//------------------------------// // A Tale As Old As Time Itself // Story: Captain Wuzz and His Fair Mare of the River // by misskoifishpony //------------------------------// “Bwhahaha! It is futile, heroes! Loudly proclaimed The Evil Squizard, taking devilish pleasure from the battlefield happening down below. From his spot on top of the hill, he was able to witness his skeleton pony army fighting against Garbunkle, Sir McBiggun, and Captain Wuzz without any hint of hesitation or mercy. Our fantastical heroes and villains fought ferociously in front of a tall, wooden a dam that blocked a simple, local river. “This river will soon be mine!” He cackled, “And with no water, the pathetic peasants of this kingdom will have no choice but to bow to me!” While holding his mighty ax against the dark ax of one of the skeleton generals, Sir McBiggun brought his deadly stare towards The Evil Squizard and shouted, “Vile villain! Don’t you know that only know only fools claim victory before the end of the battle? Now lost is truly within your grasp.” CLING! Sir McBiggun knocks the dark ax out of the general’s hooves. With one quick look at Sir McBiggun’s all knowing smirk, the general ran away like a foal from the honorable warrior. As Sir McBigguns directed this smirk towards The Evil Squizard, he reminded him, “I, Sir McBiggun, gentle giant warrior of peace…” “SHALL MAKE YOU EAT THIS, SUCKERA!” Without any time to process, The Evil Squizard was no match for Sir McBiggun’s most powerful attack: The Sir McBiggun Throws His Ax attack. The ax cut through one of his tentacles like paper and the evil doer yelped in pain. Sir McBiggun’s ax returned to him faithfully and the warrior catch it with his teeth in ease. “Nice shot Sir McBiggun!” congratulated Garbunkle, blasting away a good section of the skeleton army attack with an extremely powerful spell called The McGuffin Spell. “Thank you good wizard,” Sir McBiggun replied humbly, bowing his head towards his companion. “Don’t pat yourselves on the back just yet boys,” Captain Wuzz commented, gesturing towards The Evil Squizard while still trying to hold back the skeleton soldiers with his whirlwind quick arrows. The Evil Squizard’s dastardly chuckle bubbled from his throat as his cut off tentacle began to grow back. “But how?” questioned a very shocked Sir McBiggun, “That should have worked. I was able to swipe off at least five tentacles from him last time.” “He must have found some fairies in Sherhoof and convinced them to give him healing spell.” Garbunkle explained. “Stupid fairies,” Captain Wuzz groaned, “They’ll do just about anything for some pixie sticks. Any bright ideas Garbunkle? I’m running out of my good arrows.” After he magically blasted away some more skeleton ponies, Garbunkle quickly scanned the battlefield. His hawk like vision even went beyond the battlefield and spotted the tiny squids building the tall wooden dame that was blocking the river upstream. Then, Garbunkle reached into his clock pocket to see if he brought his secret weapon. Yes! He brought it with him. He called out to the elfian archer, “Captain Wuzz, do you still have your beaver arrows?” “I do!” He answered, while striking an enemy with the head with a regular arrow. “Perfect! Go to the dam and stop Squizard’s minions from completing it! Sir McBiggun and I will catch up!” “Say what now? Garbunkle, are you crazy?!” Sir McBiggun interrupted, bucking away two skeleton with his strong back hooves, “We’ve faced impossible odds with Squizard sure, but that was with the three of us!” “Isn’t this cutting it close? Even for you, oh great wizard?” Captain Wuzz cheekily added. “It would be. If we didn’t have this.” With a smirk, Garbunkle pulled out a glowing blue and white mushroom. The sight of the mushroom, at first, surprised the rest of the heroes. But, one look into the wizard’s eyes gave them all the information they needed to understand his secret but brilliant little plan. They matched Garbunkle’s smile and proceeded forward with no fear. BOOM! “AHHH! WHAT?! W-WHAT’S THIS?! THIS… THIS CANNOT BE!” exclaimed The Evil Squizard. The battlefield was mystified in a cloud of glittery blue and white explosion dust. Skeleton ponies disassembled immediately once they encountered this dust, and they were now nothing more than graveyard bonies. The Evil Squizard frantically searched and searched for where the heroes went. But, no matter how hard he looked… no matter how much he needed to see them… BAM! The Evil Squizard’s face was slammed into the ground, and his body crashed along with him. He was being ambushed and attacked by no other than the heroes. He turned his head as much as he could to see the ones who dare touch him in this manner. It was Garbunkle and Sir McBiggun. Fury quickly boiled within him, and this fury guided him into struggling against their weight. Despite being a wizard, The Evil Squizard was no stranger to wrestling and combat. He used his weight to knock over Garbunkle and Sir McBiggun. Then, he lashed his tentacles out to them, trying to capture them. But, they kept dodging them gracefully. As for Captain Wuzz, he jumped high into the air. Out of the battlefield, and he landed into the empty trench that once was the river. He spotted the small squid minions building their magnificent, being held up by their black ink and mud. The sound of Captain Wuzz’s landing alerted these scummy henchmen, and with horrifying squeals, they charged towards him. Abandoning the dam. The archer rapidly drew tens by tens of his arrows and launching them in smooth sequence towards the creatures. As the arrows flew through the air towards their target, something magical happened to them. The arrows turned into brown beavers. And once the beavers were complete in their transformation, they attacked the minions in their faces and defeated them. With his eyes dead onto the center of the dam, Captain Wuzz took a deep breath in and drew out one arrow. While pulling this arrow back, Captain Wuzz whispered, “This one is for you… milady.” As the arrow flew towards the dam, this great expression of Captain Wuzz’s heart was transformed into a beaver. But, unlike the arrows before it, this beaver grew. And grew. And grew! It grew twice the size of the dam itself. The giant beaver let out a mighty but squeaky battle cry as it head butted into the center of the dam. The dam crumbled immediately by the awesome force, and the river was finally free to flow once more. Captain Wuzz jumped out of the trench, while the squid minions got swept away by the rushing water. The beaver arrows disappeared magically before they could get carried away by the water. It was the sound of the sweeping river that broke up the fight between The Evil Squizard, Garbunkle, and Sir McBiggun. The villain’s eyes grew the size of saucers as he beheld the beautiful river return back to its normal, peaceful state. “Noooo!” The evil wizard whimpered out pathetically, like the pathetic creature he is, “My plan! My beautiful, beautiful plan!” He turned sharply towards the two heroes, pointed one of his tentacles towards them and threatened, “This isn’t over, heroes!” Before Sir McBiggun and Garbunkle could grab The Evil Squizard, the criminal jumped off the top of the hill and into the river below. Just as he was about to get comfortable in the depths of the river and swim into the current, the river literally forced the squiddy wizard out of its waters. Then, as the evil doer flew through the sky into the borders beyond the kingdom, he screamed, “The Evil Squizard is blasting off aggaaiiinnn!” Meanwhile, Captain Wuzz was landing back down to the ground; near the shores of the river. His ears perked and a warm smile began to form as the sound of wet hoof steps approached from behind. The archer slowly spun around to find a mare made from the river’s water rising from it’s home and walking towards him. Gently, the mare of water began to develop more and more details to her form. The water on her body had created a long sleeved gown on her body; such an elegant pearl white and light blue dress. Delicate ribbons hanging off her shoulders. Then, a light buttercream coat soon formed after. Her long cherry blossom mane came in like ripples in the river. A noble silver tiara, with tear drops jewels, was bestowed upon her gorgeous head. When her hooves finally reached the sand, silver slippers appeared on her. The mare, once made of water, was truly flesh once more when her teal eyes opened. They sparkled like the river rocks themselves, yet held the light warmth of spring in their color. Her eyes shined with joy when she saw the tall archer. “Captain Wuzz!” Despite her soft voice, her voice could still be heard as clear as bells ringing. Especially to Captain Wuzz. “Milady!” The two ran for other, and came together in a loving and happy embrace. Laughing with each other and enjoying one another. Smiling together. Sweet relief was here at last. Captain Wuzz lifted the mare high into the air, earning more beautiful chuckling from her as they twirled around and around. When they stopped twirling and their laughter began to settle, the pegasus maiden nuzzled into Captain Wuzz’s long neck and closed her eyes. While taking in the bliss of this moment, she whispered, “Thank you for saving me.” Captain Wuzz pulled slightly away from the mare’s embrace, with a new found smirk, raised one of his eyebrows at me. Pretending to be confused by her sweet whisper. Her face flushed a bright shade of red, and scrambled to say, “And to, um, Garbunkle and Sir McBiggun. They, um, did… a lot… too.” Before The Fair Mare of the River could hide her embarrassed expression in her hooves, Captain Wuzz’s eagle claw gently catch her chin. He guided her beautiful wide eyes back to his. She beheld the warmth of his red and yellow eyes. While his gaze still look mischievous as usual, however, there was more tenderness to them than there was trollish intent. His smirk had become a loving smile. “Now now milady, do not wound me by taking away this victory from me. It’s the only thing I have right now to impress you.” “Oh Captain Wuzz…” “Milady…” The heroic archer and the magical watery pegasus leaned towards each other and… KNOCK! KNOCK! “Spike,” entered Twilight, coming into Spike’s room before she could get a proper response from the young dragon, “Lunch is ready! Starlight and I made your favorite: Gem… filled ….” It wasn’t until the alicorn got halfway into the room that she realized how dark the room was. The only source of light that illuminated this, now cave like room, was the lamp at Spike’s desk. In the light of this lamp, Twilight was perplexed to see a scared yet wide eyed Spike trying to cover his quills and his messy stacks of papers on his desk. Without waiting for Twilight to ask, Spike blurted out, “I wasn’t writing fanfiction!” “Uhhhhh…. what?”