//------------------------------// // Chapter 18: The Beginning and The End // Story: How to be Happy // by Leafdoggy //------------------------------// There’s no way, Fluttershy thought to herself as she delved into the dark, musty depths of the nondescript building she’d been pointed towards. That pony had been so confident that Pinkamena was in here, but… There was just no way. At first, it had just looked like a warehouse. Lines of tall shelves stacked with boxes and palettes, waiting to be needed. The noise from a backroom betrayed that there was more, though, and as Fluttershy walked through the dim aisles it became more and more clear what the noises were. Mostly it was yelling. Excited cheers, angry boos, that sort of thing. There wasn’t so much that it sounded like a stadium, but there were probably fifteen or twenty ponies there, all highly invested in what they were watching. Behind that, though, was something more telling. Dull thuds, followed by grunts. Tired, panting ponies. The occasional series of thumps as somepony was knocked off their hooves and bounced across the ring. It was obvious what she was walking into, as much as she didn’t want to believe it. Stepping through the heavy metal door that led into the loading bay showed her to be right, though. A smattering of ponies were circled around a makeshift ring of thin mats, all excited for different reasons. She couldn’t see the action past the crowd, but the sound of blows was clear as day. She’d walked into a fight. She couldn’t see Pinkamena anywhere. That was a bit of a relief, as it let her believe for a moment longer that Pinkamena wasn’t actually in a place this brutal, but she had to be sure. The crowd shifted back as she stepped forward, one of the fighters apparently having been knocked in their direction. She could hear their body slide across the— “That’s a knockout!” A referee? An official, at the very least, announced the end to the fight. The crowd erupted, bits were exchanged. “A shocking win for The Pink Puffball! Are you all really going to let this newcomer show you up?” The words barely registered in Fluttershy’s ears. The crowd had parted enough for her to see the ring, and she was frozen in place with her mouth hanging open. One pony was on the ground, and standing over them… Was Pinkamena. Swirls of darkness on her legs, blood on her chin, and a smile on her face. “Woo!” Pinkamena jumped and cheered. “I’m the best!” Once she’d had her fill of celebration, she walked over to the side of the ring, was handed a scarf by a strange bat pony that she flipped around her neck, and then started to make her way over to check on the other pony. Halfway there, their eyes met. Everything froze. Fluttershy, horror-stricken. Pinkamena, still in the tail end of an adrenaline rush. An eternity passed in that moment, an infinity of instants stretched out before either of them could so much as move. Fluttershy didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She didn’t want to believe it. To see truth in the scene before her would change her view of the world forever. She sat down, eyes wide and mouth agape. Once the stillness was broken, Pinkamena rushed over to her. “F-Fluttershy, what are you doing here? You can’t be here!” “I was worried about you,” Fluttershy breathed out in hardly a whisper. “I’m fine!” Pinkamena wiped her chin clean on the back of her leg. “I’m great, even. You don’t need to worry about me.” “Great?” Fluttershy’s mind was starting to catch up with her. “How?” “What do you mean, ‘how?’ Look at me!” Pinkamena showed off her legs, her scarf. “I look great, I’m trying new things, I—” “You hurt that pony.” Pinkamena blinked. She looked back at the other fighter, who at this point was sitting on a stool and chugging water, then back to Fluttershy. “That’s the point of the game, though.” “Hurting other ponies isn’t a game, Pinkamena. It’s serious!” “Why?” Pinkamena tilted her head. “It’s not like I hurt her feelings.” “Wh—” Fluttershy was aghast. “I don’t understand, Pinkamena. You never would’ve hurt anypony else like this before.” “Before when? I’ve only existed for a day.” “But before that, you—” “I’m not Pinkie.” “I’m not saying that.” “Then why don’t you want me to try new things?” Pinkamena frowned deeply and absentmindedly played with the scarf. “Why can’t I do stuff Pinkie wouldn’t?” “You can, Pinkamena. I’m not upset because you’re not Pinkie, I’m upset because you hurt somepony.” “That was the point,” Pinkamena repeated. “She hurt me too! So what? I’m not upset about it, she’s not upset about it, and I didn’t even really like it, so I’m probably not gonna do it again. Why can’t I just try it once?” Before Fluttershy could respond, the bat pony from earlier walked up beside Pinkamena. “Hey, Pink Girl, good stuff out there. Who’s this?” Pinkamena looked at her in shock, then gulped. “U-Um… This is Fluttershy, my… Girlfriend. Fluttershy, this is—” “Midnight.” She stared pointedly at Fluttershy. “I’m the pony trying to steal this cutie away from you.” “Wh—” Fluttershy looked between the two, speechless. “That’s not true,” Pinkamena said. She looked into Fluttershy’s eyes. “That’s not true. This isn’t a date. I wouldn’t do that without asking you first.” “Eh.” Midnight shrugged. “I don’t care what it’s called. I guess she’s right, though. I haven’t gotten a kiss. Yet.”  Pinkamena frowned. “This isn’t a date! I’m not gonna kiss you!” “You weren’t gonna hurt anypony, either,” Midnight said. “Or swipe that scarf. Or get rough in practice. You’re glad you tried all that stuff.” Fluttershy’s eyes went wide. “Wait, wh—” Pinkamena took a step away from both of them. “So? That doesn’t mean I’m gonna cheat. Why would you try to make me do that?” “Dude, chill,” Midnight said, “I wasn’t being serious. I just wanted to get a rise out of your girlie.” Pinkamena bit her lip and stared hard at Midnight. “I… I want you to leave.” “Seriously?” Midnight raised an eyebrow. “Over a joke? You just knocked a pony out cold and you can’t take a joke?” “Please.” Midnight scoffed. “Whatever. Enjoy your boring life with your boring girlfriend.” Then she turned and, with a flick of her tail, walked towards a back exit. Fluttershy and Pinkamena caught eyes again. Fluttershy, bleary-eyed, was still sitting in the same spot, rooted in place. “Pinkamena, I—” Pinkamena didn’t listen. She walked straight past Fluttershy, headed towards the door she had come in through. As she passed, she grumbled “Thanks” under her breath. “Pinkamena, wait!” Fluttershy scrambled to her hooves and chased Pinkamena out through the door, into the massive warehouse. “Pinkamena, please, talk to me.” Her voice echoed in the new room. Pinkamena spun around. “What is there to talk about? You don’t know me! I thought that she might actually be able to get to know the real me, but clearly, I was wrong!” “Pinkamena, I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said quietly. “I want to know the real you, I really do, and I’m sorry I keep treating you like Pinkie.” “That’s just the thing, Fluttershy. I don’t think you can know the real me. At least, not until I figure out what the real me is.” “And… And she was helping you do that? This helped you do that?” “Yes!” Pinkamena wiped tears from her eyes. “How am I supposed to figure out who I am if I don’t do anything?” “But why did it have to be so extreme?” “This is just where I wound up.” Fluttershy thought that over for a moment, then took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that I… Got in the way.” Pinkamena frowned. “You didn’t—” She cut herself off, shook her head, sat on the ground and inhaled sharply. “I’m sorry I got upset. I know you just want me to be safe.” Fluttershy walked over and sat next to Pinkamena. “We should talk about this more once we’re both home and cooled down.” “I know.” They sat in silence for a moment, feeling the warmth radiating from the other’s body. Fluttershy’s eyes wandered away from Pinkamena’s bruises and up to the hairpin, so carefully attached, then down to the scarf, which already seemed to be dear to her, and finally down to her legs, and the spirals that enwrapped them. Fluttershy ran a hoof lightly across one of the stripes. “Are these…” “There’s permanent.” “Did it hurt?” “...Yeah,” Pinkamena told her. “A lot.” Fluttershy made a sad noise. “And… Was it worth it?” “Yeah. Definitely.” “You good to go from here, Pinks?” Vinyl Scratch gave Pinkamena a light, caring shove. They were standing at the end of the path that led up to Fluttershy’s house, right where it turned and revealed the cottage. Pinkamena had her scarf bundled tight to ward off the morning chill. Octavia had already gone home to sleep, wanting to get some rest before the sunrise that now peeked over the horizon. “Mm-hm,” Pinkamena said, somewhat muffled by the scarf. She gave Vinyl Scratch a tight hug. “Thanks for everything. Tonight was great.” “Glad to hear it. Try and get some shut-eye before having that talk, yeah?” “If they’re asleep, I will,” Pinkamena said. She gave one last squeeze, then started to make her way up the dusty path. She paused at the door and adjusted herself. Fixed her scarf, tidied her mane, made sure she didn’t look disheveled. She didn’t want to look like the night had left her worse for wear. Then she raised her hoof, thought for a moment, and pushed the door open. It creaked loudly. Pinkamena tried to step inside as quietly as possible, but it was a pointless maneuver. The kitchen light was on, and Fluttershy was already at the table with a cup of tea. Fluttershy gave her a warm smile. “Welcome back, Pinkamena.” All the nerves that were filling her just moments ago washed away as she looked at Fluttershy, so calm and inviting. Of course, she wasn’t angry. Of course, she gave no sign of it if she was still upset. It was Fluttershy. Fluttershy didn’t hold a grudge. Neither did Pinkamena, she decided. She smiled back as kindly as she could. Then the weight of the conversation to come crashed back down on her, and a pit grew in her stomach. She cleared her throat. “Um, is Pinkie awake?” Fluttershy shook her head. “She was asleep when I got home. She’s been sleeping a lot lately.” “Mm.” Without saying any more, Pinkamena walked into the bedroom and over to the mass of blanket on the bed. She poked it. “Pinkie. Wake up.” “Mm?” The pile mumbled. Pinkamena poked again, harder this time. “Get up. We gotta talk.” Pinkie groaned. “Can’t it wait for morning?” “It is morning. Get up.” “Do you really need me?” Pinkamena huffed and yanked the blankets away from Pinkie. “Up.” Pinkie grumbled and started to stir. “Fine, fine.” A few minutes later, when a finally-awake Pinkie walked out into the kitchen, the others were already ready for her. They’d pulled up a stool, which she took, and had even made her a cup of hot cocoa, which she sipped gratefully. Pinkie looked hard at Pinkamena. “Did you do something with your mane?” Pinkamena chuckled. “”Mm-hm. Do you like it?” “It’s cute,” Pinkie said. “Would look awful on me, though.” They shared a grin. Fluttershy cleared her throat. “So… We have a lot to talk about, I think.” “Is something up?” Pinkie asked. “Mm. Pinkamena, where’d you get the scarf?” Pinkamena frowned. “We can’t start easy?” Fluttershy gave her a stern look, and Pinkamena sighed. “I… Stole it.” Pinkie’s gaze snapped towards Pinkamena. “Huh? Why’d you do that?” “I wanted to know what it felt like,” Pinkamena said. “If I would like it.” “Pinkamena, you can’t go around doing bad things just to try them out,” Fluttershy said. “I understand that you feel lost, but I know you know right from wrong.” “I…” Pinkamena looked down at the table. “No, you’re right. I shouldn’t have stolen it. I’m sorry.” “Thank you,” Fluttershy said. “Did you do anything else down there?” “I played Roller Derby,” Pinkamena said, “and… Got in a fight.” “It happens,” Pinkie told her. “Those matches get heated.” Fluttershy shook her head. “No, I mean, like… An organized fight.” “Woah.” Pinkie’s eyes got wide. “Did you win?” Pinkamena laughed under her breath. “Yeah, I won.” “Well, good! That means, if you never do it again, you’re undefeated!” Pinkamena smiled. “Good point.” “Pinkamena…” Fluttershy tapped a hoof on the table thoughtfully. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad for having fun last night. I just want to make sure you’re taking it seriously.” “I am.” Pinkamena leaned forward onto the table. “Fluttershy, I’m trying to figure out who I am! I’m not gonna mess around with that!” “Did it work?” Pinkie interjected. Pinkamena glanced at her. “Did what work?” “Did you figure anything out?” “I…” Pinkamena thought for a moment. Looked back over the night, at all the things she had done and how they made her feel. Looked over the things that made her happy. Her eyes drifted down to her scarf and her legs, and the image of herself in the mirror came back. Not a sad Pinkie Pie, not some stranger. Her. She smiled. “Yeah. I think I did.” “Well, good!” Pinkie reached over and rustled Pinkamena’s mane. “As far as I’m concerned, it sounds like it was a good night.” Fluttershy thought for a moment, then nodded. “Alright. Pinkamena, I’m sorry for doubting you. I’m glad the night helped.” Pinkie drained the last of her drink and started to get up. “Well, I’m gonna—” “Wait!” Pinkamena held a hoof out to stop her. Her heart started to race. “I-I have something else I wanted to talk about.” Pinkie sat back down. Fluttershy gave her a curious look. “Oh?” Pinkamena looked down at the table and bit her lip. “Well, um… With that girl last night, even though it didn’t work out, I… It felt…” Pinkamena shook her head. “Ugh, I don’t know how to say this.” Fluttershy reached out and put a hoof on Pinkamena’s. “It’s alright. Just say what you need to.” “I…” Pinkamena swallowed hard, shut her eyes tight. Then it all spilled out at once. “I think we should break up.” Pinkie gasped. Fluttershy almost recoiled in shock, but kept her hoof where it was for Pinkamena’s sake. Before they could ask why, Pinkamena went on. “Fluttershy, you don’t know me. And that’s okay, nopony really knows me, but with you it’s different. With you it feels like you’re supposed to know me, and you just… Don’t. And I don’t even think you can, not how I am now. You can’t figure it out with me cuz you’ll always just see Pinkie. Only ponies who don’t know Pinkie can do that. New ponies. New… Friends.” Pinkamena shuddered. “I’m sorry. I’ll always love you, and I’ll come back and we’ll be best friends once I figure things out, but—” Fluttershy pulled her hoof away, and Pinkamena froze. Fluttershy got up, slowly walked around the table, and then wrapped Pinkamena in a tight, loving hug. Pinkamena fell into the hug, sank into Fluttershy’s grasp and felt herself start to cry. “I understand,” Fluttershy whispered, “and I’m proud of you.” She gently kissed Pinkamena’s forehead. “I’ll always love you, too.” They stayed like that a long time, not talking, just appreciating each others’ presence. Eventually Fluttershy got tired of standing, and they made their way into the living room and sat close together in a big, comfy armchair. Tears came and went from both of them, and from Pinkie on the couch as well, until finally the long, grueling day caught up to them and they fell asleep. It was the last night they ever spent curled together as lovers, but years later, when they looked back on the moment, they would both agree that it had been one of the best. It wasn’t the end of a relationship; It was the start of a friendship, and it was a confused pony’s first step into her very own joy-filled life.