//------------------------------// // Chapter 48: At the end of war // Story: The Centurion Project // by TheEighthDayofNight //------------------------------// Elias sighed and rubbed at his forehead. He thought he knew what stress was, but he was working double time to ensure that everything was prepared for Friday. He wanted to make sure he spent no time thinking about work during his date with Luna, and that meant spending every minute of the days leading up to the wedding planning and working. All of his meetings had been squeezed in before Book Binder had left, and Scarlet and Snowball were beside him as they moved quickly to the first meeting of the day; an inventory meeting with Lionheart. The Solar General had been given a minor slap on the wrist for his part in the duel, with Celestia writing it off as the stallion being under the influence of the changeling. Elias knew it was a lie, but he didn’t care. Both Celestia and Lionheart were stepping lightly around him, giving him plenty of space to work. They knew they had fucked up, and they were doing everything they could to keep Elias on board with the plan. It meant they were bowing to his every whim, and more often than not, he barely even had to raise his voice to get what he wanted. He just needed to push through a few more things before the wedding, then he was set. Elias took a deep breath and hoped his migraine would lessen as the morning went on. As he pushed open the throne room doors, he had a feeling that such a boon would not come to pass. ***** Cadence practically skipped alongside Twilight and her friends. Even with her magic being slowly packed away, she felt as light as a feather. She and her new husband had the best extended honeymoon a pair of newlyweds could have. As soon as she returned, she had made plenty of space in her schedule to make up for lost time with her favorite sister in-law, all culminating in the most enjoyable, relaxing months of her life. Even the morning they were all coming back from; a simple trip to Doughnut Joe’s followed by a walk in one of Canterlot’s many parks, had been simply wonderful, and Cadence couldn’t keep a wide smile from her face as she listened to Twilight chatter with her friends. The Elements were all wonderful ponies, and Cadence hoped everything went well with their meeting with Celestia. She had been advised to bring as few retainers as possible, but if she had Twilight and her friends, the march might just be enjoyable. The golden clad guards opened the throne room doors without a word. Cadence continued listening to Twilight as she and Rarity talked about how they wanted this year’s gala to go, and as they entered the throne room, her aunt looked up and smiled. “Welcome all, I am happy to see you, and extend my warmest welcome.” Twilight charged ahead, prompting Celestia to rise so that the mentor and student could share an affectionate nuzzle. It also gave Cadence a brief moment to study her aunt. Though it wouldn’t be noticeable to most ponies yet, she could clearly see that her aunt was much shorter, and her mane was beginning to lose its multi-colored glow. The solar winds that made it move were also blowing slower, so much so that only the tip of her mane shifted. After they finished with their more intimate greeting, Twilight trotted down from the throne with a light blush on her face, while Celestia resumed her seat and smiled. “I hope that it was not too difficult to get past our increased security?” Rainbow Dash snorted and waved a hoof. “Please, the guards couldn’t stop us if they wanted to.” She leaned over and nudged Twilight. “’specially when Twi’s brother is a captain, and doing the dirty with-“ The pegasus hissed as Applejack swatted at her with her stetson. The farm pony jabbed a hoof at the blue pegasus. “Ain’t no need for bein’ crude while there’s princesses present.” She turned to Celestia with a bashful smile as she put her hat back on. “Beggin’ yer pardon for ma friend Princess.” Celestia snorted lightly and glanced to Cadence. “I don’t think it is private knowledge what Captain Armor and Princess Cadence got up to on their extended honeymoon, though I appreciate the sentiment Applejack.” Cadence giggled as Applejack gave Celestia another bow before whirling on Rainbow Dash. The pair quickly set to quietly bickering, while the rest of their friends looked on with a range of facial expressions, mostly exasperation. Twilight sighed and looked to Celestia with a ‘Please help me’ look. Cadence decided that she could get the ball rolling easily enough, though for some reason she felt her ear twitch. “So, Auntie, we received your letter, what would you like for us to help with today?” Celestia gave her a near invisible wink and grin, before smiling at Twilight. “It is not so much something you can do, but rather somebody I’d like you to-…” “I’m telling you that we absolutely must have the extra wagons!” a golden clad pony shouted, drawing everyone’s attention. “We simply need to carry more water!” Cadence had no idea how she had missed the table that sat in the back corner of the throne room. A swarm of ponies dressed in silver and red ran about pell mell around a large table that seemed to be so covered in papers that the tabletop wasn’t visible. Standing at the center of the madness was a tall, pale creature, also dressed in silver and red. The “human” she had heard about seemed like a giant when compared to the ponies around him, and it took Cadence a moment to realize that he was more than likely taller than her aunt was at her diminished size. The human didn’t look up as he wrote something down on a sheet of paper before passing it to a white pegasus that sat beside him. The pegasus in turn passed the human a small note, which he gave only a passing glance at before handing it back. “Tell General Nightshade she can bring some of her guardsponies on our afternoon march, only if they can keep up. We slow our pace for nobody.” The pegasus passed the note to one of the other silver clad ponies, who sprinted away immediately. The human then looked to the golden armored unicorn and Cadence winced as his words seemed to punch into the air. “And I’m telling you that we don’t,” the human snarled. “I’m tired of arguing this. We planned to march near a river for a reason. We will get our water from there.” The pony tossed his purple mane and groaned. “We should not have to drink filthy river water! It is unsanitary.” The human went back to writing on the paper before him. “General, I don’t know how I am the only one who seems to remember this, but you have magic. We will use sanitation and filtering spells to ensure that the water is clean and drinkable. If we have to haul water with us, we’ll need to protect at least forty more wagons, something we do not have the troop strength to do. We need to be doing everything in our power to reduce the number of wagons we bring, not add an inane number of worthless wagons.” Cadence heard Rarity snort and the white unicorn leaned over to Fluttershy. “How garish, look how stifling those uniforms are. Those poor ponies must be suffering!” Fluttershy whispered back a reply that Cadence didn’t catch. The pony Cadence was fairly certain was Duke Shattered Shield tossed a hoof into the air. “Fine then, why don’t we just throw away all of our wagons? Why not just take a single barrel, or better yet, since we’re so interested in saving space, why take any? Let’s just take a single canteen, and share it all, like animals!” The human didn’t glance up from his work. “General, stop acting like a child. You act like I’m threatening your well-being. We are taking empty barrels to store and transport water on the march, I believe that we should take two hundred, with half-filled at all times. What do you think we should take?” Shattered Shield slumped and glared at the table. “Make it three hundred, that way we have spares in case some of the barrels get ruined.” The human nodded silently in agreement and wrote the number down on a separate slip of paper. The white pegasus at his side quickly snatched the slip away and began recording the number into a large notebook. “Snowball, make sure those are made and ready by the end of today. I want to be conducting advanced practice marches by the end of the week.” “Yes General,” the pegasus replied without looking up. The table fell into a relative silence, and Celestia seemed to sense and opportunity to regain verbal control of the throne room. She cleared her throat softly, and Shattered Shield’s eyes shot up from the table. He saluted instantly, and Cadence could have sworn she saw sweat beading on his forehead as he spoke quickly. “My apologies Princess, General Bright and I were merely involved in very detailed discussion. Was there something you needed?” Celestia smiled warmly in return. “No General Shield, I was merely hoping your planning session could wait for a moment while I spoke with General Bright.” Shattered Shield bowed. “Of course Princess, I will be out of your way then.” The unicorn bowed again and moved away from the table, casting nervous glances at the hunched over human. Everyone waited quietly as the human continued to work, occasionally mumbling to himself. As a minute ticked by, even the silver clad ponies around the human began to show signs of nervousness, but none of them said anything. They instead continued carrying out their jobs, thought they were slowly grinding to a nervous halt. An angry itch began in Cadence’s ear as the second minute passed by with nothing from the human. Celestia looked as calm as ever as she cleared her throat again. “General Bright, I would like a moment to speak with you.” Cadence’s ear flicked. That wasn’t the language her aunt had taught her to use with subordinates; that kind of speaking was reserved for foreign dignitaries, and then only the important ones. A princess of Equestria certainly didn’t have to ask one of their employees for time to speak. It just wasn’t how things worked. The human stuck a finger in the air. “Just a second Princess, I am almost finished.” Cadence noticed a small tail flick from her aunt, but the elder alicorn’s face was still calm. “Can it not wait? I promise that this will take only a-…” “It can’t wait,” the human replied rudely. Cadence saw a slight frown break through her aunt’s professional mask, and she saw looks of horror on the faces of Twilight and her friends. None of it matched the emotion she felt; rage. How dare he disrespect Celestia like that? How dare he treat anypony like that? Her muzzle curled in a snarl and she stomped a hoof. The noise carried easily through the throne room, and it acted as a precursor to her voice. “General,” she snapped. “You will stand at attention and address your Princess properly. Now!” Elias stopped writing mid-sentence, and the room fell into a silence that seemed almost unnatural. A glance upward in his peripherals found his legionaries waiting with bated breath for his response, but if they were expecting him to explode in reply, they would be disappointed. He slowly finished writing the rest of the sentence he had been working on, then set his quill back in its well. Taking a deep breath, Elias straightened, glancing at Snowball. “Have the troops finish their drills and move onto formation practice in the next fifteen minutes,” he said softly. “I will be out shortly to inspect their progress. Dismissed.” His legionaries scrambled into action, efficiently gathering up all the paperwork into neat, and orderly stacks as they raced through the rear entrance of the throne room. Snowball was the last one out, waiting for the ink to dry on the supply sheet Elias had been working on. With his troops out of the way, Elias glanced toward Shattered Shield, keeping his voice low as he spoke. “General, I think it best we pick this up later, don’t you agree?” The pony looked like he was about to soil himself, but he kept his composure and nodded quickly. “Indeed I do. I will set it up with your assistant.” Elias gave him a nod, motioning slightly toward the exit through which his legionaries had left. Shattered Shield beat a hasty retreat, and Elias had to suppress a smirk as the doors slammed behind him. At least there was some shred of intelligence amongst the Solar generals. Behind him, the alicorn he was certain was Cadence snorted. “Well General? I am waiting.” Elias stared hard at the table before him for a moment, then decided he would play the pink alicorn’s game. He slowly straightened to his full height, and Elias swore he heard a small gulp behind him. Resting his hand on his gladius, Elias spun on his heel and walked toward the group of assembled ponies. All except Cadence were vaguely familiar, and Elias quickly remembered the faces of the Elements from their various meetings. They all used different strategies to try and seem unintimidated. Rainbow Dash and Applejack tried to puff up, but the latter withered back slightly when Elias’ eyes flicked to her. Twilight and Rarity seemed the most collected, but he caught nervous twitches from both of them. Fluttershy hid behind the pair of unicorns, while the pink one Elias had only seen once, Pinky Pie, seemed to bounce in place. She had an odd look on her face; an unnaturally cheery smile, accompanied by a strange twitching. Looking at her made Elias feel a trace of nervousness race up his spine, but he ignored her. Strange as she was, his reports indicated that she wasn’t a threat. That left Princess Cadence. The pink alicorn was doing her best to look calm, but perhaps her experience with being taller than almost everyone around her made her less confidant when the person she was trying to reprimand was a good foot or two taller than she was. She did a good job keeping a passive expression on her face though, at least until Elias removed his glasses. The illusion peeled away, exposing his bad eye and his long black scar for the world to see. He was pleased to note a flinch out of Cadence as he came to a stop, clasping his hands behind his back as he glanced to Celestia. “Princess, what can I do for you and Princess Cadenza today?” He kept his voice short and low, making each word forceful. Though he was at most mildly irritated about being treated like some kind of lap dog, he knew what anger sounded like, and so pretending to be a step away from furious was easy. Cadence glanced toward Celestia, who smiled calmly. “General, we were merely hoping for your opinion on a matter concerning the march. It shouldn’t take much time at all.” Elias gave her a small nod. “Of course; should Ms. Sparkle and her friends be dismissed?” “Hey!” Dash protested. “We have names you know. What makes you so special that you can just ignore a princess?” Elias fixed her with a glare, saying nothing. The flapping pegasus crossed her hooves and glared back. “The Elements are more than welcome General,” Celestia intervened. She looked to Dash with a smile. “As to your question Rainbow Dash, General Bright is the guard that escorted my sister to safety the day of the royal wedding. His scars are a result of that staunch defense.” “Oh,” Dash squeaked, setting all four hooves on the ground. “Yeah, that’s pretty special.” Elias felt his bad eye twitch as a hint of real anger broke through, but he quickly suppressed it and looked to Celestia as she spoke. “General, I asked the Elements here today because you have the final say in a matter concerning them. I have already taken the liberty of discussing it with everyone else individually, and we have come to agreement.” Elias noticed the word individually. No doubt she had talked any dissenters into whatever plan she had one on one, and now hoped to bully him into acceptance with the presence of a second princess, as well as the ponies he would no doubt reject. Apparently, her memory about his experiences with public pressure hadn’t stuck. Elias grinned internally. He would make sure this time she remembered good and well. “Regardless,” Celestia continued, “I wished for you opinion before making the final decision, since your honesty threatens to rival that of fair Applejack.” “Aw shucks Princess,” the orange farm pony said, tipping her hat, “it jus’ don’t feel right sayin’ nothin’ but the truth.” Elias never let his face change from a soft frown. “And what is the matter in question?” he asked. Celestia seemed to take his query as a positive sign, because she straightened in her seat, and her smile didn’t waver as she spoke. “As you well know, the Elements of Harmony are a powerful tool that we have found great use for in the past few years. It is my belief that they can do even more good again. It is my wish that Twilight, and the other Elements join us on the march to Saddle Arabia.” Silence fell like a shroud on the room as Elias stared at the alicorn. She stared back, waiting for a response, no doubt expecting a quick, ‘yes!’. ‘Probably expects me to bow and say “how do you do?” to,' Elias thought. “And Luna okayed this?” he said aloud. Celestia nodded instantly. “Of course. It took a bit of convincing, but she and Twilight are close friends, and with their minds working together, they could no doubt offer further assistance in planning out the logistics of the march.” ‘Just say you don’t trust my judgement,’ Elias thought. Instead of giving a verbal answer however, he looked to the Elements, looking over them with an appraising eye. Several of them puffed out their chests with pride, as sure of his response as Celestia was. Elias loved the thought of crushing their misplaced pride into the dirt. He looked back to Celestia and shook his head. “I hate to disappoint,” he said diplomatically, “but my answer must be a firm no.” Celestia’s smile fell, and though it was slight, her posture did as well. “May I ask why not?” she replied. Elias nodded and looked back to the Elements. “Simply put, they’re a safety risk. I see maybe two fighters in the whole bunch, and that is only with substantial training. Training they will not receive in time for us to leave.” He glanced back at Celestia and shrugged. “Princess, maybe if this had been your plan from the beginning, we could have thrown them in with my legion and we could have gotten them up to fighting strength, but with only four months left? I’m not going to be responsible for leading the Elements of Harmony to their deaths.” “Now hold your horses!” Applejack protested, drawing another glare from Elias. She ignored it as she spoke. “We may not be fancy guardsponies, but we know how to hold our own!” “Yeah!” Rainbow Dash said. “We were at the wedding too!” She flapped into the air and began jabbing with her hooves. “We kicked mad changeling butt!” “You were captured,” Elias replied bluntly. “I read the reports, and had it not been for Princess Cadenza and Captain Armor, you would have been imprisoned or enslaved by changelings, at best.” Elias spread his hands. “On another note, did you actually kill any changelings? Any at all?” The group of ponies looked amongst themselves, then shook their heads collectively. Elias nodded. “Right, that’s what I thought. This is not as simple as you may believe. We intend to go through the lands of a warrior species, and while you may hesitate to kill them, the minotaurs will not hold the same reservations toward you. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t.” Elias snorted and looked back to Celestia. “A definite no. They’ll only get themselves killed, leaving Equestria without one of its defenses. I highly advise against bringing them.” Cadence moved into Elias’ line of sight, sitting at the steps of Celestia’s throne. She seemed to have recovered from his grim appearance, and was instead trying to act as calm and collected as the elder alicorn. She wasn’t bad at it, if Elias was being honest. She met his eyes evenly before she spoke. “Could we not just bring more guards? We could train the Elements quite a bit in the next few months, and what knowledge or skill in battle they lack could be compensated by assigning them each a group of bodyguards.” Elias frowned and shook his head. “I’m afraid that won’t work Princess. We are already taking just about everyone with us. Captain Armor will only be left with about five hundred guards, ten of which are veterans. The rest are fresh recruits that he’ll be training while we’re gone. There is simply nobody to spare.” He straightened slightly. “If you want my honest opinion, I would leave the Elements in Canterlot as an additional safe guard. If they are as good a defense as you think they are, then they should be able to help Captain Armor immensely, especially given the situation we’re leaving Equestria in.” “What situation?” Twilight asked, piping up. Elias glanced back to the unicorn. “I’m a historian Ms. Sparkle, and I’ve done my homework. World ending threats have a nasty tendency to occur when a princess is distracted.” He glanced toward Celestia. “And this march will put all three out of commission. That’s dangerous. I think we should leave the Elements here to help Captain Armor protect Canterlot.” He spread his hands. “If you don’t want that for them, then I’d recommend not involving them at all.” Celestia frowned. “General, I had hoped you’d be more agreeable on this matter.” Elias snorted in reply. “I didn’t accept this position to be agreeable. I accepted to make sure the job was done right. I’d recommend you trust my judgement.” “And just where is this judgement coming from?” Cadence asked. Elias’ eyes flicked to the pink alicorn, who stared back evenly. “Who really are you?” she continued. “I’ve heard quite a few stories about the human called Elias Bright, but what authority do you have here that wasn’t given to you on a silver platter? Where does all of your so called “knowledge” on military affairs come from?” Elias felt anger spread through his mind even as a smile appeared on his face. “It’s quite simple Princess,” Elias replied calmly. “I have seen more war and bloodshed in my nineteen years of life than Equestria has since its inception.” He looked to Celestia and tilted his head. “Permission to speak freely Princess.” The white alicorn bit her lip for a moment in thought, then spoke. “I… would like to hear your qualifications as well General. I trust in your judgement, but perhaps a bit of history would alleviate all our worries. You said yourself that you are a historian, perhaps you could enlighten us on what makes you so experienced at such a young age?” Elias chuckled. “Fair enough.” He cracked his neck and straightened. “Let’s start with a simple resume then. My name is Elias William James Bright, also known as “Rubrum Aquilae”, or the Red Eagle.” His grin widened slightly. “That title was earned from my choice method of execution for traitors.” He clasped his hands behind his back and began to pace back and forth. “As for my qualifications; I have spent hundreds of hours researching Graeco-Roman culture, specifically their methods for making war. I used this knowledge to recruit, construct, and train one human legion, and now, one Equestrian one. My human legion, Legion I Americana, won seventeen engagements before its total destruction.” His smile dipped slightly. “Unfortunately, I made a bad call, and my troops were exhausted. The battle was pitched, and there was a chance for victory, but a traitor gave the enemy firearms, and my troops were slaughtered.” His bad eye twitched as the smell of gunpowder seemed to fill the air. Elias did his best to press on quickly, hoping the smell would dissipate. “I blood-eagled the traitor for his actions.” Elias fell silent for a moment, then straightened, looking back to Cadence. He could see traces of horror in her eyes, but she was still keeping her face in a tight mask; a stark contrast to the Elements, who were beginning to stare at him in horror. They had no idea what was coming. “I suppose that brings me to qualifications in killing,” Elias continued. “I have seven thousand three hundred and ninety-eight confirmed human kills. Two thousand and forty-six of which are by firearm, one thousand seven hundred and forty-nine of which are from stabbing, eight hundred and three of which are by explosive.” Elias looked toward the ceiling as he continued his tally. “Something like nine hundred were from booby traps, and about five hundred more were from fires.” He tilted his head and shrugged. “The rest were from miscellaneous means, save for eighty-seven, which were blood eagles.” “M-miscellaneous meaning?” Twilight asked quietly. Elias glanced toward the unicorn to find her writing his words down on a scroll. Evidently her scholarly nature outweighed her horror. He nodded to her question. “Drownings, beatings, a few more… creative methods. I believe I also hanged a few people for thievery.” Elias shrugged and looked back to Cadence. “I can’t remember them all sometimes. The faces of the earlier ones blur a little. I was at a dark, dangerous crossroads in my life, but suffice to say I got better, and now I only kill the right people. Changelings, as it were.” He stopped his pacing for a moment, then looked up to Celestia. She was staring at him with regret in her eyes, but he knew she wouldn’t act against him. She knew what he spoke was true, that he had changed substantially, even since he had nearly beaten White Shine to death. He had a great deal of restraint, and while their already terrible relationship would take another hit, she would still trust him to do his job, because he was the only one who had the experience. But that was just it, what did they know about his experiences? What did they know about what he was still experiencing? His scars ran deep, and he was a battle-hardened human that had spilled so much blood that the sight of it didn’t even concern him. Ponies on the other hand, ponies would feel killing on a deeper level than him, even if it was less intense. That was the point he needed to make to get them to understand, and luckily, he had a great example. Elias ran a hand across his mouth. “Princess, allow me to convince you why the Elements should stay here by using a hypothetical.” Celestia’s eyes held a trace of nervousness, and her wings fluttered lightly, but she nodded. “I said you were free to speak General, and if this helps us to reach the right decision, I shall endure.” “Let’s say we bring these ponies on the march to Saddle Arabia,” Elias started. “And let’s pretend that they can perform at the level of your average guard. They stand tall in the face of the enemy, doing their duty to protect those around them.” He raised a finger. “And let’s also pretend that they all manage to survive without so much as a scratch.” He smiled and motioned to his bad eye. “No ugly scars for them, no physical agony from taking a sword to the guts, or from losing a limb to some lucky sweep of an axe. Nope. Not a damn scratch.” He clasped his hands behind his back, swaying in place. He felt energy rising in his body. This was going to work; he could feel it. He would finally get somebody, anybody to understand what they were walking into, would get them to understand why he pushed so hard, why he made the sacrifices he did. He just had to ask that all important question that he struggled with every time he saw his friends in legion uniforms. “Are you prepared to deal with what will follow them home after the killing is done? Are you prepared for them to do that absolute worst thing you can do in a war?” “Which is?” Celestia asked quietly. He had her. She could tell, and she likely already knew what he was going to say, but Elias didn’t care. He was going to make himself very clear. He stood stark still as he asked; “Are you prepared for them to survive?” The throne room fell into a chilling silence. Elias listened to it with pure joy. War was all fun and games on paper, but when talking about living and dying? That was where understanding came in. Nobody wanted to die, not unless they understood. Elias understood better than anyone, and he was already doing his best to prepare for the increase of his burden. He would survive of course, nothing he would do could stop it. He just had to do his best to make sure as many of his friend survived as well. The more that lived, the less damage they would face after. One of the Elements broke the silence. “Well,” Rarity started, no doubt trying to find her nerve, “I simply don’t understand in what world that living could be worse than death.” Elias grinned widely as he glanced back at the white unicorn, so much so that he imagined he looked a bit mad. He was just so unbelievably happy that she had asked such a perfect question. “Then allow me to explain,” he answered. “You see, us humans, we are quite good at war. So good in fact, that we managed to kill our planet and just about everyone on it.” That alone put her in her place. Rarity cringed back, scooting closer to Twilight, who was still taking note with a look of horrified fascination in her eyes. “But,” Elias continued, “even human minds aren’t designed for the stress of war. We have a dozen names for it; post traumatic stress disorder, shellshock, combat fatigue,” he shrugged. “Take you pick. The name doesn’t matter. It’s simply what those who have lived through war would become afflicted with after they got back.” Elias spread his hands and began pacing again. “Now, everyone reacts differently of course. Some only see minor symptoms, but those who aren’t mentally prepared for the horrors of war? Those who lose all of their close, personal friends?” He smiled. “Let me paint you all a picture.” “It starts with mild paranoia,” Elias said. “Your body is so used to being on guard, that you can never truly relax, even when you’re in a completely safe, and comfortable environment. It’s understandable given what you’ve been through, you’ve fought in battles after all, killed other living creatures.” He tilted his head. “You may jump at a loud noise or two, flinch a bit when things go bump in the night, or when somebody calls your name, but in truth, it isn’t anything out of the ordinary. Everybody gets scared and surprised occasionally. It’s not an issue, really.” Elias turned on his heel and paced the other way, glancing up to find all eyes watching his every movement intently. The ponies were hanging on his every word. “Then you start becoming a bit more irritable. When someone asks you questions about what happened while you were “away”, you do your best to shut it down, change the subject. It’s better, you think, to try and forget. So you dodge and avoid and keep moving forward. You attribute everything to the nasty dreams you’ve been having, but those will go away eventually, right?” Elias shook his head and continued. “But the problem is, they do care, and they notice these little changes. They press and press and press, until one day you snap under the pressure. Anger and hate fill your very soul as you unleash a tirade that sets those nosey friends in their place. You want to make them never bring it up again, you want to make them understand, but the problem is, words are often not enough, and you have no idea how they can truly “get it”.” “And that just makes you angrier,” Elias said. “you drive them away for a time, and after you calm down, you realize that you might need some help. You might need at least one person to come to terms with everything that’s happened to you.” His mind flashed to Luna. What would she think of him if he showed her his journals in their full, ugly glory? He had lied to the ponies; he remembered every single person he killed. He had written down a very accurate logbook, and if she ever saw them… He shuddered and kept pacing. That wasn’t going to happen, at least not for a long time. He just had to keep lying to her until they were in a better spot. “But you shove that notion away,” Elias continued. “You don’t want to be a burden to anyone. It’s better to suffer a little on the inside than to let anyone else share your pain. They can’t take the pain you hold in your heart, so you keep holding, and you stay as quiet as possible. You’re quicker to anger, but it isn’t anything overly concerning yet.” “Until you start having the real nightmares,” he said bluntly. “Until you start hearing the screams, tasting the blood in your mouth, having your lungs filled with the stench of death. It’s all flashes, violence, blood. Dreams made of death and destruction that make you avoid sleep like you would the plague.” He stared at Cadence as he turned around on his heel again. “Now you’re waking up in the middle of night, and you can’t go back to sleep because the nightmares are waiting. As you get more and more exhausted you realize that the shadows all around you are growing deeper now, so deep that they can now hide your enemies, so now you’re getting more paranoid.” Elias took a deep breath before shifting his eyes to stare at the floor. Talking about it was making his own symptoms flare up, but he had to continue. He pressed forward. “So you keep pretending you’re fine, and you push on,” he said. “It will all fade with time, you think. There’s no reason for anyone to know about what you’re suffering through. Besides, it’s just sleep. You’ll catch up later.” Elias shrugged. “But now you’re quicker to anger, even getting mad at the little things. It’s just a lack of sleep you say to yourself, but now your enemies are out in the daylight. You seem them around every corner and in every piece of shade. Even worse, some of your friends are starting to look at you strangely. Your paranoia just gets worse and worse, and most nights you don’t sleep at all.” He snorted. “Not like you were getting sleep anyway.” “But now you’re tired, angry, and always paranoid,” he continued, counting the symptoms off on his fingers. “And by now, your friends have started to notice for real. They ask you if you’re alright, if you need any help. “Of course I’m alright”, you answer.” He tapped his nose and smiled at the Elements. “Don’t want to be a burden now, do you?” “But they keep asking, and asking, and you get angrier and more isolated, because despite your best efforts, they treat you like the ticking time bomb you are.” His voice took on a harsher tone, but Elias knew he was far too gone to consider stopping. “You push them away,” he spat. “It’s a lie, some claim about how you need space, time to think. Well they listen, and when you’re alone, you hear the first whispers. Your friends, when they do see you, are concerned. They tell you that you don’t act the same, that you aren’t like you used to be. They tell you that you haven’t so much as smiled in days. You can’t help it this time and you snap again.” “Another stream of hate and anger, sprinkled with a taste of fear comes from you,” Elias said. “They still don’t get it, and now you know for a fact that they never will. But that makes you think; maybe these aren’t you friends. Maybe your friends are gone, replaced by spies and enemies. All of their so-called concern is designed to make you weak, and complacent.” Elias took a breath. “Everyone is out to get you, and you can’t tell how wrong you are. You’re not sleeping at night after all, and you’re ever paranoid. You only have two choices now; trust in what your “friends” are telling you and accept their help, or go with your gut and isolate yourself for safety. Can’t do the former, so you fake it, try to act “better”. The shadows are everywhere now, and the enemy is multiplying before your eyes.” He tapped his chest. “And the real problem is that the enemy has always been inside. You try to protect the world from yourself while trying to protect yourself from those around you. You don’t sleep, you don’t eat. You can’t turn to your friends, because you drove them all away. Whose left to turn to? Your hate turns inward, and suddenly, taking a walk off a pier with a set of concrete shoes doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. At least then the nightmares would stop.” Elias felt his bad eye twitch as he stopped pacing to stare at the pair of alicorns, who stared with horror back. Celestia’s eyes held complete understanding, and though he intended to state it outright, she knew exactly who he was talking about. She understood, just a little, and the nightmares his little speech would cause would be worth it. “At the end of the road you find yourself on, you are alone, and dead inside. Your very soul is hollow, and the idea of death stops becoming something you’re afraid of, simply because you have nothing left to lose. With that acceptance comes the death of your fear, and as long as you can keep pushing, you can do great things. Until you break. Then it ends.” He looked to Twilight, who had tears in her eyes. “That’s what you bring back. That’s why survival is worse than death, because at least the dead know the end of war.” He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, then straightened his posture and clasped his hands behind his back. He looked to Celestia and sighed. “Ultimately, the decision is yours. I am but one voice among many, and despite my wealth of personal experience, I am not perfect. I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it. Either way, it’s on you.” Elias raised a finger. “But before you make the decision, I offer you a challenge.” He pointed to the Elements. “I want you to look into their eyes and tell them you don’t care if they die. I want you to get off that throne, take off that crown, walk down to your student’s level, and tell her that you don’t care if she risks losing her soul. That’s what killing is. That’s what war is. When you kill, or bear witness to killing, a piece of your soul is torn out. You die just a little inside, and when you’ve seen what I’ve seen, done the things I’ve done, you start to wonder if you ever had a soul at all.” He let his arm fall to his side. “Because I task you, Princess, with saying that you hold no value over their lives. I think you well know who I’m talking about when I talk about PTSD, and I want you to know that I hold no value over my own life as it currently is. If I die tomorrow, I do so with a smile on my face. The simple truth is that if I can sacrifice myself to save one of my legionaries, I’ll take the opportunity in a heartbeat.” “That’s what you want for them,” he finished, jabbing a finger at the Elements one final time. “That is what will happen if they come on the march. No value in their lives. That’s the cost. Take all the time you wish, talk to who you want to, it’s not my choice. If you want my advice though? Keep them well away. They’re safer that way.” Elias gave her a slight bow. “If that is all however, I have drills to conduct.” Celestia gave him a small nod in return, but she made no sound. Nobody did. Elias held no satisfaction at their silence. He just prayed that they would understand and make the right decision. Without another word, he walked toward the rear throne room entrance, quickly shoving the doors open. He made it halfway to the training yard before he heard the sound of someone running after him. Elias stopped and turned, expecting to find a messenger of some kind, but instead found the hallway empty. He frowned slightly and his hand drifted toward his gladius hilt. He knew he had heard something, but… Elias took a deep breath to calm himself. It was just his paranoia spiking up. Talking about it always made it worse. He just needed to get to his legion and run drills. They were excellent for keeping his mind occupied. It took every ounce of his willpower not to draw his sword and cut the pink pony’s head off when he looked forward to find her sitting before him. Feather made it halfway out of her sheathe before Elias realized who was before him. His heart pounded as he took several calming breaths, doing his best to recover his composure. When he did so, he glared hard at the pink earth pony. “Ms. Pie, I don’t think startling an experienced killer is such a good idea.” She smiled. “Don’t worry Red, I knew you wouldn’t hurt me! You’re super strong and smart!” She extended her hooves, offering him a small box covered in bright green wrapping paper. Elias eyed it nervously, but he did reach out to take hold of it. “What’s this?” he asked. Pinkie Pie giggled. “It’s your birthday present silly! When I first saw you, my Pinkie Sense told me that somepony had had a bad birthday recently, and now it’s telling me that your birthday is in three weeks, two days, and three hours!” ‘That’s eerie,’ Elias thought. She had gotten his birthday down accurately, but he had no idea if the hourly time was right. He hadn’t been old enough to care when his parents had died. “And how do you know that?” he asked aloud. Pinkie giggled again. “There’s an itch on the inside of my hoof, followed by three right blinks and two left ones! That means birthday approaching!” Her demeanor changed in an instant, and she looked at him with one of the most genuine expressions he had ever seen as she reached out to touch his hand. “And Red?” she said quietly, “I’m really sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much, especially since we really don’t know each other yet, but I am really sorry for everything you’ve had to go through. I promise that things will get better eventually, you just have to keep going, no matter how bad things get.” “How bad things get?” Elias asked. “What does that mean?” Her demeanor shifted in an instant again, and she bounced around him and back toward the throne room. “Don’t know what you’re talking about Redsy! See you in a few years!” She bounced around the corner, leaving Elias standing in a stunned silence, holding a gift-wrapped box. To try and get himself moving again, he looked at the tag to find it addressed to him, along with a note that said; “Don’t open until your birthday!” Elias grunted at the note, then looked back up the empty hallway. He had no idea what to think about the encounter, and eventually he managed to get his mind back on track. He walked down the hallway toward the training yard, stopping long enough in his office to drop to present off.