THUD!
"OW!! PACIFICAE, YOU fffff....." Toby howled, clutching his hand. It had gotten smashed under the log that the jackalope and himself had been carrying. Pacificae had dropped the log a bit too early, when Toby wasn't prepared to take the full weight of his end of the log.
"Toby, is everything alright!?" hollered Applejack, who had been off collecting other sturdy logs with Big Mac. Moments later, she came hurtling around the corner of the house with a nervous look.
She watched as Toby crammed his throbbing hand into the snow to subdue the pain and swelling.
"Hey, are you okay??" Applejack asked, reaching a hoof towards him. As the country mare's hoof barely came in contact with his shoulder, he whirled around.
"Don't touch me!!" he snapped, backing away.
Applejack glared at him. "Now what was that for? Ah didn't do anything ta deserve that!"
Toby had to use all the self control he could muster to bite back an angry and possibly quite offensive retort. He forced himself to his feet and trudged off, muttering something about 'needing some air', leaving a very bewildered Applejack and Pacificae in silence.
"Has - Has he always been like that?" Applejack asked the jackalope. Pacificae shook her head in reply, then scampered off after her friend.
Meanwhile, Toby trudged onward through the forest, trying to keep himself under control.
All these ponies wanna do is help, said the rational voice in his head. Please - give them a chance -
NO - there aren't enough hands in existence to count the amount of times that we've gotten hurt. These ponies are only working to resolve their guilt! said another, angrier voice.
But if they're guilty, they CARE, reasoned the calmer voice. Don't give in!!
Are you INSANE!? The two princesses sentenced me to prison for being different. I was beaten while defenseless by a lesbian pegasus. The only ones who really come through are Twilight and Fluttershy, but even Twilight tries to push us around! As if SHE understands! She wasn't there with us in Vietnam!!
What about the others, then? Twilight's other friends?
I don't even KNOW Applejack! Why did we even consent to trust her!? These ponies are no good!
But Luna loves us...
Don't even get me started on HER, the angry voice snarled. She doesn't love us - it was just an excuse for her behavior!!
You don't know that, the other voice said softly. After all; we don't know her that much. For all we know, she could be absolutely smitten with us.
Oh, please!! Smitten, my -
"Shut up!! Just SHUT UP!!" Toby howled, falling to his knees and clamping his hands over his ears tightly. "Enough already...!"
There were soft footsteps in the snow behind him. Whirling around, he saw that it was only Pacificae. The jackalope eyed him, then sniffed.
"What are you looking at!?" Toby snapped.
Pacificae took a cautious step closer, then cooed.
"No - I don't - go away," Toby snarled, leaping to his feet. "I need to be alone."
Pacificae stayed put. Seeing no point in arguing, he huffed and walked on. The sounds of shifting snow behind him confirmed that he was being followed.
After a long, tense moment, Pacificae chattered.
"Am I okay? AM I OKAY!!?? God, Peace..." Toby came to a halt and buried his face into the nearest tree, shielding his face from view with his hands. "Just look at me... and you ask if I'M FUCKING OKAY!!!" He emphasized the last sentence by striking the tree with his fist. Angry tears streaked down his face.
Pacificae squatted down low to the snow and remained motionless as she watched her best friend stagger away.
"You can't possibly understand Peace - you know nothing, NOTHING!!" Toby cried, irately kicking out at the nearest tree with the bottom of his foot. "You wouldn't know ANYTHING OF IT!! THE THINGS I'VE SEEN! THE PEOPLE I'VE LOST! The things I've done..." he faltered off and slumped onto the tree he had kicked.
Pacificae slowly crept up next to him and put her weight against Toby's leg. Unconsciously, Toby scratched her behind the ears.
"I-I'm lost..." he murmured to himself. "I don't have a purpose here, Peace... at least you're here..."
The two of them remained silent for a long period of time, as Toby stared off towards the sky in a subdued silence. Then Pacificae gave her friend's leg a small nudge, and Toby nodded slowly.
"Yeah... let's go back," he muttered, picking his way back through the forest towards the construction zone.
As they were on their way, Pacificae squeaked nervously. Toby gave her a sideways glare, but said nothing. He was too busy figuring out how he was going to tell Applejack to leave.
Pacificae squeaked again.
"Stop it," he groaned. "You know how I feel about damned ponies. I tried, okay?? A genuine, honest attempt - and I still don't see a reason to like them. Is that good enough for you??"
Pacificae slowly shook her head, but Toby ignored her.
Just tell her to piss off, said the morose side of his conscience. Make yourself clear!!
She's just trying to help, said the rational, noticeably weaker side of his conscience. She and her brother have basically completed your entire wall in HALF A DAY!! There's only one log left to go, remember?
Shut up, you!! You're soft ass has put us through WAY too much crap already! You better lie low - you're not appreciated here.
At least break it to her nicely...
Toby groaned, massaging his temples. He longed to slam his head as hard as he could into a tree repeatedly - anything to get those bickering thoughts to shut up. However, he had to agree with his darker side - he was sick of putzing around with those stupid ponies. All they wanted to do was give him sympathy, and that was the last thing he wanted. No, he just wanted to be left alone.
As he walked into the clearing, he could see Applejack and her brother conversing in low tones. They both looked around at the sound of approaching footsteps, and smiled nervously.
"Er... howdy, Toby," the orange mare greeted him, but her expression quickly fell away upon seeing Toby's face. "Is somethin' botherin' ya?"
A thick balloon of rage swelled up inside of Toby's gut, and he had to muster all of his willpower not to kick something. Instead, he pointed in the direction of Ponyville and deadpanned, "Leave."
"Uh - pardon?" Applejack stammered, taken aback.
"You heard me," Toby snarled. "Don't make me say it again."
Applejack studied his face for a second, then looked over at her brother. "You heard him, Big Mac... Ah know a stubborn case when Ah see one."
"Piss off," Toby growled. "Don't get smart. I've had enough of you ponies."
The siblings left without another word, leaving Toby and Pacificae in a very tense silence. The latter watched Toby as he huffed and turned towards his soon-to-be home.
"C'mon..." he said wearily. "Let's get the last log up there."
As he moved away, Pacificae stayed put. It wasn't until Toby clutched his end of the final log when he noticed that his friend remained still.
"Peace...?" he asked. "A-Are you coming?"
The jackalope stared at him contemplatively for a long moment. Then, without another word, she turned and walked off towards Ponyville, leaving Toby completely alone. He looked down at the log, as if he were deciding if it was really worth the trouble.
"... Okay then..."
Without another word, he hoisted up one end of the log and propped it up on the wall. If he could manage to slide it up on top, he could manage this alone...
In the thick of the busy mid-day hustle in the Ponyville marketplace, a loud, angry voice could have been heard over all the din to anyone who was present at the moment.
"Twi!!" it called in a thick southern accent.
Twilight, who had been shopping for study supplies for Starlight and the School of Friendship, turned as a very angry Applejack approached.
"Er - is something wrong?" Twilight asked, thrown off. It was pretty unusual for Applejack to look this irritated.
"Yeah - about yer human friend," Applejack huffed in reply. "Ya failed to mention that he's a bit of a pill."
"What are you talking about?" Twilight asked, frowning. "Toby is not a pill - he's actually very sweet! What's gotten into you?"
"What's gotten into you, Twilight!?" Applejack retorted indignantly. "Now look here, would Ah lie to you??"
Twilight froze. After a moment, she babbled, "A.J., I -"
"It's alright, sugarcube," Applejack sighed in understanding. "These little misunderstandings can happen all the time."
"Right," Twilight blushed. "Sorry about that, really - but is something wrong with Toby? Did you guys not get along well?"
"Well, we were fine ta begin with," Applejack replied as a slight scowl made its way onto her face. "Then, outta nowhere, he has a tantrum after I tried to help him with his hurt paw -"
"Hand," Twilight corrected. "And what do you mean, his hurt -?"
"Now hold on, sugarcube, Ah haven't finished yet, and it's a long story," Applejack interrupted. "When Toby came back, he looked much worse than he did before marchin' off into the woods. Then he just told Big Mac and myself ta leave, and wouldn't take no for an answer either."
"He's always been stubborn, but that seems a bit too nasty to be Toby," Twilight put in, scrunching her nose. "I'm serious, he was super sweet when he stayed at the castle for the holidays. That doesn't sound like him."
"Or maybe he only respects ya because you're a princess," Applejack suggested with raised eyebrows. "Ah think you've maybe only scratched the surface."
"A.J., are you okay??" Twilight asked. "It's not like you to be quick to judge others like this. Besides - he's met Rarity and Fluttershy, and the two of them sure aren't princesses."
Applejack pawed at the ground in deep thought. "Ah'll admit that Ah don't know him as well as you do, Twi, but believe me when Ah tell you that somethin' was off."
"I do, Applejack," Twilight said with a smile. "Besides - Toby's been struggling with himself for a long time..."
Applejack shuddered, remembering his suicide attempt back in Canterlot. She hadn't even met him when it happened, and yet it still hit her right in the feels. "Ah know what ya mean, sugarcube..."
The mood in the surrounding crowds of ponies seemed to suddenly change. Instead of calmly going about their business, they were staring at a fixed point. Many were gasping and pointing, but most stared with their jaws to the ground.
"What are they...?" Twilight asked, following their gaze. She began to make her way forward, and halted as soon as she realized what had been causing the commotion.
Pacificae was slowly walking through the crowd towards Twilight and Applejack. She did not pay any attention to the amazed masses that surrounded her. She seemed very intent on reaching the two mares whom she already knew.
"Wh-What are you doing here?" Twilight stammered. "Aren't you supposed to be with Toby??"
Pacificae shook her head quickly and thumped her foot impatiently.
"Ya think we should go get Fluttershy for this?" Applejack asked nervously.
"Probably the best decision, since all we can ask are yes and no questions," Twilight murmured in reply. "It looks like she wants to tell us something - and it's nothing you answer with a yes or no question, right?"
Twilight motioned for Pacificae to follow. The jackalope cautiously agreed, hesitating every six steps or so. This pattern continued until they had reached the quaint cottage that belonged to their shy friend.
Twilight wasted no time in rapping on the door. "Fluttershy, it's Applejack and I - we need your help!!"
Soft hoofsteps could be heard from the other side of the door. Moments later, the timid pegasus poked her nose out through the frame, observing her visitors. She then relaxed and stepped out with a smile.
She opened her mouth to speak, but whatever she had in mind died in her throat as soon as she saw Pacificae. Her jaw fell open and her wings flared in surprise.
"Is that a - a -"
"A jackalope, yeah," Applejack beamed. "She belongs to Toby."
Fluttershy looked up at her. "To Toby -? Is he here too?"
"No - he's in the woods, building a home for himself," Twilight replied. "According to A.J., he completely snapped at her, which isn't like him. Moments after she told me that, the jackalope showed up. This has got to mean something important! It clearly wants to tell us something, but we can't understand it, so we came to you."
"M-Me?" Fluttershy whimpered. "I-I can try, if it's not too much on the little guy."
Pacificae gave an angry chirp, making Fluttershy jump.
"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know that you were a female - I've just never seen a jackalope before..."
Pacificae sat on her rump and began chattering at the intrigued pegasus, who's ears slowly flattened as she listened. After a long moment, the jackalope stopped her monologue, leaving Fluttershy in an overwhelmed silence.
"I - this is a bit much," Fluttershy muttered. "I don't know if I can -"
Pacificae interrupted her by touching the tips of her antlers to Fluttershy's barrel. A pleasant, warm feeling expanded in her chest, as if Pacificae had given her a sudden swing of confidence.
"What just happened?" Applejack asked blankly. "None of that made any sense."
"I'm just as confused as you are," Twilight agreed. "Fluttershy, what did Pacificae tell you?"
Fluttershy turned towards the purple alicorn and frowned. "She doesn't really know what's wrong with him, but he's been acting very strange lately. Like he's not right in the head."
"Ugh - that could have been answered with a 'yes-or-no' question!!" Twilight grunted impatiently.
Pacificae shook her head frantically and squeaked.
"She says that it's worse than that - it's as if Toby's falling apart, according to her," translated Fluttershy, who looked like she was about to have a panic attack. "He needs help, but he wants nothing to do with ponies..."
The three of them all stood together in silence, contemplating the possibilities.
"I'll go talk to Celestia and Luna," Twilight offered after a long moment. "They're going to be staying here in Ponyville while planning out the leisurely part of their retirement. I have to leave for Canterlot tomorrow, but I'll try and talk to him. I know he'll listen to me."
The other two nodded in agreement.
Toby staggered up the hill to his home, carrying as many plywood boards as he could carry from the hardware store to his home. With his nails, he managed to build a frame for the roof. All he needed was to build the structure and tile the surface.
Of course, he would be doing none of this in good spirits. He could definitely manage to finish the roof before things got dark, but he would have to do it alone. Pacificae seemed to have finally give him up as a lost cause. The way she had just left without a word...
The scene played over and over in his head. No matter how much he tried to put it from his mind, it replayed over and over in a maddening cycle, making him even more miserable as the seconds rolled by. His only friend - gone. Just like that.
As he reached the top of the hill, he hauled the boards over to the side of the house. He propped them up against the nearest wall, and wiped the sweat from his brow
Before he knew what he was doing, he fell to the ground and began hammering it with his fist, clenching his teeth.
It seemed like only bad things would happen to him - fine! If fate wanted to play games with him, he would ignore it completely. He was forsaken, lost, worthless, and worst of all, a monster - those stupid ponies would never understand, NEVER!!
And now... he was alone. Looking up at his home through a blur of tears, he vowed to never speak a word to anything ever again - unless he had no choice.