"Feh! Two bags of gold for four lousy tickets! What a ripoff! You two call yourselves 'experts' at ticket booths?" Grogar mumbled to himself as he marched into the park alongside Flim and Flam. "Don’t worry my powerful comrade. Soon you and your friends will be having the time of their lives!" Flim said excitedly. "I hope for your sake you’re right. Wait a minute- where ARE those idiots?" Grogar said, looking around the active park in confusion.
"Why, they’re probably enjoying all our amazing rides as we speak!" Flam said. "All don’t you worry, all of our attractions are 100% safe." He patted the side of an arcade machine, causing it to malfunction and electrocute the pony. "Eh, heh heh, you weren’t planning on playing these, are you?" Grogar slapped himself.
Meanwhile, far down the ride-filled path, Tirek was approaching a test-your-strength game. The purple machine was sitting in front of him with the hammer ready, as if it was daring the centaur to try it as he rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Sweet biceps, here I come!" He bellowed as he picked up the hammer, raised it high, and slammed it down. Immediately the knob on the scale zoomed up, past Foal, to Stallion, to Minotaur, and finally coming to a stop just beneath Almighty God. "Bah, What does this game know? I’m far more superior than any of those princesses!" He remembered why they had come in the first place and grinned. "Let’s see how genuine this thing is when it’s lost all its magic!"
An orange orb appeared in between Tirek's bending horns, as he opened his mouth and began sucking all the magic out out of the game. What most ponies probably didn’t know was that each kind of magic centaurs gained had a different kind of taste too it. Princess magic, obviously, was the tastiest kind despite being so hard to find. Unfortunately, the game magic was nothing like it: it was really sour and tasted like cardboard that had been showered in salt. Tirek eventually had to stop before he became sick, and realized that he hadn’t just become less visibly stronger, as he was instead reverted back to his scrawny form rather than growing to his ultimate size, but he also felt incredibly unwell.
"There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!" Grogar said angrily as he walked up to Tirek. "What happened to you? You look like a chewed up eraser." Tirek angrily punched the machine, though now that he had lost some magic it was more of just a little slap. "Ugh, what kind of power did they put in that!? I haven’t tasted magic that bad since Discord." Suddenly, a robotic hand extended from the machine and gestured to Tirek. ”Please deposit five bits." A robotic voice said.
Grogar rolled his eyes. "Oh, of course! knew this place was a sham. They’re trying to bankrupt us! Just keep trying to find something with REAL magic! I’ll go find the others!" He stalked off, mumbling to himself. "And my magic doesn’t taste that bad..."
Meanwhile, Cozy Glow was stuffing her face at a corn dog stand, acting like she hadn’t eaten in days- not counting the five uninterrupted hours they had spent looking for the park. "Yum, this stuff tastes WAY better than the food in Tartarus! And if the FOOD tastes good, the magic must be DELICIOUS!" She threw the wrappers to the ground and spotted Grogar shuffling by. "Oh hey, Grogar." She gulped Down the bit of sausage and patted her bulging stomach. "These corn dogs are great! That must mean there’s a lot of good magic stored inside! And I WANT it!" She grinned chaotically.
"Are you sure? I’m beginning to think this place isn’t legit." Grogar said. "Au contraire, goat. This is the most magical place this side of Equestria." Flim said quickly as the two hooligans slid up to the emperor. "It’s not IN Equestria!” Grogar said, raising his voice. "That’s why we CAME!" He slammed his hoof on the ground and created a bright yellow explosion of magic that threw the three ponies aside. "It’s obvious I am once again the only competent one here, so I shall take the magic myself!" He aimed his horns at the stands and began sucking all the energy from them into his horns. When he was finished, he turned to the vaudevillians and blew away the smoke on his horns. "Now prepare to feel the almighty wrath of GROGAR!"
Suddenly, a strange sparkling sound could be hard as little yellow sparks started shooting out from the old ram's horns. "What’s going on?" He demanded to know. His horns began shaking and buzzing as though they were robotic. Grogar yelped in pain as the horns suddenly began shrinking and turning a light shade of white, until they stopped, looking like the horns of a young billy goat. Grogar and Cozy Glow stared in horror at his new look, and the goat lowered his glare to the two nervously-smiling unicorns in front of them. "So... would you like to pay for your friends meal?" Flim asked. Grogar turned to Cozy. "Go find that bumbling changeling. I have no idea how old you are, but you probably won’t want to see what I’m about to do to these curs." Cozy shook her head quickly and flee off.
Chrysalis, meanwhile, was staring at the biggest, scariest flat ride she had ever seen. It loomed over her, blocking the setting sun and making the whole sky purple, with its shiny yellow lights, and it's Flim and Flam patented cars, which were frozen there in the air, waiting for someone to ride them. Chrysalis scoffed. "Big deal. I’ve been on rides with Fluffle Puff ten TIMES scarier than this." The wicked changeling took out a big bag of bits and put it on the counter, and after a second it disappeared into the desk. She didn’t do it because it was the rules, she just wanted to empty Grogar's wallet to annoy him.
Chrysalis flew up to the ride and strapped herself into a Flim car. "This ride better be something. I want to drain as much of it’s succulent love as possible." At the mention of "love", Chrysalis's belly roared, signalling her endless hunger for pony love. She smiled and rubbed her stomach with one hoof while the other clutched the metal bar around her. "Don’t worry, stomach. Soon we will have all the love of Equestria to keep us nourished, especially that sow Starlight! I might as well try this pathetic gizmo for s ride before I deprive it of its essence! Nyaha!" She laughed and made a strange face. Realizing she was starting to go crazy, Chrysalis just sat there for a minute, waiting for something to happen. "Say, when’s this thing gonna-"
Suddenly, the ride came to life, with a few unsettling creaks and whirs as the lights began blinking and the whole thing started to move, and the cars began making their way slowly around the ride. Aside from the sudden jolt at the start, it wasn’t very thrilling. Chrysalis just sat there, half-asleep, with one hoof pressed against her cheek. "Well, this fucking sucks."
Suddenly, Chrysalis heard Cozy calling her name. She looked over the edge of her seat and saw the pink Pegasus looking up at her. "Uh, Chryssie, What are you doing up there?” Chrysalis shrugged sarcastically. "Nothing, that’s what! What is Grogar doing? Has Tirek taken any of this place's magic that should be MINE? And, oh yeah, stop calling me CHRYSSIE!!!"
Cozy sighed. "You might as well get off of that thing. This place is just a scam so those clowns can get rich quick. There’s no actual magic." Chrysalis was flabbergasted. ”You have GOT to be kidding me! I’m going to turn those two ponies inside out and burn their bodies!" She squirmed around in her seat but was unable to break out of the metal bar. "Great, I’m stuck. See if you can stop the ride from down there."
Cozy flew over and examined a nearby panel. "Okey-dokey!" She pulled a big red lever in the middle of the panel, but Instead of slowing down the ride, it did the exact opposite. The ride suddenly sped up, the cars spinning around at an insanely fast sped. The changeling queen screamed and felt her stomach lurch as she was sent whirling and hurling around. Literally. Cozy had to zig-zag everywhere to avoid all the sickly green vomit. "Um, maybe I should just go get Grogar." She suggested sheepishly. If Chrysalis wasn’t being thrown around like a rag doll she would have cursed the wings off the little Pegasus.
Meanwhile, Flim and Flam were running terrified around the park, while Grogar chased them, shooting at the ground with his crippled horns. "Slow down, you assholes! I don’t want sweat coating your flesh when I slowly peel it off and DEVOUR IT!" Behind Grogar came Tirek, slowly limping around in search of something he could drain of magic. He was so starving he was practically about to collapse. "I just... want... some essence..." Suddenly, Cozy Glow flew up to the centaur. "Oh, great, just what I need now. I suppose you’re going to say you told me so."
"Uh, what did I tell you?" Cozy asked. "Oh, I don’t know. I’m so hungry I can’t even think straight!" Tirek growled. "Well then, have I got news for you. Chrysalis is stuck in a flat ride and you have to stop it." Tirek groaned. "Hmmm, fine. How much worse could it get at this point?"
Soon, they were standing in front of the crazy ride. The lights shone much better now as the sky was completely dark, but it had no effect on the cars as they were still spinning around as fast as a Wonderbolt, with poor Chrysalis still strapped into one and screaming, and when she wasn’t screaming, she was throwing up. "Wow." Tirek said with a smile as he stared up at the ride. "That actually looks fun."
"Eeyeah, but I don’t think Chrysalis sees it that way.” She said. "Quick! Drain that whole thing of it's of its magic so it’ll stop." Tirek gasped. ”Over my dead body! No, really, if I do that I’ll die! Then I won’t be able to CONQUER Equestria, and-" He suddenly stopped as an idea struck him. "Did you say drain the WHOLE thing?”
"Yes, and quick!" Cozy pleaded. She flashed him an incredibly cute puppy dog eyes look that Gallus had taught her to motivate him. Tirek looked up at the ride and cracked his neck. "Alright, but you BOTH owe me for this one." Tirek cracked his neck, and began inhaling all the magic from the ride. As he breathed in its essence, the ride got slower and slower, and Tirek grew bigger and bigger, eventually reaching the form he had been in when they first arrived. When he was done, the ride had completely stopped. Even the lights had turned off, leaving the area pitch black and completely quiet- well, except for the faint screaming of Flim and Flam in the distance.
"Wow, Tirek, you did it! And you got super buff again!" Cozy said excitedly. "But how? I thought there wasn’t any real magic in this place."
"There wasn’t... on the ride." Tirek said mischievously, and pointed at Queen Chrysalis, who was slowly dragging her weak, starving corpse out through the park entrance. Her hair was much more loose, and she had lost her little crown and had more holes in her body than before. "You... drained... all my... MAGIC?!" She shouted angrily. "Hey, I got you off the ride, didn’t I? Just get Grogar to boost you like he did with me!" The centaur walked off, laughing. "Oh, why didn’t HE just do that in the first place?" Chrysalis cried, before passing out.
Eventually, the three made their way back to Grogar. "Thank Celestia! Now we can finally get out of this hellhole!" He had ripped off Flim and Flam's horns and used them to pin their bruised and beaten bodies to two dart boards. "THAT should teach them a lesson. Now let’s go!" It was then that he noticed what had happened to Tirek and Chrysalis. "At least one of us had fun tonight." He huffed.
After the four villains had left the park, knocking some stands and garbage cans over, and returned to the cave, Cozy flew up to a fuming Grogar, who was throwing the unconscious Chryssie onto a mattress. "It’s too bad we couldn’t find any real magic in there. So what will we do now?" She asked. "How should I know?" Grogar growled. "This whole thing has thrown a wrench in my plans!" Grogar walked up to his globe and activated it, viewing the castle at Canterlot. "And a few weeks from now is the Summer Sun Celebration, so we must act quickly if we are to defeat Princess Twilight and her friends." He snorted angrily as an ad for something called "Cheese Sandwich's New Laugh Factory" popped on the screen. "And I have GOT to get ad blocker on this!"
Luckily, Grogar had given some extra bulk to Tirek, so he was able to spare some to bring Chrysalis back to normal when the goat wasn’t looking. "Ugh, when I take over Equestria, the first thing I’ll do is outlaw amusement parks.."
"Yes..." Tirek said, and he opened a drawer in the wall and pulled Grogar's prized Bewitching Bell. "If only we knew how to USE this thing..." Cozy flew up and snatched the bell. "Oh, I've got a good feeling about what this baby can do, and that idiot princess will never see it coming... now, who wants some disgusting amusement park corn dogs?"