The trip to Whinnyapolis had been long - there was no rail line built out to the Hive yet, so Dodge City had been the closest place to get on. But the journey was finally over.
Now it was time for the difficult part.
Stepping off the train, the two of us were tense for our coming trials. We had left Whinnyapolis together four months prior, and now returned together. Of course nopony would guess that by looking at us - when we had left we were a dark grey unicorn and a pale green earth pony. Now? Two changelings, one aqua and the other mustard yellow. I gave Icosta - my yellow companion - a hug. We had come this far together but for the rest we'd be on our own. I wasn't going to refuse taking the warmth of his wishes the rest of the way, though.
He gave me a little squeeze just before we pulled apart. "You can do it, Cyclotorna." I wasn't sure I agreed, but I nodded anyway. I'm sure the way my elytra shivered told him more than words could.
We went our separate ways, and I trotted down a path that felt familiar despite having very different hooves. Up West Lake, turn at Excelsior, go past the park and...
I slowed my walk as the eyes bored into me. The summer day was beautiful, early enough to still hold the dampness of spring and counteract the growing heat. Families were scattered about, foals were at play and couples sat on picnic blankets by the lakeside. And one by one, they stared at me. At the changeling. Mothers called their foals closer for safety. Lovers tensed up.
And all I could do was hang my head and bear the sharp glares. After all - when I had been here last it had been as an enemy. These hadn't been neighbors, they were prey. And I had taken from them without mercy or hesitation.
But that was before. Now the changelings were allies to Equestria. But that wasn't the same as friends - and it didn't mean forgetting or forgiving the past.
So I shuffled on, away from the park and the ponies and the eyes.
All of those looks were expected, after all. Every changeling knew that the process of integrating back into Equestria was going to be rough and painful - that was why most had stayed in the Hive. But I couldn't. Maybe I'd go back there afterwards, but first I had a pony to talk to.
Turning the corner at The Annex, I threaded behind a tree and out of sight for just a moment. Blue fire flashed, and the dark grey unicorn was back. Shaking out my mane - it always puzzled me how the mane of my long-time disguise was the same deep pink shade as what my elytra had become - I fell back into being who I had been for the last four years: Arche Triumph, structural engineer and... And somepony's somepony.
I looked up the street, my eyes stopping on a white split-level house halfway up the block. Home.
I wasn't sure which desire was stronger - to gallop to the house so I could finally return, or to slow down and put off the meeting for as long as possible.
And that mixture stayed even when I reached the front stoop. Staring at the door, I felt as if my hoof was made of lead when I tried to lift it. Knocking or opening the door would start something that couldn't be stopped. But as painful as it would be, it's why I had gone through everything. So with grave reluctance - I opened the front door.
The inside of the house was just like I remembered it. Every little feature was the same as it had been four months before - the picture by the front of Ivory Charm and I - of Arche - on our second anniversary date; the slight tinge of hot cinnamon in the air from one of Ivory's favorite candles; the barely contained chaos of the dining room that Ivory had turned into her work space for jewelry-making. The sound of a knife chopping from the kitchen signaled where Ivory was - a tiny part of me had almost been hoping that she wasn't home.
Behind me, the door closed - the sound of it made the chopping stop. A hesitant voice that tickled my ears like a feather rose up. "Hello?"
I swallowed hard. No going back anymore. "I'm home," I croaked with thick words.
A clatter of hooves gave about five second's warning before Ivory impacted against me in a borderline violent hug. "You're home!" Love and relief came pouring off the white-on-white unicorn, slamming into me like a wave.
I clenched, trying to suppress my emotional senses in much the same way a pony would hold their nose to avoid smelling. The feelings were too strong from Ivory, and the high from just a whiff of her care and desire made thinking about what I was going to do so much harder.
Still, I hugged my marefriend back. How could I not? My false cutie mark - a white marble arch - pressed against Ivory's one of a golden bracelet.
Separating only a hair, Ivory smiled broadly. "So, how was Baltimare?" she asked guilelessly, still completely buying my cover story. It had been hastily constructed - ironic, considering my role as an engineer - but having to go out of town to help with a construction project had been at least plausible. "Please tell me the bridge repair's done now and you're not just back during a lull in work. I know it's only been a little while but that project feels like it's taking forever!"
"It's... over." I hesitated, pegged square by the irony of the statement and what I was about to do. "I don't have to go back again." But before she could hug me more, I backed off a step. "We do need to talk, though."
Those were dreaded words to any relationship. Even while trying not to taste Ivory's emotions, I still got a few licks of fear when they were said. But Ivory kept her smile on as we stepped to the living room - Ivory on the couch, and me standing just a little bit out of reach.
This was the hardest part. I had practiced it a thousand times while at the Hive. For some reason it had felt easier as Cyclotorna than as Arche - maybe because a changeling is meant to lie.
"I... we need to talk," I repeated. And then stopped and grimaced. "I already said that, didn't I." I took another deep breath to try and steady myself. "Before I say anything else, Ivory, I swear that I haven't met anypony else and I'm not about to tell you I'm cheating."
The mare on the couch relaxed a little at that. "I didn't want to think you would, but the way you said that..." She shook her head. "You just made it sound so... so dire!" She laughed a little, slowly letting her guard down again.
I braced. Better to make it quick. "It is dire." And I let a wave of blue flame wash over myself.
The house was deathly silent in the wake of the flames. I called it a win that Ivory hadn't immediately started screaming.
Instead there was a long stretch of gathering awkwardness and heavy breaths. It was punctuated by her soft half-whisper. "Well. I didn't see that coming."
"I'm not sure if you meant that as a compliment, but thank you." And immediately after saying that, I facehoofed.
Stupid as it was to say, it made Ivory smile. "I guess that's the same Arche I know."
I shook my head. "Cyclotorna. That's my real name." I hesitated for a breath. "It always has been." That was mostly the truth.
Ivory frowned. "That's a terrible name." Before I could respond, she raised a hoof. "I'm sorry. I--I don't mean to be rude but I don't think my brain is working correctly right now."
"You're in shock," I noted clinically, trying to detach myself a little from this cavalcade of awkwardness. "That's almost a best case scenario for me. I know this is a lot to take in Ivory, but the important thing is that we can get through this together and--" I reached out to take Ivory's hoof and comfort her.
She jerked back like I was going to bite her.
A deep frown spread over my insectoid features.
"Sorry." Ivory couldn't meet my gaze. "I just.... did you ever eat me?"
A tiny immature part of me that was Arche wanted to make a saucy quip at that - I suppressed it. Hard. "I did," I confirmed. "It's... more complicated than that, though."
"Um. Not really?"
I shook my head. "I had to eat. It isn't like--"
Ivory's panic spiked as the shock wore off, the stench of her emotions too strong for me to block out. "You ate me! I trusted you and... and you did that! How could you do that?!"
"Ive, please!" A bit of Arche cracked through - I immediately kicked myself for such making a rookie error and letting the role take control.
But that little nickname was enough to pull Ivory back from the brink. She closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath. "If.. if you're going to talk like that, at least look like you should."
I hesitated. "I don't know if that's a good idea. I'm not--"
"Please."
I hesitated again - and then the fire cascaded over me again. The grey hooves of a unicorn reached out and took Ivory's. "Okay."
Ivory opened her eyes again, looking deep into my pony form's bronze-tinted ones. "How long? When did you become... that?"
Three years together, and I knew what Ivory was actually asking even if the words were missing. "Always," I quietly admitted. "The entire time you've known Arche Triumph. Nopony got replaced, it was always me."
The stink of fear subsided a little at that, and she breathed easier. I hadn't taken Arche from her - not that way, at least. "Then.. why me? I'm nopony important."
My lips quirked a tiny smile. "I'd disagree, but I know that's not what you mean." I tried to delay confessing my sins a moment more with a heavy sigh. "I was originally sent here to infiltrate the public works department. My job was to evaluate Whinnyapolis as the site for a secondary hive and prepare things if it was chosen. You and I meeting at that party was just..." My throat was dry. I wanted to lick my lips to wet them, but Ivory would probably take that the wrong way right now. "Happy coincidence."
I shifted my weight from one side to the other. Wearing Arche's form felt too natural, and it unnerved me. It shouldn't feel right. I'm not Arche. I'm a changeling, not a pony. "After the wedding disaster, plans for expansion were indefinitely postponed. But since I was already in place and didn't need supplies from home, they never called me back. Queen Chrysalis forgot about me since I wasn't needed." The dryness became a lump in my throat. "So I stayed here for three more years in a holding pattern. Just... being Arche Triumph. With you."
Ivory sucked in a breath. "And then...." She paused, searching for the right word. I could always tell when she was trying to phrase something more gently - it was the way she pursed her lips and wiggled a little as she thought.
"We're calling it the Change," I offered. "For a race that can assume any shape we're a little bad at originality."
Order help me she laughed at that. It felt better to hear than I wanted to admit. It made me finally smile, too.
"And then the Change happened," she settled on with my little bit of help. "And that's where you've been the last four months?"
I nodded. "When King Thorax took over, we were given an ultimatum. If we stayed as the changelings we were, we would have to leave Equestria forever. If we came home and Changed, we would be free to live how we wanted - but that meant giving up who and what we were." I held back the urge to revert my form. "You can see what my choice was."
With the shock and the fear subsided, Ivory seemed almost at ease with what I'd told her. That prompted me to relax and let my senses flow again - that was a mistake. The moment I could taste her emotions it was like a brick to the face. Ivory wasn't at ease - she was a chaotic jumble of emotions on the edge of a breakdown. She was holding herself together by a thread behind a brave face - guilt stabbed into me even though I knew this was inevitable.
"And you're here because....?" The chill edge to her question cut in hard.
It wasn't just the question I'd expected - it was the question I'd hoped for. "You," was my practiced answer.
She laughed.
That hurt more.
"I'm serious, Ive." My grip on her hoof tightened. "I know that I'm not Arche--"
Ivory pulled her hoof from mine. "That's not what I mean. I... I mean you are Arche but you're not and..." She bit her lip. "This is confusing. I love you but you're not you and you can't love but you need love and--"
I cut her off, lightly putting my hoof to her lips. "This is why I didn't want to look like this while we talked," I sighed. "I'm not Arche. Arche isn't real and never was. But I did this because I envy Arche. I spent every day of the last three years watching what you two had and wishing it was me. But it couldn't be - I was a changeling. I could taste the love but it wasn't for me. Even if it was, I couldn't return it." The flames washed over me, letting me be Cyclotorna again. Ivory flinched. "But now I can. I can love you like Arche did. I know I'm not, but please. All I'm asking for is a chance."
My heart was tearing at my chest like a grub escaping its egg - I was so close. Everything I'd planned to say and do was falling apart, but at the same time it was so close to coming true. Maybe I wasn't Arche, but I knew Ivory. I could see it in her eyes as her emotions fought each other. I'd seen it enough times over little things, like when her desire for a slice of double-fudge cake warred with the rational sense of getting a salad.
That she always picked the cake didn't hurt my chances.
Finally, she closed her eyes and faced away from me. "I'm sorry. I.. I need some time to think. Arche, I--"
I cut her off again. "I'm not Arche." I tried to be gentle, but the truth rarely is.
She sucked in a breath through her teeth. "Yes. And that's the problem."
Stepping backwards, I nodded. It was the problem. "I understand. I'll just... go." I hesitated - Ivory twitched forward, like she was going to grab for me and stop me from leaving. But she didn't, and that movement died fast. "I'm going to get a room at the Grand. If you want to, you can find me there once you've... thought."
I waited for her to respond. She didn't.
I left alone.