Let me ask you something, you ever try to get any kind of beauty sleep when a yak is in the dorm room next to yours? Sharing it with a hyperactive hippogriff that lives off of sugar and sushi? Because I have and it’s awful! All I ever heard was yak this and yak that and yak the other thing! Yaks best at everything and not bad at anything except letting me sleep in!
Now Yona is big and strong, so I’ve got to admit that getting revenge on her won’t be easy. I can’t just push her down some stairs, she’ll probably just break the stairs on the way down and be fine, and I’m saving the lava sharks for later –
What?
But revenge is definitely doable! First thing first is that she’s sooo proud of being a yak, so I’m going to take everything yak away from her! I’ll have the Cozy Guard shave off all her fur!
See, this is already better. More personalized.
Gee, thanks! Anyway, once she’s been shaved, I’ll stick her outside in the courtyard! I’ll let all my new friends see what a yak without fur looks like! She’ll be shivering and crying and she’ll be all like, “Yak not like this because yak supposed to have fur but now yak not have fur and yak with no fur is no yak! Now yak is cold and shamed! Yak-yak-yikity-yak – ”
I have done nothing to deserve that!
What?
You just insulted her in Yak.
That’s what their language actually sounds like? I was just making up words!
It is an ancient and complex language. Inflection is very important. You just said –
It doesn’t matter what she said. If it was a mistake, then fine, I won’t be mad.
Hmm, I’m going to look it up later…but anyway, after she’s suffered for a few days, that’s when I’ll have her brought back inside. I don’t think I’d really want to see a yak without fur, but she’s so clumsy that I can’t miss this golden opportunity! Every court needs a jester, right? So I’m going to have her all dressed up in bright colors with bells and whoopee cushions all around her, and I’ll make her dance! I have a picture for this too. Note the bells on her horns!
I would advise –
Oh, wait, those horns could be dangerous, couldn’t they? New thought, they’ll filed down constantly. She won’t be allowed to have them. But I’ll put fake horns with bells on them.
Very good.
Thanks! Now I know what you’re thinking, she’s stumbling around the court room but could be causing all sorts of problems if she wanted by running into guards or even charging at me, right? I mean, yeah, I’m a pegasus and I can fly, but she might catch me unawares or something? Well, I thought of that! The entire middle of the court room is going to be dug out and a big pit will be put in, with a grate over the top! So she’s down there and I can watch her make a fool of herself for my own personal amusement, but there’s no way for her to get out!
But I’m still not done. Her stomping about and bumping into things and tripping over her own mane once it grows back is going to get old if that’s all she’s doing. So first, of course, there’ll be a steady supply of lemon meringue pies. Pies are always funny, and plus it’ll give her something to eat down there. There’s also going to be seltzer water for gags and she can drink that.
I’ll have to ensure a steady supply of comedy props and gags as well. Rubber chickens, balls to juggle, unicycles, oh and she’ll need instructors for that, you don’t just pick up unicycling and juggling. And of course we’ll need a tiny car for her to get out of –
It’s a lot less impressive when there’s a tiny car but only one creature climbs out.
Yeah, but that one creature is a yak!
Did I hear you were going to be getting her instructors?
Of course! She’s going to need to be taught how to be funny, turned into a real clown! Her spirit will be all broken to pieces and she’ll take solace in the only thing she can, being a clown! A clown for me! I’ll put a trapeze in the pit, and flaming rings, and maybe a tiger! And maybe I’ll even put other creatures down there and make them perform as well! I’ll have my own personal three-ring circus! Hay, as long as I’ve got Silverstream in a fishbowl I can make her sing for me too! Because of course she has an amazing singing voice, it’s not enough that she’s tall and beautiful and a princess already…
I actually like this one. Very well thought-out, and I like the part where you trap the two of them in prisons they can’t escape from.
Thanks! Okay, next…