I retreated into the archive to finish reading the last couple of soldier records and to think about how to best handle the situation. The records turned out to be too unremarkable to have any bearing on my earlier decision, but the orders for that had come before my brother’s unthinkable act; were they still standing in the light of the more recent events? Would Chrysalis still trust me? Or had Thorax condemned me as well as himself? And he was condemned, no doubt about it; but Chrysalis’ wrath was legendary - would I be caught in it too? Was I still First Commander to her? Or would she see me as nothing but a traitor’s brother from now on? As much as I hated the possibility of losing my rank and reputation, I couldn’t deny that it wouldn’t happen without a good reason: Thorax had been my responsibility, I’d defended him to Chrysalis more times than I could remember, I’d used all my influence with her to keep him relatively safe from her, to give him one chance after another, I’d promised her a million times that I’d make a warrior out of him, and how had it ended? I’d failed! I’d failed worse than I’d ever thought possible for a changeling to fail! Not only had I failed to turn my brother into a worthy member of our society, I’d failed to stop him from turning his back on us!
How would I ever make this right in Chrysalis’ eyes?
Thorax, what have you done? Why did you have to run away? Do you have any idea how much that whim of yours might cost me?
Do you even care?
“First Commander Pharynx?” A guard’s voice snapped me back into reality.
“What do you want?” I shot back, hardly bothering to look at him.
“The Queen wants you to report to the Throne Room, Sir,” he said.
“Of course she does,” I muttered to myself. Then, to the guard, “Noted!”
He saluted and left.
Never in my life had I found it this hard to get up and obey an order; even as a rookie nymph, I’d had more guts and discipline to face the consequences of my mistakes! But all the mistakes I’d made then had been minor ones; not in a million years could they measure up to the mess I was certainly in now!
Was this how Thorax felt all the time?
Probably not. As a soldier, I’d been taught to ignore fear, to suppress it and turn it into rage, to use it against my enemies; I’d succeeded in it, and even though I was facing all kinds of terrible consequences, maybe even the most violent and gut-wrenching of punishments that Chrysalis could think of, I wasn’t afraid. As a soldier, I’d learned to accept pain as part of duty, as part of life; I’d learned to stare death in the eye and sneer at it!
But this time it was different, somehow. There was no fear in me - not the kind of fear I knew of, anyway. But the weight on my soul wasn’t giving up. What would happen to me? What would happen to the hive if I would no longer be around to keep it safe? What would happen to Thorax? Could he survive on his own out there?
Suppose I went after him, a loose thought crept in from somewhere. Could I protect him from Chrysalis’ wrath if I joined with him and kept him close?
Ridiculous, I scoffed at myself, banishing the idea back into whatever crazy corner of my mind it had crawled out from. I would never abandon the hive! Protecting it was what I lived for!
I approached one of the castle entrances and absent-mindedly recited my clearance code. The guards stepped aside and I entered and immediately proceeded to the nearest vertical shaft that would take me close to the Throne Room.
As much as my instinct screamed to protect Thorax as usual, I knew he was out of my reach by now, and whether or not he returned to the hive at any point in the future, voluntarily or otherwise, that wasn’t going to change. I couldn’t plead for him with Chrysalis again after what he’d done; any such attempt would make me look like a traitor too! He would have to fend for himself from now on! Did he even realize what the outside world was like? Did he know what beasts might await him? Would he know how to blend in among whatever creatures he would end up with? The little training he’d received was way too insufficient to prepare him for every possible threat he could be facing! If only I’d paid more attention to him, worked with him more in my free time; he might not have been kicked out of the training program, and things might have worked out differently!
Then again, he had a creative and resourceful streak, even if it hadn’t had much chance to show itself while he’d still been here. He would have to rely on it heavily, but if luck served him, maybe he would manage to improvise his way out of trouble.
Having approached the Throne Room, I took a deep breath to compose myself, outwardly at the very least, and stepped in.
Chrysalis was sitting in her throne, frowning as ever, but there was an unusual severity in that frown today. Not without reason, I knew!
“First Commander Pharynx reporting, Your Highness!” I bowed upon approaching her.
She responded by blasting me with her magic. Stunned by its effect, I nearly fell over, but managed to remain standing. I knew the main purpose of that blast had been to remove any disguise I might have put on - and after what had happened, I couldn’t blame her for wanting to verify that she was indeed looking at the highest-ranking soldier in her army - but still couldn’t help but wonder how much of it had served to relieve her fury.
I couldn’t blame her for that, either.
“The guards tell me Thorax is nowhere to be found,” she got to the point.
“Have they finished searching yet?”
“The preliminary search is done as of a minute ago. As always, you’ve timed yourself perfectly.”
I gave no response.
“But then again, we weren’t expecting them to find anything, were we?”
Was there a tone of accusation in her voice?
“I’ve been told that someling left the hive without authorization disguised as me,” I replied cautiously. “Until we prove that all remaining drones are who they say they are-”
“Do you take me for a fool?” she lashed out. “Only your brother would think of pulling a stunt like that! Every other drone is loyal to me! Are you suggesting he persuaded one of them to leave?”
“Of course not, Your Highness. It was foolish of me to think anything of the kind!”
“Indeed you were! Foolish to think that any other drone would betray the hive and even more foolish to think that Thorax wouldn’t! How many times did you beg me to spare him, promising you’d handle him yourself? How many times did you claim you’d turn him into a warrior, and I quote, ‘if it’s the last thing I’ll do’? Now look at what he’s done! You were with him all the time; you shouldn’t have been blind to the warning signs that must have been there! And I should have killed him while I had the chance! What will the hive think of their Queen now? That I’ve gotten weak? That I’ve become unable to exact punishment on those who deserve it? If they decide they can stop obeying me, it will be your fault and your fault alone! Don’t think I can’t handle them if it gets to that, but you shouldn’t have let even one lousy drone get out of control!”
I said nothing. What was there to say? Whether or not I wanted to admit it, she was probably right!
“Did you have something to do with it?”
“Me? Of course not!” I’d half expected her to make such an accusation, but did my best to sound like a possibility of me having anything to do with it had never entered my mind. “Why would I do such a thing?”
“Then how did he know to disguise himself as you and to fly above the airborne sentries where they often forget to look?”
I shrugged.
“Lucky guess?” Did I sound genuine enough?
“And you’re sure you didn’t give him any tips on how to get out of here unnoticed?”
“If I’d known he was planning to escape, I wouldn’t have let him!”
“You didn’t even make an unintentional remark that he could take advantage of?”
“I know better than that, Your Highness!” I lied. I should have known better than that!
Her glare drilled fresh holes in my body. Had she realized I wasn’t telling her the truth? Why hadn’t I told her the truth?
“Tell me again: you’re sure that Thorax escaped on his own volition and you didn’t help him in any way?”
“If I may speak freely, Your Highness, if I did have something to do with it, I would have planned it out in such a way that you’d never know something wasn’t right! I certainly wouldn’t have incriminated myself!”
“There is such a thing as a double bluff,” she looked at me sideways.
“Maybe so, but it would put an unnecessary risk into the equation.”
“Hmmmmm.” More glaring.
“Your Highness, I swear to you with my life, I’m loyal to the Hive and would never do anything to betray it, including help another drone escape! If there’s anything I can do to repair the damage, just say the word and I’ll do my best to fulfill your expectations!”
“Oh, you will,” she smirked in a way that sent chills down my carapace, and after all the training and real combat experience I’d accumulated over the years, that wasn’t an easy thing to do. “I’m sending you to find Thorax and bring him here for his punishment!”
“But that could take forever! I haven’t the slightest idea where he might have gone!”
“I realize that, you fool! I don’t expect you to comb through the whole world and find him personally, though it might be a slight point in your favor if you do! No, you’ll command a swarm of soldiers who will do the work for you! Take as many drones as you need, plan a strategy, and if I approve of your plan, you’ll be leaving with them at dawn if not sooner. You’ll brief them as you go,” she commanded.
A field mission? I hadn’t been on one for years! I hadn’t even been included in the invasion of Canterlot because Chrysalis had refused to trust the hive to anyling else in her absence! Not that I was worried about possibly being out of practice - I could handle anything - but who would handle hive security while I was gone?
“What about my duties as First Commander?” I asked.
“I’ve already assigned Psycho as acting First Commander until you return,” she declared, and Psycho nodded from his post at the side of the Throne Room. “Bring Thorax back and you can reclaim your rank and duties. I want him alive! If you find that it’s too late for that when you find him, then bring me his dead body, but don’t kill him; I will do that!”
I might have known she would want something like that, I thought.
“Understood,” I said to her.
“Then you’re dismissed! I don’t want to see your face again until you have a strategy to present for approval!”
“What about those replacements for the captured infiltrators that you wanted me to recommend?”
“Psycho will handle that after you select your team! Now go!”
I caught a glimpse of his sneer. Trying to seize my job already, Psycho? Don’t bother carving your name into a First Commander’s helmet just yet! I’ll be knocking you back down the chain of command before you can blink, and so hard it’ll make your mother’s eggshell dizzy!
Casting him a vengeful scowl, I bowed to Chrysalis and headed to the exit.
“Oh, and Pharynx?” Chrysalis called to me when I was almost at the gate. “You’re a talented soldier, valuable to the hive, but not irreplaceable! Remember that!”
In other words, bring Thorax back soon and don’t give me a reason to doubt your loyalty, or you’ll take his punishment for him or along with him, whichever happens.
I nodded and left.