//------------------------------//
// The story undeadening part deux! 
// Story: Table Legs 
// by TheMajorTechie 
//------------------------------//

"Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were caught trying to make sense of this story, right? Same as us, and that weird green man over there."

Not-so-chonky-stabbington groaned, summoning a table leg and whacking the cart until it broke. Because reasons. Also, to escape the meme.

The world warped around her as she was slingshot back into the reality that she was last seen in, complete with the parasite adoring sidekick of hers, Ego Boost! Still no word yet on LawnPo, but that's probably for the better.

A low groan pierced through the air, setting the pair on high-alert because of course we need some looming threat to make things interesting. Raising another table leg, Margarine Fork readied herself for whatever it was that was coming.

...

...

...Of which, apparently, was noth--IN LESS THAN A SECOND'S NOTICE THE GROUND SUDDENLY BURST OPEN AS A RESURRECTED EVIL DESERT OASIS GOLDEN SHREK APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE, CARRYING PRINCESS CELESTIA OVER HIS SHOULDER AS HE VICIOUSLY KIDNAPPED THE SUN PRINCESS IN A VERY VICIOUS MANNER VICIOUSLY.

"Holy buck. What did you just say?" Nothing But A Flesh Wound™ grumbled, slowly beginning to bleed from her ears from the Royal Canterlot Caps-Lock narration.

A D V E N T U R E !

"Oh, Buttery, those blood streaks complement the paint in your coat sooooo well!"

"S-shut up..."

I'm gonna make you say 'baka' right here, right now.

"No-BAKA!"

And now, it's time for an ad break! We're doing those now, aren't we?

"Wait-- ad breaks?! Since when was this story ad-supported?!"

Ever since Gamer Luna took all our funding for her vidya gaems, of course! Now let's get on with Flim and Flam!

HAVE YOU OR A LOVED ONE EVER BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH DEAD INSIDE? IF YOU HAVE, YOU MAY BE QUALIFIED FOR A FREE SAMPLE OF OUR LATEST TREATMENT, THE EASY-PEASY-MAKE-YOU-QUEASY 1500! IT DOESN'T DO WHAT ITS NAME SUGGESTS, AND WE'VE BEEN SUED MANY TIMES OVER ALREADY FOR MISREPRESENTING OUR PRODUCT. BECAUSE OF THIS, OUR LEGAL FEES REQUIRE US TO CHARGE YOU THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF $19.99 PLUS YOUR NEIGHBOR'S FIRSTBORN CHILD! THAT'S RIGHT, ONLY $19.99! ACT NOW AND YOU MAY BE ENTITLED TO A BI-WEEKLY TREATMENT OF PICKING APPLES TO FEED INTO OUR SUPER SPEEDY CIDER SQUEEZY 6000 TO EARN US MORE MOOLAH, AND--

...OOOoookay, that's enough of an ad break. Geez, that Easy-Peasy-Make-You-Queasy machine thingamabob sure looks like a great deal!

Butter Knife (of whom is only being referred to as such because the author ran out of ideas) groaned, dragging her hooves down her face. "Kill me, please."

Nope! This is your story, and by the power of plot armor and chronic main character syndrome, you will survive literally anything!

Butter Knife screeched, all while evil Shrek cackled as he retreated into his also-evil swamp with Celestia. Looks like you've got your work cut out for yourself, girl!

"No way," Butter Knife shook her head, shoving Ego Boost out of the way and earning herself a complement about manicured hooves. "I am not going to save that goody horseshoes Celestia."

But you wiiii-illl!

"Argh... fine, I will..."

Butter Knife proceeded to be turned into a neon-pink pirate pony because reasons.