The door shuts quietly, and she leaves me alone. For a brief moment, I’m glad for the solitude after the sorry mess I made of myself out on the balcony, but then I find myself wishing she hadn’t left. The silence in my room is oppressive, with only the ticking clock and my own thoughts to keep me company.
I draw the quilt that Mom made for me tight around myself, it’s both comfortable and comforting, and I try for the thousandth time to understand how I feel around Twilight. She was trying to help me, she always been trying to help me. I still don’t know why she bothers. I’m probably not worth it. But there she was, at my side with her wings around my shoulders, listening to me cry.
That last stupid speech of hers was what set me off. It might have been full of cheesy cliches and old tropes even I can recognize, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hit me like a train. The power of hope, indeed.
Her face returns to me, without judgment or pity. She only wants what’s best for me, even if I can’t tell what it is, she can. Infinitely patient with me, always calm and gentle. Brilliant, obviously. How can any pony be so perfect? How can she care about me when I’m such a failure?
My heart fills nearly to bursting as I imagine standing next to her and the smile on her face as she looks to me. I try to pretend I don’t recognize the feeling. It’s the same way I felt about Sereina.
She wasn’t real, but Twilight is. Does she feel the same way? Is that why she’s put so much into helping me?
I’ll never know unless I tell her myself. Maybe… when all this mess with Despair and the Alicorn Amulet is over, I’ll be able to find the strength to say it aloud.
I groan when the ashen thief returns to my mind. Even my fantasies are interrupted. I turn over in my bed, trying to get comfortable. I need to try and get some sleep, tomorrow is going to be a long day.
“You are incredibly lucky it wasn’t much, much worse.” Luna sighs and watches the doctor walk out of the hospital room with the bag containing the parasitic plant. Even having been removed, it still struggles towards the thin film of blood in the bag, straining for nutrients now that it doesn’t have a host. Luna shudders and turns towards Stardust, lying in the same bed as the last time he was here. “How long were you lying there with that thing growing out of you?”
“A day.” He coughs, spitting up a seed in the process. “More?” It almost looks like he wants to say more, but the rasp in his voice makes it clear that speech is painful. Luna doesn’t doubt his ability to keep track of time was quite impaired.
“Do you remember what happened?” he shakes his head, rolling back and forth on the pillow. She can’t tell if it’s an answer or if he’s so drugged he can’t focus on her. He was pretty heavily medicated while the doctors got the parasite out of him. “I think I can guess. You were working on a sleeping potion and suffered another incident, correct?” He thinks for a moment, looking up at the ceiling, tilting his head one way, then another with a frown on his face.
“Close enough.”
“I am relieved you will recover.” Luna sighs again. Stardust blinks unevenly, his neon-blue eyes trying to lock on her. “Stardust, this cannot go on like this anymore. This time you almost died, next time could be worse.”
“Is all my fault.” His words slur together slightly, and Luna gets the feeling he refers to something else. “I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter who’s at fault. I am going to have to insist you get some help with this.” She points to the side of his head.
“I’m sorry.” He ignores the gesture, sounding a little bit more emotional than usual.
“Stardust, listen to what I’m saying.” Luna has to wait until he clearly focuses both eyes on her. She considers her next words carefully, remembering what had angered him so much when last they spoke. “Whatever the issue is inside your head, it won’t be solved by hoping it will go away. You need help, probably magical.” All she gets from him is a shallow nod. “I don’t have the right knowledge or the magic to help you.”
“Oh.” His eyes drop away, the hope in his tone sinking rapidly.
“However, there is a pony I know who might.” Stardust seems apprehensive, she can only guess he doesn’t want anypony near his already wounded mind without knowing who. “You don’t have to worry, she is a master caster, one of the best Equestria has seen in a very long time. If anypony can help you, it’s her.” He hesitates and then nods. Luna turns away, but he stops her with a quick word.
“Princess, wait.” When she looks back, she finds him looking right at her, but his blurry eyes don’t seem to be seeing her. “I have something I need to tell you.” There is an almost dreamlike quality to his voice.
“Don’t worry, Stardust, we’ll get you right again” She concludes he must be suffering another minor event and disregards his words as delirium. He mumbles something else, but she’s already out the door before he can change his mind. With newfound purpose, she heads for the palace, already planning out her message. There is only one pony who could possibly have the knowledge and the skill to help him.
It is time for a favor from Princess Twilight Sparkle.
“Her reply said she would be here shortly.” The next day Luna and Stardust wait in the palace garden by the fountain where he had his first severe attack. She arranged to meet here, knowing it would feel safe and private for him rather than meeting in the audience hall or at the train station.
“Oh, joy.” Stardust doesn’t even try to stand or look up at her while he waits. He sits on his haunches by the fountain’s side and peers down at his reflection in the water.
Luna watches him closely, he seems better today, if a bit depressed even by his standards. Sitting there encased in his black coat, he looks like a blot of darkness in an otherwise clear sky. His coat also nearly wholly hides the fact that his forelimbs are shaking slightly. Luna can only see it because she knows to look for it. At the least, he managed to summon up enough willpower to recreate his wings, they are folded neatly against his side.
She can’t blame him for being nervous. What will come next can not possibly be much fun to imagine. No matter how worrying this must be for him, she plans to be there for him in whatever way she can.
“You said you had something you wanted to say. Back at the hospital.”
“Did I?” He cocks his head, notably not meeting her eyes. “I don’t remember now.”
“You were quite out of sorts. I was simply curious.” Her attempt to start a conversation falls flat, and Stardust resumes watching his reflection. Luna looks up at the passing clouds, wondering where Twilight is. It’s not like her to be late. They sit together in silence as the minutes pass.
It takes so long that the little sparrow has enough time to find her, landing on her horn to chatter noisily about some bit of gossip only a bird would be interested in. The noise rouses Stardust, who eyes the bird sitting on Luna’s horn with an expression bordering on amusement. It’s only after the sparrow calms and looks around does it notice the other pony. Before it darts away, it rapidly chirps something Luna can’t quite catch. Stardust’s eyes track it until it disappears before turning to Luna again.
“So, who is this expert anyway?” He has only just opened his mouth when Luna spies the purple Alicorn rounding the edge of the hedge. Stardust is facing away and hasn’t seen her yet.
“Here she is now.” Luna waves gently toward Twilight, who heads towards them.
“Princess Luna! I’m sorry, the train was late, there was a rock-slide on the tracks, and it took a while to clear the…” Twilight’s voice drops away when she spots the dark purple Unicorn by the fountain.
The change in Stardust’s demeanor is instantaneous and dramatic. First, his eyes open wide and then narrow aggressively. Black wings grind against themselves to the point where Luna can hear the glass crack. His teeth grind nearly as hard, and his face stiffens.
“Twilight Sparkle.” Never before has Luna heard such emotion from him. Not even in his anger when she revealed she knew of his blank flank can compare to this. Slowly, he stands and turns towards Twilight. The air fills with a static charge, strong enough to set Luna’s hair on end and so intense that small sparks fly from Stardust’s horn.
“You know each other?”
“We’ve met.” The vile tone in his voice is impossible to miss.
“Sable? It’s you?” Tears start to swell in Twilight’s eyes while her expression shifts from surprise to concern.
“Sable?” Luna blinks, trying to remember where she’s heard the name before.
“That is not my name.” He growls out the words, quietly but not softly.
“The injured pony…” Realization in her voice and eyes. “Sable, tell me what happened.” Twilight tries to step over towards Stardust, but he growls and backs away, keeping his horn low.
“Stay back.” Twilight hesitates at his words and the blatant hate in them, flinching as if struck.
“I’ve come to help, I didn’t know it was you.”
“I don’t want your help.” Stardust starts to circle around the fountain, keeping it between him and Twilight. “I remember what your so-called help got me. Do you?”
“Of course, I do! Oh, Sable, I’m sorry!” Luna can do nothing but try and process the events before her, so much unsaid is passing between them. The other two seem to have forgotten she is even there.
“About which part?” He snaps back. “My secret exposed.” He gestures to his flank with one wing, visible cracks run down the feather panels. “My home burned to the ground.”
“That wasn’t my fault! I tried to save it!” Twilight tries to protest, but Stardust isn’t listening.
“My life in Ponyville, ruined, because you tried to help. Because you thought there was something wrong with me.” He spits it out like a curse. Luna flinches, flashing back to his anger when she had said the same thing about him at the hospital. “And you thought you just had to fix it.”
“This is different! There really is something wrong!”
“Because of you!” His wing panes seem to twist in place, sharpening their points towards Twilight like scorpion stingers and giving him an angular and increasingly aggressive appearance. He continues to stalk around the fountain, panther-esque, sidestepping, so he always faces Twilight.
“Sable, please.”
“That is not my name!” He slams a hoof down hard on the stone, and the electric cling in the air bursts around him. Lightning skips across the water’s surface from the release. The fountain cracks, and water sprays into the air. “Not anymore! Not after what you did to me!”
“Enough!” Desperate to prevent an altercation, Luna leaps into the pool of water between them and flings her wings open wide, making it impossible to ignore her. She turns her head from one pony to the other. “Exactly what happened between you two?” Twilight bites her lower lip, ashamed at something. Stardust, for his part, still braced for a fight.
For a brief instant, Stardust finally breaks eye contact with Twilight. His neon-blue eyes meet Luna’s, and somehow they flash with a burning red circle. The image brings up to her mind an old dream, a nightmare she had thought long forgotten, and she shudders involuntarily. The moment passes, and he returns his anger towards the other Alicorn.
“Tell her.” He almost sounds calm. “Tell her, Princess, what you did to me.” Twilight hesitates, clearly unwilling to speak. “Tell her!” He seethes, breathing hard, pointing at his own head. Luna glances at Stardust, noting a faint scar line just beside his left eye she hadn’t seen before, and then again at Twilight.
Princess Sparkle looks miserable. Tears stream down her cheeks, biting her lip almost to the point of drawing blood. She can’t even bring herself to meet Luna eye to eye. It’s an expression she hasn’t seen often on the Princess of friendship if ever she’s seen it at all. But there is more beyond the pain and anguish. Regret and shame. Slowly, Luna faces the other Alicorn directly, ignoring the water lapping up against her legs.
“Princess Sparkle?” Twilight’s eyes pivot towards Luna before flickering away. “Is he speaking the truth? Are you responsible for his condition?” Twilight looks past her, to Stardust.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” She nods once and lets her head hang. “I’m so sorry.”
“Only sorry it didn’t work!” Stardust shouts again. “Do you even understand what you were trying to do!?” He rounds the fountain, advancing on Twilight as if to harm her.
“The mask was supposed to restore your memory of your family! I didn’t-”
“You tried to replace my mind!” Stardust’s shouted accusation causes Luna to gasp, never would she have thought Twilight would ever do such a thing. “To replace me with your coltfriend… who doesn’t even exist! He never did!”
“I didn’t know the mask would do that!” Mask? Stardust’s silver mask? “You had enchanted it without me knowing.” The electric charge running down Stardust’s horn doesn’t fade when Twilight tries to defend her actions. If anything, it grows stronger.
“Princess Sparkle, that is no excuse.” Luna steps out of the fountain, interposing herself between them again in another effort to stave off physical violence. “I can see this is a sensitive topic. We should all calm and concentrate on the immediate issue.” A moment passes in relative silence.
“You’re right.” Twilight takes a deep breath. “We can talk about it after we-”
“No.” There is no change to Stardust’s hateful tone when he interrupts. “No.” His voice is firm and forceful as both Princesses turn to face him. “I may want this thing out of my head.” He jabs one hoof to point at his temple before then thrusting it towards Twilight. “But I’ll be damned to Tartarus before I’ll let you anywhere near my mind ever again.” He raises his head to stare down at Twilight with his eyes full of malevolence. “I’d rather go insane.” Without another word, he spins and makes to leave.
“Sable, wait!” Before Luna can intercept her, Twilight leaps over her and lands in front of Stardust. The Princess throws both her wings around the Unicorn and hugs him close. “Don’t give up again.” Luna spots rage in his eyes and the snarl on his face too late to stop it.
Stardust’s spell veritably explodes. Bright lightning dances off his horn and rakes up and down Twilight’s body. The purple Alicorn screams as she's thrown away, collapsing in a heap. Stardust stands above her, neon-blue sparks still flashing off his horn and across his own face and neck, his teeth clenched and his breath heavy. His eyes swivel from one Princess to the other.
In that instant, Luna can read his expression perfectly. Hate and bitterness written like printed words. But between those lightning lines singeing his fur, there is something else. All that hate, but not all directed at Twilight, so much must be directed inward. Despair eats at his soul, plain for her to read.
Thunder booms, and Stardust vanishes in an electric flash. His spell is so ragged and broken that it burns the stone where he was standing. Briefly, Luna considers going after him, she can hear his spell echoing as he teleports further into the city, but Twilight is the one who needs her now.
She darts to her friend, on her side in the dirt, trying to find a sign of life. Luna lets out a held breath when Twilight gasps for air.
“Are you injured, do you need medical aid?” Luna helps Twilight back to her feet slowly, checking her more carefully for injuries. A quick visual check shows nothing severe on the smaller Alicorn’s form.
“I’ll be alright.” She shakes her head, turning her gaze to where Stardust had been standing. The tears streaming down her face are obviously not only due to the pain of her body. “Oh, Sable… I’m so sorry.”