There were many things that one did not expect to find in the secret lair of an evil goat bent on taking over all of Equestria, and among them was a kitchen. It wasn’t even an evil kitchen. There weren’t boiling pots full of wicked gruel or random body parts lying around in an apparent contempt of hygiene. No, the kitchen Grogar provided his minions with was clean and fairly typical, if one ignored the stone walls and small stalactites in the ceiling.
In hindsight, however, it was obvious that it would be there. Even an evil goat bent on taking over all of Equestria needed to eat on occasion, at least theoretically, although Chrysalis had never actually seen him do it. Where he got the food from was a mystery too. Still, Chrysalis needed to eat, as did Tirek and Cozy Glow, so they made use of the kitchen on a regular basis. At first it had been separately, taking their meals by themselves, as they’d hated each others’ company. But ever since their recent trip to Mount Everhoof…
Chrysalis hummed to herself as she leaned down over the tray of cookies she’d pulled from the oven about ten minutes ago, breathing in deeply. Most changelings lacked nostrils, breathing and scenting through their mouths, though their sense of smell was extremely poor for non-emotional scents. Chrysalis was the exception, having a sense of smell that was about on-par with ponies, and the scent of oatmeal, honey, and chocolate chips with dollops of fresh vanilla frosting was delectable. Continuing her hum, Chrysalis hefted the tray with blue telekinesis, the stick containing her shadowy companion in another mote of her magic, and proceeded out into the commons room of Grogar’s lair.
She heard Cozy Glow before seeing her, of course; the little hellion had only a limited concept of “indoor voice” when she got emotional, and tonight was not proving to be an exception. “You think you’re sooo smart, don’t you, you big scaly buffoon?” She heard Cozy demand. “We’ll just see who’s the smart one when I’m through with you! I don’t care that you’re a dragon, I’ll make you choke!”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes, finding Cozy at the table with an open book and crayons in her mouth, scribbling all over it. Across from her, Lord Tirek sat upon his equine barrel, a book of his own in his hands that he was slowly paging through and a steaming mug of coffee in front of him that he took occasional sips of. It looked like he was reading a Daring Do novel, of all things, though Chrysalis supposed that there was no accounting for taste.
“Cookies are done,” Chrysalis proclaimed, setting the tray down in the middle of the table. Her arrival had at least broken Cozy from her crazed ranting. The little thing – she was far too aggressive in Chrysalis’ opinion to be a real pony – eyed the tray suspiciously, a gaze that was matched by Tirek. Chrysalis scoffed. “If I was going to poison you two, I wouldn’t do it so openly and obviously!” she objected as she set down the shadow’s log next to her own seat at the table.
“I believe that you wouldn’t be so open if it was intentional,” Tirek said, gingerly reaching out one hand and lifting a cookie, staring at it. He took an experimental sniff.
Chrysalis couldn’t stop a low hiss from escaping her. “I am a queen, I’ve never needed to cook for myself.” She crossed her forelegs in annoyance as she lifted a cookie with magic. “Food is food in any event, so I better not see either of you throwing anything out! If you don’t like them, fine, more for me!”
Cozy Glow had grabbed a cookie of her own. She took a tentative bite…and lit up brightly enough that she almost seemed like the filly she looked like. “Golly!” She exclaimed, taking another big bite. “These ones actually turned out good, Chrysalis!”
Chrysalis grinned. She made absolutely certain it was a haughty and prideful grin, and not a grateful once, since she had nothing to be grateful for – these ingrates were supposed to be the grateful ones. “Of course they did.”
Tirek munched on a cookie himself. He tried to nonchalantly shrug, but he also immediately reached out and grabbed another cookie. Chrysalis’ grin grew. “I suppose after the eighth time you were bound to find some recipe you could actually make – ”
Chrysalis’ grin dropped, and she hissed, horn glowing bright blue. “I never see you trying to make anything more complicated than bowls of cereal and toast and that protein shake you insist of scarfing down!”
“It’s because I’m a terrible cook,” Tirek said matter-of-factly. “I’m just as royal as you, I had servants to cook for me.” He looked to Chrysalis, and flashed a sharp-toothed grin. “Mind, I’m a rather adept hunter. Maybe if we stocked more meat, even fish – ”
Cozy Glow gagged despite the cookie in her mouth. She struggled to swallow it down. “N-no meat,” she insisted as her face turned green. “While I was at that stupid school Silverstream convinced me to try something called sushi, a-and…”
“Oh, I love sushi,” Chrysalis said wistfully. It had been ages.
“Yes, it is delectable,” Tirek agreed.
Cozy turned greener, hooves at her mouth. “Eugh. Seriously, you two! Ponies are herbivores! I never should have…that’s going on my list!” Cozy turned back to her book, opening it to the last page and grabbing a pink crayon in her mouth. “Revenge…for…sushi! Oooh, I’ll make you regret ever even teaching me that word, let alone convincing me to try it!”
Chrysalis finally bit into a cookie of her own, resting her head on one hoof as she regarded the whatever Cozy was. “What are you doing?” She asked while she chewed.
Tirek tried to get Chrysalis’ attention and was slowly shaking his head and waving one hand as though to warn her, but it was too late. Cozy herself looked up, her illness forgotten as she grinned as wickedly as something that looked like a pegasus filly could – which was more than a little, her apparently young features making such an evil countenance even more unsettling than normal.
“I,” Cozy declared, “am planning my revenge!”
“Revenge?” Asked Chrysalis.
“Revenge!” Cozy exclaimed, hopping into the air with her hooves spread wide – and continued:
“Now Twilight, you know, has done us wrong
“And she’ll pay the price – you remember our song!
“But one creature hurting ain’t enough for me,
“I’ve got six enemies that I’ll end with glee!”
“Oh. There’s a song,” Chrysalis observed as Cozy started flitting through the air, dancing.
“I tried to warn you,” Tirek moaned, setting his book aside.
“My plan was perfect, make Equestria bow
“To the Friendship Empress – and I’ll tell you how:
“Steal all the magic from across the land
“‘Cept the Power of Friendship – at my command!
“I hit a few snags, a problem here or there
“But that is life, so I really didn’t care!
“Step one was pulled off without a hitch,
“Remove Starlight Glimmer, that purple – ”
“Ooh, I like that part of the plan!” Chrysalis exclaimed, clapping her hooves.
“No interruptions!” Cozy insisted.
“I ruled all, ‘twas a piece of cake
“But Neighsay said I was a fake
“He took the Friendship School from me,
“But was I worried? No siree!
“I turned students into a mob
“And took power back from that snob!
“Now the School was in my control
“I had just achieved all of my goals!”
“To be honest, I feel there were some missing steps between ruling the school and conquering Equestria,” Tirek said.
“Eh, I’d wing it,” Cozy said.
“The students all were in my thrall
“Because I was friends with them all!
“Friends are Power, I’d learned so well
“I was Twilight’s requiem knell!
“But then my plans all went sour
“SOMEHOW in the final hour
“Six creatures took all my work
“And ruined it, BECAUSE THEY’RE JERKS!”
Cozy Glow landed on the table and turned around her book, revealing that it was the yearbook for the School of Friendship – and she’d used crayons to creatively edit six pictures in particular. She pointed to each in turn.
“Gallus, Smolder, Ocellus too
“Sandbar, Yona, I hate their crew!
“Silverstream rounds them all out
“I SWEAR I’LL WIN IN OUR NEXT BOUT!
“Everything had been going just fine
“Until they ruined my designs!
“So now I’m planning in what way
“I’ll end them all and MAKE THEM PAY!”
“I’ll make them pay, and you’ll see how!
“I’ll make them pay, and all will bow!
“I’ll make them pay, and by golly!
“I’ll make them pay, THEY’LL BE SORRY!”
Cozy snapped her yearbook shut, laughing as she did, though she did pause a moment to grab another cookie and scarf it down. Chrysalis observed her glee, then looked to Tirek. “So she sang at you as well?” She asked.
“The practice version, yes,” Tirek confirmed, picking his book back up and opening to where he’d left off. “Rhyming needed a little work. The choreography was quite good already, though, she didn’t need any help there.”
“Not surprising. I’m not sure the meter was exactly perfect through the song, but it – ”
“Excuse me!” Cozy interrupted, slamming a hoof onto the table. “I’m not done!”
Chrysalis blinked a few times at that. “Not done? Cozy, the song was long enough already, you got your point across – ”
“Not the song,” Cozy drolled, rolling her eyes. “I mean that I always have to listen to you talking about what you plan to do to Thorax and Starlight Glimmer, and I always listen nice and patiently! So aren’t you the least bit curious about exactly how I plan on making each of those six stupid creatures pay? Don’t you think you owe me that?”
Chrysalis gave the question all the consideration and deep thought it merited. “No,” she answered immediately.
“Well too bad!” Cozy Glow exclaimed.