Jammy Hock yawned and opened his eyes. He wasn't sure why every time anyone referenced his name, Jammy Hock, they included his surname. Surely it would be more efficient to just call him Jammy Hock, but without the Hock?
Nah, that would be ridiculous, Jammy Hock decided. Like Superman without his "man", or Batman without his "man", Jammy Hock could not live without his Hock.
Since his last smash-hit story, Jammy Hock found he had become quite genre-aware. The fact that a constant sort of narration now permeated the otherwise meaningless void of his life could only mean one thing: Jammy Hock was going to become something decidedly not Jammy Hock.
The only variable was how it would begin, and when. He decided that the most rational course of action was that of the meta-commentary, in which he would thrust himself into increasingly meaningless tales of transformation, such that perhaps, some day, he could escape the bounds of his own canon and reach a sort of shitty apotheosis.
It was thus that morning, lying in bed, Jammy Hock decided to become Princess Celestia. But, of course, to truly become the Princess of the Day, one must leave bed. Jammy Hock felt that this might pose something of an issue, as, despite his desire for ascension, he didn't particularly want to get out of bed. The narrative goddess, however, begged to differ, and Jammy rolled out of bed and immediately began to dress himself in an orange polo shirt and purple shorts. Jammy Hock had learned about complimentary colours last year in school, and had dressed himself accordingly ever since, never quite realizing that orange and purple were not, in fact, complimentary.
Nevertheless, having clothed himself, Jammy Hock picked his cellular telephone off of his trusty bedside table, and stepped out of his room, casually scrolling his feed on FAMFACTION.NET, to see what had gone on during the night. Judging by the massive amount of notifications, at least three new stories had been written about him, Jammy Hock, and had been posted to half the groups on the site. This was good, Jammy Hock felt. The more Jammy Hock stories were written, the more likely that the goddess of the narrative would become distracted and ignore him, allowing him to breach canon with ease.
Unfortunately for Jammy Hock, I am not that easily driven away. Nor am I particularly fond of those stories, to be honest.
Ignoring the sarcastic commentary of the goddess, Jammy Hock walked down the hall and into the kitchen, where he poured himself a cup of black coffee. The coffee immediately vanished, however, as the goddess was in an ironically puritanical mood, and was not willing to allow Jammy Hock to get addicted to caffeine. Jammy Hock frowned into his empty mug, before shrugging. He figured he might as well go out to school early today, and so he put on his coat and stepped out the door into the bright early morning sunlight.
Contrary to popular belief, the sun is not a giant ball of gas. Some will tell you that it is in fact plasma, but they would also be wrong. It can be safely assumed that the sun does not have blood, and thus cannot contain plasma. In reality, the sun is powered by the sum awesomeness of the universe. Due to this, people often bumped into things in the dark before Jammy Hock was born, as the sun was a great deal less bright. Jammy contemplated this as he made his way towards school. People really didn't pay him enough respect, despite the fact that it was his awesomeness that made agriculture a meaningful endeavor. He had once considered starting a cult, with himself as the god of the sun, but later decided against it, feeling that it might detract from his reputation as the premier TRANSMOGRIFICATION EXPATRIATE.
Lost in thought, Jammy Hock nearly walked straight into the gates of his school. The goddess would like to clarify that it wasn't his school in that Jammy Hock attended the school (though he did), but that the school was in fact his private property, and accordingly named the JAMMY HOCK ACADEMY OF TRANSMOGRIFICATION EXPERTISE. He unlocked the gate, stepped inside, and locked it again behind him. One of his first acts as the principal of the illustrious JAMMY HOCK ACADEMY OF TRANSMOGRIFICATION EXPERTISE was to expel all the worst students, so they didn't drag their betters down with them. Given that Jammy Hock was, of course, the best student, in addition to being all the teachers and the principal, necessitated expelling all of the peasant-students.
Jammy Hock made his way to the office of the principal of the JAMMY HOCK ACADEMY OF TRANSMOGRIFICATION EXPERTISE, where he assigned himself his natural grades. A+, across the board. Having had a highly fulfilling day at school, Jammy Hock turned around and left, figuring he could probably finish up his degree in quantum physics tomorrow. Today, however, he had to pursue the goal of apotheosis.
Steeling his resolve, Jammy Hock struck a dramatic pose and screamed to the sky.
"I, Jammy Hock, am the TRANSMOGRIFICATION EXPATRIATE, and I will become Princess Celestia, just you wait!"