//------------------------------// // Chapter 9: AC/DJ // Story: To Cure Insanity Please Insert MORE Ponies // by No One and Nobody //------------------------------// Chapter 9: AC/DJ Dropping off the Leader's son had been an altogether sappy experience for Lobo and he'd decided to stay on his bike while Fluttershy made sure everything was going to be okay. While he waited, he rested back on his bike and let his head roll over the back edge. Behind him was one of the few walls he hadn't trashed during their last visit. All the alien symbols and graffiti were meaningless to him. Lobo blinked, then sat up and turned around. One of the symbols carved into the wall was familiar... very familiar. Fluttershy returned with a happy smile on her face. "I think they'll be just fine. Isn't it wonderful when a family gets back together?" Lobo wasn't paying attention to her. He seemed to be deep in thought while staring at part of a collapsed wall. "You want to try my method on another bounty?" she asked. Lobo nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah sure, whatever." With that they left the planet, and the partly destroyed wall with the three butterfly symbols on it. Unknown to them, behind some rubble the mural continued with a stylized depiction of a creature with long hair, huge eyes and wings descending from the sky and lots of alien symbols around it. Not that it mattered to them anyway, the only ones who could read those writings were the inhabitants of the planet. As they hit the outer atmosphere of the planet though, something interesting happened. A glowing hole opened up in front of them and Lobo almost drove through it. "What the heck?!" said Lobo, breaking inches from the swirling event horizon. "Ooh, I recognize that portal," said Fluttershy, standing up on the back of his ride, "It's from one of my friends." "I've about have enough of one of you," said Lobo, rolling his eyes. "I think you'll like this one," said Fluttershy with an odd tone to her voice, "Besides that, I helped solve two bounties and you promised." Lobo growled and drove through. The hole closed after they went through and spacetime got even stranger. Before them was a misshapen, oddly colored house, floating, upside-down in a vortex of purple energy. "I can't believe I forgot!" Said Fluttershy. "Forgot what?" Lobo looked worried as they parked. "Tonight's game-night." Fluttershy answered and knocked on the door. Elsewhere, in the 5th dimension, Mxyzptlk was fuming as he walked home. "Bested by that no-good do-gooder again! How does he make it look so easy?!" *POP* The walk was now his front door. *POP* The front door was now the entryway. He walked past the living room ignoring his wife Nyxlygsptlnz and the pony she was snuggling. "Not right now Nyxly. I've gotta find some way to-" Mxyzptlk froze as his brain processed what he'd just ignored. "WHAT IS THAT THING DOING HERE?!" He shouted furiously as he jumped up and down in the doorway to the living and pointed at what Nyxlygsptlnz was hugging. "Isn't she just darling, love?" She said, rocking the pony back and forth in her arms like a baby. "No! No-no-no-no. I won't have it in my house. Gspltlnz, get rid of it right now!" "It is a she, honey. Her name is Screwball, and she's the softest thing I've ever snuggled." At this point Gspltlnz held up the pony in front of her and nuzzled her nose, "Who's a good pony? Who is?" It was positively revolting. "I've put up with a lot from you Nyxly," started Mxyzptlk, "But I draw the line-" "You want to give her a hug?" Nyxly held out the pony towards him, her hooves wide and beaming with love and positivity. "Get that away from me!" He yelled, breaking the house in half and shoving her end into the distance. "You've got to try it honey," she said popping over to his side, "There's simply nothing like it." "Agghh!" Mxyzptlk dashed down his hallway, into the kitchen where Gspltlnz was making dinner and the pony was happily munching on a carrot. *POP* he hid in the bedroom. But Nyxly was laying on her back on the bed, holding the soft pony in her arms like a cuddly teddy bear. "I've had it with you!" He said, and left the house. "No respect!" He muttered as he walked through the curvy roads of the 5th dimension, "I get no respect around here, and it's all that lousy Superman's fault!" Finally, he walked into the bar. "Hey Yzzlsptts! Get me something strong enough to kill Superman." The bartender, an equally short man who was walking around behind the bar about three feet off the ground in order to be at eye level with his customers continued cleaning a glass as another cup with a long curly straw appeared on the bar counter. "I take it this Superman scheme failed as well?" "I don't get it!" Yelled Mxyzptlk as he sat down, "I've got an IQ of 211,051. That moron shouldn't have a chance against me, but everytime he does it without so much as breaking a sweat! Argghhhhh!" "Ever considered defining yourself by something other than him?" "You sayin' I can't handle him?!" Yelled Mxyzptlk, slamming the drink back down. "No. I'm saying if YOU'RE so smart, then you should know that YOU define you, not HIM." Mxyzptlk stared at the bartender like he had four heads. "Where did you come up with that load of rubbish?" Yzzlsptts shrugged and picked something up from underneath the bar. "She told me it might help you." Screwball waved at him from Yzzlsptts's arms. "Also, she's really huggable, you should try this." "Is nothin' sacred around here?!" Yelled Mxyzptlk as he dashed out the door. *POP* Mxyzptlk ran through the door and out onto the rings of Saturn. He stood there breathing heavily for several seconds before sitting down and raising his fists to rant at the universe and one lousy system with one lousy planet with one lousy individual in particular. After about 5 minutes of ranting he sat back and stared at the planet. There was a slight sound from his left and he turned to see the pony sitting about 18 inches from him. He jumped, and slid to his right. She slid with him. He slid again. So did she. He sat still. So did she. He glared at her. She just stared back at him. She wasn't smiling or holding out her hooves for a hug. She was just sitting there. "Why can't I do anything to you?" Asked Mxyzptlk, unsure if he was still actively in danger from this abusively cute creature. The pony closed her eyes, and opened her mouth, smiling. A speech bubble appeared over her head. "I've already got chaos magic running in my veins." Closing her mouth, the solid speech bubble dropped onto the ring they were sitting on. "Okay, why won't you leave me alone?" The pony opened her mouth again, but this time incomprehensible burbly gibberish came out. At the bottom of his periphery, Mxyzptlk could make out text being scrawled out on a small black field. "Discord made me this way. ->" Mxyzptlk blinked and focused on the continue arrow. "He's the lord of chaos where I come from. He was evil but Fluttershy made friends with him so we're cool now. ->" "I just want to show you that you don't have to let your life be defined by someone else. YOU define YOU. ->" Mxyzptlk gave her another hard stare. "And if I consider this, I don't have to hug you?" The pony closed her mouth and assumed a blank expression as strange sounds emanated from her and a thin sheet of paper spooled from her mouth. "not unless you want to stop I really just want to help you stop sorry if I have scared you stop" Mxyzptlk gave one last side glance at the pony before returning to the view of Saturn. The pony wasn't as annoying when she wasn't trying to forcibly snuggle him. Electricity crackled through the plant as Superman neared the generators. Barely a minute had passed since Livewire had escaped from prison but Superman knew the power plant was the first place she'd go. She'd been cooped up long enough that she needed a recharge. Zipping into the huge, deserted concrete room, he could see her standing on to of the largest generator, arcs of power discharging through the air into her hands as she sighed in contentment. Reaching into his pony pouch, Superman felt around for the appropriate pony. He could feel dozens of hooves guiding his fingers to their target. It felt weird, but he had to admit it was more effective than pulling out the pouch and looking through it. Livewire noticed him, just as his fingers closed over the pony, and she grinned. "Well if it isn't Metropolis's big boy in blue. Interrupting a girl while she's relaxing? Lucky thing I'm already juiced up." She extended a hand and a blue bolt flashed from it. Superman was ready and jumped to the right as it flashed by. "I'm not here to fight you Ms. Willis," said Superman, dodging a second blast, "I'm just the messenger." With that, he whipped his hand out and sent the white and blue figurine spinning towards her. To her credit, Livewire reacted faster than the eye could see and blasted the projectile out of the air. Unfortunately for her, Vinyl wasn't your average projectile and, quite frankly, neither Livewire nor Superman were expecting what happened next. As the wave of electricity flowed over Vinyl her hair stood on end and a special kind of fire flared to life behind her glasses, one that normally only came to light during her greatest performances. "Aww YEAH!" her amplified voice reverberated through her supercharged soundboard as her electric arc-interrupted arc terminated on the edge of the generator casing. There she stood in all her glory! Twin turntables spinning, subwoofers pumping, magical electricity crackling around her like stage-lights and a huge grin on her face. "Let's get this party started!" She screamed out, her vocals distorted, boosted and synced with the overtones of the music. Having apparently learned nothing from her first attempt, Livewire tried blasting Vinyl and Superman. But pony and turntable ported, blocked and buffered every blast in time with the bass-beat. "What kind of hocus-pocus are you trying to pull Superman?" Yelled Livewire over the music as she backed away from the head-bopping pony. "Honestly," replied Superman, "I have no idea. You're on your own Leslie." So saying, he turned and left. "What?" Livewire stared in confusion at where the Man of Steel had stood. "I thought you were supposed to be some kind of hero, lamoid." The only sound that answered her was the perpetual single-pony mini-rave on the edge of the generator. Waving to the... whatever-it-was, she vanished into the nearest power conduit with a, "Later loser." With a pop and a sizzle a digital billboard in Metropolis Center exploded and there stood a blue-haired figure clothed in a skin-tight suit and posing for everyone to see. "We're live again Metropolis! And this time no one's-" Her face froze and then morphed into a confused expression as she finally noticed the music. It was even loud enough that some of the people below in the street could hear it, and it was coming from behind her! Spinning around Livewire lit up whoever or whatever behind her was making the sound. But the pony played on. "What the-?! How the heck did you get here?" She asked, muting her boosted voice so that only the pony could hear her. Last thing she needed was her show getting upstaged by some noisy nonsensical nut. "You supercharged my set," said the pony, still bopping her head, "So now I'm stuck on you like me and Octi." *Pop-zip* Livewire's face filled the screen as she tried, once again, to proclaim her return to her devoted public. "As I was saying Metropolis-" "Sweet reverb in here!" Sang another voice in the background as the rest of Livewire's speech was drown out by a dubstep track. *Static* Every radio in the city crackled to life of their own accord as the airwaves once again carried the sultry tones of- "Jumpin' into stereo!" WAAAAB-WUBBA-DUBBA WOOOT-WOOOT BRZZT-ZOW ZBA-DBA-DBA-DOW WAAAAB-WUBBA-DUBBA WOOOT-WOOOT BRZZT-ZOW ZBA-DBA-DBA-DOW "Aauuggghhhh!" With a wave of static, and a small explosion. Livewire left the airwaves and exited out of a boombox into the middle of an empty construction zone. Several workers jumped up and fled while a few others grinned and started walking towards the attractive new arrival. "Sorry boys too hot to handle right now," she said ionizing the air around her and sending them screaming out of the yard, their clothes smoking. "And Octi says I drive people away," said the pony behind her. "You are driving me CRAZY!" Yelled Livewire, holding her hands out like she wanted to strangle the DJ. Vinyl threw her head back and laughed. "Yeah, it's a blessing... and a curse. 'Sides, you ain't so different." "I am nothing like you!" Vinyl cocked her head to one side. "I'm just buggin' you. You're buggin' an entire city." Livewire opened her mouth to say something but stopped. Shaking her head she continued, "I can do whatever I want. I'm living lightning!" "Well I can do whatever I want," said Vinyl smiling and holding out her hoof, "I'm Vinyl Scratch." "So is this what Superman was planning. To annoy me into submission?" "Whatever works." Vinyl shrugged. The bar was quiet and peaceful for all of two seconds. Then... *BAMM-POW* Light bulbs blew, glasses shattered and people dropped their drinks and fled for their lives. "Hey bartender!" The cowering man behind the counter took his hands from his ears and looked up, then he fell back and tried backing out from behind the counter. "I need a drink." Grabbing the nearest bottle, he slid it down the counter to her waiting hand and ducked out the emergency exit, glass crunching under his shoes. "Don't forget me," said the DJ Pony, sliding her sound-stage across the counter. "I can't," groaned Livewire, "That's why I'm here." "Yeah, 'nuff said, now make with the booze." Vinyl pushed a glass four times her size over next to Livewire's, her turntables temporary forgotten. "So then I hit the bass and bam *hic* cutie mark." "At's a dumb story," slurred Livewire, trying to support her head on one hand. She couldn't quite remember how they'd got on the story, but it was better than letting the pony continue on about her friend and music and friendship and her friend and stuff... "And from that moment *hic* I knew music was my special talent." "Music smusic." "If you're not interested in music then what do ya wanna talk about?" "Power." Said Livewire, pounding a fist on the counter, "S'the only thing they rethpect in this city." "Power ain't worth it, my friend Octavia *hic* says so." And she was off on her friend again. Livewire rolled her eyes and then steadied herself against he bar. "'S a famous musician. Played at Canterlot Castle and junk. But... she say's 'all'a fame in the world ain't worth one *hic* true friend'." "Sappy nonsense," muttered Livewire. "Yeah, she goes for that kind of thing." From her position, laying on top of the glass with her tail hanging down into it, Vinyl waved a hoof, "But you know what? She's right. Power don't last, but friendship? That's forever." "Oh yeah? Who do you suggest?" "What about flyboy?" Livewire's face slid off her hand and she jerked up, trying to focus on the infuriating pony. "Th-that boyscout?! Are you crazy?" She was able to just make out as Vinyl's face lit up and she dropped her glasses down to give her a cocky grin back. "Don't answer that." Vinyl chuckled. "Hey, my *hic* bess friend is the uptype- ... the uptight type. Don't knock 'em till you've tried one. Sure they can be kinda annoying sometimes, *hic* and it's really fun to wine 'em up and watch 'em go on about the littlest things. But... they'll never run off and leave you... Unlike me, they're... dependable." "Oh yeah? Listen, itsh the supersap's fault I'm like this right now!" Vinyl waved a hoof, dismissively. "That's a load of ponyfeathers and you know it!" "Oh yeah? Prove it!" Turning her head, Vinyl looked straight at Livewire and said, "You're a lyin' good-fer-nothin egomaniac. I should know, *hic* it takes one to know one. You're in a dark place right now. Shame place I was, years ago, and I'm tellin' you... you don't wanna make the same mistakes I did. What I'm about to shay, I never said, got it?" "Then why're you sayin' it?" "'Cause I'm drunk as a skunk, now shut yer pie hole and *burp* pay attention. For as much gaffe as I give Octi, she's kept me in check. There was a time, before she came along, whe-when even I couldn't put up with me. She's my best friend and, even though I get to have all the fun, sometimes, I wish I could be like her. It takes a special kind of person to put up with somepony like me." Unbenounced to the two sloshed individuals, Superman and Octavia had managed to locate them. Though Superman was quiet as he floated through the wreckage of the bar, Octavia couldn't resist. "Is that so?" Vinyl shot up like she'd just been hit by lightning and then fell back, getting her rear stuck firmly inside the glass she was resting in. "SHE MADE ME SAY IT!" She said, blushing furiously and waving her hooves as she tried to point to the blurry smear that was Livewire. Octavia just stood there, staring, unblinking from her position atop Superman's palm. "I was jus' doing what I could... You know *hic* for rehabilitation purposes and junk." Octavia didn't even blink. "Come on Octi, you don't actually believe all that stuff... I'm drunk." "Vinyl, we both know you're the most lucid WHEN you're intoxicated." Tapping the side of her glass Vinyl whispered in the general direction of Livewire. "Get me out of here and I swear I'll shut up for the next 12 hours." "DEAL!" Livewire slapped her hand down on the counter and tried to stand up. Superman and Octavia watched as first Livewire and then Vinyl toppled over, one onto the floor the other onto the counter. Livewire grabbed her barstool and tried to regain her footing while Vinyl just rolled around on the table like a turtle with its shell stuck in a toilet paper roll. At last, Livewire, managed to find her footing, Vinyl rolled into her arm and they vanished into the nearest bar TV screen, which promptly melted. Somewhere in a deserted condominium on the edge of the city looking out over Metropolis the television exploded and two figures rolled out onto the carpeting. Standing up, Livewire started stumbling towards the door, bumping into one wall after the next. Finally she reached the door and reached out to grasp the handle. For some reason though, the door was running away from her. She landed on the floor with a thud and lay there, staring at the ceiling. "Not a word." She growled. From the other side of the room, Vinyl let out a loud snore. As she lay there, Livewire decided she could leave later. Right now, she was just going to lay there and look at the ceiling. And think about what that pony had told her.