//------------------------------//
// Letter 109 
// Story: Dear Princess Sunbutt 
// by 2Merr 
//------------------------------//



Dear Princess Dawnbreaker,*

I found a zombie deer in the Everfree. Yes, I FOUND it. I have no idea as to its origins, which is why I’m writing making my fuckmonkey write. 

Here’s what happened: I was being a creepy little shit by walking into the Everfree at three in the morning. I apparently wanted to take some sketches of the night sky to see if there were any significant changes to the constellations when viewed in low-magic areas. Before I could find a good spot, I heard sticks exploding. There’s no other way to describe it. Imagine you have forty sticks and you put a tiny firecracker in the middle of each one. Now light them all randomly. That’s what it sounded like. If I had more brain space for fear, I would have done the normal thing and run away. Instead, I walked straight in the direction it came from. 

What I found was a lone deer standing in a clearing with a bunch of sticks scattered around it. The deer looked really young; male, but not old enough to have antlers. It was just standing there, completely still, staring at nothing. 

I stayed hidden for a while until a timberwolf suddenly jumped out at it. The deer went whatever the deer equivalent of apeshit is (deershit?) and tore that poor puppy to pieces. I heard the same exploding sticks sound as before, and I realized: all the sticks in the clearing were actually from timberwolves. This thing must have killed a dozen of them already.

The deer made short work of the timberwolf, not even taking a scratch. After that, it went right back to just standing in place, unmoving, unblinking. When everything seemed calm, I walked out and tried to introduce myself, because fuck self-preservation. It went deershit again, so I activated cheats and made a bubble around me. Now that it was closer, I finally noticed the smell. 

My first instinct was fire, but I remembered you said not to burn things without thinking, so I thought about burning it. Then I thought about how bad it would be if I didn’t burn it. Then I realized it had run off while I was thinking. I tried tracking it, but I’m pretty shit when it comes to actual skills, so I went back home. 

The deer zombie had been fairly fresh, judging by the lack of small wounds one would normally see on a creature that can’t heal. The lack of wounds also points to it being an intentional creation, rather than a byproduct of cursed land, meaning there’s a high likelihood the source is a necromancer or a demon. 

So yeah. There’s a zombie deer running around in the Everfree. If you’ll allow me to capture it, I can more easily trace where it came from, but I understand if you want me to wither away and die because you hate me and you hate fun and you only want me to suffer. I’m cool either way.

Your professional creepazoid,
Spark and Span





* It’s funny because Luna is the one who deals with undead problems. 

If we catch the zombie deer, we’re naming him Zambie. This is non-negotiable.

Love, Anon