Dear Princess Sunbutt

by 2Merr

Letter 114

Dear Princess Cushy Tush,

Queen Succubug is on my couch right now. She and three other changelings showed up at the library about an hour ago in full buggo mode—no disguises, no spells (I checked). They simply knocked on the door in broad daylight. If this were any other place but Ponyville, there would have been mass panic, but the general populace here just kinda goes along with anything.

Chryssi apparently heard about the Not-Gun of Fixiness from Juan, so she came to see if it actually works. I told her the victim target subject had to be willing in order for it to work, otherwise they get a new hole. After some convincing from myself and Stupid, I shot one of the dudes and he turned into a winner. Like winners do, he ate some pizza, showing all the same responses I noted from Juan. 

Chrys Chan started questioning Stupid about the changes. When he confirmed his lack of a craving for love, she got very concerned. She’s worried that if I go school shooter on a willing hive, they’ll starve to death because of the culture shock. They don’t have the means or widespread knowledge for gathering and storing food, and they would have no appetite for their primary food source anymore. She wants to have readily available food before agreeing to any large-scale slaughter reformation. She offered to negotiate peace talks to help integrate changeling society into the rest of the world, saying she’ll cooperate with whatever security and surveillance measures you want to take as a sign of trust. Her only stipulation is that the negotiations take place in Ponyville, because apparently she doesn’t trust you that much.

I’m confident I can represent Equestria in this matter, but if you’d like to come yourself, see Anon it’ll speed the whole thing along. The Holey Ho said she’s k with only talking to ambassadors if you’re worried about safety. Either way, if you could send over a couple guards, a blood tester thingy, and maybe one of those anti-magic mcfuckerydoos, that’d be great. I already put like fourteen thousand alarm spells around the perimeter, so we’ll know if she tries anything funny before they get here. 

Your almost sexy librarian, 
Thighlight Spunkle

P.S. - Kinkbug wants me to warn you she naturally emits a pheromone that makes everyone around her mildly horny, so whoever you send should be aware of that. I found no significant change in my state of arousal, but it’s worth noting.

P.P.S. - Anon will happily volunteer to be one of her personal guards if you need him to. His raw masculinity is more than enough to withstand any measly attempts at seduction.