//------------------------------// // Reflections I - Celestia // Story: Alternative Origins // by TalkingToMyself //------------------------------// The mirror portal had been closed for weeks now, but Celestia still stayed close to it nearly all the time. Sunset Shimmer had not returned while it had still been open for three days. But then again, Sunset was her most talented student ever. She had found a way to activate the portal, so maybe she would also find a way to open it sooner than its normal cycle of thirty moons. So far, Celestia’s only comfort was that Sunset wasn’t alone. Crystal Note had helped her get away from the guards and had vanished together with Sunset. They must have passed through the portal together. They could help each other out and look after each other. Celestia didn’t believe that Starswirl’s portal led into a dangerous world, but still two ponies would have better chances that a single one, even if Sunset Shimmer was the most talented and intelligent unicorn Celestia had ever had as her student. With a sigh, she turned away from the reflective surface and walked the few steps towards the closest window. Her senses told her it was time again, so she called forth her magic to perform her most important task. With centuries of practice, she lowered the sun behind the horizon and sent the moon and stars to their places on the sky as day transformed into night. She looked at the starry sky and sighed again. Even after all those years, she still had not once managed to create a night sky as beautiful as Luna could do it. Celestia did not get a chance to sink into reminiscence tonight. As soon as she let go of her magic, she sensed a presence approaching her. Only one pony had a signature this clear and powerful that Celestia could sense her halfway through the palace. Celestia turned towards the doors of her personal rooms and waited for Cadance to arrive. She was both happy and terrified at once to speak with her niece. Cadance had shun her after the young princess had learned of what happened in the forbidden archives and that Sunset Shimmer had run away, so Celestia had been left utterly alone with her thoughts and feelings. She longed to talk with Cadance again, somepony who could relate to her and with whom she would not have to hide most of her secrets anymore. At the same time, she feared what Cadance would have to say to her just as much. Sunset Shimmer’s disappearance had not gone unnoticed, just like the fact that two guards had been admitted to the hospital on the same day. Or the fact that Princess Celestia was deeply sad and couldn’t hide it from her ponies any longer. While Celestia had stayed silent, rumours of Sunset’s betrayal had spread like wildfires. Ponies of all stands remembered Sunset Shimmer’s bad temper and arrogant behaviour, so they had little understanding for her. They shared words of comfort with Princess Celestia who still said nothing. Celestia would not tell them how she felt, so she just let her ponies find their own answers. Everypony was certain that Sunset Shimmer had betrayed their beloved princess and everypony hoped that Princess Celestia would recover soon. Only one pony knew better than to believe this. Celestia shuddered when she remembered the look Cadance had thrown at her. She had never seen her niece devastated like this. And never had she seen her as angry like this ever before. Cadance wasn’t fooled by rumours, she knew more and she knew better. Celestia could tell from her eyes that she put all the blame entirely on the elder princess. Celestia could also see why Cadance might think so, but she wasn’t sure if she could convince Cadance of the opposite. The door opened and Cadance walked into the room. Her eyes met Celestia’s and were full of anger still. Celestia opened her mouth to greet her niece, but Cadance didn’t give her a chance “She’s not coming back, is she?” Celestia slumped a little, something she never allowed herself in front of everypony else, but tonight she did. She had kept the truth from Sunset Shimmer for too long and lost her to the mirror. She didn’t dare losing Cadance in the same way “She won’t be coming back for a long while.” Celestia didn’t want to go into details. She knew it would hurt her, like it had hurt talking about Luna shortly after she had been banished to the moon. Cadance however was relentless. She just sat down in front of Celestia and glared at her “I’m listening.” Celestia looked at her niece but with that cold anger in her eyes and the way she said this, she couldn’t help but see Sunset Shimmer in her place. So, she started to explain what had happened. About the mirror and how it worked. About how Sunset and Crystal Note were now in a different world altogether. Cadance just listened and glared. She didn’t say anything until Celestia stopped. She only looked away once, to glance at the crystal mirror that caused all this commotion in the first place. At least, that’s what Celestia thought, but when Cadance turned back towards her, she had a furious rage burning in her eyes “You have nopony to blame but yourself, Celestia.” The ageless alicorn winced and flinched. Celestia. Not Princess Celestia like everypony else and not Auntie Celestia like Cadance usually called her. Just Celestia and in a voice that wasn’t like the niece she knew. Just angry and uncaring. For a few moments, Celestia saw a different alicorn sit in her place, with darker colours but that same raging fire in her eyes. It was also the same fire Sunset Shimmer had when she had confronted her for the last time. Celestia’s head sunk down further. I lost Luna to those eyes, and I lost Sunset. And now I’m going to lose the last pony by my side as well. Perhaps this is just my destiny, to be forever alone. “Auntie Celestia?” Celestia’s head jerked up again. Somehow, Cadance had crossed the distance to her and now her pink eyes were right in front of her, staring at her with an intensity that she couldn’t identify “I’m angry at you, but that doesn’t mean you’re not my auntie anymore. Do you understand?” Celestia stared and felt more helpless than any moment during the last months. She felt vulnerable like she had only once before and Cadance could just read her like a book, even her innermost thoughts “I won’t leave you alone. You’re my auntie and I still love you.” Celestia’s mouth hung open. She needed a full minute for the meaning of the words to sink in. She didn’t understand why, but her eyes filled with tears and her voice turned into painful sobs. Cadance pulled her into a hug and Celestia, powerful and wise Princess Celestia of the Sun and Moon, broke apart. Within seconds, sobs turned into messy crying. Cadance, who knew better how Celestia felt than she did herself, just held her. After an eternity for Celestia, her tears finally ran out. She looked up and Cadance was still there “I’m listening.” Celestia nodded and started talking. About Luna and her past. About how she had lost her sister and how she had felt after. How she had to hide everything from everypony for decades and centuries, how she learned to even hide herself from everypony, for the sake of Equestria. With Cadance seeing through her like she could, there was no reason to hide anything any longer and Celestia just tumbled through her messed up feelings between being Princess, a ruler, a sister, a teacher and being constantly reminded of her biggest failure with every moonrise, when she had to face the image of her beloved sister trapped inside the moon. Cadance stayed true to her words and just listened. Her eyes weren't burning with fire anymore, but Celestia still saw anger in them. She could relate just too well with this, as any anger directed at her was more than justified. The way she had acted around Luna at times and then just plainly ignored her on others, she had planted doubt, hatred and fear into Luna's heart. So much even that her sister, the pony she loved so much, had been overwhelmed by the wicked demon who turned her into Nightmare Moon. Still, Cadance' eyes were not consumed by anger alone. There was still something else, a flicker of understanding and shine of something Celestia had seen before. Pity. Even though Celestia had been the reason for Luna's downfall and later had proven too weak to do anything but banish her, somewhere inside her heart, Cadance felt pity for her. When she spoke, her young voice lacked all of her usual levity and Celestia's ears dropped in shame that it had been her who made her loose it “I'm sorry you had to go through all this, Auntie. I'm not the one who can offer you forgiveness, but I really am sorry. It must have been so hard, all on your own, all alone for so long.” Celestia had found a smile for her niece, but it was a sad and bitter smile “I was never by myself. I always had my little ponies around me. So even when I couldn't tell them anything, at least I had company, even though I was alone. For almost a thousand years, I was alone. And then, suddenly, there was Sunset Shimmer.” Celestia's smile grew from fondness, but vanished when at the same moment, any pity left Cadance and was replaced by anger once more “Before you say anything more, let me make one thing clear, Auntie: Even if I could forgive you what you did to Sunset, I wouldn't. Not even if another thousand years pass.” Celestia, who had never regained her composure after her first breakdown, winced and stared at her niece in disbelieve. And just by that, she fuelled Candance' anger even further “You don't have a clue, don't you? You have no idea how much you hurt Sunset.” Celestia just shook her head. Everything she thought she might know, it never matched the anger of her niece, so she deemed it wiser to not say anything. Cadance watched her and waited, for a minute and then another one. Then, she let out a frustrated sigh and pulled back from her aunt “You’re usually so wise, how can you be so blind when it’s this important?” “I wish I knew. I wish I knew what to say, Cadance.” “Just tell me one thing.” Cadance had stood up by now, which made her look down Celestia who was still slumped on the ground. For a moment, Celestia wondered if that was how other ponies felt whenever she was talking to them. She wondered if Sunset ever felt so small when talking to her. Cadance’ voice was young, but right then she sounded like a teacher who had to scold her youngest student “Tell me what Sunset Shimmer means to you, Auntie Celestia.” Celestia thought about this for a while before she tried to answer “Sunset Shimmer is my most talented student ever. She has a natural affinity to magic that goes far beyond anything I have seen in centuries. She also possesses a sharp mind and a heart full of ambition, so she never backs away from any challenge that comes her way. I’ve watched her grow so much, ever since she was only a small filly, she was a part of my life.” Despite everything she felt, Celestia had a small smile on her lips. Cadance looked at her expectantly, like she wanted to coax out something else, and Celestia understood what her niece needed to hear “Out of all the students I had, Sunset Shimmer was special. She was the pony who came closest to being a daughter to me.” Instead of appeasing Cadance, this only fuelled her anger more “You don't even know what this means. Either that, or you're the cruellest mother I've ever seen.” Celestia's smile fell apart and made room for desperation “Cadance, I don't understand...” “You really don't. You really are this blind.” Cadance took a deep breath and left Celestia waiting anxiously for another minute as she struggled to find the right words “I can't tell you any other way than straight up. Auntie, you've never been just 'close' to a mother for Sunset. For her, you were the real deal, all the way, but you never returned her feelings to you.” Celestia didn't react all at first, as her mind tried to catch up on what Cadance just said. It wasn't that the thought hadn't crossed her mind before, but she only had one way to react, as always “Don't be ridiculous. I can't be a mother to a little unicorn. Imagine what the other tribes would say about that. I get so lost in my duties, I'd be a terrible mother. I'm a teacher and maybe a mentor, at most. It's all I ever could be.” Surely Cadance had to see this as well, but her response just tore apart all of Celestia's reasoning “The heart does not listen to that logic, Auntie. Especially the heart of a lonely filly who had nopony else in the world. And since you never told her otherwise, she kept hoping.” “NO! Cadance, I was her teacher. I never called her my daughter, I called her my student.” “You did even worse. You called her your most talented student. You made her think she was better than anypony else in all regards. You praised her to the stars whenever she completed a task, but when she became bothersome to you, you sent her away, on missions or on important studies. You bloated her ego to the point of no return and you made her crave your attention and your praise more than anything else in the world.” Celestia couldn't face Cadance' words and covered her head with her hooves, like a foal trying to block out a bad dream, but the younger alicorn continued relentlessly “And when she was already hooked on you, you did her one worse. You brought me into your life, and hers as well. You barely knew me more than a few days, but you made me your niece right away. Why? Because I was an alicorn! Because I was a princess! I suddenly was your family, when Sunset was nothing but your student for years. How could she not become obsessed with becoming a princess? How could that mirror show her anything else but her being an alicorn? So she could finallly take that last step and be important to you, so that you would finally accept her as your own.” At first, Celestia just shook her head, with deflection and defensive thoughts in her mind. However, her wall of self-lies was already cracked and now that she was confronted with Cadance’ explanations, the truth trickled in. It was slow at first, with memories of Sunset Shimmer as a young filly in the palace and the times she had sought for comfort she could only find in Celestia’s presence. “No. It can’t be.” More and more images came to her, of Sunset’s happiness whenever they were together but the stories of her rude behaviour whenever Sunset was on her own. How she had tried to confront her about it, but never could, not when Sunset was smiling at her like that. “I never meant to be…” The flood of memories grew faster and faster. As Sunset grew up, Celestia couldn’t justify her student demanding so much of her attention anymore. She was a Princess after all. But she never told Sunset, she never explained. Instead, she started giving her tasks, so Sunset could work on them by herself and after that, she would have reason to shower her student in praise. As Sunset grew, the tasks grew more elaborate and soon turned into full-fledged missions. And Sunset mastered them all, with flying colours. She had a natural affinity to magic that Celestia had not seen ever since the days of Starswirl the Bearded. Perhaps, Sunset was even more than just talented in magic. She might be the one. If that was true, Celestia could not let her emotion endanger Sunset’s development. She had to keep her distance so she could better guide her. Back then, those thoughts had made so much sense, but today, Celestia fell apart under the cold of her on logic “What have I done? What did I do to her?” Celestia broke down into tears again, and it was messy and bitter crying as Cadance' truth crashed down on her like a tidal wave “It was never meant like this! Sunset is important to me, not just for her magic and talent! Why? Why didn't I ever tell her? Why didn't I tell her how I felt? First Luna and now Sunset... when will I ever learn?” Celestia couldn't stop crying, for Luna, for Sunset Shimmer, but also for herself. She knew it was selfish, but she couldn’t stop. Not until she felt hooves wrap around her head and pull her into another hug. Celestia glanced up, through her tears. Cadance was still there. Cadance, who had made her see all these terrible things. She didn’t know if she should thank Cadance or be angry at her niece for confronting her in such a way. “Auntie…” One word was enough to wash it all away. Cadance’ voice was young, still so very young, compared to her. One look was enough for Celestia to understand. Cadance could see all the truths, but she didn’t like them one bit. Cadance could read in Celestia’s heart, with the abilities she had been granted by magic, but she didn’t understand because Celestia never explained to her what it meant. Cadance was suffering from Sunset’s absence like her, but Celestia had been too selfish to think about this. Great white wings wrapped around Cadance and pulled the two ponies closer against each other. Cadance still held her, but Celestia held her back. She knew this moment of weakness would pass and tomorrow, she would be sitting on the throne again. She would get over this, like she got over losing Luna, eventually, and she would put on her mask again and be benevolent Princess Celestia, the princess her little ponies needed. Celestia wished she could explain this to Cadance, but knew that she couldn’t even if she tried. So instead, she just held her niece like she held her. The next morning came and Princess Celestia lowered the moon and raised the sun. Then, she went to the throne room and sat down on her throne. She spent the whole day listening to petitioners she had sent waiting during the last weeks and passed out advice as best as she could. Princess Cadance left the palace that day for the first time in weeks. She smiled and laughed with the ponies that gathered around her as usual. She enjoyed a sunny day in Canterlot, before she would return to the castle at night. Everything was back to normal, like nothing had changed. But Celestia, not the princess, knew that some things would never be the same again.