"Ah, good morning, Juniper- uhm… what in Faust's name are you wearing?" Celestia had just walked into Alchemiracles to start her latest shift. In some ways, it reminded her of walking in on Twilight: expect anything. And just like dealing with Twilight, when the assistant was wearing a helmet and taking cover, there was cause for alarm.
"Sshh!" Juniper grabbed Celestia and pulled her behind the counter as quickly and quietly as she could. "Do you not check the calendar now that you and Luna get days off from ruling? It's HEARTS AND HOOVES DAY."
"Your point?"
"Last year Arca dumped a truth potion into the water supply intending to help shy colts confess their love to their crushes. Except it made EVEYPONY incapable of lying for a whole week."
Celestia quickly magicked up a helmet of her own and hunkered down next to the green pegasus. "So what's the plan? Hide until closing?"
"That, or-" Juniper was cut off as the floor underneath Celestia sprang up on a hinge, knocking her back with a very unladylike yelp. And who else rose out of the crawl space but the one stallion they didn't want to see.
"Hi girls!" Arca cheerfully greeted the pair. "How are you today? Wait no come back!" Before he could do anything, Celestia had already lit up her horn and warped herself and Juniper to somewhere else, likely far away. Not having the desire or time to try and attempt a chase-teleport, he sighed and closed the trapdoor, slipping back into the darkness below. He quickly stood up as the secret ramp took him deeper underground, past the blaring neon sign that read 'Arca's Super duper top secret under the lab laboratory! Tours 5 bits apiece. Donations accepted.'
"Goodness, what a racket! Do those two not understand?
When brewing new concoctions, loud noises distract from the task at hand."
Arca rounded a bend in the tunnel and entered his basement lab, where a tall, dark blue alicorn was working on something in a cauldron while a zebra watched. "Heh… Zecora, was it? Do all you guys rhyme or is it like a social thing? Because last time I visited the savannas, you lot were speaking in iambic pentameter." In response, Zecora rolled her eyes. When Luma had invited her to come meet an alchemical master, this wasn't what she envisioned, but she was used to such surprises.
"That part of our history we have long since forgot.
Does it matter? It does not."
While Arca pondered how a zebra would brew anything using an orange as an ingredient, Luna chimed in. "We thank thee for letting us help on this new formula, Arcane. Truly, this love potion shall ignite the flames of passion between two lovers and corner the market! We shall be hailed as heroes and rival niece Cadence!"
"Wait, flames of passion? Ooo, I don't think we have any napalm lying around, but I do have some dragonfire death peppers!" Arca shifted over to the stacks of ingredients, grabbed a jar of the ground-up plant in question, and unceremoniously dumped the entire contents of the far into the cauldron. He started mixing in the ingredient when hoofsteps coming down the stairs made them all turn. On sheer instinct, Arca screamed "LAB COATS REQUIRED!" And flung a spare from a hanger into the face of the one pony among the new arrivals who wasn't wearing one. Then he realized who just walked in. "Oh… buck."
"Language, young colt. I raised you better than that," Mage Meadowbrook chided, glaring at her adoptive son.
"Arcie! I've come to take you on a date, my very special somepony!" Razzle Dazzle sped past Meadowbrook and almost tackle-hugged Arca before realizing that there was a bubbling, unknown potion behind him, and had the brains to skid to a stop instead.
Arca glanced at Razzle's designer lab coat for a moment, impressed at how much detail there was and how many designs there were in it without obstructing movement. Befitting of a supermodel of Razzle's fame. "I don't remember agreeing to a date."
"I set it all up for you, silly colt!" She booped him on the nose with a hoof. And I find you hiding from me down here!"
"That was the idea, Raz. I'm working." Arca turned around and stirred the mixture again, not noticing Zecora and Meadowbrook excusing themselves to both catch up and in Meadowbrook's case, guard the back exit so Arca couldn't get out. She was determined to see grandfoals at some point.
"Then stop working and come with me for a night on the town! Dinner, dancing, just you and me…"
"How did you even find this lab? I specifically hid the entrance from you with an unbreakable illusion spell!"
"You mean that tiny piece of paper taped to the back door that said 'no door here, move along'?"
"Yes! Does nopony do what written notes tell them to these days? I swear-" he swung out his upper hooves in his usual 'are you bucking kidding me' stance, but a CLANG resounded as a hoof collided with the cauldron and tipped it over. "Oh wait, buck m-"
FWOOOOOSH
Even from far up the mountain, where Celestia and Juniper had retreated to for safety and a picnic lunch, saw the Alchemiracles shop explode in a massive, heart-shaped plume of smoke. They nodded to each other, mutually glad they had ran off for the day, and poured another glass of cider.
Back at what used to be the 1,278th building of Alchemiracles, Meadowbrook and Zecora stared at the charred rubble of the basement lab as first Luna, then Arca, and lastly Razzle clawed their way out of the rubble.
"The pain they feel is immeasurable, I presume.
We are lucky that only the immortals were caught in that big kaboom." Zecora's rhyming was mostly ignored as everypony got their bearings.
Arca looked in Razzle's direction and wailed. "Oh no! Oh no! How could something so beautiful, so flawless, be ruined by my carelessness! I'm so sorry!" He crawled across the wreckage towards Razzle, and she couldn't seem happier.
"It's okay, Arcie. I will always love you, no matter what, now let's go on that da-"
"My sign! My beautiful sign!" Arca crawled past Razzle and dragged his magically lit neon sign from a pile of burning wood. Where it once read 'Arca's Super duper top secret under the lab laboratory! Tours 5 bits apiece. Donations accepted.', most of the letters were shorted out. The few letters still lit spelled: 'Arca's_S___o_________b_____u___ce____d.'.
"There's not even a K! It's spelled wrong!"
"Oh, I'll show you 'so bucked'. Get over here and date me!"
"Help! Mom! Do something!"
And so, as Arcane Catalyst ran into the mountains, covered in soot and with an irritated Razzle hot on his heels, another Rainbow Falls Hearts and Hooves day drew to a close.