//------------------------------// // Chapter 15 // Story: The Things He Carried // by Makerofthebuttswagger //------------------------------// Fluttershy was falling. She didn't know how, or when, or even where; all she knew was that she was plummeting to an inconceivable fate at unknown speeds. The rocky cliff face to her left was passing in a large blur - how had this happened? Her veins were filled with liquid fear, inhibiting her from thinking or moving. All she could do was watch the distant, violent waves of the sea below her as they moved to greet her. "It was over, there was nothing she could do, she was paralyzed with fear - Suddenly, her downward progress came to a steady halt as she was enveloped in a blue aura. She whipped her head around, looking for even just a glimpse of her savior. There was a large flash of blinding, warm light, and Princess Luna appeared several feet away, hovering next to the distraught pegasus. "Do not worry, dear Fluttershy," she said in her familiar serene voice. "No harm will come to you." Fluttershy instantly relaxed as a wave of relief washed her fears away. This was merely a dream. She looked to the lunar mare and said in a shy, grateful tone, "Thanks so much, princess..." Luna nodded, a hint of a smile appearing on her face. Her horn lit up, and in another flash of light they were standing on solid ground at the edge of the cliff. A quaint little cottage sat approximately fifty yards from the drop, nestled into a small group of trees. Luna peered over the side of the cliff with a curious expression. "Do you know this place?" she asked with faint interest. "Y-Yes... this was where my aunt lived," Fluttershy whispered shyly. "I've always been scared of the cliff..." A silence followed this that was only interrupted by the faint crashing of waves far below. The two mares gazed peacefully at the horizon. "Such beauty for a dream," Luna finally sighed. "Alas, I must take my leave. Sleep well, dear Fluttershy." Fluttershy returned this with a sweet smile as Luna disappeared back into the dreamscape. It had been a rather peaceful night as far as nightmares go - giving Luna time to look. She did not know if he would be here, or if he was even sleeping - for his well being, she hoped so - but what would a dream of his look like? She could tell from the very first day that Tobias O'Leary was a tortured soul - she saw a bit of herself in his eyes. However, the way she had reacted to his presence... she sincerely regretted every moment of it. What was she thinking? Not only that, but her conversation with him on Hearth's Warming Eve? Tactless. No words to describe it - but was that how she really felt? Over the hundreds of years she had lived, she had never felt attraction to another pony. Maybe that was partly because she was a royal, but... she had no idea how love worked. Was it some unstoppable, unpreventable force that enveloped somepony in its crushing grip, sealing their fate? Cadance was often referred to as the Princess of Love, but not this kind of love - she was the princess of the kind of love that one would find in families and acceptance, not the kind that involved joining of two. So why was she so determined to reach Toby? Did she truly love him, or were these empty words to explain her unknowns? What did she feel when she saw him for the first time? Maybe a trip into her memories could serve an answer... She closed her eyes and lit up her horn. A warm, bright flash of light later, she was standing in the throne room on the day of Toby's arrival - her own memory. At the moment, it was only her past self that populated the room - but knowing what would happen, Luna turned to watch the throne room door. Moments after she had done this, it was thrown open, admitting her sister. Following close behind her were Toby and a guard. The latter was giving the poor human sharp jabs from his spear to keep him moving forward. She watched curiously then as Celestia began to attempt to communicate with Toby - she had almost forgotten about that! The human could not speak nor understand modern Equestrian until... POP! ... Celestia performed her 'Linguistic Bridge' spell. Sweet heavens, it looked painful. As the interrogation commenced (after Toby had awoken from his brief unconscious moment), Luna stole glances at her past self, who looked alarmingly cold. Finally, it was all too much as her past self lost it. "YOU WILL NOT SPEAK IN SUCH WAYS TOWARDS YOUR SUPERIORS!! GUARDS!!" past-Luna roared, going slightly pink in the face. With a small crackle of energy from her horn, Luna froze the scene and approached her past self. It was very hard for her to look herself in the eye, especially when it showed so much... hatred. "Now why would I hate somepony like this, yet warm to him as soon as he harms himself?" she murmured to herself. "Why am I so weird?" Why was she so weird indeed - it took a lot more for her to process things than it did for normal ponies - after all, lots of things happened to her during her time as a princess that took lots of thinking and, occasionally, a bit of counsel from her sister. Like when she became Nightmare Moon... She froze. Nightmare Moon... She faced her past self's loathing expression once more, and her own softened. Becoming an entity of hate, jealousy, spite, and anger was something Luna still regretted - and probably would for the rest of her life. So when she learned that this new alien had a violent past, had she seen a bit of herself in Toby? Or, at least, something about him that reminded her of her dark past? She studied the eyes of her past self for a little longer, trying to catch a glimpse of anything else besides the anger and blind loathing. For several, fruitless minutes, she saw nothing. But then - there it was. A small speck in the corner of her flickered with fear - and now it made a little more sense. Perhaps she had been afraid of Toby's assumed destructive power? No - it was more likely the quick, irrational hatred of the poor thing that was a thing Luna thought she had put completely behind her. Maybe a couple more nights with the Tantabus would help? As soon as that last thought entered her head, the lunar princess shook her head violently to rid herself of the thought. No, that would be stupid - had she not learned her lesson from the first time she had used the Tantabus? Her horn lit up, and the sound of her magical aura echoed off of the walls of the silent room spontaneously like a chorus of soft chimes. She then exited the scene in a flash of light, finding herself back on the dreamscape. Now all she had to do was find Toby's dream pod... She knew it would be here somewhere - every single sapient creature in the entire world was unconsciously connected to the dreamscape, whether they have magical capabilities or not. So Toby would definitely be here - although she was unsure of where to find him. She could always sense a nightmare, and could arrive in no time to put a stop to it. At the moment, she couldn't sense anything - but she had to be on her guard. For now, she would walk along. Perhaps towards the outskirts of the dreamscape? Lonely souls' dreams tended to reside where there was less company. Luna searched as hard as she could, while keeping a wary eye out for any other nightmares - despite her ambition to locate the human here, she still had a huge responsibility. Fortunately, nightmare activity seemed fairly low that night. If it wasn't detectable, then it wasn't one that could drastically hurt somepony. If somepony needed her help, she would know in an instant. After what seemed like an hour of looking, Luna settled down and observed the dream pods that floated by. It was so peaceful here; perhaps Toby was having a pleasant dream. Just the thought of that brought a smile to Luna's lips. The poor thing could use a break. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, she saw something - she had almost missed it entirely, since it had blended so well with its dark surroundings. A pitch-black orb was hovering in the shadows, almost out of her range of sight. Any dream orb that came close to ten feet from it made a wide berth, probably to avoid it. Luna stood to her hooves and lit up her horn, prepared to fight. However, she hesitated - she hadn't seen anything like this before, not in her thousand-plus years of doing this. Was it a dream orb? ... And if it was, was it - Toby's? She cautiously approached the orb, eyeing it. It was giving off a low, disheartening hum that throbbed like an unhealthy heartbeat. As she moved forward, it began to retreat slowly in a reclusive manner. Whatever this was, Luna was determined to get to the bottom of it. She took another couple of steps forward, and the orb retreated more. However, she noticed that the orb couldn't move very quickly, like all of the others in the dreamscape, and she had no trouble catching up to it. As soon as she was within three feet of the black orb, it stopped and remained in one place, omitting its depressing pulse. For what felt like the longest time Luna stayed put, simply observing the orb. It did nothing, as if waiting for something. Luna closed her eyes. It showed as much behavioral activity as a dream pod, and hasn't done anything to harm any of the others, like a Tantabus - which meant that it was almost definitely a dream pod. Tentatively, she reached out a hoof towards the orb - if it really was an orb, it would respond to her touch. Her hoof made contact, and the orb shook slightly, as if her touch had unsettled it. The surface was rock-hard, as if it didn't want anypony to see what was inside. This was definitely a dream orb - but why was it this way? Was it indeed Toby's orb? Could this have a deeper meaning? She recalled the day she had discovered the extremities of Toby's depression - and what he was suffering from was definitely darker than anypony had anticipated, probably even Fluttershy... Her mind was made up in that moment - she would try and enter. She lit up her horn and prepared to enter the dream orb. Her horn flashed, and she felt the familiar sensation of being sucked though a tiny funnel as she braced herself to completely submerge. Suddenly, she felt her body flatten painfully against an unknown force, as if she had slammed headlong into a brick wall. It seemed she had actually hit a wall of some sort - whatever this unknown force was, it was extremely strong. And extremely black. There was still a major problem, however. The magical force that had always been responsible for pulling her into ponies' dream orbs still had a vice-like grip upon her, and was desperately trying to pull her into the orb. However, the massive force of blackness in front of her wasn't having any of it, causing her to get compressed in an extremely painful manner. She couldn't breath; both the magic and the unknown barrier were too strong, and if she did nothing soon the pressure being exerted onto her would crush her into a pulp. Mustering everything she had left, she let off an extremely powerful wave of energy that blasted a small hole in the barrier. The magical force pulled her through, and in a flash of white light, she was standing upright again. She had entered the orb - and was now in the middle of a jungle. Before she knew what was happening, loud cracks and bangs filled the air, soon joined by a chorus screaming and shouting. Night time in Vietnam was so much more bearable when you were in a tent - not that you lost your overwhelming sense of anxiety, but it was better than spending it out on those night watches. The only problem was that one couldn't see anything that was going on on the outside of the tent - they had to put every inch of their trust into those who were out on night watch to allow themselves to sleep. Toby lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling of his bunk. How were his parents faring? He hadn't received a letter from them in a little over a week. Were they okay? Had anything good or bad happened back home since they had sent the letter? And Marietta - was she thinking of him? Beyond a doubt she wanted him to come home - she HAD made him promise to make it back in one piece, and that was the very thing he intended to do... anything for his doll... Suddenly, a myriad of gunshots echoed through the forest outside, making everyone in the barrack jump out of their skin as the very thing that gave them anxiety was actually happening. "AMBUSH!!!" cried a voice from outside, followed by another chorus of gunfire. "EVERYONE OUT OF BED!!!" bellowed an older man, no younger than forty-five, as gunshots rang through the air. "GRAB YOUR WEAPONS!! NO MAN LEFT BEHIND!! Hey - I said to MOVE it, you two!! If you don't move your ass the last thing you'll ever get to do is sit there like a PUTZ!!" The mobile barracks that belonged to his platoon were in complete chaos. Everywhere fellow soldiers were scrambling out of bed, reaching for their helmets and weapons, shouting at one another, trying to throw on their clothes as quickly as possible - it was a mass panic. The canvas five feet to the left of Toby's bed frame was suddenly torn to shreds as someone opened fire on it from the other side. Half a dozen men bellowed in agony as they were peppered by the attack, some of them dead before they hit the ground. Toby reached for his gun and instinctively aimed it in the direction of the mauled canvas, still in his bed clothes. A young Vietnamese man emerged through the hole brandishing a semi-automatic. Before he knew what he was doing, Toby opened fire on him. "TOBIAS, GET OUT OF BED!!!" bellowed the older man, whose name was Magnus Collier - his platoon leader. He was a war-hardened man - he had been in 'Nam five months longer than Toby had. Toby, who was indeed still in bed when he had killed the man, leapt to his feet and fumbled with the buttons on his rucksack. If he was going to fight, he was gonna do it with pants on. The air was filled with the shrieking as the far corner of the tent erupted into flames. "We've got contact from the east!!" shrieked the voice of one of the platoon's scouts from an unknown location outside the tent. "We're being flanked!" "Cannigan!! Bruehller!! O'Leary!! McGlaggen!! Go and intercept!!" bellowed Magnus as he snatched up his rifle. He then pelted out the far side of the tent to join the fight. "You heard the Corporal!!" cried Cannon Bruehller, a short man with fiery ginger hair. He pushed his way out through the hole in the tent, followed by Marcus Cannigan, a reedy kid in his very late teens. As Toby yanked on his trousers, Carter McGlaggen, his best friend of all time, appeared at his side. "Hurry up, Tobes! We can't let them take all the good ones," his buddy joked, but even Toby could sense the terror and anxiety coming off of him. "Shut up, ya putz," Toby retorted, and the two charged out. Not the brightest idea when considering that the hostile forest outside their tent was pitch black and chalk full of enemies. "HIT THE DECK!!" bellowed the voice of Bruehller as the faint sound of a grenade clip being pulled out sounded off to his right. Toby did so without hesitation as the unseen forces in the woods opened fire. A sharp grunt came off to his left, followed by the sound of a body hitting the damp forest floor. "GRENADE'S OUT!!" Bruehller shrieked. BANG!! There were now shouts coming from the woods as the opposing sides fired upon the other simultaneously - the air was buzzing with gunfire and reeked of death and hatred. "Toby, you gonna help??" cried Carter's voice from the ground a couple of yards away. Toby grit his teeth. "COVERING FIRE!!" he hollered, blindly firing into the darkness in front of him. "Good call, Toby!" cried Bruehller, and Toby could hear his fading footsteps as he engaged further. "How many are there??" Carter cried out in the direction Bruehller had gone. "Seriously!?" said his voice from a considerable distance. "You expect me to see in this shit?? GRENADE!!" Toby and Carter waited until the bomb had gone off, then followed the sounds of their friends voice at a dead sprint. He was pressed up against a tree, and footsteps could be heard in the darkness not far beyond. Toby aimed his weapon towards the source and let off a quarter of a round. There was a short holler in a Vietnamese accent, then silence. "There can't be many of them!! The gunshots are too few and far between!!" Carter called over the gunfire. "What are y'all doing here!?" Bruehller cried, finally noticing the presence of the other two. "This is MY tree!! Are you TRYING to give them a chance to kill three birds with one stone!!??" Toby flushed sheepishly. Trying to rectify the problem, he turned to find his own tree. Now, Toby wasn't a stupid man - but he was never one to make excellent decisions under the effects of extreme pressure - in this case, in the middle of an ambush. Unfortunately, the path he decided to take put him directly in harm's way. He had barely made it ten feet before his right leg burst into a pain he had never known as a couple bullets from an unseen enemy were driven deep into his thigh. He roared in agony and hit the ground. Gritting his teeth, he closed the rest of the gap between him and the tree at a crawl, moving as fast as he could. "Toby!! Are you good!?" hollered the voice of Carter in the distance. "No!!" Toby gasped, and rested his back up against the tree. It was very fortunate for the American platoon that the Vietnamese ambush had been very poorly planned. While they had the upper hand with their familiarity of the geography, the Americans simply had too many numbers for the ambush to succeed. Quick footsteps approached Toby's location, and Carter's pale face loomed above him in the dim light that washed out from their mangled tent. "Hey, dude, take it easy," Carter said smoothly, clutching Toby's shoulder. "You need to get looked at - where did you get hit?" "L-Leg," Toby hissed. "Okay - I'm gonna have to take your word for it, because I can see next to nothing out here," his friend replied. Squatting down, Carter managed to hoist Toby up, who yelped as a horrible electric pain shot up his thigh. Noticing this, Carter added, "Simmer down, I'll get you to the medic." Despite his friend's calm tone, the expression on his face was definitely anything but. It was pale as death, and his eyes kept flickering nervously towards Toby's legs. Toby didn't blame him; after all, it isn't every day when your best friend gets shot in close proximity to yourself. As Carter struggled to carry his heavy friend, Toby noticed a body that lay in the warm light from the tent - and it was wearing a familiar army-green jacket, similar to his own. "Carter - who is that?" he grunted, but as they drew closer, he could see for himself. It was Marcus Cannigan. He lay there motionless, staring up the black upper canopies of the forest with a frozen expression. The flickering light from the tent was reflected in his glassy, lifeless eyes... "NO!!" bellowed Toby, who instantly began to weakly struggle in Carter's arms. "He's nineteen! Marcus! MARCUS!!!" Carter gulped. "Quiet, you've lost a lot of blood - it's soaking my arm... Toby, stop, there's nothing you can do for him..." Suddenly, everything faded to darkness around him. The pain in his injured leg left him, along with his wounds. He looked around wildly - where was he? He was standing in almost complete darkness; the only thing that broke it was the stream of light that streamed down on him from an unknown source. "C-Carter??" he called out in a shaky voice. Nothing. "It was only a dream, Toby," said the serene female voice that was maddeningly recognizable. He turned to see Princess Luna standing there, regarding him with a very nervous look. Toby felt his face automatically fall into the deepest scowl he had ever made. "You," he growled in a rasping, broken voice that didn't sound like his own. "Toby..." the lunar princess pleaded, but Toby clenched his teeth so hard a tooth split. "YOU TORTURED ME!!!" he screamed. "YOU TORTURED ME AND ENJOYED IT!!!" "Toby, listen to me, please -" "NO - YOU LISTEN TO ME!! I SPENT TWO WEEKS IN A FUCKING CELL BECAUSE OF YOUR SO-BELOVEDPROTOCOL - AND YOU TREATED ME LIKE A PIG!!! A PIG!!! And now you have the AUDACITY to come PRANCING into my unconscious mind and ACT LIKE YOU'RE MY SAVIOR!! I DON'T NEED YOU! I HATE YOU!! I HATE EVERYTHING!! EVERYONE!! YOUR SISTER! TWILIGHT! THAT GAY PRICK, RAINBOW DASH!!" "Toby, stop," Luna pleaded once more. Tears were pouring down her face now. "Stop? Stop!? I've had enough!! I did all I could to keep myself from hating you all, but then you THROW IT ALL BACK IN MY FACE!!! HOW COULD YOU!? IF ANY OF YOU CARED, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN QUICK TO HELP INSTEAD OF IMPRISONING ME!!!" Luna looked to the ground. "Please, you were having a bad dream..." "GRAAAAAAH!!!" Toby bellowed, grabbing a stone that materialized out of thin air. He hurled it with all of his might at Luna, who let it hit her in the side. As much as it hurt, part of her felt like she deserved it. "That was real!! ALL REAL!!! PEOPLE I KNEW! THINGS THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!! AND YOU JUST WRITE IT OFF AS A DREAM, LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED!! YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I WAS VIOLENT!? BECAUSE OF A FUCKIN' WAR I NEVER WANTED TO BE A PART OF!!!" "Toby... I'm sorry..." "Are you!? Then WHY was I treated like bilge!? All you said at that castle after apologizing to me during the holidays was that you loved me - AND YOU'RE JUST FULL - OF - FUCKING - LIIIIES!!!!" Toby howled, falling to his knees. He punctuated every word by striking the ground. Luna stood there, looking stunned. Finally, she replied, "I - I don't know what was going on during the holidays - honest, Toby. I don't think I love you - I was just - just trying to -to -" "Create a justification in your head to as why you treated me like filth?" Toby snarled. "Yes!" Luna said desperately. Toby turned away and balled up his fist. He then whirled around and screamed, "WHO FUCKING DOES THAT!? I DON'T CARE THAT YOU ALL ARE GUILTY!! YOU SHOULD BE!! BUT IF YOU TRULY LOVED SOMEONE, PRINCESS, YOU DON'T SEGREGATE THEM!!!" "The reason I treated you the way I did was because I saw some of myself in you - some of my darker past..." Luna said quietly. "Your dark past!!" Toby scoffed. "As if!! What dark things could lie behind the mask of someone who is essentially a unicorn with wings??" "If you do not believe me, then fine!!" Luna sobbed, clenching her eyes. "I don't think you'd understand the heartbreak of a broken family!!" She reopened them and looked at Toby. As soon as she saw his expression, she knew instantly she had made a mistake. "I think you'd do better to avoid making assumptions like that..." Toby said in a quiet, hollow, voice. His tone was shaking with rage and his fists repeatedly fidgeted. There was a glint in his eye that Luna had never seen before - it was a mad, forsaken look. Around them, angry male voices suddenly boomed out of the darkness. The atmosphere around them flashed, giving Luna glimpses of an older human that had many facial complexions that matched Toby's; each of them were distorted with bitterness, regret, rage, and coldness. "He is no son of mine!!" "You ask why I'm so angry, Toby?? Can anything penetrate that stupid, thick skull of yours? You are a DISGRACE to this country!! Now, are you through with the stupid questions, or are you gonna torture me with your presence a little more??" "Can't you do anything right, kid!?" "I've raised a selfish, lazy, SNOWFLAKE!!" "Oh for PETE'S sake, STOP CRYING!!! You're such a CHILD!!" "YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED IN VIETNAM!!!!! AT LEAST YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN OF WORTH TO YOUR COUNTRY!!" As the harsh voices repeatedly lashed out, Toby crumpled, covering his ears desperately with his hands. Tears were coming out in torrents as he rolled into a fetal position. "ENOUGH!!" Luna bellowed, flaring out her wings and letting off a massive magical shockwave, instantly blowing away the loud, hateful, wretched face of the man from the air around them. Once again, the two of them were in the lonely darkness. Despite the sudden absence of the human voice that tortured him, Toby remained on the floor, clutching at his head. His body was no longer in a childish position; it was now deadly limp. Luna galloped to the place where he lay and knelt down, barely reigning in her own emotions. "Toby, speak to me... Toby, please!!" "I've got nothing..." the human muttered with a glassy, emotionless look in his eye. "Let me die... let it end, please..." "No - fight it, Toby," Luna sobbed. "You're so incredibly strong, you've lasted for so long... please, if you won't talk to anypony else, talk to me!! I want to help!!" "There's nothing to fight," Toby said monotonously. "It's no use... I'l just get hurt again... ponies don't care..." Luna lit up her horn and brought his limp body to her chest and embraced it. "Then I'll hold you here until you understand how untrue that can be... Toby, nopony can possibly understand what you've been through, not even those who dwell in the deepest pits of Tartarus... but when you call, I will be there." She began to release him from her gentle grip, but his arms shot out and held her. He let out a sharp gasp. "NO!!!" he yelped in a raspy voice. "Don't leave... I don't want to be alone..." Luna couldn't stop the large, watery smile that made its way onto her face. She went back to holding the broken man, rubbing the top of his head with a hoof consolingly. "Fear not, dear Toby... I am not going anywhere."