//------------------------------//
// Chapter 2: Man Vs. Alicorn 
// Story: Alicorns and Beards 
// by ThePinkedWonder 
//------------------------------//

Sometime during the night, a light woke me up. Seeing the face that was looking at me, I pulled my bed's blanket over my face and muttered, “Oh, come on, Twilight, five more--wait, WHAT?!”

I became fully aware of what was going on and my eyes flew open. I tossed the blanket off me and sat up. The face that was staring at me was, of course, Twilight’s, who stood beside my bed near the room's closed window. Her horn was glowing, lighting up my room in a pink light since it was still nighttime.

But Twi was wearing “that” face she wears after obsessing about something too long. Some of the hair of her mane was sticking out, making it look messy. She had a creepy as buck grin. However, her eyes, while blood-shot, weren’t twitching; when they do, that’s a sign that she either lost it or is losing it. The face she was showing at this moment just meant this Alicorn was about to start losing it. She also was holding a quill and paper in her magic.

“Twilight? What are you doing in here?”

Twilight dropped the paper and quill and answered, “Who, me? Nothing, nothing at all. Just checking...things.”

“Like my face?”

“Maybe?” Like the last time she said “Maybe?” it was in a cute voice tone and her creepy grin became a more cute one, but with a hint of crazy. But this time, her adorkableness wasn’t as endearing as it usually is.

“Well, I’m trying to sleep, so ‘maybe’ you should go away and leave me alone!”

“Aww! But I was making some progress! Can’t I ju--”

“Well, too bad...wait.” I pointed a finger at Twilight. The fact that she was there before I woke up and how she wanted to use spells before I told her "no" sunk in.

“What?”

“Twilight, were you casting those spells that you wanted to use on me earlier, while I was asleep?”

Twilight’s eyes grew big and she stuttered, “W-Well...m-maybe I c-cast just a c-couple of them...or three...or ten?”

Yeah, now she’s starting to not annoy but creep me out a bit. I would have yelled at her for casting spells on me while I was in dream-land, but thought of another idea. I hopped out of bed to stand beside her and asked, “Well, did any of your spells work?”

I walked towards my open bedroom's door. Twilight walked with me and she explained, “No. I first tried a spell that would reveal if any hair follicles were damaged but they didn’t appear to be. Then I cast a spell to--hey!”

Twilight was cut off by me shoving her out of the room’s door, a more “gentle” way of throwing her out, and slamming the door shut and locking it. With the light from her horn out, the room dimmed, but the faint pink glowing from one of my two baseball bats in the room's corner brightened the room enough to let me see what the moonlight from my window alone couldn't show. Oh, and why was one of those two bats glowing? Twilight had poured a little of her magic in it a week ago, so if I use the magic-powered bat to hit something, there would be more impact than it would usually give. The bat was obviously for self-defense and Twilight got the idea to give it to me.

“Cute story, Twi. Now--"

Twilight teleported back in my room, in front of me, and again her horn lit up the room. “As I was saying, then I cast a spell to detect any hair embedded in the follicles.”

I jumped from surprise. Should have known getting rid of my big sis wouldn’t be that easy. “Twilight, you promised to never teleport in my room when the door’s closed and locked unless it’s for something important!”

Twilight set the hooves on her forelegs on my shoulders, like she did in the kitchen before, and countered, “But this isssss important! What if you never grow another beard?! What if you’re the first human to stop growing beards like this?! Even if you’re ‘okay’, this is information that should be kept in Equestria’s records for historic purposes!”

“Considering I’m the only human that can stay a human here, Equestria can probably survive without that info.”

“Sure, you’re the only known human that can remain in human form in Equestria, but future historians would still be interested! I would! In fact, after I learn what happened to your beard, maybe we should run some tests to find out why you didn’t turn into a pony. Doesn’t that sound like fun, fun, fun? But back to that beard...”

Wonderful. Now here were two things to worry about that mare making me a test subject for. Anyway, as Twilight kept tapping into her inner Pinkie Pie by yapping on and on, a book on my dresser caught my eye. An idea popped into my head, I pushed Twilight’s hooves off me, and walked to the book I saw. More as a joke than anything, I picked up the book, ran to and opened the door, and whistled.

Twilight finally shut up and stared at me.

I tossed the book out of the room and said, “Go get it, girl!"

I waited for Twilight to ask why I did that. But instead, she smiled, “neighed” like a...well, pony, then hurried out of the room to get the book!  Twi looked like a puppy playing fetch and had never looked more adorkable. It even calmed me down.

Chuckling at what happened, I closed my door. “Wow, I can’t believe she fell for that. Maybe I should keep--”

But Twilight popped in my room again, holding the book in her magic. “Got it! Now, as I was saying, we should--”

Oh, man. This was one of the rare times I wished Twilight weren’t so great in magic. Or, at least not in teleportation. That ended my calm moment, I facepalmed, and yelled, “Ugh! Twilight, that’s enough! Get out!”

“Okay, okay! You don’t have to yell!"

Twilight picked up the paper and quill on the floor with her magic, levitated my book back on my dresser, stomped out of the room while muttering "ponyfeathers" under her breath. With her gone, for now at least, I went back to my bed, groaned, and covered my face with a pillow. 

Unsure if she might come back to bug me some more, it took some time to doze off. 





The next day, when I woke up, the Princess of Research was nowhere in sight. Yes.

I already told Twilight, Starlight, and Spike I would make breakfast today, so I needed to get on that. But first, I put my hat on; it was on the same dresser that the book I "played" fetch with Twilight was on. It has designs of Twilight’s, Starlight’s, Rarity’s, Rainbow Dash’s, Pinkie Pie’s, Fluttershy’s, and Applejack’s Cutie Marks, with Twilight’s and Starlight’s near the top. I also put on a necklace with a green geode. Let’s just say that necklace was a special gift given to me.

I went in the hallway and Starlight was standing near my doorway.

“Morning, Buggie!”

“Morning, Starie. You seen Twilight yet?”

Starlight shook her head. “No, I don’t think she woke up yet.”

“Guess she’s catching up on the sleep she lost trying to study me when I was asleep last night."

“Huh? Oh, so you had trouble with her in your room?”

“Yep, and for a while, even throwing her out wasn’t working because she kept teleporting back in! But since she’s still snoozing, I can cook breakfast without worrying about her trying to spy on me or something.”

“So you’re really going to try to make breakfast for us this time?”

“Yep, but it can’t be that hard! Besides, it’s been long overdue for me to cook Spike breakfast for a change.”

“In that case, go for it!” Starlight said with a wink, but gasped a second later. “But, maybe you should, uh, wait in your room and I’ll look to make sure Twilight’s not awake, then come back to let you know the coast is clear.”

“Good idea. Thanks, big sis.”

I returned to my room, and Starlight closed the door before checking on Twilight. After a couple of minutes, she came back and told me it was safe to come out and I went to the kitchen. It was odd that it took Starie so long, but if Twi were still asleep, whatever.





In the kitchen, I got out a pan from a cabinet for the pancakes. It was a different one from the one Twilight hid in before.

But before I even got the stuff out for them, while beside the kitchen’s table, I felt a chill. I had no idea how Starlight goofed, but I knew Twilight was watching me. I looked toward the cabinet she hid in before, but it was closed. Even so, I sighed and asked, “Let me guess: you’re hiding in that cabinet, aren’t you, Twi?"

But Twilight popped in front of me from seemingly thin air. “Nope, I’m right here.”

She had that creepy grin on her face again, though something about it felt different. Her mane wasn’t messy this time; guess she fixed it after she left my room. There was also no “poofing” sound that happens with teleportation: she just...appeared.

I jumped away from her and said, “Whoa! How? Where did you come from? That wasn’t teleportation!”

Twilight chuckled. “Not even some Unicorns would have pieced together that I didn’t teleport. I’m impressed, little bro!”

“Thanks, but again, how did you get here?”

“I was already here: I was invisible, thanks to an invisibility spell. Now, hehe, about that beard--"

I took steps back. “Okay, Twilight? You’re creeping me out now.”

Twilight walked beside me and wrapped a foreleg around me. “Come on, it's me, big sis Twilight. You know I’m a pony you’re always safe with, right? Besides, after you threw me out of your room last night, I got close to finding out what was wrong with your beard!"

“Okay, then what did you come up with that’s new?”

Twilight grimaced and took her foreleg off me. “I...well...uh…”

I stepped behind Twilight and started pushing her towards the doorway out of the kitchen as I said, “That’s what I thought. Now--”

Before I could finish, Twilight teleported ahead of me and faced my direction in her new position. Since I was suddenly pushing nothing, I fell to the floor with a grunt, landing at her hooves, and came close to accidentally kissing them, literally.

This just wasn’t fair! At least one of us was having a good time: Twilight giggled after I hit the floor. She also backed the hoof on her left foreleg away from me. 

After the giggling was over, she helped me to my feet with her magic while she yapped, “But don’t you want to go down in history if you really are the first human to stop growing beards like this? I’m a princess, so I can easily spread the word!”

“Not if it means a bunch of spells being cast on me to find out, Princess of Annoyance. Besides, as far as Equestria’s concerned I’ll be the first and last human to do it, and don’t you need to give a speech or something at the Ponyville Hospital later?"

 “Uh...yeah. In three hours. But that's no problem, because I could just slow down time for the area where we are. That way, I'll have pleeeeenty of time to study your hair follicles some more!”

"How about...wait. You can slow down time? When? And why come you never did it?"

Twilight looked away. "Uh...I, that is..."

"You just made that up so I'd say 'yes', didn't you?"

"Maybe?"

I ignored the usual adorkable smile Twilight always does when she says "Maybe?" like she just said. Instead, I turned Twilight around and again got to pushing her. “I knew it. So how about you worry about your little speech later and let your little bro cook you, Starlight, and Spike a big breakfast?”

“W-Well, I--"

After one more big shove from me, she was out of the kitchen and she walked off. But I didn’t hear her grumble “ponyfeathers” this time. Never been more thankful for Twilight’s “princess duties”. 

With her out of my hair for the time being, I got back to making breakfast. It was of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and toast, and turned out pretty good if I say so myself. 

After Twilight had finished eating, she left for the Ponyville Hospital, leaving me some time to rest without worrying about her trying to bug me again. But, how the buck could I keep her away once she was finished at the hospital? Without becoming Mr. Test Subject, I couldn't fend off that royal pain in the butt forever. 

But at the very least, at least she wasn’t saying “Hey, listen!” as she annoyed me. After I played a certain video game in my world, I HATE hearing those two words together!