I yawned, just managing to keep my eyes open as the conventiongoers passed by. Most of the time, the customers were just casual shoppers. Some would stop by and buy a trinket or two-- a keychain here, a cheap thermos there, stuff like that. Every so often, however...
"SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT," a gruff voice boomed. I quickly found myself in the shadow of a towering figure.
I pushed a wooden box to the edge of the counter. "Nametag keychains."
"I SHALL TAKE TWO."
They bought two and left me be. Honestly, I was fully expecting for them to start wrecking things or something.
You know what? This is boring. Let's take a look at the reverse.
I opened my eyes again to the sight of ponies bustling by on a busy Canterlot streetside. Immediately, a duo-- a mare and a stallion, approached me.
"Do you got..." the stallion's eyes darted back and forth, staring down my merch wall. "...any weapons?"
Hm. Maybe I should've just taken the opportunity to take a nap instead of coming here.
I lit the horn that I spontaneously grew upon entering Equestria and opened a chest under the counter, pulling out a large satchel.
"'re those weapons?" the stallion grumbled, "I need my weapons to train."
"Train for what?"
Again with mister shifty-eyes. The mare beside him didn't seem to be any different. I turned to her while the stallion continued brooding over his response.
"And what would you like, miss..."
"Rippenteré."
...She's named Rip-'N'-Tear. Celestia, please let that not be her real name. I will personally find her parents and send 'em out of this universe if that's the case.
"Rippenteré," I nodded, pushing down the primal urge to ask if that was a nickname. "Right. Whaddya want?"
"Something to rip and tear with."
Oh.
"Ah," the stallion gasped, "I remember now. I wish to overthrow Celestia, and take Equestria for myself for no reason besides the fact that I'm an absolute douchebag character that probably was created solely to be di--hold just a buckin' second."
I blinked, letting my horn fizzle out. Sure, overthrowing Celestia would definitely be interesting, but that attitude of his probably meant that he was more on some weird wish-fulfillment trip. Who knows? He might've been a former human that I sent here long ago.
Either way, at least to me, all hope for this pair is lost. They're bad OCs and they should know it. In fact... I'll make them know it.
Taking a deep breath, I nudged the satchel closer to them. "Well, pick something, you two. Ten bits a piece."
Where to send them, where to send them... let's see... ah, I know just the place. Let's see what they-- holy mother of Celestia's flaming nostrils, did that mare just pull a CHAINSAW from that satchel?!
"I'll take this." the mare tossed the chainsaw onto the counter. It was at this point that I realized that I probably pulled out the wrong bag of holding. Too late to go back now, though.
I looked to the stallion. "And you, sir?"
A single can of beans was carefully placed onto the counter.
"Very well then," I nodded. "That will be twenty bits. No more, no less."
Three and a half buttons and a piece of a candy wrapper landed on the counter. The pair swiped their merch and began to take off. I rolled my eyes, sweeping the trash off the counter. Any moment now, those two are gonna be finding themselves in a very... different situation.
The stallion was the first to materialize, falling face-first into a cotton candy bush. He groaned, pushing himself up and spitting out sugary lumps of cotton candy.
"Difgugftincf," he spat, pulling himself from the bush. The mare popped into existence beside him, dazed.
"Master, master, look!" a new voice giddily shouted, "The Lord of Beans has awoken, with his partner Rippenteré the deadly! Does that mean our land will finally be freed from the oppressive forces of Hazburo?"
"I--" the stallion looked down at his hooves. The can of beans he bought as a joke from that shady merchant had transformed into a pair of gauntlets, still wrapped in the label for refried beans. "WHAT THE ACTUAL BUUUUU--"