//------------------------------// // AppleBloom // Story: My Crazy Ex // by 23 KM To Nerdiness //------------------------------// [DAY 1105] I'm Arch, earth stallion. AppleBloom, and I had been living together in our new place for about a year and it was our first Hearts and Hooves Day there. So I went BIG. Homemade pasta, flowers, chocolates. "Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, AB." I said, holding a box of chocolates and a comic. "To you........and me?" And, yes, a comic. 'Nebula Squad'. It was the sci-fi comic that every other sci-fi comic wanted to be. It was political, it was racy, it was sexy. Countless issues of intergalactic bliss. It was amazing and since the day I met AB, I've been trying to get her to read an issue. Just ONE. But she wouldn't. So I thought maybe if I went all out for Hearts and Hooves Day.... "Fine." she sighs. "Ya win. But just one." "Okay, good." I was like 'Wait, that worked?' "So, there are a few things you should know before you start." I said. "This version of Nebula Squad is in an alternate timeline from a different creator who's given this one a much lighter tone than its-" "Arch, hun, lemme just read it." "Y-Yeah, you're right. Sorry." I was convinced she was gonna love it. I mean, how could anypony not? After she was done- "So what'd you think?" I asked. "It was great." she nodded slightly. "Oh, you didn't like it, did you?" "No, no, no, no, I did. I really did.....ugh, I'm sorry. It's just not my thing." I thought, 'Are you bucking kidding me? I'm THIS close!' "Did you like any of it?" "This Brax guy here looked pretty cute." "The ladies love Brax. Well, I appreciate you giving it a shot. Can I get you some more wine?" "Sure." I thought it was a lost cause, but then- "We could read another one." AB uttered. "If ya want." "Really?" I gasped. "The real action doesn't start until the second act." "Great. I'll get us some more wine." We ended up reading two more issues that night. I was like 'Holy shit. My marefriend might have become a Nebuloid!' Best Hearts and Hooves Day EVER. [DAY 1106] The next day, all I could think about was getting off work so i could tell my friend, Snips, about this. He was an even bigger fan of the comics than I was. "I've got very big Nebula Squad news." I chuckled. "You're finally turning your living room into a replica of the command center?" Snips said. "Never gonna happen." He'd been bugging me about that for months. Not kidding. "But I did get AppleBloom to start reading the comic." "Oh, no way! What'd she think?" "I think she's starting to get sucked in like a Nebula tractor beam." "Marry her." "Yeah, right." I scoff. "..." "...wait, you're serious?" "As a Trillien viral spore! We could have the wedding at SquadCon. You and AB can wear the Throlactian bonding robes from issue #32." Snips worked in a comic book store and was even a coordinator for the annual Nebula Squad convention. So he knew everything there was to know about the comic. But when it came to the ladies... "I just thought it would be pretty cool, but, whatever." Let's just say I was light years ahead of Snips. Light years. I got home that night and found AB sitting on the couch with a kind of guilty look on her face. "Whatcha doing?" I asked. "Nothin'." she uttered. Under the pillow right next to her, I saw a corner of paper. "Is that a comic?" "I......called in sick to work." "Wait, what? So you've just been sitting on the couch reading Nebula Squad all day?" "Y-Yes...?" "That's awesome!" I cheered. "What issue are you on?" From that point on, it was basically Nebula Squad 24/7. It was like I got my wish. [DAY 1120] Thirty issues of Nebula Squad later, it was getting to the point where it was hard to get AppleBloom off of the couch. I mean, come on, she even memorized the team's motto. The more into it she got, the less I liked it. [DAY 1122] Pretty early on, I realized this wasn't just a new interest for AB.... "Call me Shintara." she panted in the middle of our makeout session. "What, like, from the comic?" "Shintara from the Quad Nebula." It was a weird fascination. "I'm not saying that." "SAY IT!" "Urgh.....oh, Shintara, y-your alien pheromones are.....driving me crazy." "Eeto eeto, prahna!" she babbled. "You speak Quannese?" "Roo taa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!!!" [DAY 1132] "Keep 'em closed." After a while, AB's fascination turned into a full blown obsession. "What is it?" I asked. "What's the surprise?" "Just keep 'em closed, and........open 'em!" "Ah! Is that.......a bucking intergalactic-" "Battle saber? Hells, yeah!" "But those are really expensive!" "Yeah, like, a thousand bits but totally worth it." Those thousand bits was supposed to go towards our trip to Mexicolt the next year. "I need it for my Shintara outfit I'm building for SquadCon next month." Hasta la vista, trip. [DAY 1152] "Alright, AB, I'm ready to go out here." The whole thing got really old... "Do ya have my intergalactic battle saber?" she asked. "Yep, it's right here." I sighed. REALLY fast. But, we finally made it. We were at the last issue, the finale. Which wasn't much of a finale since the comic was suddenly discontinued. But AppleBloom didn't know that. "I'mma ready." she said, sitting on the couch in her Shintara getup. "Okay, here you go." "Wait, I got this here outfit for ya. Put it on, Brax." For the sake of keeping AppleBloom happy and, well, sane, I put on the damn costume. I was just glad I only had to sit through this last stupid comic, then things would go back to the old me and AB. But when she found out how it ended... "T-That's it?" she utters. "Yep." I nod. "Brax gets coltnapped, that's the end?" I realized it wasn't going to be that simple. "That's correct." "This stinks! They need to make more books." "Oh, well. What do we watch next?" "What're you talkin' about? We gotta start back on issue #1!" "......what?" She just got sucked deeper into the black hole. "Hey, you're the stallion that said we have to read each issue five or six times to pick up on all the 'sub-text', whatever that means! So, let's start over." "You gotta be kidding me!" "You got me into this!" "Yeah, but this.....it's too much. I don't even want to go to SquadCon this weekend." "But the creator, Laser Burst, will be there, I HAVE to meet him!" "I'm done." "Fine, I'll just go by my lonesome!" It had finally dawned on me. I created a monster. I barely knew who AppleBloom was anymore. [DAY 1153] It was the day of SquadCon, but I felt like I had to get this fight off my chest. So I went over to Snips' before he left for the convention. "It was insane, she's full on obsessed." I huffed. "Dude, I've gotta tell you something." Snips said. Again, Snips was coordinating SquadCon that year, which means he had access to alot of information, including schedules and locations of the cast and crew. And AB knew that. "You know I don't tell anypony where the guests are staying." Snips continued. "But AppleBloom came by, and started asking questions and she wouldn't leave me alone about it." "Okay..." "At first, I said no, then she threatened to buck my teeth in, so.....I told her. I think she's going to sleep with Laser Burst." "WHY?!" "I don't bucking know! You told me AB thought Brax was attractive and Laser kinda LOOKS like him." I know it wasn't all Snips' fault, but I had to move. AppleBloom had booked a room under her name, and I convinced the front desk that I was her coltfriend and lost my key. "Don't ya see how amazin' this could be? We can do this together." I heard behind her door. I couldn't help but think how this whole thing was such a bizarre twist of fate. I unlocked the door and stormed right in there. "Hey, you step away from my-" Inside, I found AB standing in her outfit next to Laser Burst himself.....tied to a CHAIR. "AppleBloom, what have you done?" I gasped. "I-I met him down in the bar and convinced him to come up here." she stated. "Wait a minute, you didn't come up here to sleep with Laser Burst?" "Ew. Do ya think I'm some kinda Andorian leg spreader?" And that's where I found out what AppleBloom was really up to at SquadCon. Once she realized that Nebula Squad had no real ending, she started plotting to get it back. Snips and I thought she was obsessed with Brax and thought she'd use Laser Burst for her fantasy, but what she really wanted was to revive her obsession. So, once she knew where to find him, she got him alone and made her move. And when that didn't work out, things went... A little off script. "AB, are you insane?!" I yelled. "He's got a bump on his noggin!" "I had no choice, Arch!" AB grunted. "I did it for us, ya know!" "How does this help our relationship?" "I meant US: the FANS!" Guess I should've stuck with flowers and chocolate... Arch convinced Laser Burst not to press charges. Arch then broke up with AppleBloom in the main hall at SquadCon. AppleBloom turned her living room into a replica of the Nebula Squad Command Center... With Snips.