//------------------------------// // Entering Equestria ARC // Story: Fanfic Collab. What Have We Done Now? // by Darkyellowz //------------------------------// Ben, a young 13 year old boy, yelled out through the house of the Queensland Bronies. “Yo, Tom! Do you have any idea where my pudding is?!” Tom turned around, “Nahhhhh, bro. I don’t know where the puddings at. You checked the fridge?” Quickly, Tom runs to the bathroom, greedily scooping as much into his maw as possible before locking the door behind him. “Alrighty den...” Ben went back to his room, which was filled to the brim with junk and other things. He sat on his bed as he opened up his laptop. “What’s goin’ on in the world today~” He sung as he flipped through the scrollings of Facebook. He stumbles upo- Tom runs into Ben’s room with pudding smeared on his face and starts diving within the trashpile in the room looking for something. He then pulls his head out of the pile and says, “Nope I forgot, damn it.” Tom turns to Ben and says, “Don’t you hate when that happens?” “I hate it when someone interrupts my writing space. Like you just did with you diving in here.” Ben picks up one of the many plastic bottles in his room and throws it at Tom. “Now, let me finish my sentence next time.” He scolded him. Tom expertly catches the bottle and throws it at the least expensive item in the room he can afford to replace. Which happens to be another bottle. unfortunately, this bottle is holding up a stack of ipods and laptops which of course crumble into the trash heap as contact is made with the small vial of acid within the trash. Tom stares blankly at the mess he just made, and noticing Ben has not seen the irreparable damage done to his room yet, he quickly grabs his coat and bolts for the door. “Oh you bastard, Tom.” Ben snarls and he shuts down his laptop. “To be fair, what the fuck was a vial of acid doing in your trash heap? You’ve got at least three years worth of Red Bull cans and porn in here? Which is strange cause you’re 13.” “I do what I must for science. Now don’t question me before I have to take this outside and sort this out like Rage Roid.” Ben gets up and gracefully jumps around to get out of his messy room. “Also, I still want to beat you in Soul Cal V.” “Dude, Capcom vs Marvel erryday, hands down. FOR SCIENCE!” Tom then proceeds to start rolling on the floor to gather as much static electricity as possible. “I’m going to recharge my phone!” “Why is everything Pinkie Pie on cocaine with you?” Ben facepalms.OM NOM NOM NOM!! RANDOM TEXT CUS I CAN!! BLARGH!! “Nah, I prefer Berry Punch on speed. With a side of Twilight smoking weed. Haha I’m a poet and I didn’t know it LOL.” (Yes he did actually say L O L) “You amaze me, you truly do. Now if you’ll excuse me-” Ben is interrupted mid-sentence as the energy around Tom becomes visible to the naked eye and slowly intensifies, eventually covering Tom and Ben in swirling pink and purple sparks. And just like that, the trash, and the dudes were, GONE. “Whoa. Colours man. It’s like the rainbow... Wait, Tom. Why is everything dark and all I feel is a butt on my face? A pink butt.” Ben asks. “That would be your Pinkie Pie plush my friend.” Tom helpfully reaches over and un-obscures Ben’s sight from what would be the greatest sunrise the two have ever seen. Even though the full rise to the top of its path only took a literal minute. “Holy shitballs.” Tom gasps. “Dude, I don’t have a Pinkie Pie plushie.” Ben thinks for a moment. “Hey, why are we outside? Did we teleport or something?” “It seems like we have moved dimensions,” Tom muses as he swats away the pink plot device. “*snicker* Plot.” “Hey, maybe we’re in Equestria. But if so, what part?” Ben wonders. “Well judging by our proximity to what you and I know as the Everfree Forest, and how close the sun is to us, I can conclude I have absolutely no idea.” And with that, a map floats by on the wind and settles in a fully opened position between the two dudes. When Tom goes to pick it up however, it attaches to his face not unlike an Predator. “It likes you.” Ben gets up and searches through the trash, getting out a Compass. Just as Tom removes the map to show multiple small gashes across his face, he crumpled it up into a ball and punts it about fifty metres well across the field. “Well that certainly won’t come back to haunt me later.” “Oh and I saw the whole map and memorised it now, so you won’t need that just yet. Geez what else do you have in this pile of trash transported here with us?” “Well, I have a sword somewhere here. And probably a stun gun. I collect things for a post-apocalyptic war.” Ben pulls out a katana. “Wait, its a katana, not a sword.” He then looks at the compass, analyzing it. “Well, I know the magnetic field is unstable here.” “I shotty the shotty.” Tom pulls a shotgun out of nowhere and straps it to the front of his chest. Unfortunately, he has not been able to find any shells for it so far, so it only looks cool for the moment. “So if the magnets are haywire, then we definitely are in Equestria. Cause only Miracles happen on Earth. Damn those clowns.” “What the hell can we do Ben? Apart from this stack of weaponry, we have no food, water, or sleeping gear, apart from your Rarity bedsheets, which are slightly embarrassing to say the least.” “Fuck you, Rarity is best pony. Anyway, we’re in Equestria. So the grass is what’s for dinner.” Ben walks out of the pile of trash. “Eew grass. Wait, candy grass?” Tom takes an experimental bite out of the ground. “Holy crap it tastes just like Cadbury’s! Dude you have to try this!” (“Also Applejack is best pone”, Tom whispers.) “I’d rather raid Sweet Apple.” Ben looks off into the distance. “How do we get there from here?” “You have the map, correct?” “Well I memorised it, yes. Ok I suppose we can head off if one of us can figure out where the fuck we are now.” “One way of doing that. We must shake our plots for Molestia, but since we are humans that is quite hard. So let’s just walk over to that town that looks like Ponyville.” Ben begins walking. “Well we can only hope. In the meantime, let’s avoid getting raped by a pony (or should it be horse?) on our first hour here.” Tom walks forward cautiously, carefully avoiding any attempts at what he would call “ass action”. It takes three hours to get to this little village. “So. How do we enter? I mean like, we’re humans, they’re ponies.” Ben wonders. “As long as we don’t run into Lyra straight away, we should be ok. Luckily I packed this Crackle the Dragon costume into my backpack before we left. Jesus, if we ever get back, we’re going to have to make sure your rooms clean. I just don’t know how you got all this stuff!” “I... Uhh... Have my ways...” Ben shifts his eyes. “Anyway. We have to continue on. I’ll just enter normally. You can do what you want.” Ben walks off into the village. “Dude wait up, I’ve gotta have at least one mate in this world that I know. Can you imagine if we actually got split up? I don’t know what I’d do. *sniff* Anyway, it’s probably a good idea to ditch our pony merch here so we don’t go in with pictures of the ponies on our shirts and other assorted goods.” “Hey, I wear normal clothing. And you.” Ben pops a rolled up piece of paper into his mouth and lights the end. “You might need to come in naked.” Tom sighs, “Born naked in one world and born naked into the next, such is the circle of life.” Tom starts stripping removing his pants first. And then immediately puts them back on, thinking this was getting a little rapey. “Mind sharing that piece of paper with nothing in it with me? I could use a drag to calm my nerves.” “Just pick up some grass and roll it into this piece of paper.” Ben gives Tom a piece of paper. “Wait a minute, you’re telling me that grass is literally grass in Equestria? Erh mer gerd.” “Yes, so you should smoke it.” With an obligatory “420 blaze it faggot!” Tom lights up his first ever joint and blissfully takes an experienced drag. “I’ll go in, stay out here in that Crackle suit and don’t get cold. I’ll just go and find Twilight or some pony. I mean like, it’s night time. So breaking in should be EASY.” Ben walks off. As Ben walks off, Tom yells, “If it’s so easy, why am I left here?” But of course Ben can’t hear him, and Tom is left with a smoking joint, a Crackle costume and a shotgun with no ammo. “Well,” he thinks to himself, “better than what I woke up with this morning.” Ben brakes into the library once he gets close enough. Smashing entrance it was. “Hey, is there a book nerd here?!” Ben calls out as a lavender pony walks down from the stairs. “Spiiiiiiiike, my ears are burning, can you grab me some lotion...” As Twilight spots Ben, she slowly gets a look of comprehension on her face. She then proceeds to pass out and fall down the stairs face first. Luckily, this is a cartoon, so her snout is not smashed to pieces forever, rather bruised only slightly that it cannot be picked up by a small child. “Huh...” Ben yawns and climbs back out the way he came in and goes back to Tom. “I think I killed Twilight.” He says to Tom “Dude it’s a cartoon for little girls, she’s not gonna be dead.” “Says you.” Ben crosses his arms. “Right well let’s go check then, so we don’t get charged with accessory to murder ON OUR FIRST DAY!” Tom walks off in the direction Ben returned from, muttering under his breath. As they get there, Ben shows Tom the way in. As they are inside Ben says “Hey Tom, take off all your clothing and get on all fours. And pretend you’re a pony” “Nice try mate, a hypnotist tried to suggest to me once it didn’t work. Let’s get back to the issue at hand shall we?” As Tom and Ben look around again, they both see a small jet of green flame come towards their faces at an increasingly alarming rate. Both duck down in time, avoiding the cowardly attack. “S-stay back!” Spike Stutters. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I...I will! W-who are you?” “We are humans. We mean no harm to you, well maybe to Trixie in the future but not you or Twilight. Please don’t be alarmed.” “Tom, you hurt Trixie and I will make sure that you will have to have plastic surgery.” Ben threatens Tom. “Trixie? Now there’s a name we haven’t heard in Ponyville for a while” Spike perks up. “Do you ‘humans’ know her?” “See, now you got him suspicious. And now we have to go through a whole fucking explanation. So fuck this, time skip.” Tom and Ben press a button on their conveniently existing time machines, and Tom hits the floor at the speed of light, instantaneously gathering enough speed to time travel REWIND NOISE (At this point, since we can’t be bothered writing an explanation again, let’s just assume that Twilight has woken up while we were talking to Spike, and has attempted to kill us before being assured we are peaceful) “So you guys REALLY aren’t here for any ulterior motives, not planning on taking over Ponyville or Equestria at all?” Twilight poses to the two thoroughly confused and tired gentlemen. “First, I shall hit on Celestia. Then, I shall have sexual intercourse with her. THEN, I shall free Discord and have his daughter’s hand in marriage!” Ben was off in his own little world of tiredness, his ears moving up and down. “Woah! Steady on! There are some things this dragon doesn't need to hear.” Spike interrupts. Covering Spike’s ears, Tom states in a very sick and tired tone, “To answer your first question Twilight, yes we are peaceful. To answer your next question, Ben is just tired and utterly confused. At least I do quite hope that.” “Or I can seduce Rarity! Yeah, that’ll work...” Ben sounds pleased with himself. “HEY!” Spike yells. “My ears may be covered but i can still make out your muffled words! Keep your dirty muffin hands off her, you hear!?” “Hey, you can just hit on her sister. You already did hit on her during the wedding.” Ben crosses his arms. Spike blushes. “Ok that’s enough spoilers for one night. Twi, if I may call you that.” “No not really but please do go on...” Twilight says sarcastically. “Miss Sparkle, could we avail of your premises for the evening, if I give you an assurance that no rutting of any kind will be taking place for the foreseeable future.” Twilight looks at the two guys rather strangely while Spike attempts to stare down Ben, a mean feat considering Ben is at least four feet taller than him. “I suppose that will be fine for tonight, with that promise. Of course, I hope you expect questions in the morning.” “Nothing less than a million of them. Thank you my fair lady.” Tom kneels down to kiss Twi on the hoof as a way of saying thanks. She blushes, and turns away. “Don’t make me change my mind. Good night.” And with that teleports away to her chambers. Spike scoffs as he walks up the stairs “I don’t trust those two,” he mutters under his breath. “Tom, you suck up. You were supposed to go with the farmer one.” Ben scolds Tom. “Haha, I will have all the mares. But not tonight my friend, for tonight, we sleep like kings! On a wooden floor! Shotgun the couch.” Tom then touches his shotgun for good measure. “I’ll sleep outside like a man. I need fresh air anyway. Since you seem to be making me angry at this time.” Ben walks outside to sleep on the grass. Tom then proceeds to do a very brief happy dance and make a tick in the air, before collapsing on the couch, on top of a quite cross drake. He is then rewarded with a claw in the ass. It takes all of his resolve to stop from screaming out and waking the village. “Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I’m really tired. Spike, can we be friends, I would never dream of taking your Rarity away from you, and my life here would be easier without enemies.” Tom whispers. “You sat on my face you ass hat!” Spike calls out holding his nose. “To be fair, the more ironic insult would have been you ass face. But still, I didn’t know you guys actually used those words, this place seems way too sickly sweet for that.” “Well, the ponies don’t. They frown upon words like that. But when they’re not around what rules of theirs must I follow? Anyway, I’m tired myself, we’ll continue this talk in the morning.” Spike says as he death stares the front door holding back Ben before walking off into another room. “Also, my ass is throbbing. Anyway, good night mate. Hopefully we can start fresh tomorrow.” Tom yawns and passes out from exhaustion on the couch, while gradually slipping to the floor and smacking his head, thus giving him the best rest he’s had in years. Morning came, and Ben had returned in, after doing nothing all night. Except get a cold. All because of Tom. Tom is a bastard. “I do hope Twilight does not mind that I shan't speak normally at this moment.” Ben sniffed a little because of his cold. “GOOD MORNING PONYVILLE!” Tom leans out of the window and yells. “Always wanted to say that,” as he turned to Ben. “Morning Ben, how was your night?” “Go fornicate yourself Tom.” Ben pulls out his iPod that he always carries with him. The only thing he has left that has cute things. “Oh cats... You are so fluffy...” Tom looks over Ben’s shoulder, “I agree, but Ben, need I remind you that in the world of ponies, there is no electricity. You may blow a few minds with this new technology. Minds that are not meant to be blown. Minds, if blown, could spell our doom.” “Hmm...” Ben wonders. “I can maybe court Princess Luna with something such as this...” Ben gets up and yells, “Twilight! Get your sexy plot down here, you sexy mare!” “Oh for god’s sake, we can’t do this again... And apparently I’m the asshole...” Tom thinks to himself as he facepalms. Hard. “Really?” Spike says opening a window. “You could at least try to not act like such a pervert.” “I’m working on him... but not like that. Is Twi up?” “I don’t know” Spike shrugs, “I’ll check.” Spike walk half way up the stairs before calling out, “Hey Twilight! You up yet!?” The slightly aggravated clopping began and stopped quickly, as the solar hot water began to make its way into a specially designed coffee pot in the downstairs kitchen. Then a slight *POOF* sound and Twi was right next to me, uncomfortably next to me I might add. The wrong way around I might also add, not her face pointing at me I might... well. Both of us blush quite an amount for being awake for only a few minutes, before Twilight regains her composure and mutters something about caffeine, while slowly trotting away. “You know what. Screw you Tom. Just. Screw you.” Ben drew out his Katana. “I really feel like killing someone right now.” “WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!” Tom yells! Spike walks towards the door slowly after hearing the statement, before running when he gets to the door. “Twilight.” Ben looks straight at her with katana in hand, “Tell me a way to have a meeting with the princesses. NOW.” Ben had a demanding alpha male tone in his voice. Midsip of her morning brew, Twi has a shocked look on her face and drops the coffee mug while simultaneously restraining Ben with his hands behind his back and legs almost touching his spine. “Why should I take you to the princesses when you have that thing in your hand threatening us?” she said tightening her grip after every syllable. Spike peeks his head around the door and sees Twilight. “Wow I didn't know she could do that” he whispers. “Good thing... I’m flexible...” Ben groans through the pain of his legs reaching his spine. “I’ll give you a reason... If you let me go... Bitch...” Twi loosens her grip, but just enough to avoid breaking the human in two. “For a human trussed up like a gryphon at Hearths Warming Eve, you’re pretty confident. Apoligize. NOW. And I might even give you a cup of my special brew.” Twi says with a mostly straight face. “Why should I apologize to you? I’d rather die.” It was clear that Ben was angry. “Because I don’t enjoy killing creatures... this early in the morning. Please just calm down so we can talk about this.” Twi had a gleam in her eye that said she was not bullshitting. “It was better, back on earth. Back where creatures couldn’t talk. It was better. I see now, why I became one of them. Why I thrown from modern society...” Tears are visible from Ben’s eyes. “I only have one wish, if you do wish to kill me. I wish to see the shy pegasus.” Twi breaks her concentration of the spell once Ben starts to tear up. He collapses to the floor and Tom quickly darts over and grabs the katana out of his hands before he can regain control of the deadly sharp weapon. Twi then looks suspiciously at Ben. “Why do you want to see Fluttershy, in fact why do you want to meet so many mares without even knowing who they are? In fact, how did you know who I was last night, how did you know my name, we’ve never met!” Twi picks up Spike and puts him behind her quickly and goes into a defensive stance, snorting quietly. “Tom’s a changling!” Ben rolls away. Tom immediately has a small inner fanboy squeal and then says, “No I’m not. Are you going to believe the guy that just threatened your and my life, or the guy that has tried to patch up everyone together and try to control the chaos?” Twi ponders this for a short moment, then levitates Ben up and away from his cowardly hiding spot behind the drapes of the library, which is fine in retrospect as the whole of Ponyville is looking at the front of said library now, with a sudden urge to get reading. “It’s Ben right?” Twi says apprehensively. “I prefer Master Whitehead. Since I’m still under the adult age.” Ben takes advantage of being in the air to do all sorts of silly things. Watching a teenager attempt to master his own quite bad situation got a low giggle out of Tom and Spike, not enough to slip by Twi who gave the two a quickly withering look. Twi then said, “Ben. I don’t know what’s going on, but can you promise that I won’t have to kill you before I’ve even met you? I really don’t like killing things but I’m more than capable.” “I can’t believe I’ve never seen this side of you before Twi, what is it about humans that have you so riled up?” said Spike. “Humans are creatures. So I request to be taken into proper care! I want cuddle fluffy kittens and play Rabbit Fight.” Ben says, so innocently too. Twi then looks at Tom, who shrugs in response, as Ben has managed to confuse the whole building. “Ok then. That... makes... some sense. I guess. But honestly, after that, why should I trust you?” “I’d try and sweet talk my way out. But I’m too angry over Tom trying to show me off...” Ben crosses his arms. “Show me off, what do you mean?” Tom said. “You act all olden style around Twilight. And it makes me jelly.” Ben huffed. “Well, I’m sure you could act respectful to the mares about town if you wanted to... I’m sure if you gave it a try without threatening to kill anyone it wouldn’t go bad for you. Just sayin’.” “Screw you. Now let me down and give me my katana. I want to go adventuring around town.” He has clearly calmed down somewhat “Twilight, could you let him down? I do know the guy, and I know he’s not going to kill anypony now... or me hopefully.” “Ok then, but if something happens when I do, you’re just as responsible.” Twi apprehensively broke the spell and Ben dropped to the floor unceremoniously. Tom then threw his sheathed katana at him, and as he was a crack shot throw, slotted it perfectly around Ben’s shoulder. A light gray coated mare breaks in through the window. “I BROUGHT YOU A LETTER~!” She yelled. “Oh hey, a letter.” Ben gets up and takes the bag that derpy was carrying, because I didn’t add that in. So screw you. But anywhore, Ben opened up the bag and was greeted by a foal. “Ohey. It’s a foal.” Ben pulls out a brown coated foal, with brown for its colour in mane and tail. “I’ll call it... Doctor Whooves. What do you think, Tom?” Tom begins to scream silently in his head and calmly while gritting his teeth replies, “That sounds great Ben, hey Derpy, any idea how this foal got in your mailbag? Do you have a super special delivery to make?” “Wait, it’s a foal? Doctor said it was mail!” Derpy was more confused than usual. “But he’s in the mailbag!” Tom said pleadingly. This woke the good Doctor up with a start. The Doctor had a look around the unfamiliar surroundings, saw the two gentlemen, squeed, and then dove back into the mailbag with a start. Or a stop, more appropriately. “Well I have absolutely no bucking idea what’s going on in here. Derpy, how did you meet the Doctor?” “Guys this is a very strange yet pleasantly flowing conversation, but I insist you leave my library so I can prepare for the day ahead.” Twilight pipes up. “Ah ok then. Thanks for your hospitality Twilight, and if I can help out with anything as a way of my gratitude, then don’t hesitate to ask.” “Have fun sexy mare of the books.” Ben climbs onto Derpy’s back. “Away!” He then proceeds to ride Derpy out of the Library. Twilight, Spike and Tom manage to synchronise their rolling of their eyes perfectly. “Thanks again.” Tom waves back to the now throughly confused two as the others all walk out.