Chapter 2: Some Chaotic Convincing
As Superman flew through the skyscrapers of Metropolis towards his apartment he couldn't help but daydream about the coming weekend.
It's been far too long since I visited home, he thought, flying past the imposing Lexcorp Towers. His stomach growled. I wonder if Mom will make some of her famous apple pie?
He shook his head to clear it of thoughts of food and scanned the area around his apartment complex. When he was certain no one was looking, he flew down and in through the open window of his bedroom.
Placing the box on his bed, he swapped attire from the blue and red of Superman to the light blue-grey suit of Clark Kent and continued into his kitchen to fix a super-fast breakfast before work, taking the box with him. Placing it on the kitchen table he opened his refrigerator.
The quiet hum of the appliance and the gentle rustle of his curtains from the open window in his kitchen a gentle counter point to his superhuman speed.
*Thump*
Clark's head popped up from behind the door and he scanned the kitchen for the source of the noise.
Frowning, he bent his head cautiously down behind the refrigerator door again and continued searching, while keeping his ears and reflexes primed for what was about to-
*Thunk*
He caught the box centimeters before it landed back on the table and gave it a hard stare, his gaze once again piercing the thin cardboard to reveal what lay inside.
This time however, he dropped the box in surprise and took a step back.
After a second or two of confused staring, he stepped forward again, twin beams of concentrated microwave energy gleaming from beneath his knitted brow. The packing tape evaporated at the seam, the flaps sprang open and out popped several multicolored furry faces, topped with perked ears and inlaid with huge crystal orbs gazing around at his apartment.
"Uh, hello there." Clark was somewhat familiar with horses, having grown up on a farm. But these were the smallest and most colorful equine creatures he'd ever seen before.
"Easy... easy..." he said, slowly holding out a hand to the creatures. They stared back at him without any apparent hostility, not that Clark was worried about getting bitten.
I wonder where Bruce got these from, he thought to himself, They're so lifelike. Most likely extra-terrestrial. Perhaps Bruce thought I could return them to their home-world.
What happened next, however, surprised him once again.
"Howdy there sugarcube. Ahm Applejack."
"And I'm Rainbow Dash, your new best friend!"
He froze as the two creatures opened their mouths, turning the tables, and greeted HIM!
"What do ya mean YOU'RE his best friend? I plainly remember Twilight tellin' me he was a country fellow!"
"Yeah, but then she said he could fly. Soooo..." The blue creature flapped its wings a few times and hovered out of the box.
"Woah there nelly," said the orange one and, using her teeth, lassoed the bottom hooves of the blue one, "A lass shing he needsh is you hauhin' hish tail into trouhle!"
She kept pulling on the rope until the blue one descended back into the box.
"Well at least I can keep up with him!"
"Oh, yeah, if'n ya stay awake long enough. What happens if ya get tired and start nappin' somewhere? What he needs is a tough Earth Pony."
"No, he needs a FAST Pegasus Flier!"
"A STRONG Earthpony!"
"LOYAL!"
"HONEST!"
"AWESOME!"
"DEPENDABLE!"
"Um, excuse me?" interrupted Clark, some semblance of mental clarity having returned.
"WHAT!?" They said in unison.
"Do I have any say in this?"
"NO!" They shouted, and returned to their bickering.
He was about to try interrupting them again, when there was a knock at the door. Thinking fast, Clark shot into the living room, flicked on his television and adjusted the volume to match the two ponies in his kitchen. Floating back over his couch to rest in the entryway by his front door he spun around to hush them, but both house guests had vanished back into the box.
Giving it one last eyebrow raise, Clark turned and walked at an even pace several steps before reaching out to open the door. He smiled as he recognized who it was, before assuming a neutral expression and greeting them.
"Hello Lois."
"Hey Smallville, I was about to head to the office but I thought I heard arguing from your apartment. You got some old friends visiting or something?"
"Hardly," he answered, holding the door open so Lois could see the television screen where both parties were arguing, "I'm just glad Perry gets Mason to handle the politics section."
"Yeah," Lois gave him a raised eyebrow before continuing, "Why the late hour Smallville? You're usually in the office long before me."
"Oh, I was up a few hours ago. Just doing a favor for an old friend of mine."
"Anyone I'd know? Hah, look who I'm asking..."
"So Lois, you have any plans for the weekend?"
"Let me guess, you're taking it off and revisiting the old homestead?"
"As a matter of fact yes. It's going to be great. Fresh air, clear morning skies, my mother's apple pie-"
"A regular Norman Rockwell painting. Knock your socks off Smallville, I've got a smuggling ring story to crack before lunch. See you later..."
"Uh, OK- Bye," Clark tried to get another word or two in, but Lois was already in the stairwell.
Turning, he sighed before catching sight of the two guests on his kitchen table. They were leaning against one side of the box, resting their chins on their hooves. The orange one was smirking at him, while the blue one was giving him a hard stare.
"What was that?!" She asked, glowering, "Drop the country bumpkin act and get her attention."
"Ah, hush yer mouth Rainbow," replied the other one, knocking 'Rainbow's' elbow out from under her, "Boy's goin' about it the right way. Slow and steady wins the race."
"HE CAN FLY! Just dive in and sweep her off her feet!"
Clark interrupted them before they could start another fight, "Listen you two, I don't need any help with Lois. Do you ... uh-"
"Ponies?" suggested the orange one.
"Ponies need something?"
"Ee-nope. We're fine. Fact is, we're here to help you."
"How?"
The 'Rainbow' pony opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off when the other one stuck her hoof in her mouth, "Ah figure that can wait till after you get some o' yer mother's cookin' in yer stomach. Ain't nothing like a long talk on the porch after a good home-cooked meal."
'Rainbow' rolled her eyes.
"Sorry, but you're staying here. I promised Bruce I'd take care of you. That does not include taking you to visit my parents."
"Sorry buster," she replied, tipping her hat, "But you either take us, or we take ourselves."
"Yeah! You don't get away from us that easily."
"'Sides, I wanna meet yer folks. They must be right solid, if'n they raised you."
Clark crooked an eyebrow at them before turning to leave. "We can talk about this later. Right now I've got to get to work. Make yourselves comfortable and I'll see you in a few hours."
After the door shut Rainbow sighed and hopped out of the box onto the table.
"That dude's gonna need some serious work."
"I have no idea what you're talkin' about," replied AJ, staring down at her, "Fellow's got a right sound view of reality. Down to earth type of fellow."
"Yeah fine, but he's not gonna get anywhere if he just keeps letting her walk all over him like that. Right?"
AJ didn't reply.
"Hey, I said right?"
Applejack was looking past Rainbow at the living room with a confused look on her face. Then her expression changed to a frown and she said, "Put 'em down Discord."
"He said to make myself comfortable, so I just thought I'd try lifting the heavy atmosphere in here," came the reply and Rainbow turned to see all the furniture in Clark's apartment was floating several feet in the air.
"Put 'em back Discord," said Rainbow, rolling her eyes.
"Spoilsport," replied the draconequus. The couch he was sitting on was lazily rolling over and over as he pretended to pay attention to this human sport of 'politics'.
The furniture returned to its previously gravity-obedient state and the two mares continued their argument as Discord watched.
"You know," he said to No One in particular, "They're going to be at this for a while. Maybe I should go exploring..."
Sticking his head between the cushions Discord began to slither into the couch. He stopped halfway as a muted, "Oh look, a quarter!" was heard. Then his lower half vanished into the couch as well, leaving AJ and Rainbow in the apartment, still duking it out over who was going to be 'his companion', oblivious to Discord's absence.
Lex sat in his chair, his fingers steepled as he listened to the analysts ramble on about falling stocks and revenues. The sharks swimming behind the walls of his office aquarium mirrored his exterior calm demeanor. Mentally he had already unpacked every chart and graph the young presenters were laying out to him and was currently dissecting his other business affairs.
Superman had put a severe dent in his illegitimate profit margins. But he was working on a scheme to, hopefully, end that alien's interference once and for all.
Is that sooo?
The voice had a distant echo to it, yet he could swear it came from right behind him.
Lex's head swiveled to the right as he took a quick glance behind him.
Nothing but the panoramic view of Metropolis visible through his office windows.
Hmmm, he thought to himself. Lex was not one to chalk voices up to overwork or lack or rest. He knew his lim- WHAT?!
The analysts had been interrupted by an engineer who was explaining the workings of a new system integrated in one of Lex's combat vehicle designs.
"The original machine had a base plate of pre-famulated amulite surmounted by a malleable logarithmic casing in such a way that the two spurving bearings were in a direct line with the panametric fan."
"Hence why, as you can see here," cut in one of the analysts, pointing to a picture of a chicken, "The madrigore of verjuice must be talthibianised."
Lex stared at them as another analyst swapped to a slide of an upside-down tree and pointed to it with a dead halibut instead of his pointer.
Finally he gave up as the engineer pulled out a jar of mayonnaise.
"This meeting is over. Everyone out!"
As he watched them leave his office he turned to Mercy, who'd been observing the meeting as well, and asked for her opinion.
She raised an eyebrow at his rare request and replied, "Well they raised some decent points, however the device will fail completely without a reciprocating dingle arm, to reduce sinusoidal repleneration."
"Out."
He watched her leave before leaning back in his chair and addressing the office.
"The imp I presume. I have kept abreast of your actions and must say I am surprised you have returned outside the allotted 90-day window."
There was a moment of silence before the lamp on his desk replied, "I'm afraid you have me confused with someone else. The name is Discord, Master of Chaos and Disharmony, recently reformed by my dear friend Fluttershy, and currently on a mission to spread the Magic of Friendship to this world."
Lex stared at the malformed, asymmetrically limbed lamp for a moment before continuing.
"Then what is your reason for coming to me?"
"You're supposed to be some kind of super genius. Why do you think I'm here?"
"To bother me, just like the Alien before you."
The lamp began to chuckle. The sound made Lex nervous. Something was off about it. It sounded just a little to similar to a certain psychotic criminal clown's laughter.
Lex reached for his intercom, but rather than Mercy's calm voice a voice he didn't recognize responded to his request for aid.
"There is nothing wrong with your intercom. Do not attempt to adjust the sound. We are controlling the transmission."
Grabbing the hidden weapon underneath his desk, Lex pointed it at the lamp and watched in horror as liquid laser dripped from the barrel onto the desk, creating plumes of smoke where it landed.
Lex edged around his desk and bolted for the door to his office. However, the faster he ran the farther the door seemed to get from him.
Looking down, he saw that the carpet beneath him had turned into a moving sidewalk and was matching his speed to keep him stuck in one spot.
He stopped and let it carry him back to his desk, a dark look upon his face.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk," said the lamp, playing with the bulb in one hand, "Why so distrusting Luthor? I'm trying to help you. As corny as it sounds, the Magic of Friendship really is a wonderful thing."
"Spare me your misguided moral delusions!" Lex spat back, "You want to help me? LEAVE ME ALONE!"
The lamp stopped rolling the light bulb in its fingers for a second before it suddenly flashed to life before evaporating in a cloud of glowing mist.
"So you want to be left alone, egh?" Came the smooth voice, and the lamb began to expand across his desk, legs and tale flopping over the edge as his full form began to take shape. "What about your flying, patriotic, alien friend?"
Lex had had enough. First an alien who wouldn't bend to his will, then a further slew of virtuous, do-gooders, and now a reality warper fixated on forcefully moralizing and legitimatizing Lex with childish nonsense?
"All I want is to live in a world free of you meddling, super-powered FREAKS!"
The creature raised an eyebrow and grinned, "Is that so? Very well then. Your wish is my command."
And with a snap of its fingers the creature vanished from the room as though it had never existed in the first place, leaving only a slip of paper in its wake.
As silence fell in his office again, Lex looked around, his breathing slowed and his shoulders relaxed. He scanned the note quickly before surveying his office to make sure no reminders of that creature remained.
Dear Baldy,
Since you're so certain everyone else is the problem, here's my little gift to you. Exactly what you asked for, a world without freaks. No super-men to mess with your plans, no heroes to challenge your positions, and no one you respect enough to despise. Have fun.
P.S. If you should have a change of mind, simply write 'HELP!' on the back of this note and I'll drop by.
The note fluttered into the trash as Lex leaned on his desk and stared out his windows at the empty skies of Metropolis.
Too good to be true. He thought to himself, Besides, what would it prove?
Sitting back in his chair, Lex felt under his desk for the high power laser he'd used before. Instead, he felt a different weapon, a smaller, less powerful version of the energy weapon greeted his touch and Lex began to have doubts.
"Mercy?" He asked, hitting the intercom.
"Yes Lex?"
"What's on my schedule for today?"
"Not much. You've got the orphanage dedication this afternoon, and at 4 the city's unveiling your statue."
Lex raised an eyebrow before replying, "Which one?"
"The one in Centennial park, on the south side of the lake. You posed for it last week."
"The creature actually did it..." He mused quietly to himself.
"Lex?"
"One more thing, Mercy. What does the word 'Kryptonian' mean to you?"
"I don't know sir. Is it an element on the periodic table?"
"That will be all Mercy. Thank you," said Luthor, sitting back in his chair with a wide grin on his face.
The foolish abomination actually did it! I'd be an even bigger fool to pass up this chance.
Reaching into his trash bin, Luthor withdrew the note and tore it in two.
'Help?' I need no one's help. Lexcorp will soon place the world in the palm of my hand.
Never again, will I have to look up to anyone or anything...