“I spy something red.” Penny Forapound said.
“Bloodstains on the ceiling,” I responded,
“Aw.” said Penny, “Wait...Wait. I’m starting to turn again. WEEEEEE!” she cried gleefully.
There really wasn’t much else to do in the room we were trapped in. If I had to guess it looked like some old secret government research facility that was underneath one of the hotel rooms we have never rented out. I mean how cool is that? The both of us had been tied back to back on a rotating spit placed over a fire pit that hadn’t been lit yet. We've been there for awhile bored out of our little pony minds when Penny Forapound suggested playing I spy.
For those of you unaware. Which is probably all of you since I haven’t really mentioned her before. Penny is one of two other full time workers at the GrabNGo. She had started about a year ago and well, just fit right in. We worked together a lot. Gone through a lot of the strangeness that surrounded the crappy restaurant that we worked at and had become friends. I know one day I’ll have to explain everything as to how and why she started working here but that is a story for another time.
And let me tell you it is so welcome to have an extra pair of hooves for when digging a shallow grave. Who knew holes would be such hard work.
Anyway, my overnight shift had started like any other. Mindlessly slow. As usual I had made my way to one of the empty booths and started reading a book I had brought in for times like these. Which is almost always. Some time later Penny had come in asking me to sign a get well card for her neighbor that she made herself.
On the front she had drawn a sad faced cat hanging from a tree in crayon adding her personal touch with lots and lots of glitter and stickers. Opening it the card read “Sorry to hear that your front limb got eaten by a nightmarish creature from beyond the cosmos.” She even drew a picture of a sad faced stick pony with one of its limbs ripped off by a black, red, and green blob of colors with teeth. Even had swirling trails of red flowing downwards.Trails of blood I guess.
“I just bought it, do you like it?” she asked. Showing off the new dress she was wearing as I signed the card. It was a bright yellow piece with white lacing around the top that flowed around her as she twirled, “It has pockets,” she exclaimed excitedly.
Which I did agree. After that she announced she needed to powder her nose, immediately heading off to the restroom and me as usual went back to my book. It was a pretty good book I checked out from the library. I had gotten really into it when I noticed that I could see myself. I had narrowed my eyes realizing that I was staring at my reflection coming from a hunk of metal pressed under my face. Upon further inspection I had deduced that it was a knife pointed at my neck. The slight pinching at my throat confirmed my theory.
“Finally I goth your athention,” said a heavily lispy voice, “I thouth I wasth gointh tho hasth tho sthlith your throat.”
Of course. It just had to be the Custards. Chocolate and his younger louder brother Vanilla Custard. To call them nothing more than some inbred, trashy, pony yokels would be an insult to inbred, trashy, pony yokels everywhere. Chocolate Custard wasn’t a very tall pony about half my size while his brother was even shorter. Their grey dirty fur. Their black manes greasy and uncombed had started its own path up the evolutionary ladder judging from how many creepy crawly things I glimpsed moving around...Ew.
The two of them are well known throughout the town as being too stupid to actually be dangerious but were still a hurricane of trouble onto themselves. The oldest Chocolate was a quiet pony I avoided at all costs and I had known Vanilla Custard since elementary school and let me tell you the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in that family.
Recently though there had been rumors of the pair doing strange, weird things in the forest surrounding the shitty town. Rumors connecting to the many cults and dark religions in the area. However, as the rumors continued none of them wanted anything to do with the pair of them. So the Custards had to form their own cult.
Right now they were being hunted by the royal guards for breaking into the rural farms around the area and shaving cows bald so I was quite surprised to see them in the Grab N Go. At first I just thought this was nothing more than a simple robbery. And boy there were going to be a little disappointed as I only had twelve bits in the cash register.
“Your coming with usth,” Vanilla cackled, “Sthart anything and I’ll thow you your inthesthinesth.”
Chocolate said nothing. Clearly the muscle of the group but eyed me warily...and the sign for Onion rings on the wall behind me. Oh yeah, one of his eyes was made of glass after losing his real one a few years ago due to some unknown accident that no one talked about. I do have to admit that it creeped me staring at it. Not quite matching his real one.
I saw his hooves tighten around the bat he had been carrying all this time. In the polite way that said in so many unspoken words I am going to be going with them with or without four broken limbs. My choice kinda way. Did he always have a bat? I think so. I can’t remember.
I carefully earmarked the page of the book I've been reading. Setting it aside while getting up to follow the both of them when Penny had to pick that time to walk out from the bathroom.
“He’s in the bathroom again and he wanted me to go to someplace called Nashville with him,” said Penny. Suddenly stopping as she caught sight of the three of us. She must have sensed something was wrong and I was in danger because she said. “I sense something is wrong and Rusty is in danger.”
The pair must have thought I was alone and had been caught off guard. A look of complete surprise ran across their faces. ‘Don’t do anything stupid,” growled Chocolate. And for a brief second I felt the glimmer of pity for them. Little did they know just how stupid it was going to get.
“Rusty!” cried Penny. Galloping to my side, squeezing my face between her hooves, “What have they done to you? Oh, your face. Your beautiful face. You will never be pretty again,” she sobbed. Burrowing me into an airtight embrace causing me to see stars float around my eyes from lack of oxygen. The more I tried to pull away the tighter she clung. I had started to lose consciousness when Penny had mercifully let go dropping me to the floor.
“Which one of you did this to him?” she cried. Her gaze locking on the two of them, “Which one of you hurt him?”
“Thutup.” lisped Vanilla, “We haventh thone anything buth their isth a thance ith could happenth if the both of you thon’t cooperate.” Vanilla said. Leaving us much much damper after he spoke.
I watched as Vanilla nodded to his brother who with one mighty swing his bat connected to the candy display set up right behind him. Sending candy bars, gummy worms, peanut butter cups and other confectioners delights sailing across the restaurant. Some of it actually still within their expiration date.
I saw the smug look on their faces. Sure that things were getting back towards their control. Which lasted for a moment at most as I saw a smile spread across Penny’s mouth as she announced. “Let's do this.”
In one swift motion she toppled the the apple pie display onto the ground. Kicked the soda display that I had spent all day stacking. Tore apart the condiment dispensers. Went to the booth and grabbed one of our chairs, smashing it on the ground until it fell apart. Then she grabbed the remains of the chair leg and tossed it straight towards the freezer window where we kept stacks of ice cream for travelers. The glass shattering at impact. All the while shouting “Anarchy! Anarchy! Fight the princesses! Fight the princesses! Anarchy!”
I have to admit that was an impressive display of insanity. Watching the two of them fight with their emotions to either continue or get away before it got worse. Any sane pony would have ran but they were committed to whatever they had planned for me...Or us now I guess.
I went quietly. Vanilla’s knife scraping against my neck made sure there were no heroes here. It took a little time for Chocolate to catch Penny and sling her over his back. As I was watching her I felt a little nervous that somepony was actually enjoying this.
I’m not sure how long we had been tied together in that room. Slowly rotating around and around and around. Wondering what was going to happen to us. Though I was even more concerned about how the Custards knew about this room and me and Penny didn’t. Or is it Penny and I? Is that how you are supposed to write it? I forgot.
“I spy…” said Penny
“Bloodstain. Bloodstain on the ceiling. Again.”
“How did you know?”
“It’s the only thing to look at.”
“Hey Rusty,” Whispered Penny.
“Yeah?”
“You know that really sharp filet knife I use to peel vegetables?”
“Yeah?” I responded feeling the first traces of hope starting to spring up.
“That would be really good to have right now.”
“Oh...Um, okay.” And once again those hopes dashed onto the rocks of disappointment.
“Easily cut through all of these ropes.”
“Okay.”
I just know she was going to go on about how great her knife was and how it would have helped us if she had brought it with her. But suddenly the only door had opened bathing it in orange light from torches as in walked the Custards. Now heavily robbed their hoods covering their faces from which they wore the...goofiest looking masks I had ever seen. The bigger one had on what looked like some cat mask that had been painted black with sharpened teeth. While Vanilla wore a bear mask. They went all out to make it look horrible and scary but it just came across as silly and lame. I mean I know there are some psychopaths that can work something like that. But not the Custards.
Arcane and forbidden runes had been smudged all over the robes. I couldn’t tell what they said or meant and if I had to guess I’m sure neither could they. They looked pretty sloppy and in the dull light of the torches it looked even worse.
The pair entered the room looking like they had been listening to their own horror theme music in their heads. I could see that Vanilla was holding something in his hoof but was still too dark to make out. Slowly they approached us. Their muffled voices filled the room as the pointed in our direction.
“What?” we both said at once.
Again they spoke to us louder from behind the mask.
“What?” we both said again.
“Thammit.” said Vanilla ripping off his mask. Setting off several curses.
“Look, Vanilla, buddy,” I said in a calm and reassuring voice, “Just let us go and we'll pretend this was all just a huge misunderstanding and forget about this little incident.”
“Screw that.” shouted Penny. “As soon as you let us go I’m going to march my way to the nearest guard post and tell them all about this. I memorized both of your faces and I will…”
She had more to say but my nudging her in the chest stopped her as she finally caught on. “I-I mean yeah. Well totally forget this ever happened if you let us go. Wink”
Yeah, she even said that. Wink.
“Thilence Thitheaths,” commanded Vanilla, “You lauthed at me. You all lauthed ath me.” Sounding like he had spent many hours standing in front of a mirror practicing his villain monologue. “You all thought I was nothing more than a losther. A failure. Now with this I am your masther. I will be your god. I will create a world with nothing buth darkneth and agony. You will all thuffer once I Thacrificeth your fleth.”
“Our what?” I asked.
“Yeth I will conthume your hearth and thoul in the name of Grailgoth the Devourer. Who will gain accthess tho our world and make me a god,” he said holding up the book he had been carrying for us to see. Which still didn’t matter as it was too dark to make it out anyway. “Tho what do you think?”
“Um, okay,” was all I could think of responding. If I had a bit for every time I had been captured and sacrificed to some hell demon for world domination I’d have six bits by now. Still as far as rituals went this one was kind of a disappointment. The Custard brothers weren’t the best of readers. Plus on top of that the words were written in some ancient pony language that neither of them could really decipher. All and all it was a pretty sad thing to watch. Making me wonder just how did they get this far?
“Conthra….Conthraa...Conth,” Vanilla lisped trying and failing to form the words aloud while his brother silently watched us from afar.
“Yo, need a hoof?” asked Penny.
“Thutup I know what I’m doing.” he growled. Getting defensive.
“It’s obvious that your reading from the forbidden book the Ponynomincon. Sounds like one of their ritual spells. Need help forming that word there?”
I was confused as to what Penny was planning or if there was even any plan going through her mind at all. Even more confused as to how she knew what they were reading. Still it took a few minutes for Vanilla to finally admit defeat as he brought the book over to her to look at the word. Grumbling all the way he brought it to her face to read.
“Conthranotis.” she exclaimed proudly.
“Conthranotis?”
“Conthranotis,” she repeated. The both of us watched him go back to his circle.
“Penny.” I whined.
“What?” she asked innocently.
“Don’t help them.”
“Oh.” she finally said.
The slow spin had lulled me into a sense of drowsiness and I had trouble keeping my eyes open. Their broken chanting wasn’t helping either. I wondered what was going on back at the restaurant. I hoped that the family of stray two-headed cats behind the dumpster hadn’t found a way back in and started drinking the bleach again. Bless their little blackened hearts.
“Ith’s working. Ith’s working,” squealed Vanilla with joy, “I can feel hith presenths through me. Now for the nexth thep. Removing their hearths.”
It was then I saw Chocolate bring out some thrange...sorry strange sharp looking knife he had been hiding under his robes and...Ew. It was rusty. It was dull. It was old and clearly had never been taken care of. Which I guess was the effect they were going for. But still...Ew.
What came next was what I would say very poor planning on their part. First they tried to light the logs underneath us to get the fire going but they just wouldn’t light. I don’t think either of them had ever lit a fire before.
The next thing they tried was to cut the skin off our bodies. Unfortunately Chocolate just had to drop the knife in the darkened room. Accidentally kicking it across the floor. It bounced off a few things before finally stopping at parts unknown.
Penny and I (I and Penny?) could hear the both of them scramble around in the darkness looking for it. Vanilla constant yelling echoing around the room. As they searched for what must have been quite awhile before giving up.
“You thitheadths,” he screamed, fighting to keep the tears from flowing, “Your all thitheadths. You alwayths hated me. Now I will never get to be a god of desthruction and thorment thouls for all eternity.”
I do have to admit feeling a little sad for the pony. All he wanted was to destroy Equestria and make everypony suffer in unbearable agony from here to eternity. And yet, everything that can go wrong has gone wrong so far. And now he wont be able to strip the flesh from our bones for his dark ritual.
I was about to suggest maybe we could try again tomorrow. When a hellish light shot from under the very ground bathing the room. Then a noise followed. Growing louder and louder as it came closer. A jumble of thousands of voices speaking words that could never be understood as they all fought the other voices to be heard. The chaos of eternal anguish mixing with the feral desire to inflict their agony to all that came across the thing. Should I say things instead as it appeared the mashings of thousands maybe millions of creatures melding into a mass of faces and screams. The insanity of eternal torment given flesh had been freed from its dark well. Twisting and turning its way towards us. Or better yet towards Vanilla as he did summon the thing.
A mass of black oily tentacles sprouted from the creature. Incredibly fast extending directly towards The Custard. Twisted around his small, fat screaming body and dragged him back towards the creature, Back towards the eternal darkness leaving a trail of black slime as with one effortless motion the abomination engulfed the frantic pony before falling back into the pit where he came. And then....
The world, no the universe seemed to snap back to what it was before. Like nothing had ever happened. Though I could swear I heard the faint echoes of somepony calling us all “Thitheadths.” In the darkness.
As for Chocolate Custard I don’t know what happened. He vanished shortly after that incident leaving the both of us alone. Also it turned out that Penny did have that knife all along. Just forgot she did. Which would have been really helpful had SHE REMEMBERED EARLIER! But that’s neither here nor there.
Took us a short while to cut ourselves free. Then the both of us headed out and trekked towards the nearest guard post and told them what happened. Of course they investigated everything. Even made us write witness statements as to what had happened. Then tore them up and made us write it again. Making us leave out the summoning and the Custards. And the Ponynomicon. And the nightmarish thing from beyond.
So one again I’m back at work now and everything is back to loosely what I would call normal. As I write this in-between customers I can see the pony in the dirty pink bunny suit watching me from outside the restaurant just at the edge of the streetlights. He notices me staring at him and holds up both his hooves in a very rude gesture. Then he points to me, then his crotch and starts thrusting with his pelvic for a few times before prancing back into the woods behind him.
Still as everything is calm for now I still have a few questions. How did the Custards get a hold of something like the Ponynomicon? And how did they know about the room? Anyways some customers have entered once again and I have to help them. I’ll write some more when I get off. Until them to be continued.