Edited by:
PieisGood4U
BlazinBlade7
dialgex
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I knew it had to happen eventually, and that by hiding at the back of the crowd I was only delaying the inevitable, but still as the guards were leading me away to the interrogation room, I couldn’t help but feel that I had made a mistake by staying.
I totally should have legged it.
My two guards escorted me to the room and left me there, with nothing but a chair and a table to amuse me. Fortunately it wasn’t long until Captain Steel Mane entered, apparently these ponies didn’t know how to let a suspect stew for a while. I’ve been in interrogations before, by both the police and less savoury individuals, and one thing that an interrogator must always do is be patient. Allow the suspect to imagine all the horrible things that might happen to them, because their imaginations are far more powerful tools than any amount of questioning or beatings.
The Guard Captain took a seat opposite me and placed a folder full of papers in front of him as well as a small pouch. Why did he bring a folder? He can’t have that much information on me can he? I bet he just did it to look impressive. Well you can’t fool me Mr Mane, I’ve got your number. Nothing can get past me.
“The reports from the other refugees we’ve interviewed so far have said that you are partly responsible for their escape. I don’t think I believe them though, you don’t look like much. Care to give me your version of events?”
Oh yeah, the other refugees. Totally forgot about them. That could mess up my plans to lie horribly to this fine gentleman. Hmm, new plan. Time to blow this guy out of the water.
Pinkie Pie Style!
I took a deep breath, drawing in as much precious oxygen as I could. I would need it for what I was about to attempt. When I could draw in no more I began.
“It was so exciting! I was walking through some woods and then I ran into this nice mare! ‘Ran into’ in the literal sense as we quite literally ran into each other! It was hilarious! But then these mean dogs came along and took us to their cave, they seemed very unhappy. Everyone else there seemed unhappy as well. Then I met this nice minotaur called Iron Will, only he seemed a little angry at the time, and we played a wonderful game of tag. I won. Then I got to meet all the other ponies but they weren’t happy either. So I decided that I needed to cheer them up and throw them a party! But the mean dogs had taken away all my party equipment. And you can’t have a party without party equipment! That would just be silly! There would be no balloons! No piñata! No streamers! So I decided to sneak out and get some supplies, but everyone else decided to follow me as well! That was just rude, it was supposed to be a surprise party! But then I got to meet some foals and they were just adorable. Then Redtooth, king of the meanies, arrived and I was all like ‘SURPRISE!’ only he didn’t seem very nice and was all like ‘I don’t like surprises grrr’ Then my friends arrived and Redtooth must not have been feeling very well because he decided to lie down only it seemed like he couldn’t make his mind up because he got up again a few seconds later and was all like ‘GRR NOW I’M REALLY MAD!’ and he tried to kick us out but he must have just been feeling a little grumpy because after I gave him one of my special party poppers he calmed right down!”
The captain was stunned, sitting there with her jaw hanging open. Occasionally he would try to form words but just spluttered off into nothing. Evidently he had never dealt with the full force of Pinkie Pie before, the unprepared didn’t stand a chance against it. Eventually he managed to get his brain working again.
“…Yes…that matches what the other reports say…kind of. Just one more test to pass.” He reached into the bag in front of him and pulled out a perfectly round sphere which appeared to glow with an inner light. He held it in his hoof and reached out towards me, the light shining brighter the closer it got. He stared at it, looking slightly disappointed. “Alright, I suppose your free to go, just don’t cause any trouble in my town.”
“Okay dokie lokie” I replied cheerfully, still channelling my inner Pinkie Pie. The captain was swift to release me, perhaps fearing that I would start talking again. As I left the guard station I saw Iron and Summer waiting on a bench nearby, the small unicorn looking hilariously out of place next to the huge minotaur. They waved me over when they saw me.
“Hey Ace, didn’t expect you out so quickly. Figured they’d have you in there all day.” Iron said.
“Yeah, how exactly did you get out from under the captains hoof?” Summer added.
“It was quite easy really, I just remembered something a very hyperactive friend taught me a long time ago. It's quite easy to get away with stuff so long as everyone thinks you have no idea what’s going on. No one bothers to keep tabs on the person they think is just a silly excitable fool.”
Pinkie, you have taught me well.
“That’s actually surprisingly cunning of you. Didn’t know you had it in you kid.” Iron commented with a wry grin.
“I’m just full of surprises aren’t I? So now that we aren’t being viciously attacked, what are you guys planning on doing next?”
“I’m going to report in with the guard and get any updates on the situation. I’ve been away too long, need to get back in the loop.” Well I guess that means Summer’s gone.
“Oh…okay, how about you Iron?”
“Going to find the local blacksmith and borrow his forge, the sooner you get a weapon the sooner you can start defending yourself. Can’t let you be going off undefended, you clearly can’t handle yourself.”
“I can so handle myself!…so you’re both leaving?”
“Aye, that’s the plan.” He responded.
I tried not to look too downcast at this, I shouldn’t have really expected any better. The problem that had followed me throughout life and had even followed me to another universe.
Performers don’t have friends. Just audiences.
We show off our tricks and people love and adore us, they pay money to see us and throw roses at our feet. But it is a false love, a fleeting love. The crowds eventually tire of you and leave to find newer, more exciting entertainment. The money disappears and the roses wither and eventually the cycle repeats. A new crowd, new roses but the same old story.
As I watch Iron and Summer walk away to go about their respective duties I feel that sharp pain in my chest, the same pain I feel at the end of every show I’ve ever done. Loneliness. They’ve left me and I am alone again. The performer is tired and broken.
But the show must go on.
Realising I may be getting a tad melodramatic I put my mask back on, a cheery smile to cover painful eyes, and head off down the main street, to where I can here the sounds of a bustling market. Perhaps I can drive away the pain with some light entertainment.
The market itself was a cacophony of shouts and cries. The calls of the stall owners as they announced their product to the writhing mass of multi-coloured bodies that made up the crowd. The shouts of the customers as they haggled, attempting to be heard over everyone else. I saw stalls for more kinds of fruits and vegetables than I could possibly count; carrots, apples, bananas, even broccoli. They all had their own personal stall as each trader sold something different.
It was a criminally inefficient way of setting out a marketplace.
Most human markets will only have one, maybe two, vegetable stalls and these stalls will sell all kinds of greens. The way the ponies did it meant you had ten times as many stall and half as much variety. Twilight would be gravely disappointed by this lack of organization.
I was hesitant about entering the crowd, its encompassing embrace would give me very little room to manoeuvre and next to no places to escape from. The was also the minor problem that I was something unique and possibly scary to the ponies. Although now that I think about it that hadn’t been such a big deal so far, maybe the ponies weren’t as xenophobic as everyone thought they were. This calls for some investigation.
“Excuse me miss,” I addressed a passing purple pony, “You wouldn’t happen to notice anything odd about me would you?”
“Well, I suppose you’re a bit different.” The mare said in a confused tone.
“But not scary?”
“Oh my no. You don’t look very scary at all. I mean this in the nicest possible way but I don’t see you as being capable of doing me any harm. You just don’t look very fearsome, although I suppose that broken horn does add a certain amount of dashing mystery to you but still…just not that scary.”
“Okay...thanks for the help I guess.” I wasn’t sure how exactly to feel about this. I so can be scary…I just don’t want to right now is all.
“Your welcome, glad to be of help.” The mare said before trotting away. So, not only are the ponies not overly xenophobic but they are also quite polite. I suppose they might be scared of something with huge teeth or giant claws but that’s not really racism, that’s logical.
I pondered the mares words for a while, taking a seat on a park bench so that I could get some serious pondering done. Deciding that I didn’t quite look pensive enough I added to the effect by chewing on my pipe and stroking an imaginary beard.
Oh yeah, now there’s some serious philosophising going on here.
I liked to think that I, whilst certainly no body builder, at least had some vestige of muscles about my person. They were just…well hidden. I liked to describe my build as wiry, but others seemed to prefer the term ‘wimpy’, or perhaps lean, once again my peers decided ‘stick-thin’ was a better adjective. I had worked hard to cultivate the look of a devilish rogue, both for the benefit of my show and the benefit of the ladies, yet here in Equestria they had entirely different concepts of beauty and I didn’t seem to factor into them. I wondered about my prospects in the future, being unable to use my charms to woo any ladies who get in my way.
Somehow I think I will survive.
All this introspection is really hurting my ego, best stop before I say something I’ll regret, like perhaps having an Ace of Spades tattooed under one eye makes me look a bit like a thespian.
I’ll make you eat those words!
Quiet Inner Me, there appears to be shit going down.
I wasn’t just saying that to shut my subconscious up either, something appeared to be happening to the crowd in front of me. It started of as a subtle ripple, slowly escalating until it reached the point where ponies were leaping to clear the path for whatever was coming through. Could it be some kind of warrior, feared and respected, or was it perhaps somepony of nobility, maybe even royalty, paying a visit to this small town?
A few seconds later I got my answer and my guesses, whilst reasonable, were proven completely wrong. Striding confidently through the gap in the crowd, towering over the ponies, was a honest to god human. A woman to be specific, with long golden hair and a fair complexion as pale as the moon. Her skin was smooth and her body was wonderfully toned, giving her the appearance of an athlete of some kind. The swaying of her hips spoke volumes about her confidence whilst the fact that she was mostly nude spoke even louder about her sex appeal. The only clothes she was wearing was a two piece bikini which under closer inspection, very close inspection, appeared to be made entirely of money. British money to be precise.
My pipe tumbled from my loose lips and hit the ground at my hooves as my entire posture slumped into the stance known as ‘drooling idiot’. Similar stances were being adopted by all the stallions in the crowd, whilst the mares looked on in some annoyance, some of them smacking a nearby stallion over the head to try and break them out of their trance. I barely had time to notice the ponies reactions before my eyes were dragged back to the human and held there against their will. The flaxen haired beauty walked right past me, barely even glancing at my love struck expression, before she sauntered away, hips still swinging, and turned a corner.
The moment she was out of sight I found myself about to let out a wistful sigh before I managed to stop it from escaping. The Amazing Ace does not wistfully sigh. This is an imperative rule of the universe that all beings must know. I do not long for anything. Other things long for me.
Something fishy is going on in White Tail, and I’m going to get to the bottom of it, but there is one important order of business to get down to before I start investigating a mystery. What famous detective should I pretend to be whilst I go about my investigations?
Am I more like Sherlock Holmes or Hercule Poirot? Or maybe Scooby Doo?
I reached down and picked up my pipe of the floor, cleaning it off with one hand before setting it back in my mouth. Probably terribly unhygienic but I’ve got more important issues to deal with. As I set off after my prey I realised the answer to my conundrum almost immediately.
I’ve got a pipe and am British, definitely going with Sherlock Holmes. Be a crime not to.
I took a quick nibble at my pipe, pretending to contemplate a mystery of intricate complexity.
“The game is afoot!” I exclaimed, drawing some strange looks from nearby ponies, probably wondering what a ‘foot’ was.
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Can I get a big cheer for character exposition? Yeah!
.....no? Your saying you all want comedy and adventure?
*looks at tags*
Huh, then I suppose comedy and adventure is what you shall get. Enjoy the new arc 'Mystery in White Tail'.
God, that sounds like a Scooby Doo episode. The hell is wrong with me?
Barrel-of-fun