The Unintended Psychological Consequences of Inter-Dimensional Travel

by Dafaddah


Why I Hate Department Stores

Twilight Sparkle banged her gavel, and the courtroom settled down. “The counsel for the defense may continue questioning  the defendant.” She nodded to me on the witness stand.

I had cause to wonder why it was called a witness stand, when its occupant normally spent most of their time in it seated. Luna had felt strongly that I should take the stand, even though it gave the prosecution a chance to also question me under oath. I agreed without argument, even though I felt that seeing the damage done and injuries I had caused, further testimony was a waste of breath either way.
 
Luna lifted a yellow legal pad and peered at it through a pair of pince-nez glasses for a few seconds. “So, Princess Daybreaker, why the incident on your arrival? Our Equestrian guards are quite well trained in first contact protocols, and would not attack unprovoked.”
 
I sighed. “Unfortunately, I was already engaged in battle when they arrived. The guardponies simply acted to defend those under attack from an unknown assailant.”
 
“What do you mean you were already engaged in battle? And with whom?”
 
“The security from what I understand was a Department Store.” I blushed. “My blind transdimensional teleport landed me in that establishment. As I made to exit, the security guards chased after me, accusing me of being a shoplifter trying to steal a costume.” I chuckled. “Apparently, Daybreaker costumes are all the rage for this year’s upcoming Nightmare Night festivities!” Much of the audience seemed to find this funny as well, and yes, Luna had ‘coached me’ to include that comment in my testimony. She seemed to be actually pretty competent as a lawyer.

“So what happened next?” she asked.

“When I insisted otherwise to the security guards, they tried to detain me, and I demonstrated to them the folly of their ways. Unfortunately, this set fire to a few of… perhaps more than a few... of the department store’s displays in the process.” I raised an eyebrow. “I’m used to being the one enforcing the rules in the Casino where I work.” I grinned. “And I’m not known for taking a light-hoofed approach!” 

That last part was my own addition, and judging from Luna’s cringe it had perhaps been a mistake on my part. “But I certainly did not do any shoplifting and I gave the security guards of the department store absolutely no justification for their actions. As far as I’m concerned, they attacked me, not the other way round.”

Another look down at the pad. “And how did you react with the arrival of the Royal Guard?”

“It took me a few moments to realize they had joined the fray. By then, we were already exchanging balls of mage fire, and, I’m sure you can understand with the escalation of the attack I was under, I was no longer considering it the time for social niceties.”

Luna flipped the page. “And what about the young dragon? When did you notice that she had joined the fight?”

I scratched the back of my head. “At one point I noticed a weight on my right foreleg. I tried to shake it off and saw it was a reptile of some sort. To my consternation, it seemed as impervious as I am to the flames in which I stood! So I shook harder until it flew off my leg. In the smoke and flames I had no way of knowing it was a school student. I certainly would never intentionally try to harm an innocent child, and given they're not allowed in the Casino proper, I admit to not being particularly used to having them around me! Anyway, I figured that any being able to grab and hold onto me without being roasted, when I was in full battle mode no less, was no doubt flame proof enough to make his or her way out of the department store without injury.”

Luna flipped another page on her legal pad. “Let the record show that the student in question was a young dragon named Smolder, currently attending Ponyville’s School of Friendship and that the youngster was, as stated the defendant, inherently fire-proof, and furthermore was judged by competent medical authorities on-site, including one Nurse Redheart, to have not been harmed in any way during the incident.” 

She again consulted her notes. “And let it also be entered into the record that after the incident with the young dragon, the defendant unilaterally and voluntarily ceased hostilities and submitted to arrest by the Royal Guard.” She looked up at me. “Why did you do so, Princess Daybreaker?”

“I did not come here to fight anypony, or cause any damages. I came here merely to visit a friend. After I freed my leg I was able to clearly perceive the uniforms of the Royal Guard and figure out with whom I was fighting, and so I stood down. I sincerely regret the incident, and I’m ready to pay for any and all damages caused by my overreaction. This is all the result of unfortunate circumstances, and not of any ill will on my part. On second thought, maybe I should have changed out of my battle regalia before popping over into this dimension, but if wishes were fishes... Well, this is the truth, so I swear before this court and the ponies of Equestria.”

Luna smiled beatifically. “Thank you, Princess Daybreaker.” She turned towards the bench. “Your honor, the defense rests.”

“The prosecution may now question the defendant,” said Twilight Sparkle.

Prince Blueblood rose. “There’s no need, your honor.” He waved at me still sitting in the witness box. “The defendant had admitted to resisting arrest and violently projecting the young dragon into a burning building. That the defendant neither started the fight, nor was the young dragoness hurt, are immaterial to the charges brought. The prosecution rests.”

Well, well. The court erupted into a cacophony of voices until Judge Sparkle banged her gavel. “This court will rest until I render my judgement tomorrow. Court adjourned.” Her gavel banged down a final time on my trial. Now all I had left was the waiting. I wished I had half the confidence Luna’s expression broadcast, but then, happy endings were never my lot in life.