Without any preamble, Diamond Tiara opened the door to Snickers’ room and walked in. “Okay, boys; there’s a bunch of…” she trailed off seeing two colts with erections looking at her blushing lightly. Diamond Tiara grinned as wide as Pinkie and hopped into a gallop behind Snickers and leapt on his back, hugging him as he fell forward from the sudden extra weight on his forelegs with a shout that became muffled and died off within a second.
“I have a gay friend! A gay colt friend that isn’t a coltfriend and won't bother me to become one! I can’t believe how great this is!”
Kiwe, the other colt in the room, lit his horn and pushed Diamond Tiara off Snickers, who quickly stood up; gagging and coughing. “Di-” he retched and covered his mouth before shoving past her and running from the room with his lips tightly closed.
Diamond giggled and looked back to Kiwe who was wide eyed and staring at her, almost through her. Diamond’s eyes looked at the new shine on the unicorn zony’s penis and gasped, covered her mouth, and whispered, “Oh, I’m so sorry for interrupting. I’ll give you a minute and get Snickers back in here to finish.”
“W-wait!” Kiwe shouted and stood while using his magic to grab a random book to hold between his forelegs while facing the pink filly. “Miss Tiara, I’m not… we’re not together, or a couple. Honest, what was happening was--”
Diamond gently placed a forehoof on Kiwe’s cheek and spoke caringly. “Hush, it’s okay. I’m the same, I like fillies and mares; it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You two take your time and when you’re done just meet me downstairs, I’ll cover for you both. I’m good at keeping ponies distracted when the time calls for it.”
Kiwe leaned slightly into her touch and watched as she pranced away and out of the room with a blank mind. Then a single word escaped his lips. “Horseapples.”
…
Snickers laid facing the toilet and breathing the eternally awkwardly relaxing scent of a clean toilet, the sensation of being shoved forward at the most inopportune moment and feeling an unwelcome passenger enter his mouth and slide down his throat until his lips touched soft warm sheath sent an unwanted sensation through him.
Unable to vomit, Snickers spat into the basin. “So gross, salty, warm, soft…” he shook his head and let certain sensations stay in his mind for a moment. “I’m not gay,” he whispered to himself and swallowed loudly as the saltiness and musk flooded his senses, “but I might be bi. Shit,” he groaned and rested his snout on the floor.
His tongue moved in his mouth and the saltiness gave him an urge to drink some water. "Ponies and salt with wine, I might need to get fucking shitfaced at dinner tonight."
A hoof knocked on the bathroom door. “Snickers, it’s Diamond, are you okay?”
With a dark scowl, Snickers sneered at the door. “Fuck off!”
“Wow, sorry! I’m gonna be downstairs, but I can only keep the crowd distracted for a few minutes, so hurry with your,” she stopped to giggle, “‘close friend’ and clean up before Rarity comes to get you.”
“I said fuck off, you dime store whore!”
Diamond tittered. “Okay, you do what colts do in bathrooms alone, I’m here for you both, you can guarantee it. See you later, and I’d love to have tea with you both soon; we can talk about gay stuff together.”
Snickers sat up and grinded his teeth. He stomped to the door and bit the handle with fury, pulling it open to face the filly and shout her into a puddle of tears. Instead, the hall was empty save for a brown unicorn with dark grey stripes looking at him from his own room’s doorway with worried golden eyes. “Snickers, we must talk with Diamond about what happened.”
Snickers rushed from the bathroom and into his own room, closing the door, but not all the way behind him. “I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I just deepthroated you. I’m not gay, honest!”
Kiwe shook his head sending his black and white striped mane swishing. “I am not concerned with sexual preferences. I prefer mares, however my closest friend admitted his love to me and shared my first kiss with him. That is something he cherishes and I applaud him for it, what happened between us was chance.”
“Horrible, horrible chance! If she didn’t jump and hug me like she did…” Snicker felt himself choking a little.
Kiwe moved closed and rested a forehoof on Snickers’s chest. “Your heart does not beat for me, does it?” Snickers shook his head vehemently. “Then that is what is important. Be true to yourself, regardless of who you love or wish to be with, however, I do not believe I shall be one of your conquests.”
Snickers slapped Kiwe’s foreleg away. “Fuck conquests! I don’t want a wall of trophies for the mares I bang, I wanna be with a special mare, maybe for the rest of my life. I’ll be damned if I’m gonna have a dozen foals running around like back home, alright?”
Kiwe raised an eyebrow at the same time a filly sighed breathily from outside the room. Both colts looked at the door and Silver Spoon opened the door to step in. “Snickers, I so can’t wait to be your alpha mare. I’ll, like, let you be my first and carry your foals next season if you’ll let me be that mare.”
Snickers facehoofed and Kiwe sighed with a shake of his head. “This is a day of confusion, accidents, and surprises to be sure. We must speak with Diamond Tiara about what happened and correct her misunderstandings about us, Snickers.”
Silver Spoon giggled. “Oh, yeah. She told me to come up here and see what you two were doing. I didn’t think it would be so romantic; talking about being with a mare forever is so sweet,” Silver said and practically swooned.
“Silver,” Snickers started, “I’m not going to make any promises about anything or anypony yet. I’m too young and you shouldn’t be thinking of that kinda stuff either, seriously.”
Silver Spoon sniffed and lifted her chin, turning slightly. “You see this?” She pointed to her mark, “I’m legally a mare, next spring is my first real estrus. If you keep playing your cards right, you’ll be the one to share that special moment with me and we’ll be a couple and then we can choose who to let into our herd. So you have until then to think it all over,” she turned around and flagged her tail, “you stud, you.”
With a final swish of her tail, Silver Spoon left Snickers and Kiwe alone in the room. Snickers looked aside to Kiwe noticing the expression on the colt’s face. A spark of frustration blossomed in Snickers’s chest and he gave Kiwe a firm nudge. “Hey, stop staring at my… friend. Let’s go downstairs and get this whatever cleared up and then fix this gay rumor stuff before it gets out of hand.”
Kiwe raised his eyebrows. “You mean out of hoof, yes?”
“Whatever! Follow me and for the sake of everything, don’t do anything that would lead anypony else to think about what happened a couple minutes ago.” Snickers ordered. “<Can’t believe this fucking shit. When shit goes wrong, it fucking fucks me in the fucking ass, or this time down my fucking throat.
“<I swear it’s because I’m a pony that the saltiness is so… god, I’m not gay, but I liked it. Fucking pony biology and whatever the fuck else is fucking going on with my fucking body and child brain. Can’t just be an adult, can’t be a kid. Gotta be a grown up in a kid’s body and learn to be something I never thought I could be, and after everything goes fucking wrong; I get jumped on and swallow my new friend’s cock. Why do I keep fucking my friends?!>”
Snickers, grumbling in his old language, shouted the last few words and silenced the several mares that had arrived, leaving a very surprised and shocked Lyra Heartstrings with her mouth open as she stared at the colts at the base of the stairs. Her eyes moved between the two and she shook her head slowly.
“<Snickers, y-you don’t speak >Ponish< as your first language?>” Lyra asked to everypony’s surprise.
Kiwe stepped aside and left the two to look at one another in the silence of the room. “Um, am I the only one who is concerned about their speaking?” Kiwe asked.
Rarity shook her head. “Oh, no worries at all. Snickers speaks a second language and Lyra, thanks to a magical mishap she often regales to us, speaks almost all languages.”
Lyra moved to Snickers and motioned him to step into the kitchen.
“Hey, wait! Snickers is supposed to help tell us about the machines,” Scootaloo shouted to the departing pair.
“Keep them busy, I’ll be only a minute, Scoots,” Snickers shouted back. “Okay, what’s the deal?”
Lyra shushed him and glanced at the other room. “<In your language. What do you mean when you said you had sex with your friend? Which one? Was it Scootaloo? She’s had enough troubles in her life, the poor dear.>”
“<No, it wasn’t her. In fact, I helped her overcome that crap and now she’s a normal filly, for all we can all see.>”
Lyra exhaled a sigh of relief. “<Thank >Celestia< for that. Are you gay? Because it’s fine if you are, I am too. I won’t judge you or think any less of you because you’re a stallion that prefers other stallions.>”
Snickers facehoofed. “I’m not gay, Lyra. I wanna be with a mare for the rest of my life… why am I telling you this? I don’t have to tell you anything. I’m going back to my herd… of friends.”
Lyra raised a forehoof to halt him, but let him go nodding in approval. “As long as you’re honest with yourself and true to your heart, you’ll do fine.”
Snickers rolled his eyes. “<Yeah, emo bullshit,>” he said under his breath. “Okay, so I guess the deal is with my almost dying over the town? Thanks, by the way, to the pegasi of Ponyville for rushing to save a screaming colt from falling with style to his untimely death,” Snickers said sarcastically.