//------------------------------// // The Mind Undone // Story: The Ash of Fallen Stars // by Wings of Black Glass //------------------------------// I latch my teeth on the vine and pull. Leaves shed from the Alicorn statue as the plant falls off, most of them old and rotting. I look up at the stone figure with the missing face and sigh, it’s just one more thing I’ve damaged in this town. At the very least, I should clean up my mess. Sure, I could do it nearly instantly if I used magic, but my magic has done enough harm here. Doing it by mouth and hoof feels more like penance than by mind and magic, even if it is the least I can do. “Hey there.” I glance over my shoulder at the voice. It’s a dark-blue Unicorn, the barkeeper of the saloon. The older stallion is also looking up at the statue, appreciatively judging my efforts to clean it. “Thanks for that. I guess we’ve neglected it a bit over the years.” I wrack my mind trying to even remember his name. Sodafizz? Fizzlepop? Something like that. Swirlberry? “That’s probably my fault, too,” I mumble it under my breath. Who knows how my curse affected their perception of it. I don’t think he heard, for which I am quite grateful. “You’re Earl Grey and Softwear’s foal, right? You came on into the bar the other day with Princess Twilight Sparkle.” “I remember.” That was only two days ago, or was it three? For Luna’s sake, I’ve lost nearly all track of time. “So where have you been all these years? You just disappeared one day, didn’t even say goodbye.” Interesting, somehow their minds have adapted to the removal of the curse by just accepting I had left. “I got a bit lost.” How true, even though I didn’t know it at the time. “Lost?” He glances away sadly, looking for somepony not there. “Well, it’s good to see you found your way home.” There’s a sense of loss in his voice which I can recognize, he’s lost someone too. I wonder if I knew them… “Sure, I guess.” Home? I glance about, seeing the years I spent anywhere but here, and the damage I’ve done. I can’t fix most of it. “I should get back to work.” At least I can clean the statue and weed out its little garden. “Well, alright.” He nods and then trots away, before he disappears through the saloon doors he calls back once more. “Don’t be a stranger, you hear?” “Stardust?” Luna slowly enters the darkened hospital room. “Are you alright?” Inside, a pony lies on the bed furthest away, his back to the entry, and covered by a sheet he has pulled tight around himself. His long coat lies draped over the foot of the bed. “The doctors tell me I’ll recover.” His voice is hoarse and rough, but at least he’s coherent again. “They think it was a panic attack.” He doesn’t even look over his shoulder. “That was no simple panic attack.” “I know. I was there.” It’s not a particularly funny joke, and neither of them has the will to laugh. Luna sits down beside his bed, he doesn’t turn to look at her. “Stardust, you need to tell me what happened to you.” “…I had a panic attack.” “Stardust. That’s not funny.” He twitches slightly at her accusatory tone but doesn’t face her. “I’ve seen you have these episodes before, if nowhere near as severe. You’ve lost track of when and where you were several times.” “I was exhausted.” His explanation is empty, and they both know it. “Exhaustion might explain one of those events, not all. You need to tell me what is happening to you.” “I can’t.” He sighs. “I don’t know what’s happening.” “You really have no idea what’s causing this?” Stardust makes no effort to answer her. “What about the spell you were trying to repair on that mask?” With a jerk, he tightens into an even smaller ball. “That was it, wasn’t it?” “I… It might be related. I can’t be sure.” He says nothing more, and Luna considers what might have triggered his reaction. “We were discussing your parents, do you have any idea why that would trigger an attack like this?” “Stress? I don’t know.” “You said you ran from home, and then you lost coherence.” “Again, I was there.” “I wasn’t sure how much you remembered. I’m sorry if this bothers you, but we need to know how this happened.” He nods after a moment. “Just before it got terrible, you said they were dead, but also alive. I don’t understand.” Stardust is silent for so long that she wonders if she has triggered another attack, but then he sighs. The familiar sound reassures her that he is still in command of his sanity. “When I left… when I ran away, I created an enchantment, a curse really, that removed me from their memory.” Luna backs away, shocked any pony would manipulate a mind in such a fashion. He must have heard her hoofstep, as he glances at her over his shoulder for the first time since she walked in. Tear-streaks line his cheek. “I don’t blame you for hating me for it.” He drops his head back down just before Luna mentally reprimands herself for scowling at him. Then she listens to his tone more carefully and realizes that he must hate himself for it as well. How could he not? “Why? Why would you do that?” She tries to keep her tone inquisitive without being overly critical. He twinges again and pulls his sheet even tighter. “It was… my worst moment. I just gave up. But I was afraid I would go back, so I did it to myself too.” “You… cursed yourself?” The very concept boggles her mind. “I manipulated my own memory so that I thought they were dead.” Luna’s jaw works wordlessly, unable to find anything to say to such a statement. “That’s what I was trying to fix, that mask was… is… part of the spell somehow.” Luna’s mind kicks back into gear, and she can think again. “Your spell has been broken then? The truth returned to you?” “I… I don’t know.” Stardust shivers, clutching at his own head. “It’s like I know two realities. Both are real, yet both can’t be real.” “Can you not disable the magic?” “Not without knowing how I put it together in the first place. I don’t even know how I know this.” Luna’s first reaction is to guess about the nature of the spell, but then she shuts her mouth before saying something they both know would be wild speculation. “Do you think finding your parents would help? I would be willing to aid you in locating them.” When he twitches again, she recognizes that something about his past would make that difficult, even considering the effect of his curse. Luna’s eyes are drawn to his flank, which she knows is blank. She had once briefly considered the history a pony without a cutie-mark might have, and quickly does so again. “Oh… of course.” “What?” He flashes a glance back at her so quickly that she doesn’t have time to adjust her gaze, and he locks his eyes on her in time to see where she was looking. Silence drops like a stone for several moments as he glares. “How long have you known?” Now it’s his turn to sound accusatory, and his tone is full of vitriol. Luna backs away, suddenly unwilling to meet him face to face. “Since we met that first night.” For a while, he says nothing, simply stares right at her with sharp eyes. Slowly he pulls himself out of the bed, tossing the sheet aside and pulling on his coat. Even then, he doesn’t leave but instead hunches down in an even darker corner far from the door. “So… It was all a joke?” The bile in his voice is impossible to hide. Luna can’t help but feel like something has snapped between them. What little light from the hall reaches him reflects off his neon-blue eyes, giving him the distinct impression of a predatory beast on the hunt. A red pony passes the room, and the reflection flashes off his eyes, causing red circles across his eyes for just an instant, and she shudders. “A good laugh at my expense, was it?” “What? No.” Luna shakes her head and briefly considers going to sit next to him before deciding against it. He’s upset enough as is. “No, I never wanted to make you uncomfortable. That’s why I didn’t bring it up in any of our conversations.” “And you’ve never thought less of me for it? I don’t believe you.” “Believe what you wish. I can only tell you the truth.” She meets his glare with equal will. “I don’t care if you have a mark or not. Your destiny is no obligation of mine.” He blinks, surprised, and some of the anger in his expression slips away. “If you want my help, you’ll ask for it.” His eyes sink to the floor, but he remains silent. “Right now, I’m only worried about what has happened to your health.” Some of the tension drains out of his stance, barely. “We both know there is something very wrong with you.” Lightning sparks from his horn as he scowls afresh and Luna knows she has said exactly the wrong thing. “Something wrong?!” Mockery, plain and simple. “Of course there’s something wrong! All I’ve ever been is something wrong!” Static energy builds in the air, just as right before his teleport miscast earlier. Luna backs away again, readying her own shield in case his spell backfires or explodes. The charge lingers while Stardust seems to consider what he’s doing. “I’m leaving.” He’s not really much calmer, but his tone has returned to something that sounds almost normal. The static energy dissipates, and Luna relaxes slightly. “You are not seeking help?” “My destiny is my own concern.” A bit of that vile tone returns, just bordering on anger. Luna can do nothing to stop him, especially now. With some trepidation, she steps aside and lets him pass. “I will watch for you if you change your mind.” Before he exits the room, he shoots her one more glare, hesitating. “I doubt we’ll meet again.” Luna can’t be sure if it’s just his emotional state or not, but the words hit her like a brick. “Then, I will miss our conversations.” It’s the only thing she can think of to say that doesn’t sound quite so final. Just before he disappears around the corner, he whispers something she, once again, believes she wasn’t supposed to hear. “So will I.”