Princess Celestia awoke much like the dawn, with slow and graceful motions, ever so carefully and inevitably progressing from her evening of rest to begin her duty. Unfortunately, the dawn never really needed to have a good mane-combing before being revealed to the world, or a sizable swish of mouthwash to become presentable, or even a nearby towel to mop away Lake Droolestia, which had accumulated on her chest during her most recent brief hour of sleep, if it was all added up together.
'Night' had been at best a series of brief snores, interrupted by a pea-like bladder and a misbehaving foal who had been using it like a punching bag. She was only to the halfway point in her pregnancy, but she was already looking forward to the time when her innards would not be flipped inside out and upside down without warning.
Celestia groaned as she stood with all the elegance of a beached whale. At least there was only one foal in there, instead of two. If Wysteria was experiencing double what she was, then the faithful secretary’s internal organs were tapioca pudding by now, and Quillpoint was in dire risk of a nighttime assault.
Celestia smacked her lips. An assault on some tapioca pudding sounded good all of a sudden, with maybe a dollop of peanut butter and a few artichokes.
Breakfast would have to wait, though. The dawn was due, and Celestia giggled a bit to herself as she finished stretching her way out of bed. With any luck, her dear Bean had taken care of breakfast already, especially since today was Hearts and Hooves Day.
Her mischievous love was up to something, that much she knew. Once he had recovered from his bout with the flu, he had begun to share urgent whispers with Trixie that she couldn’t quite make out in side halls and dark corners. There had been quite a few times when the assistant secretary would need to speak to him—and only him—thus increasing her suspicious curiosity. When asked, he would coyly say it was nothing she needed to worry about, and that he had everything well in hoof.
Even now he was being sneaky. Through the silk curtains that separated her chambers from the balcony, she could see her sweet Bean talking urgently to Trixie, who was rapidly flipping through papers on her new clipboard and nodding. Part of her wanted to slink out without making a sound, so she could hear what he was plotting, but a larger part of her said she should hold back and allow him to surprise her.
It was but one of the many reasons that she was attracted to him. His colorful spontaneity naturally counteracted the beige routine that her royal life entailed, and she appreciated all of the magical moments when his mere presence managed to disrupt the goings on in the palace.
Celestia decided to give Trixie and Bean a few more minutes to talk, and she slipped over to the bathroom to get dressed for the day, in a manner of speaking. Several hairbrushes sprang to life in her magic, and they made quick work of the knots and snarls in her mane while she brushed her teeth, gargled two helpings of mouthwash, and preened her feathers. She wanted to look nice for whatever Bean had planned, but mostly, she wanted to look nice for Bean.
Her peytral and tiara were next, and both slid into their usual positions without protest. With a grin, she then produced a small tube of lip gloss and made liberal use of the contents, with a brief pause to blot and ensure an even application.
Hopefully, there would be a need for a touchup in a few minutes.
Celestia then moved to her golden shoes, but she grunted when her forehoof refused to fit. The ability to slide into her footwear had become increasingly difficult over the past month or so, but now it was proving to be impossible. She wanted to blame Luna and some sort of shrinking enchantment, but she knew that a smaller force was to blame for her swollen fetlocks.
After a few more feeble attempts, Celestia snorted and gave up on the attempt. Her hooves would survive for a day or two, until an appointment could be made with the royal farrier and her shoes could be resized. Until then, she would simply have to be a bit more mindful of where she stepped.
With that, Celestia moved to the balcony to raise the sun. Bean and Trixie immediately clammed up when they noticed her arrival, but that smug grin on Bean’s face told Celestia that she was going to enjoy her first married Hearts and Hooves Day.
“Good morning, my dear!” Bean greeted her with a nuzzle and a kiss. “How are you feeling?”
Celestia gave him a wry grin. “Bloated, and I’ve just discovered that my shoes no longer fit. How are you?”
“You don’t look bloated,” Bean offered with a delightful note of worry in his words. She smiled all the more as his gaze traced over her midsection, stalled out, and then moved down to her hooves. “Did Luna cast some kind of shrinking spell on your shoes?”
“I’m afraid not,” she said with a small sigh. “It is just one of the side effects from my pregnancy. Don’t worry about it, Bean. Now, what are you and Miss Lulamoon up to?”
“Us?” Bean glanced at Trixie, who smirked and shrugged. “We’re not up to anything. Just going over the itinerary for today, right?”
“Right,” Trixie confirmed. “If you’ll excuse me, I have some papers to shuffle. I’ll catch up with you in the dining room.”
Celestia watched Trixie’s departure with a playful glare, but the assistant secretary said nothing more. Her horn then lit, and Bean moved under her wing to weave his magic in with hers.
“So, what was on the itinerary today?” Celestia casually asked as they both reached out for the sun.
“Oh, just a lot of little things. Nothing you need to concern yourself with.”
Celestia chuckled as the sun peeked over the horizon. Bean was practically prancing in place, and his enthusiasm was palpable. “Really? I was rather hoping that you would have some romantic activities planned for later today. I trust you will not disappoint me?”
“Oh no you don’t,” he said with a shake of his head. “You’re not getting it out of me that easily today. I want everything to be a surprise.”
Celestia said nothing. Bean’s cheeks puffed out, and he spluttered as he tried to hold it in.
Celestia kissed his nose, and he broke. “Okay!” he fairly exploded out from under her wing, and he danced a bit as he continued. “When I had the flu, I had a lot of time to think, and I got to thinking that you and I haven’t had a lot of alone time together, especially when we go out on dates or whatever. Not that I don’t like Luna, or Shining and Cadence, but we always seem to have somepony else with us when we do stuff. So, I thought it might be nice if it was just you and me this afternoon, doing romantic stuff and enjoying some time together. Trixie has been making reservations for me, and I’ve got a couple of fun things planned for this afternoon, once we get done with Day Court.”
Celestia kissed him again with a hum of delight. “I knew you wouldn’t let me down. I was hoping to spend some quality time with you, too. Shall we get on with the day, then?”
Bean returned her kiss. “We should. But can I ask one favor?”
“What might that be?”
“Once we get done with Day Court, would you mind leaving your tiara and peytral here at the palace? I want to enjoy everything as just Bean and Celly, not Their Most Royal Highnesses, Princess Celestia and Prince Bean. I know we’ll never be a ‘normal’ couple, but for today, I’d like to leave the royal behind as much as possible.”
“I believe I can accommodate that request,” Celestia said with a pleased grin.
* * ✹ * *
“That was an amazing breakfast, love,” Celestia offered with a small belch. “I do believe Nilla quite enjoyed your ricotta toast, too.”
“I’m glad you both liked it,” Bean replied as they walked towards the throne room. “I have a nice shakshuka planned for lunch, with fire roasted tomatoes and poblano peppers. It’s normally a bit spicy, but I’m going to tone it down a few notches so I don’t give you two heartburn or anything like that.”
“It sounds delicious.” Celestia smiled, her wing reaching out to pull him in for a hug. “Thank you. What will we be doing after lunch?”
“Shining Armor and Cadence just came around the corner,” Bean replied.
“Don’t change the subject,” Celestia playfully chided. “They can wait.”
“Good morning to you too, Auntie Celestia,” Cadence said with a huff and a smile. “Are we interrupting anything?”
“Of course not, dear niece,” Celestia replied with a warm and welcoming hug. “You’re here a bit earlier than I expected, though. The delegates from Trottingham won’t be here until tomorrow.”
“We have a few things to take care of in Canterlot,” Shining said. “I’ve got some stuff to do with the Guard, what with Chrysalis running around and causing problems, and since we’re here anyway, I figured Cady and I could go out on the town tonight and enjoy a little bit of down time.”
“A marvelous idea. Baked Bean was just about to tell me what he has planned for our date tonight as well.”
“You may be relentless, but no! I will stay strong! I will not spoil the surprise!” Bean clamped his lips shut and shook his head.
“Speaking of surprises, we have one too,” Cadence said with a giggle and a nudge to Shining’s ribs. “Go ahead, tell them.”
Shining blushed, but he smiled and pulled Cadence into a hug. “Cadence and I have been talking things over, and I’ve thought a lot about what you told me, Bean. About being a father, and knowing when you’re ready, and all that, and I think the time is right. Cadence and I have decided that we want to have a baby!”
Celestia let out a small cheer of delight, and another delighted hug was shared with her niece and nephew in celebration. “That is wonderful news! Have you seen a gynecologist yet?”
The mention of said doctor caused both Princes to cringe a bit, a tinge of red on both their cheeks.
“What?” Cadence gave her husband a confused look. “Why do you blush whenever somepony says ‘gynecologist?’ It’s nothing more than a specialist for pregnant ponies.”
“Yes, yes, I know,” Shining said, his eyes unable to meet hers. “It’s just… must you say it? We boys always get uncomfortable when you girls use girl terms like that. Right, Bean?”
“We don’t like to think about the details,” Bean confirmed. “I get super extra uncomfortable whenever sompony mentions a proctologist, too.”
Shining shuddered with Bean. “Agreed.”
Celestia studied Bean for a moment, then flashed a wicked grin. “Hippologist.”
Bean and Shining shuddered again, but then they glanced at each other in confusion. “Wait. Do you know what a hippologist is?” Bean asked.
“No,” Shining said. “But it must be something really unpleasant if we reacted that way.”
“Anyway,” Cadence said with a heavy eye roll and a grin, “We met with the finest gynecologist in the Crystal Empire yesterday. Doctor Green Gables said that everything looked good, and that she expected us to have success pretty quickly, since I’m the Princess of Love. I tried to tell her that wouldn’t affect anything, but she was adamant, and I kinda believe her, to be honest.”
“I believe your efforts to become pregnant will be swift as well,” Celestia said. “But may I ask a favor of you?”
“Of course!”
“I believe Doctor Horsenpfeffer would like to be involved in your care, if you don’t mind. She has been most diligent about studying my pregnancy, and she would be delighted to add another alicorn to her research pool.”
Cadence nodded. “That’s another reason why we’re here. Doctor Gable wanted me to meet with Horsenpfeffer, since she’s the only doctor with any modern experience in these things. I have an appointment with her in a few hours.”
“Excellent! I’m sure she greatly appreciates your willingness to help her research. Is there anything Bean and I can do for you?”
“At the moment, no. Just don’t tell anypony else about this, except for Auntie Luna,” Cadence said with a quick kiss for her husband. “Shiny has a fun idea in mind for surprising Twilight with the news.”
“Of course. Bean and I will not say a word.”
* * ✹ * *
Baked Bean hummed a happy tune to himself as he made his way back to the throne room, a tray of shakshuka for his beloved resting across his back. The day had ended up being somewhat busier than normal, and Celestia had elected to take a working lunch so she could take care of the petitioners within an hour or so.
Bean was delighted beyond words that his wife was so ecstatic for the upcoming date. Though she maintained a calm and professional demeanor as she heard the petitions, Bean knew that she was bursting at the seams on the inside, and he half expected her to start prancing in place at any moment. To be fair, he could hardly wait to get out of the palace himself, and he knew that Celestia would love what he had planned.
“Excuse me, Your Highness,” Trixie’s voice broke into his thoughts, but he smiled as she came up alongside him. “Is Celestia in the throne room still?”
“She is.”
Trixie nodded, but she glanced up and down the hallway with a suspicious glare before leaning in close. “The final reservations have been confirmed for tonight,” she said in a low voice. “Trixie has given the tickets to Sergeant Clover Leaf, and a carriage will be ready and waiting for you.”
“Thank you, Trixie, for everything. This really means a lot to me.”
“Of course. Was there ever any doubt that the Great and Powerful Trixie would not provide?”
“Not for a moment. Do you have any plans for tonight?”
Trixie shook her head. “Trixie doesn’t do special someponies. They have always gotten in the way of Trixie’s greatness. I will be in my room tonight, musing over an order of smoke bombs and neverending kerchief chains from the Mumford’s Magical Mysteries catalogue.”
“You know, I’m gonna be sad when you leave,” Bean said as they rounded a corner. “You’ve been an amazing secretary, to say nothing of your help with Tirek.”
“Don’t worry. Trixie will be back to Canterlot with a fabulous new show before you know it,” she said with a grin. “I’ll even give you and the Princess half off admission pricing.”
“I appreciate that. I’m sure it will be astonishing and amazing.”
“Naturally.” Trixie rubbed a hoof on her chest in pride.
“Miss Lulamoon?” another voice called out, and the pair stopped as a guard approached them, a large bouquet of lusciously red roses in his magic. “These just arrived at the front gate. Do you know which princess they’re supposed to go to?”
“Quillpoint?” Bean asked in confusion. “What are you doing here?”
“Working, sir,” Corporal Quillpoint replied.
“I thought you were supposed to be with Wys,” Bean said.
Quill flinched back a step, and he coughed nervously. “Well, I was. But then my assignment changed, so I’m here as Miss Lulamoon’s personal guard.”
“Why? I thought Private Lemon Tart was Trixie’s guard. What happened? Is it anything serious?”
“Why don’t I take these in to the Princess,” Trixie said, her magic snatching away the bouquet. “You two can discuss this in the meantime.”
“Take this for me, too.” Bean passed his tray of food to Trixie, then turned to face the loyal guard. “Seriously, Quill. What’s going on?”
“It’s a bit complicated, sir,” Quillpoint replied as Trixie made herself scarce. “It’s just… well, Wysteria and I have been talking, and we agreed that both of us need to take a break from our relationship.”
“Really?”
Quillpoint started to say something, then stopped and let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m just… I don’t know. When I first started dating Wysteria, things were wonderful. We had fun chatting and going out, but there wasn’t any pressure to be anything more than friends.
“But it seems like everything changed once I moved in with her. It’s like… well, it’s like she never stops working, even when she’s off duty. She’s got every half-second planned out in every minute of every hour in every day, and if I’m ever half a second late to anything, she sprouts fangs and claws. I don’t ever have a say in what’s going on, and she becomes livid if I ever try to change plans.
“I just don’t know if I can live with that, sir. It’s not so much that she makes the plans, or that she’s so organized. I’m a guard, so I’m used to things like that. But I would like to have some free time every now and then, you know? I want to just kick back in my recliner sometimes and do nothing, but she always has something for me to do! And then, if I tell her I just want to take it easy for a bit, she gets angry that I’m being so lazy! I get that things need to be done, but she doesn’t have to breathe fire and spit smoke every time I miss one of her arbitrary deadlines.” He paused for a moment. “I thought she was kidding when she claimed to have a great-grandmother who was a dragon. Now I’m not so sure.”
“So you two have been fighting?” Bean asked with a small amount of horror.
“That’s why we decided to take a break. The fights were getting worse, and more heated. We didn’t want things to get out of control, and she doesn’t need this stress added on top of her twins. Once they’re born, we’ll talk things over and determine if this separation should be permanent or not.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but I guess it’s for the best,” Bean said. “So where are you staying?”
“I’ll be in the barracks until I figure out what to do. It’s not as comfortable as a real bed, but it’ll do.”
“Your Highness?” Trixie called out as she poked her head around the corner. “Princess Celestia is demanding your presence so that she may, and I quote, ‘give him such a snogging for these roses that he won’t be able to see straight for a week,’ unquote.”
“Better get in there, sir,” Quill said with a small grin. “It’s never a good idea to make the princess wait.”
Bean nodded, but he put a comforting hoof on Quill’s shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I wish you the best in whatever you decide.”
“Thank you, sir.”
* * ✹ * *
“Bean?” Celestia gave her husband a gentle nudge as they walked away from the throne room. “You are one distracted pony. Is everything okay?”
“Huh?” he blurted, but then he gave her a sad grin. “I’m okay, yes. Sorry. I’ve just been thinking about Wys and Quill.”
Celestia nodded, and her wing swiftly pulled him in for a hug. “Their situation is worrisome, but I believe they are doing the right thing. Sad as it may be, there are some relationships that just don’t work out. If they do decide to part ways, I hope it will be as friends, and that Quill will be able to be a father to his foals.”
“I do too. I just…” he hesitated, and Celestia said nothing as she watched him sort his thoughts. “I dunno. I’m probably comparing apples to oranges here.”
“How so?”
“My parents, for the most part, have always been happily married. They had the odd fight every now and then about the restaurant or whatever, but they always worked out their differences. I never thought that they would be apart from each other, so for me, the standard is for all relationships to last. I just can’t imagine Quill and Wys not being together. I want to go grab Cadence and throw her at them while screaming ‘you two really do love each other, now sort this out,’ but I know I can’t do that. I want them to stay together, but the little Bean in my head is telling me that they might not, and that I have to accept that. It would be horrible if they forced themselves into a loveless relationship.”
“There are many things that cause relationships to fail,” Celestia noted. “An unfaithful partner, or financial issues, sometimes.”
“Oh, I know. And I’d be the first to tell a pony to leave a cheater, and doubly extra so if it’s an abusive relationship. Like I said, I’m probably just putting too much of myself into this situation.”
Celestia pecked his cheek just as her magic opened the door to their chambers. “I think it troubles you because you care, love. You are good friends with both of them, and you want them to succeed, as any good friend would do. Just continue to be their friend, no matter what happens.”
“That I can do,” he said with a return kiss. “But I have better things to focus on right now, and I’m eager to get going on our date.”
“As am I,” Celestia said with a gleeful smile. “So, are you going to tell me what you have planned yet, or will you keep your princess in suspense?”
“Take off your peytral and tiara, then I’ll tell you,” he said with a devious grin.
“Strip? Here?” Celestia leaned back but gave him a leering grin. “You naughty pony you. But it is Hearts and Hooves Day, so just this once!” She swiftly removed her regalia and tossed them on the bed. “There. Now will you tell me?”
Bean began to bounce in place. “You’re gonna love this. First off, we’re going to take a tour of the Baltimare Museum of Art. They just opened up a new exhibit featuring the collective works of Moody Blues, including his rarely-seen paintings Knights in White Satin and Tuesday Afternoon.”
Celestia’s smile faltered. “Oh! That sounds… nice.”
“And then, Trixie managed to get tickets to Ponygliacci at the Pasture Opera House, even though it’s sold out. I don’t know how she did it, but she promised that she didn’t force the opera company to give them to us because we’re the Princess and Prince.”
The smile flipped upside down. “I see. That should be entertaining.”
“Yeah! And then, for dinner, I…” Bean stalled out as he finally caught on to Celestia’s souring mood. “Um, did I say something wrong?”
“No, no!” Celestia quickly forced her smile back, before Bean grew too suspicious. “Everything you have planned sounds lovely. We should get going; the museum alone could take several hours.”
Bean still gave her a wary look, so she opted to employ the tried-and-true tactic of changing the subject to steer his concerns away. “I would like your opinion on something before we go. Do you think I should have my mane up or down?”
Bean’s demeanor moved from concern to confusion. “I thought you said your mane looks funny when it’s up.”
“Well, I think it looks funny,” she replied with an inner sigh of relief, and her magic produced an elastic hair tie. “But tell me what you think.”
Celestia pulled her mane into a ponytail, and she turned slightly to give Bean a side view. “You know, it actually looks pretty good,” he said.
“Really?”
“Yeah. I like it. I mean, I like the way you usually have it, too, but I get to see all of your face all at once this way. I say you should have it up.”
Celestia glanced at her reflection in the nearby mirror. She wasn’t sure how she felt about the look, but since her Bean liked it, she would keep it. “Okay. Up it is, then. Let’s get going.”
* * ✹ * *
Baked Bean had messed up.
Or, at least he felt like he had. They were only five minutes into the flight to Baltimare, and in that five minutes, that familiar inkling that he was doing something wrong had grown by several orders of magnitude.
He wasn’t sure how he had messed up, though. He had been very meticulous in his choices, and all of the critical reviews he had read on Ponygliacci stated it was the finest opera to have been composed in the last two hundred years.
But as he studied his wife’s serious stare, a realization slapped him in the face like a wet fish. Celestia, being the old mare that he kept forgetting that she was, had probably been in attendance when Ponygliacci had premiered, and had seen Moody Blues’ paintings in so many other art collections that she could describe them to him in her sleep. It was no wonder that she had such little enthusiasm for either event, since both of them were most likely old hat to her by now.
With that unhappy thought, he quickly moved to right what he had done wrong. “Sergeants! Change of plans! I need you to head to Salt Lick!”
“Sir?” Pokey and Clover called back.
“Bean?” Celestia said at the same time.
“Salt Lick! On the double!” he ordered.
“Yes, sir!” the sergeants replied as they made a sharp bank to the left.
“Bean, what are you doing?” Celestia asked.
“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?” he said with a grin.
“I would. That’s why I asked,” she replied in confusion. “Why aren’t we going to the museum? If we’re late, then we might miss the opera, and those tickets were expensive, I’m sure.”
“Shush!” he playfully booped her nose. “I have everything under control! Trust me!”
“You dare shush me?” she playfully shot back. “I should punish you for such insolence.”
“Ah, but you seem to be missing your regalia, so you can’t do anything. At the moment, you’re just Celestia Bean, with no Princess attached.”
“So what are we going to do, then?”
Mulligan had only one true love in his life, and that was golf. He begged for bunkers, fawned over fairways, and tittered over tees. If he could have his way, he would spend all of his time playing the game at all of the exclusive clubs across Equestria, enjoying endless rounds on the back nines with only a curvaceous pegasus caddie to keep him company.
But dreams as grand as his were expensive, and the only place to start was at the bottom. So since Mulligan could not be with his beloved greens on this Hearts and Hooves Day, he was doing the next best thing.
“Welcome to Mulligan’s Mini Golf,” he said flatly to the giggling couple before him. “What color ball would you like?”
“Oh, pink for sure,” the mare said. “Blue for my snookums here.”
“Ten bits, please.”
Mulligan drew in a long breath as his magic passed the putters and the requested balls. Mini golf was always a popular choice for couples on Hearts and Hooves Day, and the steady business put him ever closer to his grand golfing goals. Just a few more years, and then he would be the one putting on the lush greens of Saint Neighford, with the crystal blue ocean behind him and a warm tropical breeze in his mane.
Such thoughts kept him going when he had to deal with busy days like today.
“Welcome to Mulligan’s Mini Golf,” he droned to the next couple in line as he took a set of clubs from a pair of ponies who had just finished the course. “What color ball would you like?”
“I would like a yellow ball, if I may.”
“P-princess Celestia?!” Mulligan swung the clubs in shock, hit a storage rack, and sent putters clattering to the ground. “Oh sun and stars, I am so sorry, Your Highness! I didn’t even see you! I had no idea that—”
Celestia held up a hoof to silence his rant. “Please, good proprietor, there is no need for all of this deference. I am here to enjoy a game of miniature golf with my husband, or ‘putt putt’ as it is more commonly known.”
“Uh, Celly?” Prince Baked Bean stood on his rear legs and leaned in close to her ear. “Nopony calls it putt putt in Salt Lick. It’s just mini golf.”
“Really? I had thought that putt putt was a rather common term,” she replied with a thoughtful look. “I suppose it could be a regional term. No matter, we shall enjoy the game, whatever it’s name might be. Now, may I have a yellow ball, please?”
“Of course!” Mulligan quickly levitated the requested ball to her. “Anything you want, Princess. Which one would you like, Prince Bean?”
“I’ll go with green,” he said. “Any tips for the course?”
It took Mulligan a moment to reply, since his brain was still stuck in “There’s Royalty at My Mini Golf Course” mode. “Uh… hole one has a ninety degree dogleg to the left, so watch out for that. Hole seven is a par five with a narrow bridge over a water hazard, so be sure to center your shot or you’ll go straight in the drink. Hole eleven has a statue in the middle of the fairway, so aim for the left. The gap is slightly wider than it is on the right. If you keep your scorecard, you can get twenty percent off your next round.”
“And how much is it to play one round?”
“Five bits per player.”
“Five? It was three the last time I was here,” Bean grumbled as Celestia produced the bits and passed them to the somewhat shell-shocked attendant.
“It was, but then I put in the heated driving range. If you’d like to try that out, it’s six bits for a large bucket of balls, and another six to rent a set of clubs.”
“Maybe,” the Prince replied. “It’ll depend if Celly is still in the mood to play after I kick her flank on the course.”
“Oh, you think so?” Celestia challenged with a determined grin. “You’re going to be eating those words when you get smoked!”
“You know, I don’t recall if I’ve played this ‘mini golf’ before,” Celestia commented as Bean placed his ball on the rubber pad to tee off on the first hole. “Come to think of it, I can’t recall if I’ve played the regular version, either. I know I’ve watched several professional tournaments, at least.”
“I tried golfing with some friends once at a community course near my house,” Bean said, his eyes glancing up and down the fairway. “I got to the fifth hole before I had to quit.”
“Why?”
“I lost all of my golf balls.” He tapped the one in front of him with his club, and watched as it bounced around the ninety degree bend before dropping down to all four hooves again. “They all went into the trees, or the water hazards. One or two might have gone into somepony’s backyard.”
“I see,” Celestia said with a giggle.
“They designated me as a permanent caddie after that. It was still fun, though.”
Celestia took a moment to look over the layout of the hole, and her mind quickly went to work. In many respects, it appeared that miniature golf was something like a floor version of billiards, but with a putter. Provided she could motivate her ball to follow the proper angles, it appeared to be rather easy to obtain a hole-in-one.
Her magic made a few minute adjustments to the lay of her ball in the tee box, and she took one practice swing to get a feel for the heft and weight of the club. Then, with a firm and calculated swing, she struck.
Her smile grew as the ball followed the exact angles she had wanted it to, and she cheered with Bean when the ball found its home. “You know what, love? I think I’m going to like this game.”
“You are going to take your shot sometime today, right?” Bean deadpanned.
“Shush,” Celestia commanded, her focus solely on the difficult position that she found herself in. Her ball had taken a stray hop on the fairway, and had come to rest behind and touching a large rock that made it impossible for her to hit. Unless she used the end of the club as a pool cue, that is. “I’m trying to concentrate.”
“You’ll never get it out of there,” Bean said with a chuckle. “Just take the stroke penalty and move it.”
“Never. There has to be a way,” she said. “If I can create an impervious law that forces me to marry the stallion who boops my nose, I can figure out how to get my ball out of this situation.”
Bean shook his head and chuckled more, but Celestia ignored him. Defeat was not a word that crossed her lips without furious resistance, and she was going to fight.
A plan of battle began to form in her head, and she ran through the variables involved. With her ball against the rock, the only option was to take the stroke penalty or to hit her ball into the rock.
There was the possibility that she could simply demolish the rock with the putter, but there was probably a rule against such an act, to say nothing of repairs that Mister Mulligan would have to make to his course. However, if she could tap the ball, then quickly remove her club from the intended path of travel, then the ball would travel backwards until it ricocheted off the edge of the fairway, catch the slight decline before the pin, and if her calculations were correct, drop into the hole with a satisfying plop.
“I am Princess Celestia Bean, Sol Invicta, Bringer of the Day and Mare of the Morn. I refuse to admit defeat,” she muttered as she lined up her shot. Her club swung back once.
She made contact, and she swiftly moved away as the ball proceeded along the path that she had forseen. Like clockwork, the yellow orb of destiny hit the bricks, caught the decline, and rolled to the hole.
But to Celestia’s horror, the ball took an unexpected left turn, and despite her cries to change direction, it proceeded along its unwanted path until it tapped Bean’s ball.
And that tap was just enough to push it into the hole.
“Hey, thanks!” Bean said with a laugh. “That puts me in under par!”
Celestia gnashed her teeth and glared daggers at the treacherous and rebellious ball. “I don’t like this game. We should do something else now.”
“Still pouting over the fact that I beat you?” Bean said with a smug smile. “Taken down by a mere mortal. How embarrassing.”
“It’s a good thing I love you,” Celestia groused. “You owe me for this.”
“Owe you? How do I owe you for beating you fair and square?”
“Trust me, I’ll figure out a way to make you pay,” she said, her magic nearly throwing the putters at Mulligan. “I do not take my defeats lightly.”
“I can tell.” Bean laughed, and Celestia had to smile when he nipped her ear. “Tell you what. Do you want to take out some of your frustrations on the driving range before we move on? No winners, no losers. Just hitting a ball as far as you can.”
Celestia thought the offer over for a moment. “Perhaps we should. It might be a new way for me to express my frustrations when the nobility is being especially frustrating and insipid.”
“You know,” Bean said as he put the bag of rented clubs down, “Mulligan really did a good job with this range. I’m no golf expert, but I bet adding these dividers between the stalls wasn’t cheap.”
“The extra investment should pay for itself, though,” Celestia remarked, her magic selecting a driver from the bag as Bean teed up a ball. “If he has taken the time to provide a quality experience for those who enjoy this game, then they will naturally want to return.”
Baked Bean knew that his wife was tall. He had yet to meet a pony who was taller than her, in fact. He did not mind this fact, for he had always been a stallion who appreciated leggy mares.
But the actual difference in height between his love and himself was driven home once again when Celestia went up on her rear legs, took the driver in her forehooves, and took a practice swing. He took a few steps back, mostly so he could get all of her back into his field of vision, and his eyes went wide in awe.
“Holey moley, you’re tall!” he blurted.
Celestia smirked. “And now you see why I stay on all four hooves. Most ponies are rather intimidated by me when I stand like this, to say nothing of the obstacles I would have to dodge, like door frames and tree branches.”
Bean nodded in understanding, but then another thought came to him. “You’re not going to use your magic?”
“As I understand the rules, magic is not allowed in professional golf tournaments,” Celestia said. “It allows for an even playing field between the competitors. And since the purpose of a driving range is to refine one’s shot and swing, I figured I should practice properly.”
With that, Celestia quickly glanced down the range before her. Before Bean had a chance to fully react, she took a running start, and with a furious swing, the ball disappeared.
“Well, you have the range,” Bean said, one hoof over his eyes as he tried to track the trajectory of the ball. “But I don’t think you quite hit the moon from here, though. And I’m fairly sure a running start would cost you a penalty.”
“It’s a good thing we have a full bucket of balls, then,” Celestia noted with a pleased grin. “If you don’t mind, I would like to take another shot.”
“Go for it.”
“There’s only a few balls left. Are you sure you don’t want another turn, Bean?”
Baked Bean shook his head with a grin. “I’m good. This seems to be a good stress reliever for you, and all my shots keep splicing off to the left anyway. Besides, you haven’t hit the moon yet.”
“There is something rather therapeutic about this,” Celestia said while blasting off another shot. “Perhaps I could have a driving range installed on one of the balconies at the palace.”
“Now that would be interesting,” Bean said. “You’d have to declare a no-fly zone around the area, lest you smack some unsuspecting pegasus upside the head.”
“Or I could tell some of those old bats in the ministry to go stand downrange,” Celestia mused. “That would clear out my belfry and make me feel better all at the same time.”
“I’ll have Trixie get a list together,” Bean said with a chuckle.
Another shot launched into the air with the sharp crack of tortured rubber. “I would never actually do that. The ministry and the nobility may be a pain in my flank sometimes, but they are needed. I just wish they wouldn’t be so self-centered and snobby sometimes.”
“That happens anywhere you go, sadly,” Bean said. “Just look at the entitled and always-right customers that I dealt with at the Zuerst, for example. Ooh, that one was close.”
“I’m getting better.” Celestia teed up the last ball from the bucket, then grinned. “I believe I would be more accurate with a set of clubs that were the proper length. These are too short, and I’m being forced to stoop, which I am sure is bad for my backswing. Will we be heading to the opera after this?” she asked as she sent the last range ball airborne. “If we leave now, we might only be fashionably late.”
“I’ve got an even better idea,” Bean said as they both watched the ball’s flight. “I’m sure you’d like to get off of those poor, swollen hooves, and I’m going to bet you’re hungry, too.”
There was a rumble in the general vicinity. “I am feeling a bit peckish,” she admitted.
“So, what say we go get some grub? I know of this fabulous restaurant nearby; probably the best in the city, in fact. And since I just so happen to know the owners, I could get us a premium table and a dedicated server.”
Celestia snickered. “That sounds lovely. Oh!” she cheered, and one hoof pointed downrange. “That one almost hit it!”
“Just about. Short by a foot, maybe?” Bean said.
“I suppose it’s a good thing that I did not,” Celestia said as she slid the driver back into the bag. “Shall we be off?”
Bean nodded, and the two of them walked side-by-side to Mulligan with the clubs.
“So, did you manage to hit the moon?” the owner asked, and Celestia shook her head. “No? Well, maybe next time you’ll hit it and get that free bucket of balls.”
“Has anypony hit it yet?” Celestia asked.
“Not since I put it back where it is,” Mulligan admitted. “It took me some time to get the distance right. At first, it was too close and too big, so it made for an easy target. I was handing out free buckets left and right, and it was killing my business. I’m sure somepony will hit it eventually, though. The range has only been open for about a year now, after all.”
“Thank you for the wonderful time, Mister Mulligan. Despite my husband’s obvious cheating on the miniature golf course, I had fun here today.”
“Cheating?!” Bean gasped. “I did not cheat! I told you to take that one stroke penalty to get out from behind the rock!”
* * ✹ * *
“Hey, Baked!” Sip greeted Bean with a surprised cheer as Bean entered the Zuerst with Celestia, but then he cleared his throat and stuck his nose slightly in the air. “Excuse me. I meant to say ‘welcome to the Zuerst, Your Highnesses.’ Long time no see, dude!”
“Hey Sip.” Bean shared a quick hoofbump with the blue maître d’. “How’s things been?”
“Oh, you know. Shake and Bake are still at it, Grumps is still Grumps, your parents keep trying to invent new dishes. Same old, same old really. What brings you by tonight?”
“Celly and I are enjoying some alone time together,” Bean replied with a grin, and Celestia pulled him into a hug with her wing. “But somewhere, somehow, I heard that this restaurant is one of the finest in Salt Lick, and I want my wife to enjoy the best. Do you have a back table available?”
“Of course,” Sip replied with a laugh. “Even if we didn’t, I’d find one. There’s no way I’m letting my boss and my lieges wait for an opening. Right this way, please.”
“It seems a bit quiet tonight,” Bean remarked as he looked over the crowd and waved to the patrons. “I was worried you’d be packed.”
“It has been slow, but I think that’s because a lot of ponies think the restaurant is closed,” Sip said. “You know, with the renovation and everything.”
“When is construction scheduled to begin?” Celestia asked.
“Tomorrow,” Sip replied. “The crews have already got some of their demo stuff and dumpsters out back. Garbanzo said he’d let me take a few swings with a sledgehammer, if I wanted to.”
“So what will you do for employment in the meantime?”
“Garbanzo and Lima made arrangements for everypony to go to the other Bean family restaurants, Your Highness. Grumps, Shake and Bake will head over to Pinto’s, and I’ll be heading over to the Waffle Emporium with Balanced Budget and Cannellini. The Zuerst should be open again by June or so, I’m told.”
Sip then motioned to a table that was decorated with two lit candles and a single rose in a vase, and Bean was quick to push in Celestia’s chair once she was seated. Menus were presented and opened, and Sip pointed to one option with a smile.
“Since this is your first time here as patrons, allow me to suggest our famous stuffed peppers as a delightful appetizer for your consideration. They’re a house specialty, filled with couscous, seasoned with pine nuts and basil, then topped with black olives and cherry tomatoes. For a main course, my personal favorite is our sesame halloumi parcels, served with a sweet potato tahini mash and chopped herb salad.”
“Really?” Bean asked. “I thought you liked the spiced beetroot tarts best.”
“It was, until your mom came up with the halloumi. I can’t get enough of that stuff for some reason,” Sip replied with a smack of his lips. “Anyway, you know better than I do what’s best, so I’ll let Bean make any further recommendations. Lima is running the tables tonight, and she’ll be with you in just a minute.”
“Baked?!” Lima’s voice cut through the air. “What are you doing here?!”
“Or she’ll be with you now.” Sip laughed, and he quickly stepped aside as Lima rushed out and nearly tackled her son.
“Hey Mom,” Bean offered. “Good to see you too.”
“What are you doing here?” she repeated. “Are you two out on a date? Oh! This is wonderful! Did Sip tell you about the stuffed peppers? I’ll bring out a platter for you, and anything else you’d like. It’s been a bit slow tonight, but I’m glad we had an open table for you. What have you been doing for Hearts and Hooves Day? I hope Baked planned something nice.”
“It has been nice,” Celestia replied with a warm smile. “We just finished a round of miniature golf, and I think Bean mentioned something about bowling after this.”
“Mini golf? Bowling?” Lima gave her son a critical glare and tisked. “I thought I raised you better than that. You should have taken her somewhere nice, like the opera.”
Celestia started to say something, but Bean spoke up before she could. “I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”
“I suppose I’ll just have to help you make it up to her now,” Lima went on, her attention moving to Celestia. “Princess, please order anything off the menu, and as much of it as you’d like. I have a delectable chocolate lava cake I’ll make for your dessert. Now, what would you like to drink?”
“I seem to recall seeing several bottles of an exquisite muscat canelli grape juice when I was here last,” Celestia said with a grin. “Would you happen to have any of that left?”
“Oh, the Vigneto Verde Lussureggiante brand?” Lima nodded. “I’m sure we still have a bottle or two. I’ll bring it right out.”
They both nodded, and Celestia took Bean’s hoof in hers as Lima walked away. “So why didn’t we go to the museum and the opera, Bean?”
Bean smiled. “If I were to ask you to describe Moody Blues’ Knights in White Satin, how much detail could you give me?”
Celestia shrugged. “I suppose I could give you a fair verbal representation. Words alone could not fully convey the scope and depth of the painting, though.”
“But you could describe it to me with a fair degree of detail, right?” he pressed.
“I probably could, yes.”
“And how many times have you seen Ponygliacci?”
“At least a dozen times, if not more,” Celestia said with a small groan and an eyeroll. “It’s not a bad opera, mind you, but Leoncaballo was always a narcissistic egomaniac, and he considered that horrible howling that comprises the second act to be his magnum opus. If his libretto is coupled with an exceptionally screechy soprano, the end result can be rather deafening, in a literal sense. I never really liked…”
She trailed off as Bean’s smile grew, and her cheeks began to burn. “Bean, that’s not what I mean. You obviously put a lot of effort and thought into today, and I appreciate that. My personal distaste for the opera notwithstanding, I would have been happy to accompany you.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt that for a second. But I think you enjoyed the mini golf far more, and that’s what I was really after. It’s a bit like if you ate the same thing for every meal, every day. No matter how delicious or nutritious it is, you would still grow tired of it eventually. So, when I saw your lack of enthusiasm for my choices, I decided to come here instead.
“The one thing I really need to learn with you is that you’re not like other mares,” he went on. “You want to do things that have nothing to do with being a royal, and don’t deny it! I saw it as soon as I told Pokey and Clover to change course. You were bored and disinterested before that, but then you lit up with delight and curiosity. If I want to please you, then I need to plan on things that are more spontaneous.”
The word sent a chill through the millennium princess. “Say that again.”
The prince leaned in and gave her a lustful grin. “Spontaneous,” he whispered.
Celestia’s heart fluttered in her chest, and a low, soft moan escaped her lips as her eyes closed. “More!”
“Adventure,” Bean hummed.
“Yes.”
“We will never go back.”
“Yes, yes, yes! Let’s go, right now!”
There was a brief pause, and Bean leaned back. “We are really gonna go back to Canterlot, right?”
“Shhh, don’t spoil it. And yes.” Celestia savored the moment, then opened her eyes and gave her beloved a smile. “Tell me this, love, and be honest. If you could go by yourself, would you still want to see the opera, or the paintings?”
Bean’s ears folded back slightly. “Well, the opera sounded interesting. I’ve never been to one before. And if I have to be honest, I was kinda looking forward to the museum, too.”
Celestia nodded. “Bean, I greatly appreciate that you want to make me happy. I am filled with an indescribable joy and contentment when you take such great pains to tend to my needs, wishes, and desires. But please don’t sacrifice everything you like for me. You are fantastic about giving, but a proper relationship requires some taking, too. I want you to do things that you want to do. If you don’t, I fear we may end up with another Tirek-type misunderstanding, or worse.
“I understand why you changed our plans for today. My attitude was not appropriate, and I should have told you why I was less than thrilled. But I also should have had this conversation with you then, too. If you really want to go see an opera, I will make that sacrifice for you. No matter what you plan, my greatest joy will be the fact that I’m spending the time with you.”
Bean’s pleased smile filled her chest warm tingles of happiness, and his hoof patted hers. “That will be the best part for sure. Now, what would you like for dinner?”
“Hmm,” Celestia’s eyes remained on her husband, and she winked. “I am debating between the Three Treat or the Runs. What would you recommend?”
“I think you’d like the Runs. It’s one of my personal favorites,” he said.
* * ✹ * *
“Lieutenant,” Captain Shining Armor returned Spear Point’s salute, then fell in alongside him. “I came as quickly as I could.”
“I apologize for disturbing your evening with Princess Cadence, sir, but I figured you needed to know about this.”
“When did Sergeant Pokey contact you?”
“It wasn’t Sergeant Pokey, sir. He is currently in a bowling alley in Salt Lick, trying to determine if Prince Bean’s bowling of seven straight gutter balls has a name. The Prince insists that it’s called a turkey, but the Princess is unconvinced. This report came from his neighbor, a nice old mare by the name of Hazelnut. Seems that she’s a bit of a snoop, and she notified the local authorities when she saw the pod.”
“I see,” Shining Armor replied, and he returned the salute to the two unicorn guards that stood watch on either side of Pokey’s front door. “That must have been a bit of a shock to find out that Pokey had a changeling for a roommate.”
“Doubtless, sir.” Spear Point motioned for the Captain to go first, and both of them paused in Pokey’s living room. “It’s not like anything I’ve ever seen before.”
“Hello, Chrysalis,” Shining sneered, and he slowly crossed the room as he took in the sight. The glowing green pod took up a sizable portion of the room, with the changeling queen suspended within. Her eyes were closed, but a smirk was on her face, like she knew the world’s funniest joke but wasn’t going to tell it to anyone. Large black veins throbbed along the sides, giving the whole thing an unsettling, otherworldly feeling, and Shining suppressed the shudder that was crawling just below the surface of his skin.
“We found these in our preliminary investigation, sir.” Spear Point levitated a small stack of papers, and a note that looked like it had been hastily written on a napkin to the Captain. “I don’t know why she needed to know how to molt, unless this is a way to remove what remained of the armor wax.”
“Or she thought this would make her more powerful, somehow.” Shining put a hoof on the pod, and he gave it a small push. “Still soft. Must be fresh, no more than a couple of hours old.”
“So, what do we do about this, sir?” Spear Point asked.
Shining stood still for the longest time, his eyes closed and his hoof remaining on the pod. He drew in several long breaths, and then he finally snorted.
“We follow the Princess’ orders. I want guards posted here round the clock, and hourly updates on the pod and Chrysalis’ condition, but otherwise we’ll simply observe and report. When she emerges, I want to be ready for anything. Do we have any idea on how long she’ll be in there?”
“The instructions note that a full molting could take two to three weeks, sir.”
“Double the guard at that time, then. We’ll have a nice welcoming party for her, with cake and ice cream.” Shining chuckled. “You know, I don’t remember if she likes chocolate or vanilla.”
“I’ll have our best ponies put on guard immediately, sir,” Spear Point said with a salute.
Shining Armor nodded, and he said nothing as he watched his trusted lieutenant leave. His eyes then flicked down to the napkin, and a smirk came as he read the note again.
“‘See you soon, my sweet babboo.’ I always knew you were a psychopath, but this takes it to a whole new level, Chrissy,” Shining said, his eyes moving back to the suspended changeling queen with a grim expression. “However, before you hatch again—” Shining let out a low chuckle “—I have some payback to prepare.”
* * ✹ * *