It was a little bit late for coming back home because of Celestia´s visit. I was absolutely tired but everything falls short in tiredness in comparison to that infamous day. Even with that, I was fluidly swimming back to Stella´s home; I have been improving my moves despite having low energies in my body. There hasn´t been a single day in which she hasn´t shown her smile for these two weeks, I don´t know how she manages to do it. But now, it´s time to decide what I should do with her:
“Hi Stella, I am back” I said while entering.
“BlueStar, you finally came. How did Celestia´s visit go?” she asked.
“Everything went alright, don´t worry about that” I responded.
“You don´t sound as enthusiastic as other days” she said.
“Well, the visit went fine and it was eventful but…” I said and stood silent for a moment.
“What´s the matter, BlueStar? Is there anything going on?” she asked.
“Well, I have met my commander of my unit, Cloud Zapper. I had to clear up a few things with him today…” I stopped. “...and with you as well” I continued.
“BlueStar, what happened? What do you have to tell me?” she responded me worried.
“Look Stella, it might sound crazy but….I am not the exemplary guard that you have seen so assure of himself for these couple weeks. I didn´t have as much cavalry back then in Canterlot as I have shown here with you. In fact, I wasn´t all that independent because all I was doing there was for my pleasures, good times and…well, having impudent moments with other guards” I confessed.
“So you weren´t like the way you act with me… Then, how did you come here and act so different from what you are telling me?” Stella asked.
“Actually Stella, I could go back pretty soon to Canterlot. Novo has been showing me good signs about what I have been doing here. The option of staying as a permanent seapony could end after the inauguration of this train station” I said. “Cloud Zapper has offered to me the opportunity to readmit me there and pretend that nothing has happened” I continued.
“Then, why are you here? The train station is available for you to go back. You can have those pleasures like you used to have there” she responded.
“I denied his offer” I answered.
“How? I don´t understand it. You have to make a greater effort here with the queen, why are you doing this?” she asked with surprise.
I noticed her changed of mood and she was affected for what I have said.
“Well, Stella, it´s somewhat difficult to explain directly so let me tell you a little story first, because I believe that I have come to realize the value I got from that experience” I affirmed.
“Well, I am listening but I don´t get what has to do that with us” she responded.
“I know and I am still asking what happened there. When I was a royal guard a few moons ago…”
*Flashback starts
Beyond the bridges of Manehattan, I was meant to watch for Princess Celestia with my unit, including Cloud Zapper, for a couple of days. She had to visit a fashion show in which all the high class ponies showed the designs prepared for her because the Great Galloping Gala was going to be celebrated in the following week in Canterlot. That fashion was pretty popular in the city and we had to go through lots of streets and a few avenues.
When we were getting closer to the fashion show, I saw a yellow pony, an earth pony actually. He was painting a picture and I happened to look at it. I stopped and stared more at it because it caught my attention and I have never seen anything like that so far.
The picture didn´t make much sense to me at the time. I don´t remember all the main forms there because those weren´t ponies except for one that looked green. I remember seeing a griffon as well but I didn´t have any idea who the other four were. They were smiling and talking to each other, walking on the main avenue of Manehattan, that´s all I can remember correctly. There were a few ponies in both sides of that picture but there weren´t showing their faces to the viewer…they were more focused on leaving the main avenue and living their own lives.
So a few questions started to arise in my head but I had one in particular, so I went and said:
“Excuse me sir, can I ask you a question about your picture?” I asked that yellow pony.
The painter looked at me with so much indifference that he didn´t endure for a single second at looking at me, almost as if he didn´t pay attention to what I had just said. He looked at his picture again and:
“What´s your name, royal guard?” the painter asked me.
“BlueStar, sir” I affirmed with hesitation. I was wondering why he wanted my name for such a casual spontaneous conversation.
“What question do you have in mind?” the painter asked.
“Well, there are a few things that I don´t understand from his picture but I cannot hold myself at asking you this. You know, the streets of Manehattan are actually dark green and I would like to know, why are the roads coloured black?” I asked the painter.
He stayed a little bit thoughtful and he said: “BlueStar, it´s because Equestrians leave and no highway will bring them back”
And he didn´t answer more because Cloud Zapper shouted at me that I was being left behind my unit. I had to catch up with them. I didn´t understand what he meant with that phrase back then…
*Flashback ends.
“…but I believe that I understand it now” I concluded.
Stella was left astonished and I wasn´t sure if it was because of that line or the fact that I had brought up this short story.
“What are you trying to tell me with that, BlueStar?” Stella asked.
“Look Stella, I hate to confess but you should that I have always been looking for myself and back then, when I was standing on the rock before getting carried over by those waves, I wasn´t doing it for love. I was looking for my pleasures and stability for the rest of my life…because I have an age and I am certainly noticing the consequences of that process” I confessed.
“And why are you even staying here? Don´t you have other places to go instead?” she said in the verge of crying.
“No, Stella, you don´t understand. I am still here. I could go to the house I have picked here for working and I could perfectly do it on my own but...” I said.
“But what do you mean with that? You haven´t told me anything yet…” Stella responded.
“But I am here because of compromise and gratitude” I continued.
She changed a little bit her expression and she started to be a little bit conflicted with what I was saying to her.
“I am here because I was given a second chance. I didn´t imagine back then that I would make it and live an aquatic life. I didn´t think for a moment that all this was actually possible. When things were desperate for me, you came and made me forget about those troubles. You didn´t do anything extraordinary I know but when someone feels that level hopelessness, any help at those times actually encourages a pony like me to move forward” I said.
“So you were hiding all your pains the day you came here?” she asked.
“Yes Stella but I cannot handle it anymore” I admitted.
“Why? Why are you telling me this now?” Stella asked.
“Because now that I have confessed myself with my commander; I feel like having to clear up all these secrets with you as well. I don´t feel like saying half-truths anymore to you. I might have seen lots of corrupted guards or fakers out there and in comparison to what I have experienced, you are the only mare I have met who is truly honest and true” I said.
“Well, that was unexpected to hear. I know that I have had a good education but I still ask myself, why are you so convinced about everything you are confessing right now? Why are you so confident about this? ” she affirmed.
“You know, my mind is a mess but I truly believe that no one deserves two lives. I was meant to end there before receiving the transformation. All this feels like a bonus to me” I said. “And Stella… I promise not to linger this if you don´t want to. I could have perfectly left you with this inauguration or even last week when I got the option to live in another house” I continued.
“So are you decided to stay here?” she asked.
“You simply happened to appear in my life. I wasn´t looking forward to you back in the verge of dying but now, all my appreciation shown because of that simple yet important gesture…is proven with what I have been experiencing along with you for these couple of weeks. It´s the least that I could do for you” I admitted.
“You know, BlueStar…” she stood for a while. “I could also live independently as well but, considering that…barely anyone actually watches me going down here in the depths of the sea and given that I am not popular here, I have been feeling a little bit of warmth these days with you. It´s as though I don´t truly matter for them but I matter to you” she said.
“I…I have felt like that as well in the past. I understand where you are coming from” I responded.
“I know that there are some things one can´t hide but I normally try to do it, yet I fail at doing that. Now you know why I like swimming around the surroundings instead of living in the mount” Stella confessed.
“I forgot to tell you Stella that I am also here because I found Canterlot too stressful to my taste and I couldn´t bear with it. I think that we have a few things in common here” I affirmed.
“So are you staying here with me?” she asked.
“I…I will have to think about it” I said with hesitation.
“Why? Is it because you are planning to go back to Canterlot?” she asked.
“Not exactly, it´s simply that I am not meant to be here, I mean others could judge us for hanging out between a unicorn and a mare like you. And what if I returned over there? What would my unit think about it?” I asked nervous and insecure.
“Why are you even worried about that? We mean nothing to them, it doesn´t matter. It´s all up to what you do in the end. No one is going to judge nor is going to interfere with us. You wanted a stability and a calm life, why aren´t you decided to finish all the steps yet?” she asked.
“I don´t know Stella. I am tired; I have been confused so many times during that day and now with these two conversations that I don´t have a clear with what to do next. I simply went along with all that was happening and I didn´t behave like this until not long ago. Just let me rest tonight, I need a little bit of time to decide about my future. Neither maybe tomorrow nor next week, who knows…” I said doubtful.
“Well, BlueStar. Whatever you do next, I will support you. You have been truly brave for saying all this to me and I am surprised that you weren´t like this in the past. If that painter was right, it would mean that the one BlueStar I have known doesn´t belong there…” Stella said.
“I know and you even told me that my name could have come from this place. Look Stella, I need to sleep. I know that you have been feeling a rollercoaster of emotions right now with me but… my eyes are making an effort to stay open and answer you. But yes, for now I will stay here with you if that makes you feel better” I affirmed.
“It´s fine BlueStar, I am feeling better actually. You should get some sleep and maybe those won´t come but someday you will have to decide it” she concluded.
“I know it, Stella, I know…Goodnight honey” I said.
“Sleep well, dear” Stella responded.
I left the room and while sleeping underwater doesn´t require a bed; seaponies do follow the traditional way of life that I have known in Canterlot. Nothing can change the comfort that a soft bed offers to anyone, I suppose.
Well, I finally got to bed and it seems that I am leaving these two crucial days behind. In the end, the permanent state is going to end someday and I know it. But whenever that day comes, what will I say? Will it even manage to happen? Maybe I will forget about and I simply pass uneventful days without realizing it. I mean, I don´t like seeing Stella with that sadness shown in her face so my compromise should make her happy enough for now.
I won´t have my long term plans clear but at least, I am still alive fortunately and this ambient no longer bothers me at all. What a twist! Who could even imagine sleeping here with calm surroundings like these? Sure, it´s not perfect but it´s close to dream up a perfect miracle, or at least, it was for the average pony until now.
I feel bad for Stella, I don´t want to leave her heart broken after spending these days with her. I am still not sure what to do with her but I will keep going without thinking about it too much.
But before I close my eyes completely, I have to say something to Cloud Zapper and the unit. I might not feel any remorse at all towards you or any pony anymore, you are welcome to meet me again but...I would like to remind that whatever thing happens between me and Stella stays in private between us.
So, Cloud Zapper, I would like to have some room to breathe and decide your offer on my own; I will need my time to think about it. However, as the days pass I might not need that offer…I am slowly finding it less necessary in my eyes...
So, commander… please don´t call…
…please don´t call…