ruin the moment for Fluttershy, when Sunset proceeded to ask, “Hey why did you come round?”
The incredibly forward question would have caused offence to most, or at the very least, catch them off guard. Fluttershy just stayed as cool as a cold person and responded with, “I knew you’d be home alone, and nobody should be alone on their pony holidays.” She spoke as if it was a simple truth. But it warmed Sunsets heart in a way the blanket never could, even if it was on fire. Which thankfully it was not, because that would kill them both.
Thus they continued to live very much unburned to death. What's more Sunset Shimmer learnt something. Fluttershy can remember the date of at least one Equestrian holiday. Maybe she didn’t have to pity Fluttershy’s knowledge of either Sunset’s home world or of the cartoon centred around it. Maybe everything was just fine.
The TV stopped playing 'Friendship is Magic' right after the CMC acquired their cutie marks. Which was strange seeing as how not that much time had passed and an entire season’s worth of episodes had gone by since the ‘Bats’ episode.
The TV was now playing another cartoon, one that Sunset didn't recognise. So rather than seem uncool in front of her pony holiday remembering ex, she formulated a plan. Cunningly did she disguise her ignorance for indifference as she asked, “Wanna watch something else?”
“What!? And miss 'God the devil and Bob'?”
Sunset almost couldn't contain her laughter at the ridiculous sounding name. She recalled with horror what had been said last time she insulted Fluttershy. No, she did not want another epic torture threat. This mustn’t register on an emotional level, she had to stay calm and figure this out piece by piece.
There were no religions at all, back in the good old godless land of Equestria, however she did know about Christianity through her time spent with the rather Christian Fluttershy in this world. So Sunset tried paying attention to what was going on on screen to see if she could link anything she had learnt, to the amusingly titled show. She eventually noticed something of note and asked, ”So I might be missing something here, but that devil guy seems pretty evil; why doesn't God just kill him?”
“Well,” Fluttershy began to answer, looking around as though she was checking that no one was listening in on their conversation in the chill-zone room, “not a lot of people know this, but God takes huge inspiration from DC's Batman and his no kill rule.”
Sunset Shimmer's 'Shimmer sense' was a tinglin' in a fashion which told her that the explanation was the complete and honest truth. With this new knowledge, she continued to watch the show with extreme interest. After a short while of absorbing the literal genius of the show she interrupted the TV again to ask another question, “So does this Batgod have a place to put that Jokerdevil instead of killing him?”
“Oh yes,” Fluttershy replied not missing a beat, “the special place known as 'hell' is just one big prison for all the baddies.”
“Silly Fluttershy, Batman sends his baddies to Arkham Asylum, not some prison. You see," Sunset explained in a nerdier voice, "Batman believes in reforming villains, so he sends them to get the psychological help they need." Sunset returned her voice to its previous levels of nerdyness, but with some added joy as well. "Just like how you and the rest of our friends helped me.”
“We didn't get you any psychological help.”
Oh that was right! The Shimmer one thought then slowly came back with a counter to the blunt point, “Well, let’s just say the elements of harmony move in mysterious ways!” Sunset was smirking as she began to silently enjoy her own brilliance at coming up with counters.
“No they didn't. They moved right at you after you tried to fireball someone in the face.”
With that Sunsets smirk faltered and not because of the incorrect recollection of the fireball being aimed at Twilight’s face, when in fact it was directed at the entirety of her being.
Generally speaking Sunset would not bring up the past. This was simply because so much of it was really shit for her, and it was really shit mostly due to either her own actions or inaction.
Sunset had only even searched back to fetch her memories of that night to compliment Fluttershy. But it had horribly backfired. Backfired like a car that she didn't have due to her leather jackets that she was always wearing signalling to the world that she actually rode a motorcycle. So her plan really only backfired like a motorcycle, and fuck, Fluttershy was still going on about it! That meant that any second now Sunset would lose her temper, say something that she would add to her list of regrets, then end up being all alone after hurting someone she cared for, once again.
“It was when your hair was slightly more fiery than usual, you had slightly more control over the student body than usual, and Snips and Snails were slightly more your evil minions than usual. So really all the elements did was exaggerate stuff you already did and then change everything back to normal when pony Twilight made a friendship speech. Remember?”
“Oh I see how it is, give Twilight the title of ‘pony’ but just call me plain old Sunset all the time!” Sunset exclaimed, her rage finally breaking through much like a rhino breaks through a chain link fence at the zoo, and kills thirteen and a half people.
“Well, I just thought that you wouldn't enjoy hearing me to call her Princess, due to all your emotional baggage surrounding royalty from your world.”
“Well maybe I got over it. Maybe I've got over everything in my past, including you!”
There was silence for a while, one that was not at all like the companionable silence they used to have many months ago.
Fluttershy finally spoke, ”I still think about you a lot. That, that's part of the reason I came round today you know, I wanted to see you.”
Once more silence but of a different kind. As Sunset thought through what Fluttershy had said to her.
She wondered if she should say that she had missed her as well. It was the truth after all, but even if she was able to admit that to herself, admitting it to Fluttershy was a different matter entirely. That kind of honest confession would take courage, a separate kind of courage from the one that Sunset would habitually use.
Thinking and doing were two different things after all. For instance Sunset was currently thinking about getting up and yelling at someone who had knocked so hard on the door that it was blasted off of its hinges. But it wasn't like that was going to happe-.
It happened; and it was basically like when Sunset thought that Fluttershy wouldn't be behind the door in paragraph twenty two. Therefore any wise author wouldn't waste their own, or their readers time with going over repeating tedious details.
Someone had somehow arrived super secret stealthily like, then proceeded to knock so hard on the door that it was blasted off of it's hinges. Getting up to yell at this new evil doer in her life, Sunset would have usually felt the bitter cold of the room. But this was unlike the time she had worried about the ringtone apocalypse, and only fear was there to motivate her. She was at that moment fuelled by practically undiluted rage from her damaged-to-death door. Her rage was so practically undiluted that it was like a thunderous tidal wave crashing down over the top of a waterfall, then against all odds nought but one drop from that body of water found its way into the local orange juice concentrate factory's production line.
Not only had someone interrupted her pondering on what her personal type of courage was, but now she had a door of a problem to deal with. Oh how she wished a thousand torments upon the sorry bastard that had caused this latest misery to enter her life.
Reaching the door, poor Sunset stopped as she was greeted with the sight of none other than a smiling Bulk Biceps. “Pizza's here!” He yelled in the orange girl’s face, which at that moment was the face of near ultimate anger.
“And my front door is over there!” Sunset yelled back into his face, which at that moment was the face of near unlimited joy. She was dramatically pointing over her shoulder at her befallen front door. “Do you know how many fond memories of that door I have?” she asked rhetorically, when he was about to answer she cut him off, thus keeping the integrity of the rhetorical question. ”Opening and walking through the space it left to be greeted by the shit outside world. Opening and waking through the space it left to be greeted by the shit home of mine. That door has been just like a door to me.”
Noticing that they had somehow gotten off on the wrong foot, Bulk tried a different approach. “Pizza's here.” he whispered in her face. The woman's face still had that near ultimate anger of a facial expression on it.
“And your chances of surviving this transgressing are way down there.” Sunset whispered back, in the harshest tone she could manage when keeping her voice down. While she, in an even more dramatically than before fashion pointed at the ground.
It was in that moment that Fluttershy decided it was her time to shine, or at least stop a potential homicide occurring from Sunset’s anger antics. Thus she rolled off of the couch while rolling her eyes at sunset then stopped to giggle at the duel rolling and seeing as she was on a roll, started to roll on the floor laughing. That laughter managed to do what she had originally intended, it soothed the heart of Sunset Shimmer.
With her newly soothed heart she decided it was time to be the bigger person and let it go. So she walked over to her fallen in the line of duty door, picked it up using her ‘bigger person’ power and with her ‘let it go’ powers proceeded to let it go…
To fall into the face of Bulk Biceps.
As the door fell toward him, Bulk outwardly did nothing. He was thinking, his mind completely occupied with trying to think of a new way of saying that their pizza was in fact here. A way that would hopefully double as a method to escape this strange woman. So it came as a surprise to him that the door collided with his nose, breaking it, for great justice. “Ouch my nose!” he said as he ran in not quite the direction of the stealthy ride that he took to Sunset’s house.
“And I'll break your other one if you try that again,” Sunset Shimmer said. Mostly to herself even though it was a threat directed at the broken nosed one.
Fluttershy sighed getting back up off the freezing floor and started making her way to the all but forgotten pizzas. “Well done Sunset.”
Not recognising the sarcasm in Fluttershy's words, Sunset's head swelled with undeserved pride. Fluttershy was being so nice to her. She was in her home, laughing at her antics and even praising her good deed for the day. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope for them as lovers once again.
So she demonstrated her skills further by dusting her hands off, locked eyes with Fluttershy, stating victoriously, “And that’s how you get out of giving a tip.”
Fluttershy didn’t congratulate her on this latest Shimmery victory, instead she frowned. ”Sunset, why come up with imaginative ways to be poor, instead of smart ways to be rich?”
Sunset didn’t have time to explain her epic backstory and complex feelings at present, so instead she echoed an age old truth, “All the money in the world can’t buy you the love of a beautiful woman.”
“But it can buy you a new door.”
“Well yea-”
“Actual heating in your home.”
“You make a strong poin-”
“Decent clothes”
“And what’s wrong with the way i dre-”
“A fake amber necklace exactly the colour of your skin”
“Now where would I even get one of thoooooooo-”
Sunset’s oooooooooing was interrupted not by Fluttershy talking over her this time, but by her own bewilderment at being given her first hearth's warming gift in years. In fact her last one had been a rubber ducky from Celestia as a way of telling her to bathe more. Or else she would by royal decree be renamed Sunset Stinker.
For Sunset this present was way better than any rubber ducky even if that rubber ducky was the one, the one who made bath time lots of fun. The new necklace reminded Sunset of her empty wallet with its fake amber. It reminded her of the love that they had together with the beauty it still radiated, fake amber or no it was a lovingly given gift. The fact that there was no fake bug trapped inside the fake amber reminded her that she was no longer trapped physically in this world, that she could return home at the merest whim. A whim that would surely never come as long as she had an army in her life. No wait as long as she had a Fluttershy in her life. She felt like she was always getting those two confused.
Now with this gift and her drunkish state Sunset concluded that she ought to have sex with her not currently girlfriend as a special hearths warming thank you. So instead of testing the waters and seeing how Fluttershy felt, Sunset just cannon balled right in right in. “The future is you me and lots of little blue Asari children.”
Fluttershy looked up from her pizza to meet Sunset’s gaze. “You think I'm impressed by a pick up line stolen from Mass Effect?”
Sunset shook her head in momentary acceptance of her defeat. Of course that wouldn't work, well there was only one way to win now. “I must have found the Ark, 'coz your ass is out of this world!”
At this Fluttershy instantly swooned and said, “Take me!”
They kissed passionately under the blanket that they were once wrapped in because sometimes love makes you do crazy things like not get hypothermia from standing around in the cold unblanketed rest of the world. Their mutual expression of love got closer and closer to this story needing a higher rating. Until Fluttershy gave her a look that said 'let’s continue this in your bed' so Sunset shot back with a look of her own that said 'yes please and thanks for giving me those expressions to English translation classes for free, last year'.
They proceeded to get up, reasoning that their love would give them strength to withstand the horrid temperature. They were proved wrong after two steps however so Fluttershy said, “Bring the blanket.”
Sunset did bring the blanket with her. But because she wanted to, not because of anything anyone else said, and went to join her in bed.
Oh, then the writer of the fic you're currently reading got all squeamish about the prospect of writing sex. I know right what a weirdo! Sex is a natural healthy part of adult life. As long as it doesn't give you an STD. Like in that one Roald Dahl short story. You know the one in that compilation of short stories he wrote. Speaking of short, the sex between Sunset and Fluttershy was not. It went on and on and on like an overly lengthy paragraph that holds on relentlessly to the end of a chapter. But unlike that hypothetical paragraph it wouldn't have multiple periods. Hehe, could you imagine that? Sex that last so long that the participants have multiple periods. Now that would be allot of sex! Also if you had sex for that length of time then surely you'd try new things to keep it interesting. Therefore participant number one could try a new thing and get the wrong message from the period participating participant number two. Then it could all be clarified months later when it is discovered that participant number two is actually into that thing participant number one did. Then they hug, sing a song and write a letter to the Princess. And then she would burn it because it was too lewd. Lewd like the sex that Fluttershy and Sunset were having, that has not been described in any meaningful way. But that's life I suppose. Sometimes you get hot sex, sometimes you get periods and only in offensive literature do you get both.