Twilight teleported to the garden. Maybe it wasn’t the best choice, but it was safer than teleporting out into Canterlot or trying to teleport further away, and gave her time to try—and likely fail—to collect her thoughts.
'Nightmare Moon has a crush on me? Nightmare Moon has a crush on me.' And for having heard that, Twilight felt dazed.
How did she respond to that?
No, how did she even process that?
'Princess Celestia's sister has a crush on me.'
Somepony probably over a hundred times her age! The pony who moved the moon! The pony who brought eternal night. The pony who banished Princess Celestia and took over Equestria.
'Why? How? I don't... I don't even...'
She halfway expected to see Nightmare Moon smile and hear her say something along the lines of, 'Got you!' but that wasn't Nightmare Moon. No, Nightmare Moon hadn't played some cruel prank on her, nor had the alicorn—'And I'm me!'—lied to her. Nightmare Moon wouldn't lie about that. At least not purposefully. 'Maybe... maybe you don't actually have a crush on me!? Yes! You only think you do because—' because why?
'Why me?'
And yet she felt like it was a stupid question. 'I'm you friend, and maybe the only friend you’ve ever had.'
Maybe then, it wasn't that Nightmare Moon had a crush on her, but that Nightmare Moon didn't understand friendship. Or maybe the alicorn was obsessed with her for some reason neither of them knew. Other than the obvious, because she was Nightmare’s friend.
That was probably the answer, wasn’t it?
Nightmare Moon's voice repeated in her mind, 'I believe the term Cadance would use is crush.'
'You’ve talked to Cadance, haven’t you?'
Her stomach and face felt cold. What had Cadance said? Cadance was the Princess of Love! She bit her lip. Did Cadance set her up? No, Cadance wouldn't do anything like that, Cadance wouldn’t play that kind of prank on anypony. Did that mean Cadance actually thought Nightmare Moon had a crush on her?
She nibbled on her lip.
And even ignoring that, 'I like you more than I should.'
She tossed her head to the left and right. What was she supposed to do!? How was she supposed to react to hearing that admission from Nightmare Moon?
'Okay, Twilight! Just! Don't! Panic!' she told herself.
Though in truth, it was a little late.
She noticed her legs felt frigid and were trembling. Yes, her entire body felt cold now that she thought about it. 'Anxiety? Yes. Yes! Anxiety. I'm anxious and worried and—and oh what am I supposed to do!?'
She inhaled as deep as she could—her lungs protested it—and held her breath. She closed her eyes, then waited. Waited until she felt her heart throbbing. Waited until her lungs burned. Waited until her body started fidgeting and until she couldn't take it anymore.
She exhaled and opened her eyes, then gasped for breath.
The edges of her vision flickered. She felt light.
She focused on her breathing. Ignored the panic spurred on by what Nightmare Moon said. Looked at the garden. Frowned at the dull, lackluster plants. Only a few flowers were blooming, and most of them were an icy blue. 'Right. Winter.'
She shook her head, then trotted into the maze of hedges. She barely paid any attention to where she went, only letting the icy blue flowers and statues draw her gaze. 'Okay. Think. Focus.'
She listened and heard the trickling of water—the fountains—and metal boots clicking against the ground—guards on patrol.
She stopped and turned around. Faced the moon. Looked up at it. 'Your sister. Has a crush on me.'
Yes, she could imagine how that letter would go: 'Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned that your little sister has a crush on me. Your faithful future sister-in-law, Twilight Sparkle.'
Her body felt downright frigid. She gulped. Where was her blood? Her heart was certainly hammering away, but her blood certainly wasn't flowing through her veins. She could tell because of how cold she was. No warm-blooded mammal had any right feeling that cold.
Maybe she was just dreaming after all. But if that was true, why was she still asleep?
'What am I supposed to do?' But Princess Celestia couldn't answer her. Even if the Princess could, she had no idea what she would hear her say.
And all that she thought of was when Spike read Princess Celestia's last letter to her. 'You told me to make some friends, not find a special somepony.' She grimaced. It didn't help.
'I should talk to Cadance,' she thought. She nodded to herself and turned away from the moon. 'Or my friends.'
She walked deeper into the garden.
'Or my parents.'
'Or my brother.'
And as she considered every option, she came to a realization: every choice was equally as bad as the last. Yes, because telling her parents that Nightmare Moon had a crush on her was such a good idea! Yes, telling her brother that Nightmare Moon had a crush on her couldn't possibly backfire! And telling her friends? Well, maybe that wasn't the worst idea; she wasn't sure how they would react.
'No, Cadance is probably the best choice.' Yes, the Princess of Love could advise her. 'Advise me with what!?' It was Nightmare Moon who had the crush on her!
How was she supposed to respond?
Her ears folded back and she sighed as she walked on, no longer caring for the flowers and statues. Her head drooped.
'I should tell the girls. Or should I?' She lifted her head back up in thought. They wouldn't take it well. They didn't need to know. They were her friends.
'I should tell my brother. And parents.'
She walked on for a few seconds before realizing she wanted to avoid those conversations as long as possible. Yet both were unavoidable.
She grimaced a lot.
And Nightmare Moon had a crush on her. 'She said she has for a while.' She stopped to think, trying to remember if there was anything that should have been obvious. But with her own inexperience and Nightmare Moon's inexperience, she raked her brain and still found nothing.
'Do you love me?' she remembered asking. 'I do not know,' Nightmare Moon answered.
She didn't know what to think of that, either. Nightmare Moon had a crush on her but didn't know if she loved her? She felt confused. She felt lost. She felt frustrated. She felt exasperated.
And, of course, frigid.
'You care about me. That much is obvious.' She walked on, remembering her teacher's admission of, 'More than I should.'
But what was Nightmare Moon comparing how much she should care about her to? 'Maybe you only think you care about me more than you should? Maybe it's because you're you—the queen—that you think you care too much about me? Maybe it's because you think it's detrimental to you?'
But, if Nightmare Moon thought it was detrimental to her, why did Nightmare Moon continue to care rather than stamping it out? What did it mean that Nightmare Moon didn't put a stop to it? Was Nightmare Moon choosing to care about her, even though she thought it was bad?
And what did that mean for her? 'You are yet young.' And Nightmare Moon had been banished for one thousand years. She, in comparison, wasn't quite seventeen.
And with that thought in mind, she in no way had any desire to tell anypony what Nightmare Moon told her. As if infamy for being Nightmare Moon's student wasn't bad enough, adding on 'the pony Nightmare Moon has a crush on' would more than do it.
Yes, it would be bad for anypony to learn that.
She bit her lip as she walked on.
"And they might realize they can hurt her worse by hurting me..." she said under her breath.
She groaned and shook her head. 'Okay. Focus. If Nightmare Moon has a crush on me, what does that change?'
Yes! That was a good question to start with. 'I'm her student and she has a crush on me. My teacher has a crush on me.' She regretted that, for the slightest moment, the thought entered her mind, 'What would have happened if Princess Celestia had a crush on me?'
She was tempted to run headfirst into the nearest statue.
'Okay, so it makes her being my teacher more awkward.' But even so, she still wanted to learn from Nightmare Moon. And maybe it wouldn't be awkward at all! The only difference was now she knew that Nightmare Moon had a crush on her. Perhaps nothing would change at all. Perhaps she was worried about nothing.
'We're still friends.' And she didn't like the idea of sacrificing their friendship just because it would be awkward.
But then did that mean Nightmare Moon had more hidden motives? Could she trust Nightmare Moon if the alicorn did have a crush on her? But Nightmare Moon had admitted it when she didn't have to. And Nightmare Moon was kind—at least to her. 'And maybe that's why you're kind to me,' she thought with a grimace.
And what had she done? She ran away like a foal. 'I just needed to think.'
Yes, Nightmare Moon was right. They did need to talk. Though maybe they didn't need to discuss Nightmare Moon's crush on her.
'Maybe if you have a crush on me, you’re willing to let your guard down?' She stopped and thought about it: if Nightmare Moon was willing to admit that, then maybe it was a good sign! And of course, Nightmare Moon already had let her guard down with her so much. 'You don’t wear your armor very often anymore. We stargaze together. We slept together. You admitted that you have a crush on me.' She doubted Nightmare Moon would have admitted anything like that six months ago. 'No, you probably would have just—'
She ended that thought and walked on to leave it behind.
So yes, Nightmare Moon did care about her, although it had been months since she had doubted that. She thought back, remembering Nightmare's apology for forcing her to become her student, remembering Nightmare's apology for mistreating her when she returned, and remembering Nightmare's apology for doubting their friendship. She remembered Nightmare's pained expression, the doubt and fear in her eyes. And she found herself frowning. 'You care about me a lot.'
Just how much did she mean to Nightmare Moon?
The night didn't feel quite so cold, but she felt all-too-aware of the silence. Even the trickling of fountains sounded muffled.
Was it healthy for Nightmare Moon to have a crush on her? 'Probably not.' She grimaced again. 'But I don't think any less of you for it.'
'Though perhaps in the future, if you are not opposed,' Nightmare had said. 'You're willing to date me. Do you want to? No, you do, don't you? But you're—' "You're afraid," she whispered.
'I have many fears,' Nightmare Moon had said.
'You're afraid I'm going to reject you.' And in her own way, Luna felt rejected by Princess Celestia. 'And I just teleported away. I shouldn't have done that. I should have stayed and we should have talked more. I need to apologize for that.' She winced and grimaced, regretting her decision to just teleport away—but then what was the alternative?
And still, how did she feel about knowing that Nightmare Moon wanted to court her? The thought left her once again on the verge of panicking, considering the prospect of dating Nightmare Moon. 'She's an alicorn. She's Princess Celestia's sister. She's a lot older than me. She's my mentor.'
It was intimidating. Though maybe it shouldn't have been. 'We're friends.'
What would a date with Nightmare Moon be like, anyway? She couldn’t imagine it—between not having any experience with it aside from memories of some of the times she had seen her brother and Cadance dating and not being able to imagine Nightmare Moon letting down her guard enough to enjoy a date, she just couldn’t imagine it.
She closed her eyes and breathed in deep. Held the breath for a few seconds, then exhaled and opened her eyes. Walked on and listened to the click of her hooves against the ground. She finally calmed down enough to ask herself, 'Would I be opposed?'
It was intimidating.
She would be nervous and anxious.
They were friends.
She didn't have a crush on Nightmare Moon.
But she wasn't completely against giving it a chance—and realizing that made her heart stutter, made her stomach feel queasy with anxiety.
She rounded a hedge and immediately regretted it: her mind and body skidded to a stop as she stared ahead at Discord's statue. Pins raced through her body and she would have sworn her fur stood on end, despite knowing it shouldn't have. She nearly backpedaled, but knowing, 'You're sealed in stone. You can't do anything,' was just enough to stop her. Not that she liked being near that statue.
And so it came as a surprise when she heard Discord chuckle. The pins that ran through her body before paled in comparison to the jolt of shock that shot through her body. "Y-you're—!?"
She heard Discord huff in her mind. 'Oh, no. Unfortunately not. At least, not yet.' She could feel him smirk, picture him rolling his eyes at the last word. 'So, what brings little miss magic to my knee of the garden?'
She cautiously turned her head to the right and begrudgingly approached. She set her eyes all over his stone form, but saw no cracks or imperfections that could betray him escaping. She could still feel him rolling his eyes.
'Wait!' his voice suddenly boomed in her mind, making her jerk back. 'Don't tell me. Let me guess.'
She would have sworn she heard him inhale and felt a gust of wind rush by her.
'You're here because Luna said she has a crush on you and, Luna being Tia's sister, you're panicking and overwhelmed by the concept!'
"How did—!?"
'Oh, don't be so surprised. Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, remember? I may be imprisoned but I can still hear, you know.'
"I'm leaving now," she stated, then turned. There was nothing to be gained from interacting with Discord; he was a liar.
'Not even going to stay and chat with poor, hapless me? Oh, woe is me, trapped in stone for however long it is until I break free again!'
She stopped and glared at his statue. "Yeah, no. I don't feel sorry for you, given what you did."
'Oh, but you should! You gave Luna a chance and she has a crush on you now. Why not me? Oooh! Who knows, maybe I could develop a crush on you-ou!' his voice sing-songed teasingly.
'Nope.' She wouldn't give that idea any purchase in her mind.
‘But think about it! We could cuddle up together like how you and Luna have, my body curled around yours and—’
Twilight clenched her eyes shut—she didn’t imagine sleeping with Discord, but she was reminded of Nightmare Moon holding her last night. Even with what Nightmare Moon had said, it was still a comforting memory. ‘No.’
She heard him huff. 'Fine. Well, how about some advice from your friendly neighborhood Spirit of Chaos?'
She could just leave. She wanted to. She should have. She knew she should have. But instead, she groaned and turned back to face his statue. "And why, exactly, should I listen to your advice? You lie and manipulate! You have no reason to give me advice!" And, of course, listening to it was crazy.
She heard him cackle in her mind. 'Don't you remember? You're supposed to be the smart one. If I always do what's unexpected, then you expect me to do the unexpected, and then when I do something unexpected you expect me to do it and it's not unexpected, then if I do something you'd expect, you wouldn't expect me to do that and so it's unexpected.'
She growled and tightened her jaw. "And why, exactly, would you want to give me advice? I distinctly remember you saying she wanted to kill me." She paused for a moment, flexed her brow and pressed, "Well, maybe you haven't noticed, but she doesn't."
She heard Discord snort. 'Yes, yes. And I'll have you know I stand by it. Do you know why?'
Twilight tossed her head back. "No, but I have a feeling that you're going to tell me."
'Of course!' he emphatically offered. Again she heard him inhale and it felt like his body curled around her neck again. 'It's quite simple, really. In fact, I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yourself!'
'Then again, maybe you're not as smart as I thought you were. Hmm. Yes, I suppose that explains it.'
"Discord," she hissed.
'Hmm. Yes. Let's see here. The pony who banished her sister to the moon—'
"Princess Celestia did that too," Twilight said flatly.
Ignoring her, Discord continued, '—has a crush on you. Now. Think, little miss magic. Luna wanted to kill her own dear sister. How much then, I find myself wondering, can having a crush on you mean?'
Doubt edged its way into her mind.
'She was, after all, already willing to kill family before. And you're not even related to her. You don't have half the history with her that Tia did!'
She clenched her jaw. "So what, then? Luna and Princess Celestia didn't exactly seem to get along."
He made some kind of dismissive grunt. 'Oh, please. Ask her about it sometime. If she really is so honest with you, then she'll admit something along the lines of how they grew up together, how they loved each other—being sisters, you know. And of course, Tia took care of Luna when they were younger.'
She lifted her head up a little higher. "I will."
'Good.' She felt him smile. 'And I think we both know what happened next. Well, not in so many details for you—you weren't alive back then—but it's painfully obvious by looking at the moon.'
A bit of her determination wilted.
'So tell me, little miss magic: if Luna had loved Tia so much with them having grown up together, and then turned on her and tried to kill her and usurp the throne of Equestria after ruling together for hundreds of years, what does that mean for you?' he asked. 'You've known her for all of half a year. Tia and Luna loved each other for centuries. Or who knows! Maybe I'm wrong! Wouldn't that be positively fascinating!? Imagine it! Only knowing her for six months and in that time it was more than enough for Luna to love you more than she ever loved Tia!'
He let out a giddy cackle that frayed her mane.
That cackle came to a sudden stop. 'She wanted to kill Tia out of jealousy. Tia banished her for a thousand years. Do you know what that does to a pony? I could tell you, you know. Can Luna truly be sane? Stop and think about it. A thousand years alone. How many generations of ponies is that? Multiple lives... The same sight to look at. Bound, unable to do anything. Only able to think... Only able to plan... Only able to rage. And when she returned? She sentenced Tia to the exact. Same. Fate.'
She bit her lip. The night, for all its beauty and wonder, felt as if it were pressing down on her from all sides.
`And she claims to have morals? She claims its justified? Oh little miss magic, I laugh at her supposed moral high ground. She threw her sister away for power. What, may I ask, is stopping her from throwing you away for the exact. Same. Reason?'
She shook her head. "No... She wouldn't—"
'If you were smart,' he challenged, 'you'd know how bad of an idea this is. Luna having a crush on you is nothing more than a death sentence for you, one way or another. And so I find myself wondering, will it be her jealousy that drives her to kill you, or some other pony wanting to use you against Luna? Maybe you'll rule Equestria alongside her. Ponies will love you more... and she will resent you... and hate you. Or maybe ponies will grow to hate you too in addition to Luna growing to hate you. Just imagine... she would be bringing you down with her, when she inevitably falls.'
"Your advice... is that it's a bad idea..?" she quietly mumbled. She heard him chuckle in her mind.
'Of course. Or, maybe I'm lying to you, just like you think. Or maybe it's both? But I pose the question: am I wrong?'
"You... you're just trying to..." To what? To hurt her? To damage her relationship with Nightmare Moon? To unnerve her? The answer was probably yes.
But he made a point. And that he did, she found herself recoiling at the thought: 'Discord is telling me that it's a bad idea, and it is a bad idea.'
She felt him smile.
It was exactly what he wanted, and so she cringed. Maybe then she should give it a chance—just to annoy Discord. But no, that was the wrong reason and would likely hurt Nightmare Moon. Maybe she should give it a chance—but it was a bad idea.
'Of course it's a bad idea!' he reaffirmed.
Then again, Discord was the one saying that. She couldn't trust him. But he might have been right: it was a bad idea.
‘And just imagine how easily you could break her if you lead her on... Dating her without loving her... and her finally realizing the truth, or dating her and growing to despise her... I daresay you could break her even more than Tia did.’
She wilted at the thought. Nightmare Moon was already letting her guard down—breaking her heart now would be cruel, and likely mean—
'And so what will you do, little miss magic? Will you give her a chance, or will you heed my advice?'
He fell silent.
And so she thought. 'I don't know. I don't want to deal with this.' At least not now. There was already too much for her to deal with. She took in a deep breath, then forced it back out. Nightmare Moon having a crush on her, if she was being honest, didn't seem to change much: the only difference was now she knew. 'Though perhaps in the future, If you are not opposed,' Nightmare Moon had said.
No, Discord was just trying to manipulate her for his own gains. Driving a wedge between her and Nightmare Moon was in his best interest. So armed with that knowledge, she steeled herself. 'I'm not opposed to trying, eventually.'
Even if it was intimidating.
She heard Discord inhale. 'Hmm. I wonder what the foals will be like. Will they take after you and worship the ground Tia walks on, or will they want to kill her like Luna does? Ooh! What are you going to name them? Shimmering Night? Nyx? Oh! I can't wait to see what chaos comes of this!'
She finally found out where her blood had gone because her face felt hot. "Th-that's n-not..."
'What, not possible?' He laughed. 'Oh little miss magic,' he cooed in the voice a mother comforting her foal, 'I promise you that if you look, you'll find some spells for tha-at,' he teased.
Yes, she had had enough of this conversation. She turned around and promptly strode away from that accursed statue. She heard him laughing in her mind as she left, and she would have sworn she heard the ticking of a clock.
'I should be dealing with the changelings,' Nightmare Moon knew, and yet, 'I will after this.'
But why did visiting Cadance matter? Why did speaking with her niece—the Princess of Love—weigh on her more than dealing with the remnant changelings in Canterlot? Why did it demand her attention so much more than hunting down the Queen?
'This is foolish,' she chastised herself.
And yet she still walked the hallways to Cadance's room in silence. The guards—there were few of them as most of them were otherwise occupied—gave her cursory glances as she walked by, all going on unaware of her destination and her thoughts, all unaware of the burns that she had hidden with her magic.
Twilight's reaction was mostly as expected, though perhaps not teleporting away—but it did not surprise her. It would be good for the filly to collect her thoughts after she had made her confession. Even if it hurt. But, why had she hoped for anything else?
'Perhaps I should have waited longer. Perhaps I should not have told you until after we had dealt with the changelings. You have been through a lot and I only put more on you.'
Perhaps telling Twilight, then, had not been something that she needed to do to be honest with Twilight, but for her own benefit so that she would feel better.
And so as she walked on, she felt so very aware of the silence. The subtle click of her hooves against the marble. The chill in the air. The glances from Royal Guards and batponies as she passed them by.
A tinge of worry pricked her mind: 'There are yet changelings free in Canterlot and you teleported away.'
She had no idea where Twilight was.
She had no idea if Twilight was safe.
She had no idea if Queen Chrysalis was after Twilight again.
'You can take care of yourself,' she told herself. But she still remembered that the changelings had somehow bested Twilight. Twice. 'You faced a Changeling Queen and lost,' and it was disappointing though not surprising; the Queen had caught Twilight off-guard. Just like her. 'How did she capture you the second time?' Amidst the chaos of the battle, she had not seen.
'In a straight-up battle, would you defeat her?' she wondered.
The answer ought to be 'Yes,' but she was unsure.
Twilight needed to be able to. But for now, all she could do was try to force the worry and concern aside and hope that Twilight was safe and would be fine.
'With the changelings, there is no such thing as a straight-up battle.' She remembered the changeling who took Twilight's form. She remembered the fear in Twilight's eyes.
And now that she was not in battle, it hurt.
But she had been wrong. She had not had nightmares about it. At least not yet.
She had slept peacefully last night.
She approached the door to Cadance's chambers—the four guards nodded at her almost in sync, and she nodded back—and then stopped and knocked. She waited for several seconds before the door opened. Cadance faced her, regarding her tiredly; her mane was disheveled, unbrushed, and hints of sleep lingered under her eyes. "Nightmare?" Cadance asked, her brow folding down. "Is everything okay?"
'You are asking about the changelings.' She tilted her head back and looked off at the wall. "I... do not know," she managed to say, then faced Cadance and met her gaze. Her niece frowned, opened the door wider, and stepped aside to grant her entrance, so she walked inside and cast her gaze about her niece's chambers.
She saw Twilight's brother in bed, still sleeping. 'So I am not the only pony who did not sleep alone last night.' Though likely it was for Cadance's sake, rather than the Captain's. Or perhaps it helped him keep the shield strong. Regardless, she would hardly chastise them. It would be hypocritical. She watched him for a few seconds, then turned her head to face Cadance. The door clicked as it closed.
"What's going on?" Cadance asked.
She looked back at the Captain and closed the door to Cadance's bedchambers, then nodded once. "I..." and she found herself trailing off in hesitation as that damned anxiety tortured her chest and stomach again. She let out a short, frustrated groan and tossed her head once before facing Cadance and forcing herself to say, "I told Twilight." And surely that was all she needed to say; Cadance could figure out the rest.
For a moment, Cadance's only reaction was a twitch of her brow. The lesser alicorn's mouth parted, then closed for a moment. Worry flickered through her eyes. A frown pulled at her lips. "How did she take it?"
She envisioned Twilight teleporting away again and grimaced—she remembered how she felt, how she had stood there, doubting she had made the right choice as she still doubted. She turned her head to the left and regarded the wall. "About as well as I had expected." She faced Cadance again before elaborating, "She was confused and—" she squinted; perhaps it wasn't quite the right word, but it worked, "—anxious."
Cadance's head drifted to the right as a grimace spread across her lips. "That... sounds like her."
She nodded in agreement and defeat. "She teleported away after we spoke so that she could think."
Cadance looked at her again. "And what about you? How are you taking it?"
She grimaced and looked at the floor before catching herself and forcing her gaze back to the wall. "I do not know. Perhaps... disappointed, I suppose. Though her reaction was not unexpected, it is..." she trailed off and simply shook her head. 'Disappointing. You are still young.' She met Cadance's gaze. "It is unfair of me to have told her this, is it not?"
Cadance's head swayed left and then right before centering again. Her niece gave a short, calm nod. "You could have timed it better."
She turned away from Cadance again. ‘Perhaps the changeling Queen intended for this to distract me... Perhaps that is why she was so blunt in pushing for me to tell Twilight...’ She grimaced at the thought. "I should have waited until after we had... dealt with the changelings." She studied the wall, though there was nothing to see, then turned back to Cadance. "I do not know what to do. I do not know what I am doing. I do not have experience with this, Cadance."
Cadance nodded in understanding. "And Twilight doesn't either."
And how it pained her to hear that! She felt her ears fold back and saw Cadance's eyes jump to them, so corrected the problem. "I know," she admitted in barely more than a mumble. "She is young. Too young."
Cadance's eyelids twitched, but then she gradually nodded. "There's always going to be an age difference between you two."
'There will be,' she knew, and it pained her. It wasn't fair on Twilight and would never be fair on her. She inhaled, then exhaled. "I will wait. I will... perhaps offer to court her when she is older."
Cadance raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps?"
She groaned. "Niece," and tossed her head left and right. It only made Cadance smirk playfully. "I have made her uncomfortable... and I do not want her to reject me. I do not want to hurt her by courting her before she is ready..."
Cadance's smirk twisted into a frown. "You're afraid to take a chance."
She reluctantly nodded. "I am." ‘I should not be telling Cadance this.’ It was downright foolish—Cadance could so easily take advantage of it and use it against her!—and yet she still admitted it to her Niece.
Cadance looked disappointed. "You care about her." Niece tilted her head to the right and smiled sheepishly. "And while yes, you could have timed this better—" Cadance straightened her head, but her smile lingered, "—it's a good first step."
"A first step towards what?" Because what was there for her? No matter how much she desired it, it was unfair for Twilight and would simply never be. To consider it? Her dreams nothing more than fantasy. Delusions. She was deceiving herself.
Cadance nodded intently. "It's what you want. It makes you happy," Cadance pointed out, and more softly, "Give it—give Twilight—a chance. Like you already have."
Her ears pinned back. She tried but couldn't correct their posture. "It cannot work out, Cadance. It will not work out. She does not even consider the idea. To her it is insane, to her it is overwhelming."
And Cadance nodded in agreement. "It is."
Her ears finally lifted back up and she shook her head. "It is foolish! And yet you say to give it a chance..." She felt bitter knowing it would never be. She felt disappointed, knowing it was her fate.
Cadance smiled a fond, assured smile, one bright and warm, then confidently answered, "Because it takes time."
And she simply stood resolute, betraying none of her worries, nor any of her disappointment. How was it that Cadance could be so confident? "She does not share my feelings."
For a moment, Cadance only looked at her. Then her niece inclined her head once and said, "Maybe not your crush, but a crush is temporary. Love is as much of a choice as a feeling. You already love her."
She scowled. "I do not believe that I love—"
Cadance preemptively shook her head. "You do. In your own way. You choose to open yourself up to her, don't you? You've said it yourself. You could have simply killed her. You chose not to. You have compassion for her. You’ve let your guard down with her. She's your friend—"
"My best friend," she corrected.
Cadance smiled genuinely. "Best friend."
'Perhaps I should not have said that,' she considered. "I still do not know if I would say that I love her."
Cadance tilted her head a bit. "You already love her. As a friend, but you do love her. Like she loves the rest of her friends."
She considered it. "Perhaps."
Cadance bowed her head and looked at her pointedly. "Are you trying to argue with the Princess of Love about whether you love her or not?"
She said nothing, rather, her body decided to fidget against her will.
Cadance lifted her head again. "Twilight might not have a crush on you, but she loves you as a friend."
'She loves you as a friend,' repeated in her mind. It tore at her heart. Not the pain of rejection, but that Twilight was her friend. Twilight could have so easily said no to that, but the filly did not. She looked off to the left and then looked down at the floor. Twilight could have simply rejected her already—she deserved nothing less for how she had treated Twilight—and yet Twilight chose to be her friend. "And I treasure that," she whispered.
A few seconds passed before Cadance nodded. She looked back at her niece. "I think if you give her a chance, then she'll be willing to give you a chance."
She frowned and turned away from her niece again. "I do not want to risk her rejection."
"You already told her," Cadance pointed out. "Why stop now? You care about her. What would you do if she rejected you?"
She looked at the floor again, though she did not even need to give thought to her answer. "I cannot force her to court me," she said, then lifted her head and faced Cadance. "But I do not want to risk our friendship, and courting her could jeopardize it."
Cadance nodded solemnly. "It could, but I don’t think it will. Twilight cares about you. We both know this is something that you want, something that makes you happy. And I know you don't want to hurt her. If I thought you did, I wouldn't be helping you."
She grimaced and gradually looked off to her left. She testingly said, "I do... appreciate your... help," and found she did not like saying that. Cadance hummed musically. "Why?" she asked, turning to meet Cadance's gaze again. "Why are you helping me?"
Cadance's brow creased. "You're my aunt—"
She tilted her head. "And yet you have no reason to truly care. Sister raised and taught you, and I have taken her from you and Twilight both."
She heard Cadance inhale, then her niece bowed her head before lifting it back up. "Because you're my aunt. You're family."
She scowled, bitterly remembering Sister's deeds.
And yet, Cadance continued, "Because I think it will be good for you—"
"Good for me," she repeated, her lips twitching at the words.
"I care about Celestia. I care about Twilight. And I care about you, Nightmare Moon," Cadance said in a soft, disarming voice. "I have my reservations," Cadance admitted with a calm nod, "but I do think it can work out, and I do know how much you care about her, even if you don't want to admit it to yourself."
She squinted at Cadance.
"I know she makes you happy, and I know you love her as a friend. I know that she loves you as a friend too. I know that Twilight's young, but I know you don't want to hurt her. I know that this isn't going to be easy on either of you."
Cadance stepped forward, smile a soft, innocent smile that was disarming. More befitting a foal than a princess. "But I also know you're willing to try." Her niece pressed her chest against her own and laid her head against her neck. Draped her right foreleg around her back, pulled her close. "And I know you're hurting. You should be happy too."
And for a moment, she simply stood there as Cadance hugged her, considering it. It was not a threat, not a lie. Neither a manipulation meant to deceive nor something meant to lower her guard to slip a dagger into her back. She breathed in, then gradually leaned her head to her right and laid her head against Cadance's and returned the hug. Cadance's hug wasn't forced, rather it was genuine.
'Why? Why do you care? Why do you think this can work out? Why would you want it to work out?' But her mind could grasp no answer. 'You should not approve. You should hate me. You should desire to bring Sister back and defeat me. You should not desire for me to court Twilight, and yet you do. Why?'
“Twilight has been good for you. You’re not the same bitter mare you were when we first met.”
There it was. Cadance’s desire for self-preservation. It had to be the real reason behind trying to—to help her. ‘But... you’re right about—about us.’ She was better off now than when she first returned—she had a friend, a best friend, a confidant, and she wasn’t as bitter—she could relax.
“I trust you not to hurt her.”
And she tentatively hugged Cadance, feeling confused and lost and unfocused.
Several seconds passed—it was peaceful, but not nearly as peaceful as the time she shared with Twilight—before Cadance pulled back to look at her with an encouraging, albeit serious smile.
“You—” Nightmare swallowed, “—you say that she makes me happy, but... what about Twilight?” she asked.
Cadance breathed in and nodded. “In your own way, you make her happy too. You two have a special relationship, one besides being Mentor and Student. You’ve said it yourself: Twilight is your best friend. I think—” Cadance looked aside and nodded to herself before looking back at Nightmare, “—you’re her best friend too.”
Nightmare’s brow folded down slightly and she looked down at the floor. “But she does not share my feelings.”
“Not yet,” Cadance murmured.
Nightmare lifted her head back to face Cadance. “You—you think she can?”
Cadance nodded calmly. “She enjoys spending time with you, and as much as I think she’s good for you, I think you’re good for her too. You’ve already helped her a lot—and I think you see that. She may not have a crush on you, and maybe she never will, but...” Cadance smiled a soft, caring smile. “I think you can make her happy. You have it in you.”
Nightmare swallowed again and tentatively nodded. “You think I should pursue it then.”
“I do,” Cadance said happily.
She nodded more cautiously. “Perhaps... perhaps I will, but... I... I need to wait. She is... she is still young.”
Cadance nodded again, then pressed her chest to Nightmare’s and hugged her again. “She’s always going to be a lot younger than you, Nightmare Moon. Yes, you should wait for her to be older first before dating her. But don’t keep her waiting forever.”
Nightmare hugged Cadance back. “Perhaps...”
With all of it on her mind, it took a while before her thoughts returned to, 'The changelings.' Dread arose in her chest: she needed to tend to them, lest any further damage assail Canterlot. It did not matter how she felt, it did not matter that she did not want to. She had little choice. She pulled back from Cadance and shook her head. "I must attend to the changelings. If you see Twilight..."
What was there for her to say?
She turned away and looked at the wall on the left side of the door. "Tell her what I am doing and that we will speak later."
Having settled her nerves and reorganized her mind, Twilight finally walked the length of the hallway to Nightmare Moon's chambers. As she approached the door, the guard on the right looked at her in acknowledgment. "Good evening," was his greeting. She nodded back and wrapped the door in her magic. He shifted his weight, so she stopped to look at him. "The Queen isn't here right now. She left to speak with Princess Cadance."
Nightmare Moon was speaking with Cadance. A tinge of worry came back, fluttering around in the back of her mind. She managed to keep it in check, though. "Oh. Thank you." 'What about Spike? Is he still here?' Rather than ask, she went ahead and opened the door and stepped inside. She closed the door behind her. As the guard said, Nightmare Moon wasn't there. The magelight in the study was on, but the bedroom was dark. She didn't see any sign of Spike and walked into the bedroom.
He was still asleep in his basket. She glanced around the room, checking to see if Nightmare Moon was there without the guards knowing about it, but to her disappointment, her mentor wasn't there. 'You probably shouldn't wake up here,' she decided as she set her gaze back on Spike. She walked over to his basket and wrapped it in her magic, then teleported both the basket and Spike back to her tower. 'I hope I didn't wake you up.'
Although Spike would be waking up soon enough anyway.
She stood there in the darkness for a few seconds to contemplate what to do. 'I should probably go see if she's still with Cadance, and if she's not I guess I can talk to Cadance about it.' A grimace set on her lips as she turned and walked back out into the hallway.
Maybe it was simply what Nightmare Moon had told her, but the walk to Cadance's room felt different. It felt like it took longer, it felt quieter. Maybe there had been fewer guards, but she hadn't paid attention so she wasn't sure. However, Cadance’s room was more heavily guarded than usual. She approached the door and knocked.
After a few seconds, the door glowed with Cadance's aura and opened. "Can we talk?" she asked.
Cadance smiled and nodded, stepping back inside. "Of course, Twilight."
She walked inside and looked around, half expecting that Nightmare Moon was there, but she didn't see her mentor anywhere. She wasn’t sure whether that was good or bad.
"She already left," Cadance murmured. Twilight turned back to look at Cadance as she closed the door. It clicked when it shut. "She said to tell you that she was going to be... busy with the changelings and that she'd talk with you later."
'Right. Changelings. This isn't timed well,' she thought as a grimace spread across her lips. She looked off at the wall, avoiding Cadance's gaze. "Right. Talk later..." But as much as she needed to talk with Nightmare Moon, she wouldn't hold it against her teacher for deciding to prioritize dealing with the changeling invasion before talking about that. "I guess it makes sense that she'd want to finish up with that..." she admitted. She turned back to face Cadance; Cadance smiled at her sheepishly. She shifted her weight.
What was she supposed to say?
How was she supposed to start this conversation?
"You two, uh, already talked?" she ventured.
Cadance gave a calm, collected nod. "We did."
"About..?" she ventured, biting her tongue before saying anything else. 'You already know. Of course you already know. You talked with Nightmare Moon before! How many times? And she said that you said she has a crush on me.'
Cadance nodded again. "She told me what she said to you."
She shifted her weight. "Um, right. That..." She gradually looked off to the right, studying the wall and peeking inside Cadance's bedroom. They were, from what she could see, alone.
Even if it was just the two of them, even if Cadance was her friend and former foalsitter, she felt nervous.
Cadance was the Princess of Love.
She breathed in and turned back to face Cadance, feeling a bit of the chill from earlier return.
Cadance bowed her head reassuringly and murmured, "You said you wanted to talk?"
She hesitated a few seconds before nodding and looking off at the floor beside her right hoof. "Yes..." She heard the chime of Cadance's magic and a crack and flash of light; when she looked, she saw Cadance setting two pillows down on the floor, accompanied by a pitcher of tea and two teacups. Cadance smiled, and she smiled back sheepishly.
Cadance turned and walked over to sit down on her cushion, and she followed, then sat down on her own facing Cadance. "I don't... I don't know what to say," she admitted while Cadance poured two cups of tea. She took the one she was offered and looked down at it. She just barely saw her reflection. "I don't know where to start."
"Start wherever you're comfortable with," Cadance coaxed.
She grimaced and looked up at her former foalsitter. Her eyes were soft, though there was a glint of playfulness in them. "Nightmare Moon has a crush on me," she admitted. And Cadance nodded. 'Or,' she considered, 'thinks she has a crush on me.' "She said she has a crush on me."
"She does," Cadance answered in a soft murmur.
She leaned forward. "She does?"
Cadance nodded, then lifted her teacup to her lips to take a sip. She gradually sat back and waited for Cadance to finish. When Cadance finished taking a regal sip of her tea, she set the cup back down on the floor. "She cares about you a lot, and I think she cares about you more than she realizes or is willing to admit."
Her gaze dropped to Cadance's chest, then fell to the surface of her tea. She couldn't help but remember the times when she had stargazed with Nightmare Moon and how content her mentor seemed to just be around her when they were alone. 'Maybe I just didn't see it?' she wondered, but couldn't be sure. Princess Celestia was always calm around her, but Princess Celestia was always calm. Nightmare Moon, in contrast, seemed agitated almost always, save for when they were alone. "Yeah..." She looked back up at Cadance. "Us being friends means a lot to her."
Cadance nodded and softly answered, "It does."
They fell back into silence. She looked down at her tea for a few seconds, then lifted it to her lips and took a short drink from it. She welcomed the sweet warmth.
"And how do you feel about what she said?" Cadance asked.
She held the teacup to her lips a few seconds longer, then set it down on the floor. She swallowed and licked her lips, then looked at the door. "I think..." she trailed off, Discord's 'advice' replaying through her mind, bringing her to grimace. 'It is a bad idea.'
And maybe she was being a fool, then.
She shook her head and looked back up at Cadance. "I don't have a crush on her or anything, but we are friends and I'm happy we're friends." She paused and leaned her head to the right. "Granted..." she grumbled, "Nightmare Moon telling me that she has a crush on me surprises me. To say the least."
Cadance smiled and giggled softly. "She did say you were overwhelmed."
She nodded, then hung her head. "I was, yes." Lifting her head back up to meet Cadance's gaze, she said, "I mean, it's Princess Celestia's sister. And—" she shook her head vigorously, "—and there's so much just..." She stopped shaking her head. "I don't know. It caught me off-guard."
She leaned forward. "Why me?"
Cadance looked off to the left. "I don't know if she knows, Twilight," was her admission.
She leaned back again, frowning slightly. ‘You know why, but you think Nightmare Moon doesn’t know why.’ "Does she actually have a crush on me?" Cadance turned back to look at her. "Or does she only think she does?"
Cadance nodded. "She does have a crush on you Twilight. I can tell. I am the Princess of Love."
"She said she didn't know if she loved me," she pointed out.
Cadance smiled almost sadly. "Twilight, you know well enough that there's more than one kind of love. She does love you, as a friend. And you love her as a friend too."
After a few seconds, she looked at Cadance's chest. "Well... Yeah..."
Cadance took another sip of her tea, then set it back down.
She opened her mouth, only to stop and set her head at an angle. She closed her mouth, then met Cadance's gaze. "Do you actually think that—" she broke eye contact, "—that... I don't know, that it could work out?"
"Do you want it to?" Cadance asked.
Twilight silently watched Cadance’s chest for a few seconds. "I don't know. I don't have a crush on her. I don't think I'm opposed to, um, dating her eventually, but..." Twilight trailed off and bit her lip.
"You're anxious and worried," Cadance calmly finished for her.
She let go of her lip. All things considered? "Yes."
"She is too," Cadance murmured. Twilight looked back up at Cadance. "She's afraid you’ll reject her."
Twilight felt her brow pull down at that. "I know she's afraid of that..." she said softly.
"But it is your choice, Twilight," Cadance pointed out. "If you don't want to, then don't. Lying to her will only hurt her more."
Twilight frowned. 'If I don't want to give her a chance, she'll think I'm rejecting her, won't she? And that will hurt her.' But if she didn't want to, and did give it a chance anyway, it would only hurt them both more than saying no. "I don't know what to do."
"Talk to her," Cadance said. "Be open. Be honest. Neither of you have experience with this, Twilight."
She grimaced and turned away. "It's... hard. It's complicated."
Because of everything that had happened in the past six months. And so she felt defeated when she thought back on everything. Defeated and overwhelmed. She nudged her head back to look at Cadance. 'Being her student now is going to be harder, isn't it?'
Cadance nodded. "I know. It is. But nopony is saying you have to decide one way or another right now."
She gradually nodded. "I guess so..."
"She knows not to pressure you into a decision. You’re still young. And remember that as much as you don’t want to hurt her, she doesn’t want to hurt you."
'You are yet young. It is unfair of me to offer or ask to,' Nightmare Moon had said. 'You'll wait for an answer. You're patient. But we still need to talk.'
"She could have waited for a better time to tell you, though," Cadance drawled.
She winced. 'Yes. Yes you could have.' She voiced as much, "Yes."
Cadance's smile faded away. "Are you doing okay after last night? I know that Queen Chrysalis wasn't—"
She didn't let her mind wander back to her short-lived battle with the changeling queen, nor did she let her mind wander back to the aftermath and having stumbled across Cadance. She didn't stop to think about how the Queen had nearly killed her twice, nor how she thought for sure Nightmare Moon was just leaving her to die. Maybe Discord was right in his own way, but she remembered Nightmare Moon holding her last night. "I'm fine," she forced herself to say. And Cadance knew better than that, as her brow creased and a frown pulled at her lips. "Or—" she bobbed her head, “—I'll be fine. I don't... I don't want to talk about that."
Cadance nodded solemnly. “If you ever need to talk about it—or Nightmare Moon—don’t hesitate to come get me.”
She smiled weakly back at Cadance. “Thanks...” She trailed off and looked at the floor, her thoughts gradually returning to the memory of Nightmare Moon holding her. “We—” she licked her lips and looked up at Cadance, a slight nervousness once more making her heart beat faster, “—we slept together last night. Um, Nightmare Moon and me.”
Cadance hummed musically, raising an eyebrow with playful curiosity.
Twilight’s jaw tightened. She looked back down at the floor. “I was... scared because of Chrysalis.” She didn’t need to look at Cadance to sense her mood once more falling, just like her own. “And... well, I didn’t feel safe in my tower, so... I came to talk to her and—” she looked back up at Cadance, who watched her wearily, “—she offered to let me sleep in her room instead. I didn’t want to do that since she needs to sleep too—” she bobbed her head to the right, “—so she made the counteroffer for us to sleep together. And... I accepted it. She... She was worried that she took advantage of me.”
Cadance nodded cautiously. “She... doesn’t want to hurt you.”
Twilight looked at the floor. “I know...” she whispered. “She... held me, too. While we were sleeping. It was, um, nice.”
Cadance giggled softly. “It’s nice when Shiny holds me too.”
Twilight looked up at Cadance, smiling awkwardly despite Cadance’s warm, encouraging smile. Her smile eventually fell as her thoughts drifted back to her memories. “It’s, um, the first time we’ve slept together. I think. But... I’ve fallen asleep beside her before—at least I’m fairly certain I have.”
Cadance hummed thoughtfully. “Did you feel safe with her?”
Twilight nodded timidly. “I did... Which...” she grimaced. “Considering how she treated me when she returned...” she trailed off and shook her head slowly.
“She’s not the same pony she was,” Cadance stated. “If she was, I wouldn’t be comfortable with that.”
Twilight slowly nodded in agreement. ‘You’re wrong about her, Discord.’