//------------------------------// // Follow That Bird! // Story: Gotta Get Gustave // by Compendium of Steve //------------------------------// In the middle of one of the quadrillion Main Streets that exist in Canterlot (and just about every other city) stood Biblio-Fillies: a very niche, low-key book dispensary frequented by the loner hipster crowd, as one can surmise from the name. Truly the perfect site for a big name celebrity to host a book-signing event, and the turnout made that statement totally sincere. Yes, a whole lot of casual and aspiring chefs, bakers, and autograph hounds were lined up for blocks, chattering among or to themselves. The warmth of a brilliant, bright, sun-kissed Saturday afternoon removed all trace of fatigue, boredom and agitation from their little furry heads. A crowd of the most well-prepared attendees had formed in a semi-circle around the storefront, where two hefty earth ponies in suits flanked a table loaded with books, some cutouts of the esteemed guest, and the tom of the hour himself: Gustave Le Grand. His black fur and white head feathers were groomed to perfection, shining like a snow-capped mountain of obsidian, and he looked positively resplendent wearing a fiery red ascot and starched chef's hat. The very epitome of culinary mastery given fashionable form. When the crowd had gotten used to his presence and quieted down, Gustave finished twirling his lengthy mustache and addressed the assemblage. "Zank you, zank you all for coming out today for zis signing of mon latest book, 'Exquisite Eclairs: Express Edition': Ze perfect read for ze pastry chef on ze go. It warms mon heart seeing so many fans and eclair enthusiasts showing le support to one such as moi. In truth, I only made it zis far zanks to you, my lovely fans, for whom I am most grateful… Now, if you wish for Gustave's signature you will need to have purchased your own copy of mon book, presently going for thirty nine bits and which can be bought directly from moi. If you wish for me to write a personalized message that will be an additional ten bits, plus one bit extra for every word past ten. With zat understood, please form a line so zat you may be graced by mon presence in le timely fashion." The adoring mob hustled itself into an orderly if amorphous line before the table, clamoring anew for the promised autograph. But unbeknownst to them, an unsavory bunch had infiltrated their ranks, seeking to bring ruin to an otherwise ordinary, hospitable gathering. The kicker was that the five malectors in question weren't even aware of the misfortune they were about to bring. "Alright, we got ourselves a good spot," said Twinkleshine, leaning over to verify that only twenty ponies stood ahead of her and her cohorts. "Now it's just a matter of waiting." "But we've waited hours already," Lyra whined. "Why do so many ponies have to be up earlier than us?" "Be grateful we're not further back," Lemon Hearts said. "We must have patience, lest our nighttime planning would have been for naught," Moon Dancer reminded, just before Minuette let out a small yawn. "I just couldn't sleep," she said. "Too much excitement. And Gustave is right in sight!" "Hey, ladies? You shouldn't be bunched up like that." The conspiring quintet turned as one to look at the unicorn stallion behind, which was easy for all of them to do given that they stood in a huddled bunch rather than single file, sticking out like a plum caught in a garter snake's throat. "We're here as a group, pal," Lemon said rather stand-offishly. Dare I say, sourly? "How else is a group supposed to arrange itself?" Twinkle challenged. "So rude," Minuette added. "It just doesn't seem fair to everypony else. And the way you're together, you're giving off this strong odor—" "Say anything else and I'll give you the crazy eyes, bub!" Lyra's threat ceased any further complaint from the stallion, who grumbled and tried to angle his nose downwind from the disagreeable mares. Shame it was the inner city, where a fresh breeze is but a distant memory. "We probably should have showered before coming here," Twinkleshine said, but Moon Dancer only shook her head. "A needless waste of time. When you're highly focused on something, there's nothing more frivolous than worrying about a little body odor." "Maybe if you never leave the house and don't expect guests ever," Lemon remarked. "Hey, less BO more Gustave, guys, " Lyra said. "But of course, Lyra," Moon Dancer affirmed. "The wait continues!" And continued it did, for another fifteen minutes. A fairly tolerable time for one to wait at such an event, but for the five friends it was the most arduous quarter hour of their lives. The first two minutes went by fine, but eventually agitation began to take hold, followed by anxious sweating that only worsened their sorry hygiene, making it even more torture for those nearby, to the point that ponies behind them began leaving for the sake of their stomachs. The five were about at the breaking point when finally, at long last, only one pony stood between them and their prize. All agitation vanished, replaced by growing excitement. "Alright, just remember what we discussed," Moon Dancer said. "Everyone has their book?" Four cries of affirmation met her, as did the magical raising of four books. "Alright. It's go time." Unaware of the scheming taking place, Gustave Le Grand had put the final touches to his latest signature. "A merveilleux day to you. NEXT, s’il vous plait." The latest lucky recipient had barely stepped a foot from the table before five feminine forms rushed in and pressed against the edge, nearly upending it while shifting the stack of books and knocking over a cutout. “Oh Gustave it’s so great to finally meet you!” Minuette spouted, her eyes sparkling over the grand specimen before her. “You can’t believe how long we waited!” Lyra said. “Not that we would mind waiting the entire day just to see you up close,” Twinkleshine amended. “Or even a week!” Moon Dancer needlessly added, her exuberance further ruffling the feathers of the startled griffon. “What is ze meaning of zis?” Gustave demanded. “Only one pony at a time. I zought zis was obvious when I said form le line. And what is with zis odor zat accosts my grand nostrils?” “We’re here as a group, so that technically makes us one,” Lemon explained, which did little to quell Gustave’s frustration. “Then only one book will be signed in zat case,” he stated, trying to wave the stink from both his mind and face. “Otherwise, you'll have to wait at ze back of ze line like everypony else.” “That’s fine; we just wanted to talk to you, anyway,” Minuette said. “You may talk as I sign your book. Now, which will it—” “I have to say you really know how to rock that ascot,” Lemon Hearts interrupted. “I do event planning and know about color-coordination, and that red makes a wonderful contrast to the white.” “It really accentuates your already well-maintained chest feathers,” Twinkleshine added. "Oh, zank you. I care not for ze fripperies when it comes to le fashion, but I try my best to make Gustave stand out simply as Gustave. Now about zat book—" “My friend Sweetie Drops is a HUGE fan of yours!” Lyra cut in. “She specializes in candies, but she always tells me how she wants to try replicating your eclairs into something like taffy and brittles.” “Oh, well, zat makes Gustave quite flattered. Your friend is a most commendable confectioner for wanting to try somezing so audacieux, especially when taking inspiration from moi.” Yes, nothing quite soothes a chef’s temperament like praising the allure of his dish. “Ooooh, he just spoke Prench!” Minuette gushed. “So we were wondering," Twinkleshine spoke before their headway could be lost. "When you're done doing book signings if we could treat you to a coffee." "Or milkshake," blurted Minuette. "Or some fortified ginseng tea," Moon Dancer added. "Perfect for soothing the mind for discussion both casual and intellectual." "She means telling us more about yourself," Lemon Hearts clarified. "Like, cooking advice and the like. I make a decent lemon custard and I'd love some of your thoughts on the recipe." "Ladies, please, your offers of hospitality are most appreciated," Gustave said with talons raised to hold back the surge of affection. "But Gustave is a busy griffon and has no time to spend with fans outside of ze signings, no matter how devout. Since you are quite ze admirers, zough, I am willing to sign all your copies free of charge—" "We don't care about the dang signature; we want you!" Lyra half-shouted. "Notice us, senpai!" Moon Dancer pleaded, getting a look from the feathery chef. "Ehh, excusez moi, but what is zis 'senpai'?" "Ohh he did it again!" "It's just some Neighpon trash, just ignore her," said Lemon. "Now about my custard—" "Madames, I must ask you to be silent and to disperse. You are making moi tres inconfortable." "Ahhh!" "Shut up, Minuette!" Lyra scolded. “He’s not going for our charms!” Twinkleshine panicked. “He’s a tough one; as expected from so ruggedly cunning a griffon,” Lyra said. “There’s no need to fret; this is exactly why we made contingencies,” Moon Dancer said quickly to calm her associates. “Where talk fails, we switch over to Plan B.” Moon Dancer's horn lit up, and Gustave became encased in a magical aura that yanked him from his seat with a squawk. That prompted the earth pony tough on the right to step forward and do his job. "Hey! There's no touching Mr. Le Gr—!" He was clobbered by the table magicked at him by Twinkleshine, and his partner took a chair to the head courtesy of Lemon Hearts. The five about-faced together right as the other ponies took notice. "Cheese it!" At Lyra's signal the group booked it, their captive hovering close behind. Before anyone could stop them or even cry out they galloped through the line of startled and confused fans and broke out onto an empty section of street. "Help help! I'm being le birdnapped!" Gustave's pleas were ignored by his captors along with the looks of frightened pedestrians watching their flight. The lack of opposition didn't last long, however, as a few meters down the road a cordon had formed up of ten unicorns in familiar blue uniforms. "Their response time is quick," Lemon said. "Ohhh, why do there have to be so many cops in the middle of the city?" Minuette bemoaned. As the five were fast approaching, one officer stepped forth and shouted, "You five are to put down the griffon and disperse immedi—" "Crazy Eyes ENGAGE!" The police immediately began screaming in terror before Lyra's maddening gaze, one officer diving through a storefront window to save her sanity. Amid this noise and confusion the birdnappers dashed through the ruined ranks and veered down an alleyway. After making a few twists and turns and slowing down to a canter, Twinkleshine deemed things safe enough to speak. "That went pretty well. Good thinking back there, Lyra." "Yeah; no weekend warrior cops can resist the ol' crazy eyes," Lyra said cockily. "Still, we gotta wait till the heat dies down before celebrating. Best hole up in a warehouse or abandoned building for a few hours." "What? But Lyra, we agreed on regrouping at the tower!" Moon Dancer said. "You mean the most conspicuous building in the whole city apart from the castle? Get real, Moonie!" "It's precisely because of its conspicuousness that we go there. It's so obvious, nopony would suspect it; we've gone over this!" "We should go to my place," Twinkle suggested. "It's not too far from here and I just restocked my pantry. I'm sure our guest would want a good warm meal after all this excitement." "Errr, I'm not hungry at ze moment," Gustave spoke up for the first time in minutes. "Aside from ze trauma of abduction, your odor is making moi nause—" "In that case, we're better heading to my place," Lemon butted in. "My kitchen is up-to-date, with everything a culinary expert of Gustave's caliber would need." "It's very quiet at my house," Minuette offered weakly. "That's because no one ever comes over," Lemon said. "Exactly; it's perfect!" "Blast!" Moon Dancer skidded to a stop, prompting the other four to halt as well. "It just occurred to me that we forgot to blindfold him in the rush. And we forgot code names as well!" "Ah fiddlesticks, you're right!" "Really, Twinkle? You a housewife or something?" Lyra mocked. "What pony our age says 'fiddlesticks'?" "I wouldn't mind being Gustave's housewife," Twinkleshine defended. "And I'd certainly look forward to growing old with him." "Ahhhhhh, no offense, but Gustave Le Grand has no interest in marri—" "Oh don't worry your handsome feathery head my avian Adonis; I'll treat you well shortly," Twinkle cooed. "Who said you could sweet talk my birdy beau?" Lemon argued. "He needs a partner that can actually cook, and with our skills combined we’ll flood the world with eclair-infused custards! Or custard-infused eclairs. It’s win-win either way." "Not unless he goes with me,” Lyra contended. “I guarantee I can get Sweetie Drops onboard in worshipping this magnificent hunk of eagle-lion. Just think about it: one to tend to his creative confectionery needs, and the other to show his downy derriere the recognition and appreciation it deserves.” “I'm sure he's tired of all this attention he gets,” Minuette humbly argued. “I bet he wants to live a quiet life, like a plant. And that's something I can provide.” “Gustave Le Grand is not interested in retirement, eizer.” “Bah! Nothing but foalish fancies. I know what he truly wants.” Moon Dancer lowered Gustave down to face level, allowing her to look upon her captive with slightly demented eyes. “Society denies it, but it is the fate of prey animals to be devoured by mighty predators to satisfy their equally mighty hunger. Conforming to vegetarian ways must cause untold suffering for you, Gustave, but you need not suffer around me. Being the intellectual herbivore that I am, I not only accept this primal truth, but also wholly embrace it.” “What the flip, Moon Dancer?” Lyra asked. "I know bookworms are usually freaks, but that's taking it too far for a sophisticated guy like him." "Well I'm the one holding him, Lyra, and I'll show him the satisfaction of giving in to his instincts." Lemon's yellow aura arose within Moon Dancer's and began to pull at the griffon. "Not anymore you won't." "Lemon? What do you think you're doing?" Moon Dancer pulled back, which whipped the others into a frenzy. "Hey I want him!" Twinkleshine demanded. "Give him here!" shouted Lyra. "Sacre bleu!" Gustave cried as five shades of magic tugged at him for ownership. After seconds of cries and curses, five sets of eyes met and everything went still. Within five glances, an agreement was reached, an irrevocable decision was made. Then the true horror began. The five friends set off a simultaneous burst of thaumic energy, knocking each other back several yards. Gustave went spinning up some feet before coming down, only to be caught in Twinkleshine's sparkly grasp. "Gaha! You're coming with me!" she cried triumphantly as she galloped for an alleyway, only to get tackled by Minuette. Again Gustave went tumbling in the air, then quickly reclaimed by Moon Dancer. "To the brains go the spoils!" she said as she went down an alley with Lemon Hearts hot on her hooves. "You can’t outrun me for long, Moonie; you have the worst stamina out of all of us during our ball games!” Lemon taunted as she focused on catching up to the fleeing academic. “If only physical strength reflected mental fortitude,” Moon Dancer huffed out while avoiding various bits of trash and loose cobbles. Seeing the debris gave her an idea, and immediately her horn went to work picking up scraps and tossing them behind her. Lemon Hearts used her own magic to catch and drop the projectiles before they could get within a foot of her. The hail of cans, rocks and refuse were a breeze, but then boxes, potted plants, vases and entire trash cans were thrown at her. These were also cast aside, making the yellow unicorn chuckle at her former friend's vain efforts to slow her down. "My baaaaay-by!" Her good humor went sour about as quickly as the giggling foal flying at her. Lemon caught it with its diaper mere inches from her snout, as well as the five other infants tossed her way. She didn't have time to cast aside these squirmy nuisances before several fretting, yelling mothers ganged up on her. Yards ahead, Moon Dancer looked back and laughed before taking a sharp turn down a side alley, entering a corridor where clotheslines criss-crossed overhead. Her eyes focused solely on the far end where a sun-drenched street could be seen, she never noticed the pony that was tailing her. Twinkleshine had somehow gotten up onto the rooftops and was keeping pace with Moon Dancer high above, watching her through the arrays of drying laundry before literally springing into action. She touched down onto a clothesline and sprung off to another and then another and began sliding down one towards the alleyway floor. Unfortunately she hadn't accounted for her weight and her handy zipline snapped, forcing her to switch gears and go into swing mode for her swashbuckling approach. The noise and falling clothes gave away her ploy, however, as Moon Dancer looked back and sidestepped, letting Twinkleshine soar past into a bedsheet. In her surprise Twinkle let go of her line, sending her cannonballing into an abandoned nightclub and disrupting a jellicle performance in an explosion of smashed wood and screeching cats. Another thwarter thwarted, Moon Dancer looked forward to open space and freedom, only to trip over a raised manhole cover and go tumbling into some boxes. Lemon Hearts crawled out from the open manhole, nabbed a flailing Gustave and took off back down the alley before turning down a narrower side avenue, taking care to keep the griffon steady and mostly safe from scrapes. But as she's racing along— "So you have decided to approach me!" Lemon skidded to a stop, for some yards dead ahead was none other than Lyra, standing tall on her hindlegs and looking quite menacing. "While I'm a little tardy to this party, there's not a chance I'm leaving empty-hooved," she said as she waved around her forelegs before bracing herself into a disciplined stance. "Hand Magic!" Lyra's special shade of gold encased her forehooves, from which five semi-thick digits sprouted on each. Once fully-formed, she used one of her new appendages to reach behind her and pull out a scabbard, and with the other she withdrew a real-ass goddamn sword, leveling its blade directly at her yellow rival's head. "Now forfeit the bird or forfeit your life. Either way, Gustave shall be mine (and Sweetie’s)." Rather than feel intimidated like any ordinary city mare, Lemon Hearts calmly raised a lemon wedge with her magic and floated it toward Lyra. Lyra watched the fruit curiously as it came right up to her face, never breaking eye contact. Eventually it came to a halt before her open peepers and squeezed fresh juice straight onto her retinas. "AAAGGGGHHHH!!! MY EEEEYES!!!" she screamed as she fell writhing to the ground, dropping both her sword and magic hands. "The third worst place for lemon juice to be!!" Lemon Hearts casually trotted over her stricken attacker before going into full gallop once again. Eventually she entered the open space of a supermarket’s loading bay, free of transports or personnel. However there was a Minuette running at her from the side, but Lemon spun about so that the blue unicorn’s flying leap left her on the pavement. But then Moon Dancer rushed in from the front to grab at Lemon with her hooves, making her sidestep and backpedal toward a messy-maned and cat-laden Twinkleshine. Twinkle lashed out with a calico, forcing Lemon Hearts to backstep and immediately duck to avoid a swinging bengal and a shorthair, but was too slow to avoid taking a Scoltish Fold to the snout. Gustave found himself free of his magic prison for one sweet second before Moon Dancer took hold of him once again. Twinkleshine retaliated by throwing a Siamese straight at the academic, but Moon Dancer proved too quick, grabbing the screeching feline mid-toss and returning it to sender with double the force. Suddenly a screaming, red-eyed Lyra leapt out from the side and tackled Moon Dancer to the ground, rolling her along the litter-strewn pavement as they exchanged hoofblows and wrangled one another’s magic. They quickly pulled themselves up on their hindlegs in order to do some right grappling, while Twinkleshine and Minuette decided it was the perfect time to get the jump on them. Lyra shot a back hoof at Twinkleshine’s chin before hopping to the side to allow Moon Dancer to back hoof Minuette’s shoulder, then both of them hopped together from the two-by-four Lemon Hearts tried to slam down on them. Lyra used the moment to grasp Moon Dancer and fling her aside into Lemon, wasting no time in catching Gustave and using him to beat back Twinkleshine with a “squawk!”, then repeating the maneuver on Lemon after she got up. Lyra decided to make a break for it, only for Twinkleshine to leap and grab onto her back hooves. Before she could whack her with her griffon, she was beaned in the face by a flying can right before being charged by Moon Dancer. As the three fought, Lemon eventually jumped in, turning the bout into a four-way of yelling, smelly, female aggression with one disoriented griffon hovering helplessly overhead as unwilling witness. When they got to the point of mane-biting and face-shoving, Minuette leapt onto the sidelines and shouted— “Toki wo Tomare!!”  Everybody immediately froze, much to her surprise. “Oh my gosh, it actually worked!” After some seconds Twinkleshine blinked, looked around, then snagged Gustave and ran for it, making Minuette whine in disappointment as the others gave chase. Down a narrow stretch of alley, Lyra caught up to Twinkle and rammed her side, making Twinkle ram back in kind. They bumped sides a few times before getting entangled and tumbling up against a wall, whereupon Lyra hoisted Twinkleshine and jumped high up onto a nearby fire escape. Twinkle tried to resist and break free, but Lyra smacked her and locked her legs around the white mare before kicking off the landing and initiating a spinning piledriver into a mound of trash below. A truly devastating maneuver reminiscent of that time in 1998 when the Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell in a Cell, plummeting sixteen feet through the Spanish commentator's desk. Gustave found himself dropping once more until Moon Dancer sprung up to catch him, only for Lemon Hearts to fly in from the opposite direction to bounce off her, only to then have Minuette bounce off her head, make the catch and stick the landing, breaking into a gallop. She turned down a particularly shady alley and got a few yards before all four of her friends descended and glomped her into the pavement. The battle in the loading bay was about to be repeated when a whistle made them stop. Instead of the police, however, they saw three tough-looking stallions wearing black vests, fedoras and shades strut toward them. "Youse dames ah makin' a lotta racket on our turf," said the pegasus in a heavy, inner city accent. "Hey, ain't dose de daffy dames dat done made off with de one griffon chef?" pointed out the earth pony in an equally thick accent. "So dey is," agreed the unicorn. "Imma finkin' wese nabs him and holds him for ransoms, see." "Fuhgedabout dat. Ise always wanted mese a livin' body pillow, and griffon feathas can't be beat," the pegasus argued, getting a shrug from his associate. "Can't argue wit dat." The three hoodlums faced the entangled mares, with the earth pony holding up a knife in his mouth, the pegasus producing two switchblades from his wings, and the unicorn's horn popping off to reveal the knife jutting from his skull. The five mares looked at them, then at each other, then sprang up to form a line, dropping Gustave behind their ranks as they conjured up their own knives. With no further ceremony the two sides leapt at each other and got into one heck of a back alley rumble. Gustave in the meantime picked himself up and wiped the filth from himself, then quickly realized he was in full control of his body. "Now is mon chance!" he exclaimed before crouching and leaping up into the air with a flap of his wings. Unfortunately he had chosen to take off in the direction of the brawl, instantly getting the attention of the slash-happy mares. "He's getting away!" Twinkleshine cried out, prompting the other ladies to ditch their weapons and go jumping after the fleeing griffon. Each mare grabbed hold of a limb, including the tail, in trying to bring him back to earth. Despite that, perhaps through sheer desperation, he flapped and hoisted his unwanted cargo out of the alley and above the buildings. "He's so strong!" Minuette praised him from his left talon. "I just have to have his chicks or cubs or whatever!" Lemon Hearts spouted while swinging from his poor tail. "Can't… hold… much… longer…" the poor Gustave panted as the strain steadily built on his relatively unfit self. He only managed four more heavy flaps before his energy gave out and immediately dropped like a rock wrapped in crazy. Fortunately there was a plaza hosting a farmer's market with a cabbage cart waiting below which he crashed down onto, breaking off the wheels and sides of the cart but nothing else. He didn't have much time to rest amid the ruffage before his tormentors were back to squabbling and fighting over his horribly fatigued body. At the very least it wasn't in some dank, filthy alley. Unfortunately, there happened to be bystanders around, and not the helpful kind. "Hey, that's Gustave Le Grand!" called out a patron. "And the ones who birdnapped him!" shouted a pegasus. "They're hogging him for themselves!" a minotaur said most angrily, throwing down his rutabagas. "I want him!" "No he's mine!" "I saw him first!" "Up yours!" All Tartarus broke loose. Every creature in the plaza leapt onto the five deranged mares and each other in a frantic, violent bid to get a hold of that dashing griffon. Fur, hair and feathers flew as hoof, claw, paw and fist went all out in the sunlit arena. Diamond dogs bit and scratched, yaks charged, minotaurs lifted, hippogriffs cawed and flopped, breezies were blown about, and other acts of mayhem too ludicrous to properly describe. And it only got worse as pedestrians from surrounding areas caught wind of the prize at stake and poured in to join the free-for-all. Anything and everything that wasn't cemented to the ground was caught up in the whirlwind of violence and used as weapons: carts, produce, produce stands, benches, a picture of Édith Piaf, lamp posts, brooms, banjos, street performers, you name it. Things got especially messy when one woefully oblivious waiter waltzed into the tussle carrying ten banana creme pies, adding sticky sweet fuel to the firestorm of insanity. And above it all Gustave Le Grand was being passed and tossed around, long having surrendered any hope of getting away or even getting out alive. Right when it appeared the entire city was going to join the brouhaha, a bright flash filled the air. "Everybody STOOOOOP!" The entire brawling congregation of pony and beastkind stopped mid-pummel and looked in the direction of the authoritative voice. From the outer rim of the harried mass, eyes widened and gasps arose. "It's the princess!" "The princess is here!" Indeed, a member of royalty had just zapped onto the scene. But which one you ask? Why, the one still in power, of course! Appearing pristinely pretty in her purple personage, Princess Twilight Sparkle flexed her wings before folding them majestically to her sides as she trotted at an easy, carefree pace. The assemblage parted like jello before her every step, humbled by her gracious air and smile in much the way they had regarded their previous ruler. Surely if the Twilight of old were told she’d evoke such a reception she’d have blushed herself silly. Anyway, the young alicorn continued into the great mass and stopped before the literal center of the commotion, where, lo and behold, the five instigators lay sprawled about in various postures of combat, which they immediately abandoned upon seeing Twilight’s approach. Even in their maddened, bloodthirsty states, they still retained the good sense to (try to) make themselves presentable for a dear friend. Especially one who was the ruling monarch. “T-Twilight?” Twinkleshine stammered as she got back on her hooves. “What, what brings you out here?” “I got a summons from the Friendship Map at the castle a few minutes ago,” Twilight answered. “I was wondering what kind of friendship problem it would be, but seeing all this:” she waved a hoof to indicate the disheveled citizens and general destruction. “I have to say... I wasn’t expecting it to be this obvious.” At that moment, Gustave Le Grand popped out from a pile of grocers gasping for breath, and upon seeing the princess he clambered along the ground and threw himself onto his knees before her, talons clasped. “Oh Princess Twilight, zank goodness you are here! Zese savages have been trying to tear moi apart, and it was started by zese five awful, deranged madams, birdnapping me and using me like some baton! Gustave knows not what he did to deserve zis!” Twilight regarded the sorry-looking, whimpering chef a moment, then took a breath and smiled sympathetically. “I see what this is about.” She turned to her embarrassed-looking friends. “I'm honestly surprised you five of all ponies would cause this kind of incident. Especially you, Moon Dancer; I never took you for the spontaneous, volatile type." "Yeah, this is far from my proudest moment," Moon Dancer meekly admitted, shuffling her hooves. "But can you blame us? He's just so exquisitely excellent," Minuette defended. "What red-blooded mare could resist, Twi?" Lyra asked. "I don't deny Gustave's appeal, but an obsession should never come between friends, or one's personal hygiene. As a matter of fact, it can serve as a wonderful exercise in the art of compromise: a core pillar in the foundation of any healthy friendship. Of course, it can be hard to practice when faced with something,  or someone, that is quite desirable. One can easily lose themselves, certainly, when met with someone that's highly sought after. But it's vital to keep a clear head when dealing with someone who is popular, and talented, who knows their way around a kitchen, with immaculate grooming standards that accentuates a respectable physique, boasting a downy covering of raven-black splendor that one's eyes can easily drown in—" "Will you stop drooling and get to the point, Twilight?" "Oh, yes! Sorry, Lemon Hearts. In such cases, stopping and making a compromise is critically important. And perhaps the best, easiest, and most rewarding kind of compromise for this situation… would be to share." Twilight kept silent to allow her solution to sink in. This proved unsatisfactory for the begging griffon. "Quoi?" he squawked. "You mean like, form a herd?" Twinkleshine asked. "Fat chance; there’s no way I’m gonna get hitched with the likes of Lemon Hearts!" Lyra said, grabbing Gustave possessively like a stuffed animal. “I refuse to associate with anyone that intentionally sprays lemon juice in my eyes!” “You threatened me with a sword!” "Girls, girls, the time for arguing is over,” Twilight said to referee the situation. “Besides, I don’t want you to do something so barbaric as herding. No, what I have in mind is much simpler, more effective and, most importantly, guarantees that everypony gets to share Gustave without further fuss. I just need to borrow him for juuust a few quick minutes."