//------------------------------//
// SA1-C4: Muck Muck Clean Up 
// Story: A Deer Named John - Teapot Tales 
// by Tael_Spinner 
//------------------------------//

Cremator

I lay flopped on the bench, the tip of my tail flicking from side to side in agitation. If it weren’t for my arm resting across my eyes, I’d be staring up at the ceiling of the town hall waiting room.
“So bored!” I groaned.
“Bureaucracy takes time.”
I snorted at Boo’s voice. She was right. She was calm. She was patient. I wanted to agree with her but the heat in my veins kept telling me I had to get up and do… well, anything but sit around waiting!
After spending more than two months with the dragons, doing what I wanted, when I wanted. Being back in a place of the slower paced and regimented ponies was beginning to grate an me. Almost as much as the hiss of rain on the roof high above.
“You know,” said Boo. “You could go and do something. You have your stipend now, maybe you want to buy something? Maybe go get something to eat?”
I raised my arm enough to lock eyes with the brown pegasus and give her my best sarcastic look of really? She grinned hopefully at me while the constant whisper of rain tickled at the edge of my hearing.
“You could go see if there are any spaces in the temporary housing,” Boo suggested when I didn’t respond.
I snorted at that and covered my eyes again. That was why we were here; at least before the storm hit. Now, two hours had passed and we were still stuck in the town hall.
The click of a door handle turning caught my ear before a burst of wind brought with it the uninterrupted sound of rain hitting the ground outside. It was quickly muted as the door closed and I heard hooves softly clicking on the wooden floor. With little else to do, I moved my arm and sat up to witness the new arrival.
I noted the stallion who trotted past. What I could see of his fur beneath his long coat was the colour of garnets and made my mind wander. I smiled to myself. Mmm. Garnets. Wonder if they’d be earthy or spicy. I shook the thought away. Okay, that’s not fair! This crazy colour thing is messing with my stomach now, too?
I glared at the stallion, forcing my brain to refocus. He was an older stallion, his fur was garn– No! It was brownish-red for pony sake! And he had an oddly familiar floppy wide-brimmed coal– BLACK hat and matching full-length duster coat.
The harshness I had forced into my glare quickly faded as my thoughts drifted to coal, or more particularly, what coal could become. Diamonds! Something so hard and pure, I began to wonder if even dragons would be able to eat them.
Thankfully, the sound of the doors to the street opening again pulled my attention away from that mental rabbit hole. I flicked my head toward the sound just in time to see… My lips curled up into a joyous grin. I spread my wings and launched myself from the bench before gliding towards the two other new arrivals; Shield Breaker and Comet Streak!
While Shield Breaker appeared completely dry with his coat in perfect pristine condition, Comet Streak didn’t look anywhere nearly as neat. Not that he didn’t look scruffy normally. In fact, many of the few bat ponies I had seen were rather scruffy or fluffy in the coat department, particularly around the ears.
It wasn’t until I swept around him in the air, my gaze analysing every inch of my friend’s form, that I found myself internally shocked. My eyebrow scales only pinched together slightly as I fought to hide my biggest concerns. Comet Streak’s left wing stood outstretched and was carefully wrapped in a cloth bandage. A bandage which looked rather damp.
I pushed my growing frown aside and said in the best imitation of a nature documentary narrator I could muster, “This pony of the night left the safety of the group, his friends, while in perfect health.”
With wings flapping, I leaned in to closely examine his bandaged wing without touching it. “And yet, he returns, unable to fly with an injured wing. What stories could we learn of his adventures if only he were to speak with us?”
Even before Comet Streak spoke, I turned and flapped myself over to hover a circle around Shield Breaker, continuing my narrated observations, even if my voice truly wasn’t suited to doing so.
“The young unicorn with horn aglow, having journeyed with the bat pony and an elder as his teacher, returns from afar.” I peered in close to stare into Shield Breaker’s eyes. He leaned back a bit at my closeness before I moved to his side, dropped to the floor and slung an arm around his shoulders.
With my free hand I gestured broadly to the scene before us as if addressing the universe. Instead, it was the sight of the older unicorn talking to the receptionist. “What wonders has he witnessed? Of greater importance, what has he learned since last we stood in his presence?”
Shield Breaker used his magic to slip my hand and arm from his shoulders and adjusted any ruffled fur of his coat. “Many things.”
He then hurried forward to join the older unicorn at the counter. I started to flap after him but a leathery wing spread across my path. I turned, grinning when I found Comet Streak standing beside me.
“So,” I said, landing in front of my friend and folding my arms across my chest. “What happened with your wing?”
Comet Streak glanced at the wing in question as he gently flexed it. “Hurt it helping out in a cave on one of our first jobs with Ochre. It only feels a little sore now.”
I frowned and leaned close to my friend. “You went in a cave?”
Comet Streak nodded.
“Thought you swore off them after…” I trailed off before glancing around at the others to check if they were listening to me. Shield Breaker appeared more interested in walking in the shadow of the older unicorn. Boo on the other hand, seemed to have an ear cocked in our direction. I was about to switch languages to continue but, thankfully, Comet Streak knew what I was referring to.
“Ja, I did,” he replied, giving me an oddly peaceful smile. “It wasn’t so bad. I am happy I went. Things… feel better now.”
I fixed his eyes with mine for a moment, studying them for any hint of a lie. When I found nothing but the tiniest of pain mixed oddly with relief and joy, I grabbed him and yanked him forward into a fierce hug, my arms around his neck. It ended after he patted my back with a hoof and he uttered the words, “Schön, dich auch zu sehen, Drache.”
“You too, bud,” I said, stepping back. “But it’s Drakaina, not Drache.”
“You will have to tell me what you got up to with the dragons,” said Comet Streak. “Was it as exciting as you expected?”
I unleashed the broadest grin I could muster. “Oh, it was the greatest–”
My head snapped to the entrance as the outside doors burst open. The wind ripped them from the magic holding them and slammed them against the walls. They were quickly grabbed by the same magic and forced back under control. I watched as in trudged a rather bedraggled looking trio.
The first one’s mane and tail, fur in the case of the other two members, hung flat and heavy as they dripped on the floor of the town hall reception area. Surprisingly, it was John who looked the least water-logged. Mind you, she had no mane or huge fluffy tail. Nor did she have such a thick long coat as her now brother.
“Finally,” Spears muttered. He trudged past the rest of us without acknowledgement, before joining the older unicorn at the counter. “Lieutenant Spears reporting in as ordered. Mission complete. Civilians escorted to and from Thicket safely.”
“Interesting mission,” the older unicorn muttered, while the receptionist simply stared at Spears as water dripped from his mane.
While they struck up some kind of dialogue at the counter, I moved to give both John and Jackie an appraising look over. John widened her stance in the doorway then quickly shook herself, spraying water about and causing her short, thick fur to puff out.
Seconds after she was done, Jackie followed his sister’s lead. It was a moment that sent the rest of us scurrying to the furthest and driest reaches of the reception area. Mucky water drops sprayed out everywhere, splashing almost everything within reach. Jackie’s long coat whipped back and forth, churning up fur like the agitator in a washing machine.
Everyone got hit with the spray. Everyone except the unicorns who managed to get their magical shields up in time. The older unicorn even managed to protect the receptionist as well as himself and he did so without seeing the drenching attack coming.
When it was over, Jackie’s still filthy fur did its best to poof out but continued to drip with dirty water. Oddly enough, his eyes remained hidden.
I chuckled to myself and said, “Now that’s how you make an entrance.”
The receptionist looked on in dismay at the sight of the water and mud being traipsed across the formerly gleaming wooden floor and now dripping from every surface. “Might I recommend a spa treatment? It would get you clean and, with the weather schedule, the storm will have ended before any treatment is finished.”
“Spa?” The dour dripping form of Jackie instantly snapped to attention, his mouth turning up into the biggest smile. He turned to John and excitedly asked, “Can we?”
“That sounds like a really good idea,” Boo said as she tried to keep a decent distance between her and the wettest of the others.
“Speak for yourself,” Shield Breaker declared, his snout raised high in the air as he pressed a dignified hoof to his chest. “Not all of us are filthy.”
Then, half a breath later, while moving with a grace and stealth none of us expected from such a being, the rest of us watched as Jackie snuck up behind Shield Breaker, rose up on his hind legs then collapsed down on him in a filthy, hairy, crushing hug.
“Now you are,” said Jackie, the thick mucky hairs of his coat sliding across Shield Breaker’s back, leaving dark muddy trails in his fur as the yak released him and stepped aside.
Shield Breaker remained frozen. His eyes gazing forward in hollowed out horror at the feeling of all which had just transpired. He then screwed up his face and shuddered in disgust.
I covered my mouth with a clawed hand to hide a small giggle then even I jumped when the older unicorn gave out a single loud, “Ha!”
Shield Breaker grumbled something under his breath that I couldn’t hear before the older unicorn spoke again. “You take them.”
“Excuse me?” asked Spears, blinking sleepily in reply.
The older unicorn continued, “I know your protocols. Just need their names for all the paperwork.”
Spears stared at the older unicorn in confusion and was about to object when the older unicorn pressed further. “Look. They’ll want you to wait for your Commanding Officer. That will be a while.”
He looked Spears up and down. “And, no offence kid, but you aren’t in a fit state to do so with dignity.”
Spears only thought about it for a moment before giving a single tired nod.
“But, how will we pay?” John asked.
The question brought Jackie’s joy down several notches and he drooped low to the floor. Oh Jackie, always heart on her/his sleeve. I flapped my wings and floated toward Jackie.
“You haven’t heard?” Boo asked, looking puzzled at the others.
I couldn’t help but smirk while I watched confusion grip the faces and minds of my friends below.
“All former humans are to be given a stipend, by order of Princess Celestia,” said Boo. “I thought everyone knew by now.”
John looked at her flatly. “We’ve been out of the loop for a few months. Anything else we should know?”
“Lots of things,” Boo replied. She was about to explain everything further, but Jackie interjected.
“Ugh!” he groaned loudly. “Can’t we just get moving already? I’m sick of all this stinking wet fur!”
I landed with a soft thump on Jackie’s back before leaning down to get close to his head. “I’m with you.”
I steadied myself then thrust an arm forward and declared, “Onward to cleanliness!”
I felt a deep rumble from beneath me but Jackie didn’t appear angry. Instead, he started for the door and the rain-soaked town beyond.


*  * *


“Good to know the Guard were able to erect temporary housing for the former humans while we were away,” Spears said as he held the door to the spa open with his magic. “I was worried towns such as this wouldn’t have the space to house those assigned to them.”
Boo nodded hesitantly. “I was told Princess Cadance and Shining Armor led the project. With all I’ve seen, everything was brought in and set up very quickly.”
Spears puffed out his chest with pride as John hurried past him and into the building. “The Guard always does its duty.”
John shot him an arched look, shook her head then trotted after her brother. I did my best to hide a chuckle but still let my beaming grin settle on my friend.
“Oh, shut it,” John muttered, keeping her head and antlers high as she moved to stand beside Jackie.
“Didn’t say a thing,” I grinned. For which I earned a hard glare from John.
She snorted and said, “Do you have to ride on my sister’s back?”
“Hey, his fur’s comfy, even when wet and dirty.” I leaned down next to Jackie’s ear. “No offence.”
“None taken,” Jackie grinned in reply. He bounced a little, adding, “That’s why we're here!”
He then gasped. And let out a girlish giggle but did his best to keep his voice hushed. “There’s Aloe. I can’t believe I get to see all this up close!”
My only guess was Jackie meant the pony at the reception desk. It was a mare, if my judgement of pony physiology was anything to go by, and she looked rather bored as she turned the page of a magazine on the desk in front of her. She had a long pulled back mane of light sky blue. I frowned at that. And her coat was the colour of cotton candy. I snorted in annoyance.
“Getting real sick of this colour theory cupcakes,” I grumbled under my breath.
The pink and blue pony mumbled when she finally took notice of our group. “Oh, such a diverse group of potential clients.”
Her volume increased as a beaming smile broke out on her face like a sunrise once the door clicked shut in Spears’ magic. She set her magazine aside and gave us her full attention. “Good morning! Welcome to the Day Spa. How may we assist you this day?”
Jackie moved forward. From the tone in his voice I could tell he was returning the pony’s smile. “Can you take us right away?”
The pony blinked in surprise as she processed that it was the yak who approached first and with eagerness.
“Oh. Ah, so all, three, four,” she pointed at each of us as she counted. “Six. Seven. All of you are here for spa treatments, yes?”
“Nothing super girly or anything like that,” said John and I swear I heard her cringe without looking at her.
Jackie grinned and shoved his sister with a hoof. It was clearly intended as a playful tap, but lurched her a step sideways. “I think you could do with a bit of girl time, Jon-Jon!”
“Woah,” John protested, stumbling before Spears used his side and a steady hoof to keep her on her hooves. They gave each other a brief look, mostly of gratitude from John, before her attention returned to the spa pony. Spears’ eyes, however, told a much longer story. One of concern, then relief. A flicker of anger toward Jackie which was instantly swallowed by shuddering breath as John regarded him. Finally ending in a small bout of sheepishness and a grin he hid by turning on his military expression.
My mouth cracked into a very sly smile. Can’t say I didn’t get a few ideas from that tiny interaction.
“Ooh, well, we have many treatments,” the pink pony said reaching behind the counter to pick up a brochure. She held it open so the closest of us could read it. “Hooficures. Facials. Coat grooming. Mane and tail re-styling.”
Looking at Jackie, she quickly added, “Horn shining.”
That definitely brought out the joy in Jackie, causing the yak to bounce in eagerness. “Yes! Yes! All of that, yes!”
“Jackie,” John said, her voice carrying a tinge of warning.
Jackie just turned to face John, almost hurling me off his back, before poking her in the chest with a hoof. “No, Jon-Jon. We’ve been doing what you want for the last few months. Time for something I want to do.”
John blinked, surprise etched on her face. “What I­– You think I–”
She then shook her head and her flustered thoughts aside. “You know what? Fine. We’ll do what you want.”
Grinning and vibrating with joy, Jackie turned to face the spa pony again, startling her in the process. “Give us the works!”
What little concern which had crept into the spa pony’s expression instantly vanished as she physically erupted with enthusiasm. She stepped from behind the counter and called through a door, “Sister! We have clients!”
Another staff member, yet another mare who oddly had the exact opposite colour scheme to the first, poked her head through the door. She let out an open-mouthed smile and happily hurried over to join the first one. They proceeded to bow to us before introducing themselves. Aloe, the predominantly pink one, and Lotus, oh she with the body of blue.
Aloe proceeded to guide us further into the establishment while Lotus followed behind our group, smiling all the way.
As we walked, one thing became clear. Other than the staff members, there was no one else in the building. Something John soon put voice to.
“Seems quiet,” John observed.
“Unfortunately, yes,” Aloe replied, her smile drooping a little at the comment. “It is like this when the pegasi schedule storms in the daytime. All stay home and dry, they wait until it is passed, and yet good treatment takes much time.”
Her gaze swept over the group again. “With all of you, I would say the storm should be over before we are all finished.”
Aloe smiled at us, adding, “It also means you are all so very fortunate, to have only your group here. We will do our very best to pamper you.”
That set off Jackie’s giddy levels of joy again, leaving me to hang on for my life. First stop was the shower stalls. I had to get off my ride at that point as we split into gendered rooms, only to come back together on the other side and in a far cleaner state. With us all wearing towels and fluffy soft bathrobes, it was the first time since his change that any of us were able to see Jackie’s deep brown eyes. Eyes which filled with alarm as we moved together to the next room.
Right in the middle of the room was the object of Jackie’s concern. A single large, round wooden tub filled with water warm enough I could see steam rising from the surface. It was so large that I was sure all of us could easily fit into it together with plenty of room to spare. Which was the point Jackie was so upset about.
He pointed a hoof at the bath and said, “That can’t be it!”
Lotus turned and did her best to assure the large yak. “It eez our mineral bath. Very good for soaking and relaxing zee muscles before our more vigorous massage sessions.”
“T-That’s not the point!” Jackie sputtered, his voice higher pitched than normal. He gestured to the rest of us while Lotus just stared at him, confusion mixing with concern in her eyes.
“I do not zee–” Lotus began but was quickly cut off by Jackie, the spa pony giving a tiny ‘eep’ of surprise.
“Our group has boys and girls in it!” Jackie huffed. “And there is only one soaking tub.”
“I can assure, there eez room for all,” Lotus said, looking concerned but hoping to allay Jackie’s concern.
I swear, even under that mop of a fringe, Jackie was glaring at the spa pony.
“Let me handle this,” Boo said before stepping up beside Jackie. She reached out with a wing, wrapped some feathers around Jackie’s nearest horn and drew the yak’s head closer to her own. Even though Boo whispered, I still managed to pick most of it up. “You need to remember, this is a pony society. People here are a lot less worried about seeing each other in the bath. After all, we don’t tend to wear much in the way of clothes very often.”
Boo then grit her teeth and muttered out the side of her mouth closest to Jackie while smiling at Lotus, “And it would be weird if we didn’t do things as they do.”
“But I don’t want the others to see me in the bath,” Jackie whisper-grumbled back.
“Who? Me, Cremator and your sister?” Boo turned to face Jackie.
“Yes,” Jackie hissed then shook his head. “I mean, no. I mean, ugh! The boys.”
Boo blinked a few times as she stared straight at Jackie. “You’re a boy.”
“Well I wasn’t before,” Jackie grumbled with his teeth clenched. “I’m pretty new to this and I used to be the only girl in the group.”
Boo let out a heavy sigh, fixed her gaze with Jackie’s, and placed a comforting hoof on the yak’s shoulder… against his front leg beside his head. “Remember, I can switch back and forth and even I was uncomfortable the first few times I bathed with the other soldiers. But I did it so I could fit in.”
Jackie turned his head to the side but Boo followed, keeping the rare chance of having their eyes locked together. “It isn’t easy changing species thanks to the teapot, let alone switching genders. I bet your sister or Cremator could…”
Boo trailed off before glancing at me then John. She lingered the longest on John before turning back to Jackie. “Remember, I was a girl before all this happened and I can swap if I need to, so if you need someone to talk to about this who has some idea of what they’re talking about, I’d be happy to listen.”
Jackie drew in a deep breath then let it out slowly through his nostrils.
“And remember, you can still get pampered here,” Boo smiled.
Another snort from Jackie which quickly turned into a grin. He nodded and said, “Okay.”
With that brushed aside for now, the water of the tub awaited. While it lacked the intensity of an open lava pit, I at least found it hotter than the wind and rain outside. Lotus and Aloe tended to our needs, even bringing us cool drinks as we lounged in the water but, eventually, they called each of us away to the next stage of our treatment; the massage tables.
First to leave were Shield Breaker and Comet Streak. I had to blink when Comet Streak emerged from the water and I noticed the odd picture on both of his flanks. Squinting, it looked like an old lantern shining through wisps of dark clouds. Glancing at Shield Breaker’s flanks, he had no image. Lotus and Aloe shared almost identical ones which looked like a flowering lotus bloom. As they left the room, I simply made a mental note to ask Comet Streak about it. Maybe it was only visible now that he had bathed?
The rest of us climbed out of the tub when Lotus and Aloe returned. It probably wasn’t a good idea for even me to stay in water much longer. Who knew if dragon scales could prune?
And wow did Jackie drip. It was like mini waterfalls were cascading down every side of his body as he rose from the water before Aloe and Lotus moved in to wrap the yak in thick towels, then the rest of us. So, draped in towels, we were escorted to the massage area as well as some chairs for those who had to wait.
“Our apologies,” Aloe said, looking to both me and Jackie. Her posture and gaze conveyed just how deeply apologetic she was. “Our strongest masseuse is not with us at the moment.”
“He eez part of the pegasi weather team and eez busy with zee storm,” Lotus added.
“However, we shall do our best for you once we have worked with the rest of your group,” Aloe finished with a smile.
Nodding at that, Jackie and I stepped aside. Leaving things to John, Spears and Boo. Spears took a moment to give a bow of his head to John and Boo and gestured for them to go ahead of him with a hoof as he said, “Ladies first.”
They stood facing each other for several long moments. John staring at Spears, Spears keeping his bowed stance. Boo looked like she could feel the awkward tension in the room.
Yet, when their first movement came, instead of taking the offer, John turned and headed for one of the chairs, leaving Spears to look confused and slightly dejected.
As she neared me, I found it was just too much of a chance to pass up. I quickly launched back into my impersonation of a nature documentary narrator. “And, as we have seen before, the interest of the stallion is rebuked by the young doe who once again fails to grasp any signal given to her, no matter how clear.”
John stopped and just glared at me.
“Sorry,” Boo apologised, trying her best to step between us and usher me to sit on one of the chairs. “It’s been an odd trip.”
“No, no,” John said, holding out a hoof to stop Boo. “You know what?”
John looked straight at me and, as Jackie did his best to settle onto one of the seats, said, “Jackie? Remember how you were looking into sports medicine back home.”
“Um, yes?” Jackie asked hesitantly, probably just as unsure as I was as to where John was leading with this.
“How about you try out some massage techniques you were studying on Cremator?”
My eyes widened at that. Oh, the smug look this deer was giving me right now!
“Oh? Could I?” Jackie asked, suddenly sounding just as excited as when he had first heard the suggestion of the spa back at the town hall.
Both Aloe and Lotus looked at each other rather hesitantly. Aloe even moved to say something before I cut her off. “You know what? I’ll take that challenge.”
A sly grin cracked across John’s snout. A look I returned, even adding a confidant folding of my arms across my puffed-out chest.
With the challenge made and accepted, Aloe and Lotus reluctantly agreed to let us use the spare massage table, so long as Jackie did so while watching Aloe for instruction and advice. It was something Jackie eagerly agreed to.
Even Comet Streak and Shield Breaker came back to watch, with Comet Streak stepping up beside me as I climbed onto the massage table. He whispered to me with a smile, “Viel Glück.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said, waving him away before laying face down on the padded table. I heard and, somewhat, felt Jackie step up beside the table.
“I’ll warn you,” I said, giving my wings a flap before spreading them out across my shoulders. “I can already feel my muscles are pretty tense from flying.”
Jackie rose up on his hind legs, placed a hoof on the edge of the table for balance and one on the middle of my spine. I cracked open an eye to see his hairy visage looming close to mine. Damn he was enormous!
With his lips close to my ear, he said in a calm yet oddly threatening voice, “Don’t tease my brother. That’s my job.”
“But isn’t he your sister now?” I asked. It was the last coherent thing I said for the next several minutes. The only sounds to pass my scaly lips until Jackie finished with me were groans and grunts of pain punctuated by whimpers of agony from between clenched teeth.
At least I’m sure that’s the way the others interpreted things as Jackie used his hooves to systematically and brutally pummel, push, prod, poke and grind every muscle he could find in my back from head to toe. Even the muscles around the bases of my wings weren’t spared his pounding treatment.
At one point, Jackie even climbed up onto the table to stand over me as he worked his hooves deep into my lower back. And, by the time he was done and I finally saw the looks of horror and worry on the faces of everyone else, I knew one thing about Jackie I had not known from when he was a human. As a yak, he would make one fine masseuse.
When I finally slipped from the table, I staggered a step and swayed a little. Comet Streak rushed to prop me up. I accepted the help, not because I was in pain, but because my muscles and joints were so loose I could have sworn they were comprised entirely of jello.
I looked at Jackie, shot him a grin and gave him a huge thumbs up. Considering the pops and crunches my joints and bones had made, maybe he could be a chiropractor?
When everyone realised I wasn’t crushed to death, my bones were still intact and I appeared completely unharmed, the cloud of worry, which had descended on the room, evaporated and we eventually moved on with our spa treatments.