//------------------------------// // Chapter 05 // Story: Raremageddon // by Knight of the Raven //------------------------------// Ah... Was there anything more relaxing than hot water? Aloe and Lotus knew their craft well, and that came with knowing the perfect temperature for a bath, that elusive threshold one fraction before too hot for comfort. They also knew her well, and that meant the perfect temperature at all times. They could gauge when they needed to warm up the water again with a mere glance or a single step into the room. It was little things like this that made Rarity certain that they were half-pegasus; they were extremely in tune with humidity. That they could be trusted to frolic in the morning dew every day and dance in the rain whenever their work schedules allowed them did nothing but confirm her suspicions. Not that she'd ever asked them about their private life, mind. Fond of them as she was, their relationship was strictly professional. A true diamond in the rough, with only boons and no downsides—something even her friendships couldn't claim—but professional nonetheless. So, she didn't actually know straight from the mares' mouths if they were indeed half-pegasus. Or whether they were sisters or entirely unrelated, for that matter. That last one had never stopped being awkward, she had to admit. But that nagging lapse in her knowledge melted away into the water like everything else. The stress, the fatigue, the worry... expelled, ousted, banished. Or evaporated, perhaps, to suit the context. Lotus walked back into the room. Or Aloe. Rarity always had an ear for detail to go with her eagle eye, but she still couldn't tell their hoofsteps apart from each other's. Yes, she could simply crack open an eyelid to learn the answer. But the water was simply divine. There was no strength left in her body to summon the will to do anything but bask in this gift from the stars themselves. Even if these stars had cooled down so very, very slightly. As if on cue, her favorite beautician—they were both her favorite beauticians—emptied a bucket into the bathtub; and the stars burned the precisely right temperature once again. Rarity sighed and sunk a little deeper into the water. Giving her limbs a few stretches here and there. She'd have to tell Princess Celestia about them one day. The toll ruling over Equestria doubtlessly took on her was far beyond her imagination, but she knew Aloe and Lotus were the mares to make it all go away, even if only for one day or so. She paused. No. No, that wouldn't do. At all. The Princess would drag them back to Canterlot and keep them all for herself; they were just that good. She was a loyal subject, but that was a reason to commit high treason and possibly regicide if there ever was one. She resumed her stretching. Starting with her back and ending with her forelegs, twice for those, and then a third time for good measure. There always was a price to working her sewing machine for days on end. Or had it been weeks on end? Hm. It was a little difficult to remember, what with how utterly blissful her little raincloud over the moon felt right now. If actual clouds were anywhere this delightfully cozy, no wonder that Rainbow Dash spent most of her time lazing about on one. Hm. That was an interesting junction her train of thought had ended up at. Rainbow Dash and her sewing machine; Rainbow Dash and the wonderful darlings who gave her so much breathing—melting—room in the first place. Thankfully, they simply weren't destined to meet. That would have truly been a trainwreck of untold proportions, to suit the context once again. She didn't think this through. Rainbow watched as the copies buzzed about her in the shop. Oh, sorry, Carousel Boutique~. She'd have a hard time forgetting that name. The real Rarity kept dishing it right, left and center. She really loved the sound of what she'd come up with. Chances were she also loved the sound of her own voice to boot. Which was all fine and dandy, but kinda muscled on her turf. Bragging was her job, dangit. Or Trixie's, if you absolutely had to get a unicorn involved. It was her actual, real job, at that. Why had nopony ever told her that traveling performers needed to show off if they wanted food on the table at the end of the week? Things would probably have gone a little better then. Right now, things could go a little better if she could move instead of standing there like a lemon. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't gotten a few goosebumps when the copies pointed towards the fitting stage in the middle of the room. That... that pompousdour thing Rarity had strapped on her head before that whole parasprite business had flashed back to mind, complete with the ridiculous getup that came with it. She shuddered just from the memory. And she remembered that mess really well, too. The stage was already surrounded by three mirrors back then. It'd been like being stuck in a train tumbling down Canterlot's mountain, but she could watch the crash from the outside at the same time. She'd taken some crazy risk letting Rarity handle her Gala dress. Sheesh. The things she did to stay at her friends' side. The Wonderbolts would have either laughed her out of the room or thought she was some frilly monster from the depths of the Everfree and gone to town on her. That last one would have been pretty sweet, she had to admit. Fighting off the wing-bustiest crack-team in Equestria would have seen her put in charge of like half of them on the spot. And even if that didn't happen, the showdown alone was some hardcore dream come true. Dreaming about beating up changelings got old after a while, after all. Lucky her, that garb was just one serious miss in Rarity's usual line of hits. A miss she'd tried to pawn off to Twilight what, three minutes tops after meeting her for the first time? Yup, still as hilarious now as it was when Twilight twigged about it. And she'd had the gall to complain about it, too. Like she had any room to gripe. She spent maybe twenty seconds max in the thing. Not a whole morning. And well, it was already feeling like half a morning in there. Even though the copies had done nothing but waltz about and chat like chipmunks on coffee with each other as they rolled out all the measuring tapes in the country around her. ...Especially that they'd done nothing but that, maybe. You'd think Rarity knew her size well enough by now. But yeah, these Raritys didn't really seem to know the same things. Heck, they'd never even called her by name once. Rainbow went back to watching them. It distracted her from still not being allowed to fidget as much as one feather. One of the Raritys had stayed behind the others and watched her instead the whole time. She had a weird look every time another copy unfolded one of her wings to work her measuring tape. Something between Twilight staring at a brain-frier thingamajig and Fluttershy seeing a new animal for the first time. Rainbow flared both wings when Rarity number not-the-same-one asked her to. The timing of things sometimes, really. The copy in the back gaped for a few seconds. Then she had the biggest full-toothed grin Rainbow had ever seen on Rarity's face. "I know!" And she ran up the stairs. ...Maybe she should call that one the standard-bearer, because wow all the red flags she raised just now. Yeah, she knew about army standards too. Planting your flag in the ground and telling the universe itself "come on if you think you're hard enough" was the most radically awesome thing ever. Sure, Hurricane still croaked when he pulled that stunt against the Windigoes when they came back for a second round, but he croaked like a boss. While Private... Marshall... Stable-Count... Pansy died in his or her bed ages after being put in charge of Equestria's armies. Yeah, not the same league. She or he was down there at the bottom of the coolness barrel with that cook-in-chief who choked on his own dish he made for the first Hearth's Warming meal and dropped dead on the table. What was that guy's name, again? Pft, who cares. Whatever it was, he probably wasn't expecting that when he went and said his pudding was to die for. There was one mean crack upstairs. Rainbow shrieked. The next thing she knew, she was hovering inches from the ceiling with the Raritys staring up at her. Most of them had an eyebrow raised, like she was the problem, and not this freaking jumpscare. Standard-Bearity cantered back down the stairs like nothing had happened not even ten seconds later. There was something familiar with the red dress she had in her magic. And great, too. Would make an already pretty mare the best looker this side of Equestria, no doubt about that. ...Uh. Where had that come from? The dress was obviously for her. That meant 'pretty' wasn't involved with a ten-foot pole. Awesome, cool, radical, even 'hey there good-looking!' when the mirror was squeaky clean... But never 'pretty.' She sighed and flew back to the fitting stage. She glanced at the mirrors on the way down just to make sure. Squeakiest clean. And yeah... no idea where that thought came from. No idea why she remembered roses were a thing all of sudden either. Since when did she even know the names of flowers, anyway? They were all the same pretty things. She rubbed her forehead. 'Pretty,' again. Ugh. Today was weird. And not even the good kind of weird, like Pinkie's usual stuff. Standardity was waiting for her in front of the stage when she landed. You could probably use her grin to light up the night sky if the moon ever went on vacation, her face was shining that much. Rainbow gave the dress a good look. Then she glanced at the doorway, this time. The empty doorway, with the actual door just chilling against the wall next to it and torn-off hinges sprawled about on the floor. The copies had just said "you can't hold back beauty, darling!" when they'd reached the shop and she'd just stared at them. They got that right, for sure. Flag-raisity had ripped that dress from the cold, dead planks of the real Rarity's closet door, hadn't she? Rainbow sighed again. "Let's get this over with." Uh. Being pampered and frou-frou'd and cutesied-wootsied to Tartarus and back wasn't half as bad as she'd thought. It was more like... five-sixths bad, she guessed, since it was five Raritys doing the pampering. Yeah, worse than half if she understood those shifty maths right, but also not full bad. And that was a lot less than she expected from Rarity dolling her up. Really, it should have been... five times as bad instead? Something something maths. Meh. That wasn't important. The dress was a much better thing to focus on. Thing was soft as cloud. She hadn't moved much since the Raritys helped her put it on, but she still could tell it kept her from moving even less than an actual cloud. And clouds didn't keep pegasi from moving at all to start with. Wow. Just wow. When did Rarity get so good with pegasus stuff? Scratch that, how did she get so good? She was a unicorn. Did she have that many pegasus customers? Or was it because she was the only unicorn ever to get wings? Sure, those had been huge, stupid-showy butterfly ones, but she was the one pony still stuck on the ground who'd get how incredible flying was. The memory made her wings twitch. Rainbow wanted to stretch these babies, but even the wing holes were out to make this the best clothes she'd ever tried on. Perfect size to let the air in and keep the pins and needles out. Speaking of pins and needles... one Rarity wrapped something around her withers. Once the magic was gone, all she could feel was... some kind of really soft fuzz. She opened her eyes and looked down. Then she glanced at each of her shoulders as best as she could without moving her head. The fuzz came from... well, a fuzzy snake-thing hanging from her neck, from the looks of it. With feathers. Because reasons or whatever. Obviously not a real animal. There was no way in Tartarus Rarity, any Rarity, would get close to a snake. Alive, checked-out, or even just its empty skin lying around. Especially to the empty thing lying around probably, in fact. That stuff was creepy as all get-out. And Fluttershy would murder her dead if she made a critter into some fashion extra, anyway. Yeah, some kind of funky hornmade scarf. She couldn't tell where the feathers came from, other than not from pegasi. And that was a good thing, because today had given her enough new things to nightmare about already. The feathers were white... heh. Maybe she'd go and find that stingy nest-hoarder with this stuff tied around her neck later, just to see the look on its big, stupid stork face. There was a sharp tsk. Rainbow looked back up to see one Rarity pursing her lips at her. "We told you to keep your eyes closed." Yup, they'd done as much. Something about not 'ruining the surprise.' They'd even made sure she was facing away from all three mirrors. And well, that'd worked so far because she had no clue how she looked in her dress, even if she knew everything about how it felt. She'd still happily closed her eyes, not because she was giddy like a filly who'd been told she'd get all the Wonderbolts collectibles she'd asked for this Hearth's Warming, but because her head hurt from trying to tell the copies apart. Cool nicknames didn't cut it when all it took to get mixed up again was turning her head for one second. Just hearing them talking dresses at each other, on the other hoof, it just turned into white noise. Way easier to deal with. The Rarity sighed. "You chose the right time, at least." Her horn glowed and a small box floated into view. "I was curious about how you'd look with some more eyelashes." Rainbow just stared. The box opened with a click. True enough, there was a bunch of fake eyelashes in there. Rainbow just stared. Oh! Right. The real Rarity actually needed to put on those things she loved fluttering so much. She'd only seen her once without them, before the Gala... and yeah. Girl needed them to look good. Or to not look like she'd stepped out of a mushy fairytale but left one sleeve of her princess dress back in the book, at any rate. Rarity's whole 'I wish I was born a lady' deal just wasn't complete without the fancy eyelashes. Kinda like leaving a white puff in a storm cloud. She frowned at the things in their boxes. What would she look like with them? She was already fine as is. Heck, she'd bet bits to doughnuts that was why all those Raritys were going gaga over the idea of her in a dress. So yeah, she was already great as is. But... if Rarity went from boring to roaring with that stuff... Yeah, somepony as naturally mind-blowing as Rainbow Knockout Dash was going to turn so many heads so hard, all the hospitals in Equestria would have to pool their neck braces together just to deal with the whiplash carnage. And... she'd be lying to herself so hard, Applejack would get a heart attack, then dig herself out of her grave and go all zombie on her if she said she didn't enjoy the idea of everypony in town swooning as soon as she walked by. Yeah, walked by, not flew by, because it'd be all kind of jerkish to give them only a glance. Because she'd deserve something much longer than only a glance. The smirky grin was back. Well, that was fast. And it wasn't painful or anything at all to have somepony magic-fiddling with her eyes, as proven by the fact she hadn't been shaking like a leaf or biting down a whimper the whole time. No siree. Rainbow hadn't been nibbling her lip between her teeth either, because there was no chattering to hide when the Raritys pulled out the eyeblusher and mascarpone things. No siree. She also hadn't wondered how makeup even worked when there was her coat in the way, because you didn't stay sane or safe by asking questions. You didn't need to live in the same town as Pinkie to know that. The shiny baubles weren't even worth mentioning, other than Celestia bless whoever it was who came up with clip-on earrings. But the way the copies worked a brush was worth mentioning, though. And whatever else they'd used on her mane. She didn't even need to run her hoof through it to tell it was smooth as... smooth as some really smooth fabric. And that was it. Her head was the last thing on the to-do list, turns out. So, one of the Raritys grabbed her hoof and pulled her down from the stage. She raised and twisted her foreleg in the process, making her pirouette like a princess in a dance room with the stallion of her dreams. Rarity and her cheap sappy books, really. She wasn't anywhere near dizzy once the whirl was done and the copy let her go. Duh. Best flier in Equestrian history, ladies and gentlecolts. So she didn't need to waste time on something useless like clearing her head before she could see just what they'd worked so long on. Two Raritys stood in front of her with huge grins, the kind that oozed pride all over the floor. And between them... The mare in front of her had her eyes wide open, but Rainbow could still make out the purple on her eyelids. The blusher had been done just right, the shade was the same everywhere. It worked great with the deep black of her eyelashes and the light blue of her coat. That blue looked better than she'd ever seen it, too. The combo made her eyes pop. Rainbow had never been one to care for the names of colors, maybe because she had like six of them to learn just with her mane alone, but right now she wished she knew what to call this pretty, pretty rose-ish red-pink. She also really wanted to know how to describe that mane. The slick colors made her own downright dull and boring. And she couldn't say anything about the manestyle other than the bangs were curly, actually good-looking curly at that, just like the kinda-sorta ponytail that reminded her of her time at the Gala. ...She was going to raid Twilight's place out of every book about colors and manes and everything else once this was all over if that was the last thing she did. So, her mane fell over her bare shoulder. And then came the dress. Oh boy, that dress. Same shade as that uppity grape juice the real Rarity kept drinking like a fish, and it looked freaking sweet. It went over the right shoulder from the back of her neck to under the left foreleg. No sleeve for the other one. Just a hole, like around each of her wings. And wow, those were some nice wings spreading out of these holes. Did they always shine this much? She had a golden, loose belt around her barrel and a very familiar white feather-snake thing hanging from her shoulders. The white on her necklace's pearls was the best out of the two, though. But the earrings got them all beat. It was like she had stolen two gems from Rarity's cutie mark. Rainbow's heart beat hard. Her cheeks felt on fire. Her mouth dried up. She gulped. "You... you free later today...?"