Dan Vs. Avatar

by Barrobroadcaster


Chapter 1: Bad Quarterly Statement

Sometime Later

Parker Selfridge went over what he was going to say again. This was the part of his job he hated: interfacing with the shareholders. When he'd signed up with the Resource Development Administration, he knew that travel was going to be part of the job. He'd envisioned himself taking clients and executives on factory tours, playing golf and tennis on different planets. Once in a while, an apology had to be made, this was one of those times and unfortunately, he was the one to make it.

"Shame about Quaritch, right?" Parker ignored the first mentioning of the late security operations chief, prompting, but not wanting, his subordinate to continue. "Guy went through a lot of bush back home, gets whacked on some frontier shithole."

"We're done with that," Parker said. "That's another condolence letter I have to write, by the way." His clipboard was held tightly in his hand- a detailed list of everything he needed to over with their biggest shareholder.

"Yeah, I hear that." The interior of the shuttle was quiet enough for the two to hear each other without shouting, but the jarhead seemed to shout anyway. Parker decided not to chew him out; Tony was one of the few company marines to make it off Pandora alive. 'Company marines,' the term for the security personnel RDA employed- straight out of service.

"About all we got outta Pandora was bodies anyway."

"Not only bodies," Parker said through gritted teeth. "Debt. And lots of it. But also... we learned a few things." He flipped to the next page of the clipboard. The second page was the details of the late Dr. Augustine's research into Pandoran botany. That, plus all of their samples the science group collected, might be enough to cushion the blow a good amount. Still, he did think about Quaritch and the others.

Parker Selfridge was not a selfish man. He tried to do things humanely. When that didn't work, when it looked like war was inevitable, he authorized a preemptive strike. That had been a mistake. He went into unknown territory hoping to do what he'd always done, what the company had always done, and things had fallen apart. His failure to recognize that was on him. Those lives lost, they may not all have been on him, but he shouldered the responsibility. What he was doing right now was for everyone, for all of them. Unlike before, he was sure it was the right decision this time.

"Just let me do all the talking," Parker said, and he realized he was raising his voice over the sound of the engines. Abruptly, they cut off and the shuttle bay doors opened. "Try to look... I dunno, determined or something."

"Should I bring a gun?"

"Hell no. Just follow me, stand there, smile if they look at you and don't say anything," Parker said.

As they walked up the white-marbled steps, Tony stopped. "Shit man. I don't know if I'm ready for this."

"Just relax. We'll be in and out."

The royal guard ponies opened the doors to Canterlot Castle before them. Inside, dozens of ponies and other visitors had already gathered. The rear foyer was more of a business entrance than the main hall, but it was still lavish and luxurious in every essence of the word. Twin staircases led up to a mezzanine on the floor above them. Golden rails lined the stairs and opulent red carpets stretched from the doorway all the way down the hall. It looked to be all one piece of fabric.

"Results of the last survey came in. Only about eighteen percent."
"Eighteen percent? What's the point if we keep getting back low numbers like that?"
"To give the speculators at least SOME good news. Eighteen percent isn't nothing."

Two stallions were talking about, naturally, the same thing Selfridge was here to discuss: Unobtanium. The precious metal was worth enough by the ounce to buy entire starships. A pinch of it could power a building for a decade, not to mention what else it could do. The properties of unobtanium allowed it to be used to create unbelievably advanced superconductors, gravity-field manipulating technology, energy-stabilization. Some people even referred to it as metal magic, the "godmaterial" or other such nonsense. Selfridge knew what it meant to everyone in between: money. Opportunity. Life.

A pair of royal guard ponies led them from the entrance through the halls. Branching off the side from the back entrance to the throne room was a hall that led to a series of chambers, and finally, the conference room he'd been expecting. The guards ushered the two of them in after a final check.

"-and I want you to know, that we spared no expense in this-"

"Ah. Excuse me Mr. Chairman, but that seems to be the administrator now."

"Uh, hi, yes," Parker said, bowing. He only just now realized he'd never actually been told what to expect with royalty, so he figured bowing was a good start. And he was wrong.

"There's no need for that. Please, take a seat."

"Thank you," he said. Tony awkwardly stood by the door.

Parker looked down at the clipboard, went over his notes one last time, leaned forward, took a deep breath and started. "Now, first, I want you to know I take full responsibility for what happened to your investment. The entire company, all of us are sorry for this loss, and we're willing to offer-"

"Calm down, Mr. Selfridge."

He looked up. Rather than a cold, unforgiving glare like he was used to getting, the face he looked at conveyed only warmth and happiness. Of course, Princess Celestia had that kind of reputation.

"I would like you to please, explain to me, in your own words, precisely what took place on Pandora."

He felt his stomach sink. He decided it was best not to lie about this. "We... were out of line. All of us."

"What happened?" Another pony wearing a crown, a shorter purple mare, asked that question.

"We got into a conflict with the, with the natives. It escalated out of control, diplomacy failed, so we tried to use force."

"Force?" Celestia repeated.

Selfridge nodded. "Force, unfortunately. It was the wrong decision, we lost people because of this but the ultimate blame... lies with me. And I am, very, deeply..." he looked up at both of them, "Sorry." He was more sincere than even he realized. Maybe it was because he was on Equestria or that he was happy just to be able to breath air without a mask, but he genuinely felt regret for essentially starting a war. He knew his hand wasn't the only one in it, but he could have stopped it. He could've stopped it all. Now, he was just trying to pick up the pieces.

Celestia nodded. "We understand."

"Understand?" he blurted out. "I mean... uh, I'm sorry. But uh, would you care to elaborate?"

"Unobtanium is just as valuable to us as it is to you," Twilight explained. As she did, Celestia got up from her seat and paced slowly to the end of the table. It was just then Selfridge noticed a familiar silvery chunk of ore sitting at the edge of the table. It floated above a tiny pedestal, floated on its own.

"There have been losses, that we understand," Celestia said, her back towards them. "But the point of a lesson is to ensure that the same mistakes are not made again." She spun around to him. "I don't think you're going to make the same mistakes."

"I-n-no, no ma'am." Parker had no idea what she was talking about, what she meant but knew enough to just go along with it and keep his mouth shut.

The princess nodded contentedly. Despite being a being of immense power, she had an odd serenity about her. To men like Parker and Tony, it did nothing to lessen their intimidation, but it was strange to see.

"We need each other. That's why we entered into this arrangement in the first place. And... we're smarter than we look," Twilight said, still seated. "We were aware of the risks."

Celestia nodded. "We all took a risk. We were to share this burden. Our only disappointment was that you didn't share as much with us sooner." She leaned forward, ethereal mane towering over the practically-cowering Parker Selfridge. "So why didn't you ask us for help?"

"I uh," he cleared his throat, "I'm-I'm not sure what you're saying."

"It's simple. We want a return on our investment."

"Are you kidding me?" he couldn't stop himself from saying. "The company's going to be lucky if it survives the fiscal year, let alone see any real returns. We can barely afford to the minimum insurance on our principals."

"This is all true," Celestia said, her voice still even and content. "If you give up Pandora."

Like a hammer to his skull, it hit him. "Ohhh, umm... you're not actually suggesting..."

She nodded. "I am. We're not going to give up Pandora. Neither of us can afford to."

Equestria was not just a shareholder in RDA; they used Unobtanium. Their applications were more magic and construction-based rather than for energy or stabilization, but the outcome was the same. And a bad outcome on Pandora was bad for both of them.

"We want you to go back to Pandora," Celestia stated. She opened the door and walked out.

Selfridge was stunned. The thought of going back to Pandora made him feel like he had one of the Na'vi's neurotoxin-tipped arrows in his gut. He almost didn't realize she intended for him to follow before she was halfway down the corridor.

"But please, your majesty, the losses we encountered- ninety percent of our security forces, the chief of operations-"

"Plus all the hardware. Shuttles ain't cheap," Tony added, catching up.

"I know," Celestia replied. "I also know it was quite outdated."

Both men stopped in unison and said, "Outdated?"

"I can understand cutting costs, but seeing as how there have been... unforeseen complications, we'll be sending you back with the proper means this time," Celestia said. She led the two bewildered and confused mean back to the foyer, down the staircase and all the way to the entrance.

She approached the door and turned to face them. "You'll be going back with more equipment, more personnel and... a new operations chief. One more-suited to the task."

The door opened, blowing Celestia's mane and tail inward. Despite this, she was unphased. The same could not be said of Selfridge and Tony.

"I hear you've been having some trouble getting some kids off your lawn."

"Um... kind-of?" Parker said. He didn't see whoever was speaking yet, but behind Celestia, he noticed something different about the sky. Specifically, there didn't seem to be much of it left any more. It was full of ships. Aircraft, spacecraft, shuttles, heavy machinery and equipment, legions of the stuff, along with flying ponies were taking off to the sky.

"I'd heard as much. You should've called me earlier; we have preparations to deal with that sort of problem."

"What the hell is all that?!" Parker asked.

"Our new preparations."

Even as he asked, more and more vessels, ships he'd never seen before dotted the sky. Some were the size of buildings while others were as tiny as gyrocopters and yet hoisted somehow things that were the size of buildings. More than a few were the Earth-standard orbital shuttles he was used to, but there were far more of... everything else.

The man came into view. He was short, shorter than Selfridge but wore armor similar to the pony royal guards, only black in the center. A logo in the center spelled out the word JERK.

"Pretty nifty, huh? Hi. I'm going to be teaching you how to get both your pay and payback at the same time. I'm Dan."