“Pinkamena!”
The pink pony had just walked past the sign marking the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres when Fluttershy landed next to her with a heavy thud. She flinched at the sudden intrusion, and her eyes stayed glued to the ground.
“Are you alright?” Fluttershy wrapped a wing around Pinkamena and held her close. “I’m sorry it took me so long to catch up.”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Pinkamena mumbled. She started walking again, and Fluttershy matched her pace.
“Are you okay?” Fluttershy repeated herself patiently.
“I guess.”
“It’s alright if you’re not.”
“I know.” A tinge of annoyance sat at the edge of Pinkamena’s voice.
“So?”
“I’m fine.”
Fluttershy frowned. “She didn’t mean anything by it,” she said. “It was just a mistake.”
“I know that.”
“I’m sure if she knew you better, she—”
“Stop it!” Pinkamena shrugged out from under Fluttershy’s wing and put some distance between them. “Can’t I just feel bad without everypony trying to fix me?”
“That’s not…”
“It is!” Pinkamena stopped walking and faced Fluttershy pointedly. “You still look at me like I’m just Pinkie having a breakdown. I’m not a real pony, I’m just a problem to solve.”
“That’s not fair,” Fluttershy replied. She spoke slowly, hesitantly. “I just want to see you happy.”
“Do you want me to be happy, or do you want me to be Pinkie?” She paused just long enough for Fluttershy to start responding before going on. “Or are they the same thing to you? When you imagine me happy in your head, is it just Pinkie?”
“I…” Fluttershy looked away a bit.
“Exactly,” Pinkamena said. “Well, I don’t wanna be Pinkie! There’s already a Pinkie, and I don’t wanna just be the second choice whenever the real Pinkie is busy or sad.”
“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said. “I’m not trying to just turn you into Pinkie, I promise. I just… I don’t really know what else to imagine.”
Pinkamena frowned. She hesitated a moment, then turned and started walking again. “I know that,” she mumbled. “I mean, how could you know me? I don’t even know me.”
Fluttershy moved up beside Pinkamena again and walked with her, although this time without putting a wing around her. “You’ll figure it out.”
“Is there even anything to figure out? I mean, maybe I am just Pinkie.”
“If you say you’re not Pinkie, then you’re not Pinkie.”
“You know what I mean.” Pinkamena sighed. “What if there’s not anything different about us, except that I’m sad, and one day I’ll just poof right back into being Pinkie?”
“I…” Fluttershy let out a breath. “I don’t know. I can’t tell you that that won’t happen.”
As the duo turned a corner, Ponyville came into view down the road. It was a beautiful day, sunny but cool from the previous night’s rain, and ponies were taking full advantage of it. Even this far out there wasn’t a single street without at least one pony going about their day, running errands or even just taking a walk.
“What do I do?” Pinkamena’s voice was sad, and had a hint of worry in it. “Should I just hide and wait to turn back into Pinkie?”
“Not if you don’t want to.”
“But what, then?”
“Well, if you don’t want to be Pinkie, then just… Don’t be.” Fluttershy shrugged. “You’ve always thought differently when you got like this, but you never let any of it stick before. You can use this chance to take a different path.”
“How, though? I mean, I can’t just pick and choose what parts of me I like.”
“Just do things differently,” Fluttershy told her. “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do when you got like this, but never did because of the Pinkie part of yourself?”
“Umm…” Pinkamena thought for a long moment. “I don’t know, I mean, I always get weird impulses.”
“Are there any you would get over and over?”
“I… Oh!” Pinkamena’s face lit up with realization. “Yeah, there is something!”
Fluttershy grinned. “Well, let’s go do it, then.”
“Actually, um…” Pinkamena looked to the side bashfully. “I think if you’re there I might chicken out.”
“Oh. You wanna go alone?”
Pinkamena nodded.
Fluttershy leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek, which shocked her enough to make her blush. “Of course you can. Just tell me about it later, okay?”
Pinkamena smiled and nodded. “Yeah, definitely.”
They walked the rest of the way to Ponyville in silence, although Pinkamena did lean up against Fluttershy, and Fluttershy put her wing back around Pinkamena. When they hit the intersection that marked the start of town, Fluttershy kissed Pinkamena goodbye, and they went their separate ways.
As soon as she was alone, Pinkamena found herself far more nervous about being out and about. Thoughts ran through her head that she had no answers to. How would she explain her appearance to ponies? Should she be open about what happened? Would they even believe her? She had no idea.
Rather than face these questions, she elected to do her best to avoid them. She stuck to the back roads as she traveled, and when that wasn’t enough, when a street was still too crowded to avoid contact, she ducked into alleyways and hopped over fences. She knew the town well enough that there was always another route she could take, and so she made it to the Carousel Boutique without talking to a single other pony along the way.
Rarity lived on a busy street, so Pinkamena had to hide in the shadows across from her destination and wait for an opening to cross. It was bad enough that ponies kept going into the building, but she figured she’d at least have Rarity to help deal with them. Running into somepony outside was an entirely separate beast, and one she wanted desperately to—
“Sup?”
Pinkamena yelped and whirled around to meet the sound behind her. She spun so fast and so hard that her hooves slid out from under her, though, and she fell awkwardly onto her back.
Above her loomed Rainbow Dash, who was clearly suppressing a laugh. “You good?”
“Oh… Uh, hi, Dashie,” Pinkamena said quietly. She didn’t make any move to get up from where she had fallen.
“Yeah, hey. What’s up? You aren’t lookin too hot.”
“Oh, it’s fine,” Pinkamena said. “The fall didn’t really hurt.”
“No, I mean…” Rainbow Dash gestured vaguely towards Pinkamena’s mane.
“Oh, yeah. It’s, uh, kinda complicated.”
“I’ve got time.”
“I was actually just about to go talk to Rarity,” Pinkamena said.
“You mean you’re not just hanging out in this alley for fun?” Rainbow Dash snorted. “Yeah, alright, let’s go in. I was gonna make Rarity take a break anyway.”
Rainbow Dash helped Pinkamena up, and they crossed the street to the boutique. Pinkamena kept her head down, trying not to notice all the ponies giving her strange looks, but her face was still beet red by the time they walked through the door.
Rarity noticed Rainbow Dash first and beamed. “Rainbow!” She started to trot over towards them cheerily. “How lovely to see you, what can—” She cut herself off with a gasp when she saw Pinkamena. “Oh, Pinkie, dear, what’s the matter?”
Pinkamena winced. “Um, actually…” She glanced around at the few customers milling around and pursed her lips. “Can we go somewhere private?”
“Of course,” Rarity said. “Everypony,” she announced to the store, “I’m going on break, so I’m afraid if you need help you’ll need to have a little patience. Feel free to mill around, though, and I’ll try not to take too long.”
With that taken care of, Rarity led Pinkamena and Rainbow Dash into a back room that she used as an office to talk to clients in. It was warm and cozy, with just enough room to hold Rarity’s desk and a few comfortable chairs without feeling crowded.
Rarity took up her natural place behind her desk, and Pinkamena pulled a chair up opposite her. Rainbow Dash then decided to forego chairs, and instead leaned against the side of the desk in between the two.
“So,” Rarity said once she felt they were all settled, “what’s the matter, darling?”
“Um… Nothing?” Pinkamena looked at her awkwardly.
Rarity gave her a puzzled look. “But, then, why…”
“Yeah…” Pinkamena traced her hoof along the desk as she thought through her words. “So, I’m… Not Pinkie.” That just made the others even more confused, so she went on. “We had an accident at the mirror pool and kinda got split up.”
Rainbow Dash groaned. “More copies? You know how that went last time!”
“This is different!” Pinkamena put her hooves up defensively. “I’m not like they were, I’m not even Pinkie! It didn’t copy Pinkie, it sorta… Cut her in half.”
“I think I understand,” Rarity said, “but how can I help? You should go to Twilight if you want to find a way to get put back together.”
“No!” Pinkamena blurted the response out, then blushed and turned her head away. “No, I… I don’t wanna go away.”
“I mean, I guess we can probably handle two Pinkies,” Rainbow Dash said. “Just don’t make any more!”
“I’m not Pinkie! I’m Pinkamena!”
Rainbow Dash gave her a strange look. “You do realize Pinkie is short for Pinkamena, right?”
“It’s… It’s still a different name, okay?” Pinkamena huffed. “I mean, she never lets anypony call her Pinkamena. So don’t call me Pinkie.”
“Of course, dearest,” Rarity told her. “Rainbow is just being difficult. If you want to be called Pinkamena, nopony will object.”
“No, I get it,” Pinkamena said. “I’m not mad. I mean, at least she’s honest.”
“No, I’m loyal,” Rainbow Dash said.
Pinkamena snorted out a short laugh. “Yeah, okay.”
“So, what can I do for you?” Rarity asked.
“Oh, yeah.” Pinkamena crossed her hooves nervously. “Well, um, I’m not really… I don’t know.” She shook her head and looked down. “I don’t know who I am, or what I want. All I know is I don’t wanna be Pinkie.”
“So…” Rarity replied coaxingly.
“So I wanna do something big. Something Pinkie would never do.”
“Yeah, that can’t possibly go wrong,” Rainbow Dash said dryly.
Rarity shot Rainbow Dash a look, then turned her attention back to Pinkamena. “Darling, are you sure? You’re still a very similar pony, so jumping right into something Pinkie wouldn’t like, well… You could just wind up hurting yourself.”
Pinkamena shook her head. “I’m sure. I’m super sure. I’ve been thinking about this for years, I just never did it cuz it would mess with how other ponies saw Pinkie.”
“Well, if you’re positive,” Rarity said, “then I’m here to help. So, what did you have in mind? A new wardrobe? Perhaps even a new mane style? You could do a lot with it if it isn’t going to puff back up again.”
Pinkamena shook her head. “No, none of that stuff is big enough. I want something I can’t go back from.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “So, a piercing…?”
She shook her head again. “I wanna dye my fur.”