[DAY 1]
I'm Erde Procyon, I know, it doesn't sound that feminine, unicorn mare and stargazing enthusiast.
So, when this whole thing started, I had just made a pact for myself. I was gonna try and be happy with just being single. But it's so true that the moment you stop looking, you find it.
CRASH!!!
Or, in this case, it finds you.
And that's how I met Shining Armor.
"Sweet Celestia, I'm so sorry." he winced, helping me up. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah." I pant. "I'm okay."
"You're rubbing your elbow. Doesn't it hurt? You need an ice pack?"
"No, no. I'm fine."
He was super cute, and it was pretty adorable, the way he seemed so upset about knocking me down.
"Let me make this up to you somehow. Can I take you out for coffee?"
"Oh, is that your MO? Accidentally tackle a girl in the park and then con her into a date with you?"
"W-Well, no-"
"I'm kidding." I laughed.
"Heh, that's a good idea." he snickered. "I should add that to my moves: running into a girl in the park."
"Oh, ha."
"I'm Shining Armor, by the way."
"Erde Procyon."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"I like that name."
Maybe that pact I made to stay single could wait. I mean, how often do you literally get run over by hot guys in the park?
[DAY 5]
I decided to take a chance on going out with Shining, even though we just met.
"Thanks for bringing me here." I said.
"No prob." Shining shrugs. "I'm glad you like it. I come here all the time, and I always eat too much."
"You don't look like it. You go to the gym?"
"Oh, I like to work it outside. You know, go to the park, toss a ball around......run into pretty mares."
"Yeah." I giggled. "I'm still suspicious."
We wound up getting along really well, and we had lots to talk about. But it was all feeling too good to be true.
"Excuse me, can I get this bone to go?" Shining requested to a waiter. "It's for my dog. He's gonna love it."
"Ooh, you have a dog?" I said. "What kind?"
"Black lab named Barney."
You have to understand, I was a SUCKER for a guy with a dog. I once read that they make the best coltfriends, and a great coltfriend is something that had been evading me up to that point.
"I love dogs."
"I think he's gonna love you too." Shining nodded.
"Does that mean you want to see me again?"
"Yep. In fact, what are you doing this weekend?"
"Something with you, I guess."
He was cute. He was funny. He had a lab named Barney.
He was, like, perfect!
[DAY 12]
I felt like a girl with a huge crush. And the following weekend, I couldn't wait to see him and meet his dog.
"Hey, where's Barney?" I asked. "Barney, where are you? Come here, boy!"
"He's not here." Shining sighed. "Sorry, he's at his mom's house."
"His who?"
"My ex-marefriend. Her and I split custody of him, so I get him every other week."
So I'd never actually heard of two ponies sharing a pet, although I didn't sound too crazy.
"I was really looking forward to meeting him." I sighed.
"You will, and you're gonna love him."
Oh, I met him, alright...
[DAY 32]
"You ready to go hiking?"
"Yeah." I said. "Barney gonna run with us?"
"Oh, he's not here." he stated. "My ex has him."
"Again?"
So we'd been dating for nearly a month, and I still haven't met his dog. We sure as hell hadn't slept together yet. And the whole thing was just starting to feel a little suspicious.
"Hey, Shining, I need you to be straight with me."
"Sure, what is it?"
"Are you still.....hung up on your ex?"
"No, why would you ask that?"
"Well, it just seems like you bend over backwards to accommodate her, and you and I haven't even...."
"It's not what you think. Trust me, I really want you to stay the night. It's just, I've always rushed into bed with mares, and it has never ended well. I just want this to be the right time for us."
"I understand."
I'll admit, hearing Shining say he didn't want to rush into sex really touched me. And...that kinda turned me on a bit. Which eventually led me to put on a sexy little something and go over to his place unannounced.
BARK BARK!!!
But, to my surprise, I heard Barney.
"Barney!" I cooed. "Oh, what a cute puppy!"
Unfortunately, in life, there are some things you can't unsee.
"What. The. Buck?"
And this was one of them. Inside, through the living room window, I see Shining Armor himself rolling around a mountain of dog toys wearing a pair of dog ears and a muzzle. My heart sank as he stopped his frolicking and caught me staring at him.
"Shit." I whined to myself.
Now I know what you're thinking...
"I am SO sorry if I freaked you out." Shining said. "I did not want you to find out like this."
And I do not have a reason as to why I didn't just RUN. I guess I felt I needed to know what the hell was going on.
"I still don't know what I'm looking at here." I said.
"It's......a specific type of role play." Shining shrugs.
"So you're a.......doggie cross-dresser?"
"It's a lot deeper than that. I don't just dress as a dog. I LIVE as a dog."
"O-Okay. Why?"
"It's kind of hard to explain."
"I think you're gonna have to try."
Apparently, it's a form of bondage that is practiced by a tiny percentage of ponies. Shining explained that the reason we hadn't have sex yet was because he was incapable of becoming aroused unless he was dressed like.....THAT.
"So all those times you said Barney was at your ex-"
"I am Barney." Shining states. "And I haven't talked to my ex in over a year. I'm sorry I lied to you. Just, I wanted to make sure this was real before I told you the truth."
"T-This is alot to process, Shining. I need some time."
"I understand. Take all the time you need."
I felt like I was being pranked. Like, how am I even supposed to wrap my head around that? I felt like i had just won Worst in Show.
I had to tell somepony what was going on, and my friend Drizzle is an attorney. I figured that whole 'privileged information' thing meant at least it would stay secret.
"I can't believe this, I FINALLY meet a stallion that I'm crazy about, and now I have to break up with him!" I grunt.
"Aside from the dog collar," Drizzle said. "He sounds like a great guy."
"I thought you'd tell me to run as fast as I could."
"I'm a lawyer, remember? It's all about the evidence. Let's start with the pros."
I know it seems ridiculous, but we actually made a pros and cons list. We saw alot of pros and only one con. Drizzle didn't mind, but it seemed pretty major to me.
"Caring, sensitive, funny, loyal......like a dog."
"Aw, come on." I groaned.
"Could you say the same things about your exes?"
"Are you just trying to get me to do something weird so you can see what happens?"
"Partly, yes. But also because I don't wanna see you throw away something potentially really good because of this one thing."
"Ugh, I don't know! I need to think about this."
"Alright, but don't think too long. Somepony might come by and scoop him up. Like Animal Control."
"Oh, I hate you."
I'm sure you can't believe I even considered it. I can't believe I even considered it. But I really liked this guy and I figured that I could at least try to step outside my comfort zone.
Waaaaay outside my comfort zone...
[DAY 36]
"This is so weird."
"Ruff!" Shining yipped.
"Okay, okay.......good boy?"
"Ruff ruff!"
So, it started off very, very strange with him hopping and barking around, sniffing my flank...
"Woah, down boy!"
But, believe it or not, aside from the dog part, it was actually some of the best sex I've ever had.
"Good boy." I sighed.
[DAY 58]
The first couple of weeks were actually.....OKAY. I mean, when he wasn't crawling around, he was the same old charming, handsome Shining Armor that I fell for.
I told myself I was fine with a guy with a weird fetish as long as we kept it in the bedroom. Which we did...
At first.
[DAY 68]
But soon...
"Stop whimpering." I grunted. "Make your own toast."
It migrated to the kitchen.
[DAY 79]
And when 'Barney' started popping up outside of the house, it became too much.
"Drop it, Shining!" I hissed as he chews on a fork.
I still haven't been back to that restaurant.
[DAY 85]
Shining seemed to be feeling more and more comfortable about spending more and more of his time as Barney.
"Ruff!" he barked, pointing at a little remote on the table.
"What's that? Is.........is that one of those shock collars?"
"Ruff!"
"Is that what you want?!"
"Ruff!"
"Okay, um......bad dog-"
ZAP!!!
"ARF!"
I think sending electrical currents through my coltfriend was the moment I decided I should......probably rethink this arrangement.
[DAY 94]
I took some time to think about it, but eventually I decided that it was time for an ultimatum: Me or Barney.
But when I got to his house-
"AWOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
It was filled with humping, grinding, barking......dog ponies.
Everywhere.
"WHAT THE BUCK, SHINING?!?!" I yelled.
"Erde!" he gasped.
Apparently, he ran with an entire 'pack' of freaks.
"I-I'm sorry, babe." he shrugged. "I'm just a dog."
"Okay, you can just go screw yourself." I huffed.
"Come on, Erde. Join the pack!"
I do have my limits.
"BAD dog!"
ZZZZZZZAP!!!
"ARRRRRRRF!!!"
Son of a bitch...
Two years later, Erde met the stallion she married.
He's a cat person.
After being hit by a cart, Shining moved to a house in the country with a big yard.