Dear Princess Bunshine,
The full story is boring, so I’ll give you the short version. The orphanage in [insert horse pun] was in a really shitty spot, right? Walls were moldy, windows were broken, ceiling didn’t work; it was all kinds of bad. I tried getting the owner of the building to do something, but she said the insurance money for repairs was being used to buy food for the orphans.
Being the law-abiding citizen I am, I was morally outraged by such a clear case of insurance fraud. However, I do have a heart, albeit a purple one. Instead of reporting her to the police, I checked the insurance policy to see if the building was covered for fire (it was). I knew that if she burned the building down, it could be seen as a different form of insurance fraud, and I refuse to let the law be broken so easily, so I took matters into my own horn and burned the orphanage down myself.
My plan was foolproof on paper. I would pretend to be an angel delivering orphans from squalor by burning down their metaphorical prison, and Miss Fuckshername would use the money to buy a better place. Unfortunately, paper isn’t practice. As it turns out, giving yourself a halo does not automatically make everything you do morally good or legal. I was not aware of this. Said lack of awareness is also not a valid legal defense. Who knew?
If there was a lesson to be learned, it’s currently buried under the ashes of an orphanage. It’s safer there.
Your holy hellfire,
Twilighter