//------------------------------// // Chapter Sixty Four, Bad Bastion Battle: Burg. // Story: Airship Mauled // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -Edge of the open field, Fizzle- Let’s see, seven more of those large mechanical crab things, at least fifty or more of those pony golems, several mechanical wyverns hovering in the air, a metal airship that started standing up on six large mechanical legs that is now sprouting numerous metal tentacles and six cannons rotated into position to be on its deck, twenty more Perun Paladins armed with various weapons and a few fortified buildings with cannons they could fight from. “So how are we going to do this? We certainly can’t go around without being attacked and we can’t ask them nicely if we can just go on by.” I muttered as I took in each threat. “If only someone came in with an airship and started bombarding them to give us more options…” Everyone looked to the sky and after a few seconds… nothing came. “Meep.” Paprika, Velvet’s wife, was just exceedingly adorable and so fluffy. “I don’t think that’s going to work Fizzle, also I don’t have nearly enough potions for all of this. I can maybe take the tanks with some safe explosion mixtures provided someone could distract them long enough for me to set the mixtures off.” It was a moment later that mom looked around and rubbed at her right ear. “Where’s Sekhet? I swear I haven’t seen her since we got ambushed.” -Ten minutes ago, entrance at the top of the pyramid, Sekhet- “Hello… sister.” My tone was even and neutral as I stopped at the entrance. “Hello, it’s been a long time. I hope that I can get free of being in charge of this place soon.” The pink cat sized anugyptian feline looked up at me with a smile. “Things certainly are in motion to be heading in that direction at least… also have you… nope, can’t smell anything on you related to that. My dear sister, have you ever heard of the lord and savior of life called ‘intercourse’? I heard it’s pretty good. I’d expect at least something with the smell of mortals on you, but they are not the of more intimate kind I’d like to smell… why won’t you cavort more freely you prude?!” She glared at me angrily, she wasn’t upset that I never came to visit personally or even talked to her over the last few thousand years. That likely didn’t bother her at all. She was clearly upset that I wasn’t sleeping with someone while in the throes of wild passion. Priorities, she has them. “At least you’re not wearing a nun’s habit… much less would know what one is and it would be completely ironic to see you with one. Not that you ever wear your nemes either Bastet. Can we not talk about my physical needs for once and focus on other more important things? How boring has this job exactly been, especially if the first thing you seek out about me after so many years is whether or not I’ve been with someone?” Idle conversation was always something we could easily do. “Being unable to leave this pyramid to sit by the River of Denial to see the sunrise must be torture for you. It’s been how many years now since I came to check on my lovely sister in person?” “Exceedingly dry… except for the few years when some idiotic Saddle Arabians raided the pyramid and set off a horrible chain of events I’d rather not explain. Can’t say it wasn’t fun, but it was a necessary evil and led to some really bad things happening.” Bastet flipped backwards and grew to the same height as me, her three split tails fused and gained fluff like a lions a tail and two impressive pink wings sprouted from her back as she met my gaze. She was now in her sphinx form. “While the pyramid doesn’t have any traps, I tweaked a few things with a few favors Anubis owed me after that whole debacle that you should already know well enough about. On top of that, I added a few rooms to train and raise serpopards for the more unruly pyramid divers like those Saddle Arabians. I also took the advice of a mortal and made the pyramid completely impossible to dig into… that magic has been rather useful in making the nature around here flourish and has been giving people headaches nigh on since the years of the Saddle Arabian incident.” Her golden collar glistened, her fur was an immaculate light lilac color and her magical makeup job was spot on. My sister was always the good looking one, but I didn’t do too terribly in the beauty department personally and it was already exceedingly hard to compete with ‘love’ or ‘fertility’ goddesses in looks that could never be tarnished. I could drag my sister through five swamps and she’d still be likely to win a beauty pageant on personality alone. “Are these serpopards poisonous?” My curiosity needed to be sated on this one detail, I happened to like serpopards and thought they were adorable. They were classic anugyptian monsters and my sister apparently agreed with me that they were lovable. I probably should have looked into raising serpopards myself after I was freed of my obligations. “Exceedingly, with a variety of effects that puts most venomous creatures to shame, probably wouldn’t match a basilisk in lethality though. Plus they can selectively choose when they poison someone with a bite.” My sister smiled at me cheerfully. “They are very good kitties. Now if only someone hadn’t sent me several post cards from a place called Las Pegasus over the last hundred years, that’s almost taunting me given my current situation. Also when are you going to find someone to put some cooked ‘fish’ in your ‘taco’? I wish Bahamut would visit again, I rarely get nice visitors like that every few thousand years.” “Las Pegasus is a really nice place to visit. I’m here with some mortals that are likely fighting the other mortals that set up nearby. My mortals are likely to get you out of this setup, so start making vacation plans and we’ll make a week of it.” That I would be paying for it didn’t need to be stated, my sister understood my generosity well enough. I was going to ignore the fish taco comment completely. “So how long have those guys with the magical golems been set up here exactly and is the ‘End of Immortality’ here?” “Half a year, this one unicorn has been trying to dig into the pyramid because I’m here and he doesn’t want to bother me… which would be nice of him if his intentions weren’t so obviously bound in greed. I have clearance to use one of my nastiest riddles on him for his cowardice, should he finally make an actual attempt.” My sister sighed audibly and I shivered visibly. Some of her nastiest riddles were just plain evil. “Also, yes, the ‘End of Immortality’ is here. I don’t think the guy trying to break in knows about that though, but how you do is the curious thing sister. The unicorn just wants treasure, the two muscular guys want a good fight and those Perun Punks are just here to train their little order of ‘order’ outside the purr-view of society in the safety of seclusion. Also, I suggest you get someone to plow those ‘verdant fields’ for you.” “Again, I’m not here about my ability to hold a stable relationship or the fact that I’m in denial about having a crush on another goddess.” I was just going to put it out there to get my sister interested, so that she would at least stop it with all the euphemisms. “Oh? Has my sister finally found herself an eternal worth beating over the head with a big stick and dragging her back to wherever your new lair is by the scruff?” My sister was of the opinion that I was exceedingly ancient when it came to love. Not entirely wrong, but I wasn’t looking to her for help in that department anytime soon. “Can we focus on my mortals for a moment?” I asked. “They could be in serious danger.” “Oh, they’ll be fine Sek! So… I know it’s not Wadjet, because everyone would know if it were and the entire world would be entering an apocalyptic state.” She put her paws under her chin while lying on her belly with a bright grin. “Tell me who’s got your attention?” “She’s a relatively young goddess of the sun and her name is Celestia.” I decided to humor my sister. Why was I letting Bastet lead the conversation? Since that’s how Bastet works and it was too late for me to not say anything. “I’m also at war with her and she’s chickening out of it like a…” “Like a tasty yellow-bellied greenbul? That has got to have you mad… you don’t seem it though. You must really like her, does this sun goddess get my sister all hot and bothered?” Bastet waggled her brows at me as I slapped my paws over my face and pulled them down slowly, why did I think telling her would make her stop? Oh right, that's my sister and she’s far more dangerous than she appears for a friendly and relatively promiscuous goddess. “I really bet you’d like her sun to ‘set’ on you.” “Ugh, don’t remind me that ‘Set’ exists, I just recently came away from spending quality time with Taweret.” This was going to be a long conversation. “Can I come in?” “Not without you’re mortals. Also, you can attack those machines as much as you want… they don’t have souls and no god would care if you got some destructive urges out. Since you can’t talk to, what I assume is, a very beautiful goddess on friendly terms.” Still laying it on a bit thick there Bastet. “I bet you’d like the cream filling with any doughnut she makes. Maybe this Celestia will chase the rain cloud away so you can taste the ambrosia at the end of her rainbow, rowr!” “Bastet, I’ve definitely missed you, but could you please stop!” I raised a paw and popped my claws in her direction in an angry manner. -Back to the present, edge of the field, Kuril- “Did someone say they had explosives?!” The one that said to call her Maggie came charging up to us with two pony golem smacking fruitlessly at her hide with weaponless hooves. Two Perun Paladins were also bashing away at her with blunt objects and she completely ignored that to look around. “I would gladly kill… this thing for them! Give me something that goes boom and I can double your efficiency in their use immediately, I even guarantee full destructive potential! Order now and I’ll do a bounty hunting job or a few tasks for you for free! I seriously don’t know the state of my banks accounts after being gone for so long. If I was properly proclaimed dead, then they could have frozen them for Arizona’s use later on.” She held out the confused mostly intact flailing pony golem with a broken blade to me. She bucked her butt upwards to send the other one, also with a broken weapon, off her back and then sent it flying into the jungle with a powerful buck. The minor explosion made Maggie grin and I was fairly unnerved as she wrapped her tail around one of the two paladin’s throats and slung them away from attacking her hind legs. The other Perun Paladin, a mare, silently just got off Maggie and started slowly and smartly backing away from us towards the incoming reinforcements with her mace held in a very shaky grip. “Well you’re horrifying on a number of levels and a force of nature, glad you’re on our side.” Fizzle shook her head as she turned and blasted a beast golem away. “I can see the family resemblance to Arizona too.” “Thanks, but my kiddo doesn’t like dynamite or seat of your backside demolitions involving explosives nearly as much as I do!” Maggie was still smiling brightly as she pulled a helmet off of a brave attacking Perun Paladin and bashed the poor stallion with it. “She has my endurance and stamina and my late husband’s massive strength, I’d think she turned out perfectly fine even if she looks a little scrawny and has a... 'mild'... udder deficiency. I think Arizona’s a bit touchy about her udders.” Maggie whispered that last part to me, even as she used a hammer throw to launch the pony golem into the rotors of a mechanical wyvern. When it exploded, the head went sailing into another mechanical wyvern’s rotors and it promptly crashed into the ground, also exploding violently. “Two points, or would that be three? Are we taking scores here?” Sighing at Maggie's enthusiasm, I rubbed at my forehead with exasperation. One glance around and I saw a beastly golem being squeezed to pieces by Paprika with a friendly looking, if dangerous, hug. The one called Sweetcakes just whipped her nine tails about and shredded a few pony golems coming out of the jungle behind us with swirling cones of wind coming off her many tails. “I don’t think I can get that incoming wyvern.” Daring shouted as she whipped a large branch off a tree and it dropped on the skull of the Perun Paladin charging for a cowering Fluttershy. The poor dear was dragged into all this, but apparently she had to be here because the cutie map called her to be present. “Meep!” Paprika whipped her fur out to two different trees, pulled back and proceeded to slingshot herself bodily at the incoming threat. “Well, I have these concoctions, that are two part safe explosions. Those crab machines are getting closer, we need to take them out before they can get close enough to engage us melee range!” Seeing incoming danger, I pulled three vials out and tossed each one on a separate arc. The three vials broke and three walls snapped up and suddenly started absorbing the cannon fire coming our way. “Woo, now those are nifty! Say, how about after all this we go grab a hot meal?” Stated a jovial sounding Maggie. “Also I’ve never heard of an explosion being safe before, how’s that possible? Explosions and safe don’t normally work together. I’ve been caught in at least six hundred point blank blasts to the point that I think my eardrums just heal out of sheer grit and stubbornness now!” We were being heavily bombarded by cannon fire, said cannons were covering for the approaching large metal crabs that were getting closer by the second. “I’m Kuril La Perm, witch of good taste, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance Maggie. I’m good enough at alchemy that I can make explosions that can’t hurt living things.” Starting to pull the potions out, I’m glad I color coded the vials and labeled them to make sure that even a colorblind being would know what they were. I had enough vials for five safe explosions, ten in all. “What can you do with five safe explosions?” “How do I prime them, how powerful are they and do you care about anything being left standing after I’m through using them?” She seemed like a completely reckless cow, but she certainly had charisma. “Oh, and can they chain react?” Why is the possibility of a chain reaction an afterthought for her?