Chapter 6: The Bounty Hunter and the Super-Cute Bounty
Space. The final frontier. The endless abyss. The formless void. A vast sea of stars with tremendous amounts of nothing in between... and one angry, alien dude riding through it on a spiky, space-fairing, rocket hog.
Lobo took one last swig of something from his can, which probably could have passed for rocket fuel anywhere else in the galaxy, crushed it against his head and flicked the flattened cylinder out into the universe.
“Yup, time for a refill. Woah baby! Say what?”
Suddenly, he reversed and inverted his ride to read the neon sign on a passing asteroid.
"'Vast riches of unimaginable value' blah-blah-blah 'bounty' blah-blah-blah 'bar'. Yeah, got it."
After making a short pit-stop, with booze and bounty claimed, he'd continue on his way to that dinky planet he planned on thrashing, stomping and all-around mulching.
Heck, with a bounty as big as it claimed to be, who's to say he couldn't afford some 'distractions' that might even afford that hapless world a night or two.
The bar was built into the side of an asteroid, neither of which was symmetrical. It might have resembled a hobbit-hole if it weren't sculpted from trash. An alien of unknown origin was passed out underneath the smashed, only window in the building.
Parking his ride, Lobo stepped towards the establishment. He cocked on eyebrow, and flared his nostrils, taking a long draw of the filthy, rarefied atmosphere surrounding the bar.
"Ahhhh. My kind of hole-in-the-wall."
So saying, he slammed open the door and made his entrance.
"Alright ya load of clad-luggin-"
He was cut off as every single alien in the bar wordlessly pointed towards the back of the bar. A mysterious figure, wearing a long flowing robe, stood up and waved, the oversized sleeves flapping comically.
Lobo gave a slow, suspicious, side-to-side glance across the dimly lit interior. Then he swaggered over to the bar and gestured to the octopoid bartender.
“Hey moron! I got some business to take care of. While I’m doing that, load me up with the strongest stuff you got.”
He made as if to walk away, but stopped and turned back.
“Hold it! Since you’re a moron, you probably misheard what I said as, “Bring me the strong stuff.” What I said was, “Load me up with the strongest. Stuff. You. Got. Don’t care if it’s safe, legal or edible. Capeesh?”
The bartender sighed and floated into the back room. As Lobo made his way over to the table and the mysterious robed figure, he saw, out of the corner of his eye, the tentacled bartender lugging crates of isotope-enriched freighter-fuel towards the front of the bar.
Before he sat down, Lobo grabbed a drink from a wimpy-looking alien’s table and downed it in one swig. It was weak and watery compared to what he was used to, but he couldn’t start a bounty negotiation without letting them know who they were dealing with.
Belching loudly, he sat down and put his feet up on the table.
"Take it you the dweeb in this place that's offering the major bounty."
"That's right Mr. Lobo. A super-giganormous bounty," The voice was a high-pitched female, although clearly pretending to be some sort of mysterious stranger with a low gravely voice.
Lobo picked his nose and then examined what he'd picked. It moved. He chewed and swallowed.
Probably some wayward princess trying to save her planet or reclaim her lost throne or some other garbage. Whoever or whatever she was, she wouldn't shut up; she just kept going. Lobo didn't care. He wasn't really listening, he was busy examining something he'd now extracted from his ear.
One more snack later, he cut in.
"Yeah whatever. Get the stuff. Big reward. Where's it at?"
"To find what you seek you must travel to a planet far-"
"Yeah, why don't we skip to the part where you tell me what planet, and how to find it, and I let you remain unventilated?" Said Lobo, casually unholstering his laser piece and pointing it at the robed figure. Lobo hated mysterious robed types. They never acted fazed in the slightest.
As he expected, they didn't even flinch, but merely extended their robe-obscured arm and dropped a small object on the table.
"Simply follow the magical enchanted stick of guide-iness and it will lead you to what you seek."
Lobo looked down at the common stick on the table, then back up at the robed idiot.
*BLAM*
A perfect hole appeared in the center of the robe but it was already deflating in the seat. Lobo stood up and picked up the empty robe.
"Man I hate these guys."
Balling up the robe he tossed it into the corner and was about to leave when he took a second look at the object. It was just a common stick, a little over twice the length of his hand.
Picking it up, he was about the throw it out like the robe, when it suddenly jerked in his hand and then, like a bloodhound on a scent, snapped around and practically dragged him back out of the bar to his rocket-cycle.
"All right, all right, sure. Show me the money ya dumb stick."
So saying, he chucked the stick into space, gunned his engine and rocketed after it.
As the magic stick and pursuing bounty hunter vanished into the inky black of space, he bit off the top of a container of freighter fuel and chugged the oily concoction.
Nothing signaled their departure from this quadrant but a loud belch that echoed out into the void.
The hunt had begun...
Several hours had passed since the Parasite had escaped from Star Labs and Rainbow and Applejack were still trying to calm the fears of Superman and the Professor.
Immediately after the Parasite had vanished Superman had done a Metropolis fly-over and X-Ray search, but found nothing. He surmised this meant Parasite was hiding somewhere lead-lined, probably the sewers.
Despite RD and AJ's assurances that Rarity could handle herself and it was Rudy who was actually in hot water, Professor Hamilton was still deeply worried about the situation. Superman, however, couldn't shake the Parasite's departing words out of his mind.
"What if I designed some sort of local ionic field generator that could saturate the atmosphere and detect field particle-flux abnormalities?" Suggested Hamilton, "If he absorbs any of the ambient ions, we might be able to detect him."
"That could work Professor. How long would it take to build?"
"I have most of the parts I would need. Calibration would probably take the most time. Maybe a day or two at the most?"
"Alright Professor, thank you for your help and I'm sorry this didn't turn out how we intended-"
"Yet." Cut in Rainbow, as Applejack rolled her eyes at the two of them.
"I'll start working on it. Meanwhile, you keep your eyes and ears peeled for any sign of him."
"Why don't ya trust us?" Asked AJ.
"I fail to see how you can remain so calm, considering your friend was just drained and kidnapped by a notorious criminal." Responded Hamilton, giving them a hard look.
"Pffft," Rainbow waved a hoof dismissively, "Do you know how many times that's happened to just her before?"
"Kidnapped: four times, magic stolen: twice, and personality corrupted: three times. Even more if you count the comics," said Pinkie popping up out of Superman's cape's pony-pocket.
"And you're OK with that?" Said Superman.
"Y'all don't know Rarity like we do," said Applejack, lying down on the table next to an oscilloscope, "That girl knows how to handle herself. I might not know how she'll do it, but I'm plenty confident she'll have that feller wrapped around her hoof before this afternoon."
"Evening," said Rainbow.
"Nuh-ah," replied Applejack, "Yah see that feller? He was simpler than them there diamond dogs."
"But he's got super parasite-powers."
"Well, they had 'er out numbered and she still licked 'em. This guy's all alone."
"I still say after noon."
"Well I say 'fore noon. Care to make it a wager?"
"What for?"
"Winner get's his right shoulder," said AJ, nodding towards Superman.
"You're on!"
While they argued, Hamilton had begun putting together a list of parts he'd need to build the ionic field locator apparatus.
"Let me know if there's any way I can help," said Superman, picking up the two ponies.
"I'll do that." Hamilton picked up his office phone to let his assistants know they would be busy for the rest of the day, while Superman headed for the door.
"... Come again?"
Superman stopped and turned at the sound of Hamilton's confusion. He shifted his focus from Metropolis to Hamilton's office and heard the assistant on the other end of the line respond.
'Yes Professor. He's outside, asking to be let in. What should I do?'
Superman spun around and stared, through the wall, to the front gate of Star Labs. Standing by the intercom was the Parasite, wearing a long overcoat and holding his hat in his hands.
"Is it some kind of trick?" Asked Hamilton, turning to Superman.
Before he could answer, Superman heard several exaggerated sighs from inside his cape.
Eyeing where his new pocket was, Superman considered for a second before responding.
"Give me a second to put on my lead suit, then clear the hallways and let him in."
Hamilton nodded and informed his assistant what to do while Superman got dressed.
Rudy stood by the gate. Part of him hoped they wouldn't let him in, while another part of him knew they thought it was a trick and planned on trapping him somehow, and still another part kept telling himself over and over that it was the right thing to do.
The walk he and Rarity had taken was the most beautiful, eye-opening, and mentally taxing walk Rudy had ever taken. It was a joy to watch as she unfolded the edges of his world wider, but it also scared him. Part of him was terrified that this pony was just another in the long line of those who'd tried to take advantage of him.
If only she wasn't in his head. She could see what he was thinking, but he could also clearly read what she thought about him, and it confounded and mystified him that nowhere in her mind could he see plans for using him. All he could see was pure generosity and a spark of hope that she really could help him.
Somehow that spark had drifted over to him and now here he was, turning himself back in to Star Labs.
At last the intercom crackled back to life. 'You can come in. The main entrance is unlocked. You want the third set of doors on your right. Continue down the hallway past radiology until you come to the end. They'll be waiting for you.'
"Thanks," he said, but the intercom had already shut off.
The gates swung open and Rudy stepped through. Star Labs grounds and main entrance were quiet as the grave.
Two normal thoughts passed through his head as he walked, followed by a third new one he would never have considered till Rarity showed up.
Yep, they probably cleared out the whole building for my arrival.
Bet this whole thing is a trap.
It's really quiet though...
The thought that his arrival had scared everyone into hiding caused him to pause.
Something Rarity had said rose, unbidden, to his mind, If all you do is take, then you close yourself off to the world. He looked around at the silent hallways, the empty rooms, a stark contrast to the world of people and places endlessly pouring out she'd shown him and he'd just left.
But all you did was observe. If you had removed that hat in the park, the same thing would have happened. I know this is difficult, but giving back what you've taken is the first step and I'm proud you've made it this far.
Rudy couldn't remember the last time someone had said they were proud of him. It cut through the silence like a hot knife and gave him the confidence to continue down the hallway, past radiology to a set of locked doors.
There was a beep and he pushed them open. In the room beyond he could see Professor Hamilton and the lead-suited Superman ready for anything.
He closed the door, removed the hat and coat and placed them on a nearby table, but not before removing Rarity from one of the pockets.
Then he sighed, his shoulders sagged and he gulped.
"Hi Professor, I'm-" he took a deep breath and focused on the encouraging look he could feel Rarity radiating towards him, "I'm willing to try a different viewpoint. I-" He winced and then mumbled, "I want to try giving and let the world sparkle around me."
Silence.
After several seconds, Rudy looked up.
Professor Hamilton's glasses drooped down his nose as they stared at him in shock. You could have driven a truck through the tunnels of their mouths.
"Shoulder's all mine!"
"Ah ponyfeathers!"
It had taken several minutes to convince the two of them he was serious. Thankfully, the recently revived Rarity figurine had helped convince them. But they still seemed to be mildly lost in a fog of confusion by the whole situation.
When Professor Hamilton asked what had happened to him, Rudy responded that he'd gone for a walk in the park and done some sightseeing. He'd privately enjoyed the slight eye-twitch this had elicited from the Professor.
"I have only two requests," he continued, "If I promise not to harm her, can I keep Miss Rarity? And I would really appreciate it if, when you lock me back up, you could give me a room with a window."
Hamilton readjusted his glasses, "What about the television?"
"Sure whatever, just- please let me have the window."
They looked at each other in consternation and then Hamilton nodded, "I guess that could work. Is... that all?"
"I don't want to press my luck Professor, but yeah, don't suppose I could have some paper and something to draw with? I really don't want to forget what I've seen today."
Rudy watched as another almost visible piece of their sanity broke off and landed on the floor. They both nodded vacantly back at him.
"I- I- I have no words," stuttered Hamilton as they walked back down the hallway.
They had managed to find another lockable room with a window that looked out across the fence towards Metropolis. Superman had made a quick stop to a nearby hobby shop for the requested art supplies and now they were just trying to comprehend what they'd witnessed.
"Did you see the way he was treating her?" He asked, referring to how Rudy had gently place Rarity on the windowsill before picking up the pencil and paper and staring out at the skyline.
"What could she have done to him?" Superman wondered out loud.
"That ain't the important part," said AJ from his right shoulder, "Did ya'll see his face? Weren't that the look'a somepony tryin' to get a better look at the world?"
"But how did she do it?!" Asked Hamilton.
"No idea," said Rainbow as she lay on his other shoulder, resting up against his neck, "For some reason you monkey creatures just have a real affinity for us. Go figure."
As they stepped outside, Superman turned to Professor Hamilton, "You will keep an eye on him, right?"
"Most certainly. I'm just as curious and confused by this development as you."
Levitating into the air, Superman waved goodbye to his friend. "I'm going to think this whole thing over. They stil-"
With a roar and a meaty *THUD* something slammed into the Man of Steel and he vanished over the fence as AJ and Rainbow remained where they were, floating in the air.
"WOAHH!" Shouted AJ as she fell. Thankfully, Rainbow caught her.
"How long did you stay on his shoulder, cowgirl?" She asked.
"Just as long as you," She replied as Rainbow's grin faded.
"What was that?" Asked Hamilton as he stared after the trail of smoke left behind.
"Reckon it's our next one?" Asked AJ.
"I'll follow them and find out."
"Together! We'll go find out together." Rainbow groaned and let AJ climb up onto her back before heading off, following the trail of smoke.
As he watched them go, Hamilton had a sudden thought about what might have struck Superman.
Oh-no... He thought as he considered the damage this could lead to.
Then again, out loud, "Ohh-noo." As he considered what kind of pony would dare face such a force of nature.
Meanwhile, several miles out from Metropolis, Superman was doubled over against the front of Lobo's ride, while Lobo casually greeted him like he was a friendly fly on the windshield.
"Hey! Imagine running into you here. So how's life been treatin' you?"
"Egghhh- could- be- better." Said Superman, pushing himself up from his position and trying to gain control of Lobo's vehicle.
"Yeah, so I was just flyin' by on a bounty for some dweeby princess or somethin' and what do ya know, my guide points me in your direction. I was hopin' to even the score you and I got going and here you're what the bounty's all about. Today's my lucky day."
"I- egghhh. Hate to disappoint you Lobo," cut in Superman, pushing his muscles to their maximum, "But I don't think I'm the one you're after."
"Nice try super-dude, but stick pointed straight at yah. No gettin' out'a this one." So saying, Lobo pulled what Superman had thought was a large toothpick out of his mouth and pointed at him.
The stick jumped out of his hand and started prodding Superman's cape.
"Eh? It wants yer butt?"
Lobo braked his bike and Superman would have gone flying forward if Lobo hadn't grabbed his cape, choking Superman in the process.
With the cape out of the way, the stick did it's best sign-post imitation straight towards Superman's pony-pocket-pouch, hanging by his side.
"Dang! It ain't him, it's what he got on 'im," groaned Lobo as Superman dangled from his grasp, still dazed. "Well, whatever it is, Lobo delivers."
Before Superman could stop him, Lobo grabbed the pouch off the Man of Steel, let go of his cape and, placing his hand on his head, slammed him down into the ground below.
Touching down on the roof of the nearest tall building, Lobo opened the pouch and stood there, staring down into it.
Immediately after he regained the ability to breath, Superman found himself slamming into the concrete below him. Groaning, he tried to regain his bearings, next thing he knew, someone was helping him pull himself out of the hole. As he emerged into the sunlight, he could see he was holding onto AJ's hoof, and Rainbow had his cape in her teeth.
"Thanks you two, did you see where Lobo went?"
"Ee'sh on 'a 'oof." Said Rainbow, still pulling.
"Good. I don't think he's going to approve of getting help from any of you. No offense." Said Superman as he floated the rest of the way out of the hole and picked both of them up. They shrank in his hands and he placed them back on his shoulders.
"Well, he ain't got much of a choice. Wait'll ye see who he got paired up with."
"That's what I'm worried about," he said, as he started to fly up towards the building.
Suddenly, there was a resounding thud, and Superman could swear he saw a pressure wave explode out from the top of the building. His eyes flew open and he let out a breath as a chill of terror ran down his spine.
Now the whole building seemed to be shaking and he could swear he heard lightning crackling from just over the top of-
As he came over the top of the building, Superman stopped in complete confusion at what he was seeing.
The pony pouch lay off to one side. Several ponies (all small) were sitting next to it staring at what was happening.
In the center of the building's roof stood Lobo, his rocket bike pushed to one side as he stared furiously at a little, pink-haired pegasus who was matching his stare perfectly.
The air around them seemed to be charged with fire and electricity and as he watched, Superman saw the roof underneath them crack and buckle as a crater began to form underneath them.
"Popcorn?" said someone and Superman turned to see the pink one offering him a paper container.
"What's going on here?!" He asked, gesturing to the two.
"Oh, well when I told old Loby that the bounty, 'vast riches of unimaginable value', and Fluttershy were all one in the same he got all super angry and stuff. But then Fluttershy stepped forward and challenged him to a staring contest. This is super exciting!"
Superman's eyes darted between the pink lunatic and... whatever was happening in front of them.
"All right Lobo, that's enough." He darted forward to grab the alien. However, even though Lobo appeared to be completely focused on staring the little pony down, it was Superman who never saw the backhand coming.
He went somersaulting backwards head over heal as... whatever it was that was happening, continued.
Getting back up, Superman pushed his cape back behind him and started walking towards them. However, this time it wasn't Lobo who stopped him. The yellow pegasus who was staring down Lobo appeared to be violently flickering between sizes as electricity crackled around them, wind from nowhere whipping her hair behind her, and every so often a twitch from her or Lobo would cause the crater to sink down further with a loud *BOOM*. Just as Superman was within reaching distance of Lobo, her eyes flicked towards him for barely a second, and he went careening back once again.
The building shuddered underneath them, and Superman sat up, shocked at the intensity of the little mare's stare.
With a loud *CRACK* Superman felt something in the abandoned building give out, and he grabbed the watching ponies and stuffed them back into the pouch before taking to the air. Below, he could see Lobo and a hovering, full-sized pegasus continue staring at each other as the building began to collapse around them.
As he watched, Lobo's bike toppled over the edge, then the left side of the building crumbled. Only the crater the two were standing in remained in one piece. With a crunch and a crashing-scraping noise, the piece the two were on began to fall towards the ground.
Grabbing Rainbow, Superman shoved AJ and the pouch into her hooves and then dived into the falling building. Crumbling wood and bricks were all around him as he supported the cratered concrete on his shoulders. The battle of wills continued above him unabated, however one of the combatant's eyes was beginning to twitch.
Finally, it was all over.
Where once had stood a dilapidated building, there was now a lot, filled with rubble.
Where once had been a hero, desperately trying to save two blind combatants, there was now a head, sticking up through a hole in the cratered concrete.
Where once two mighty wills had done battle, now stood one victorious. Lobo lay back against his bike, breathing heavily and giving the gentle-looking pony a raised eyebrow.
Superman coughed as the dust settled and looked around.
Lobo stood up and chuckled as he rested his foot on Superman's head.
"Don't know where you found this crazy chick," he said, grinning, "But if she can match me stare for stare, I wanna see what else she's got up her sleeves."
The pony looked down at her hooves before innocently responding, "Ummm... I'm not wearing any sleeves."
Lobo grabbed the pony who let out a soft 'eep' and straddled his bike once again.
"See ya later dude. I'm out'a here."
The pegasus looked from Lobo to Superman before giving the Man of Steel a gentle smile, "Don't worry Superman. I'll be back."
With that, Lobo donned a pair of dark glasses and with a blast of fire and smoke the alien's ride shot up into the sky, a pink mane and tail streaming out behind.
There was a flapping of wings and Rainbow touched down next to Superman's head. She set the pouch down next to him, and he coughed, the cloud of dust settling.
He looked around at the rubble around them, and then at Rainbow with a helpless expression.
"What just happened!?"