//------------------------------// // 14 - Playing With the Hoof You've Got // Story: The Amulet Job // by Rambling Writer //------------------------------// Bon Bon unrolled the blueprints of the casino’s back rooms between her and Rainbow Dash and held her breath. Impromptu recons like this were always a bit sketchy. “You remember all of this?” she asked. “Is this accurate?” Rainbow looked over the blueprint, her ears twitching. Every now and then, she’d make an angle with her hooves, like she was trying to remember something. “Pretty close, yeah,” she said eventually. “There was a big elevator here-” She pointed at a blank spot directly opposite the public elevator bank. “-but I think that’s it.” She ran her eyes over the paper. “Yeah, and all the rooms have the right names, too. We’ll be fine working from this.” Rainbow was going through another categorical reshuffle in Bon Bon’s head. By this point, Rainbow was probably one of the smartest ponies Bon Bon knew, and simply highly selective about how she chose to apply that intelligence. She wasn’t even sure Rainbow knew just how smart she was. “Oh,” added Rainbow, “and the security room or hub or whatever here was unguarded. Not a single pony in sight. I didn’t see if it was locked, though. I think I saw one of those gem panel things, but-” “They’d be stupid to not have one,” Bon Bon said. Already, her mind was spinning with ideas. All of which, unfortunately, weren’t much good if they couldn’t unlock any of the doors. It’d only take some social engineering to get inside the main employee area, but getting into the hub itself was another matter. Maybe. Her eyes flicked to one of the nearby bathrooms. Although, depending on how lax they were with infrastructure… “You’re thinking, ain’tcha?” Rainbow said with a grin. “You’ve got that little bit of sparkle Twilight always has when she gets an idea. No, no,” she added, holding up a hoof, “you don’t need to tell me. I wanna be surprised.” It wasn’t fully-formed yet, anyway. Still, Bon Bon could get set up. “The guards’ uniforms were just suits with gold undershirts, right?” “Yeah. You thinking of a disguise?” “Maybe.” Rainbow reared, sticking her tongue out and framing Bon Bon with her hooves. “When was the last time you got a dress from Rarity?” she asked. “If she’s still got your measurements, I bet I could fly back to Ponyville and convince her to bang out a tailored coat for you in a few hours.” “I don’t think we’ll need to go that far,” said Bon Bon. “We can just get some cheap suit coat for a day or two.” In all her time as Sweetie Drops, one of her more unexpected lessons, right up there with “there are less calories in celery than the body burns to digest it”, was how little ponies paid attention to uniforms, even their own. As long as it looked close, it was often good enough. “Cool. I wish I could be the one in disguise, but…” Rainbow laughed. “That’s not really an option. Oh, and there were barely any cameras in the back. I mean, there were two or three of them, but way less than in the casino.” “Good. Good.” It was kind of hard to believe how well things were coming together, considering. Their fastest member had been taken out of commission before anyone noticed, and yet she’d still been able to do recon. Their changeling was making money hoof over tail with minimal disguising needed. All of their little homemade gadgets were working. Their blueprints were reasonably accurate. It was hardly perfect, but then, what was? As long as they all kept their heads on straight, they could probably pull this off. Probably. “Quick question,” said Rainbow. “Is this as cool as I think it is? I mean, we’re not ten seconds away from crashing and I just can’t see it, right?” “No,” said Bon Bon distractedly. “Why?” The staff area wasn’t that big. Maybe- “ ’Cause you’ve really got it together. I swear, it’s like you’ve done this before. You’re not a spy, are you?” The tone was teasing and playful, but Bon Bon’s heart rate still hitched. She kept her breathing level and her eyes glued to the blueprint. “No.” Not anymore, to be precise. Rainbow laughed. “Bummer. Can you imagine how cool it would’ve been to have an actual spy with us?” Lyra wasn’t as squicked out at meat as some other ponies, but watching Gilda devour flesh that night at dinner was… strange. It was all stringy, Gilda had insisted on cooking it, and there wasn’t even any blood. It barely looked like flesh at all. And yet… it was flesh. Hmm. Dinner was done in what Gilda had said was the traditional griffon manner: everyone for themselves, and tough tooties if you didn’t get food. She and Lyra had unofficially settled on a nonverbal, uneasy truce to share the beautiful, beautiful couch of the gods, and Lyra found herself watching Gilda a lot. As the name implied, Ponyville was a very ponyish town, and Lyra had never seen a lot of non-ponies in her life (she didn’t think Zecora counted that much; zebras looked too much like striped ponies). Only now did she really get how radically different all the creatures of the world could be and her mind was brimming with questions. How did Gilda keep track of all those claws? Did she fit under mammals or birds, biologically speaking? Was there a biological reason she had to eat meat? Why was she asking why Lyra was staring at her? If she had babies, did she puke up food for them to eat like some birds did? Did she hear or see things differently from ponies because of different biology? “No, seriously, why are you staring at me?” Lyra twitched. Gilda was looking very hawklike right now and her tail was twitching like she was about to pounce. “I, uh, just haven’t seen a lot of griffons,” said Lyra. “You’re, um, new to me. Kinda.” “Ah.” Gilda sounded like she was walking on broken glass, but she didn’t complain. She squinted at Lyra for a second before swallowing a large chunk of meat whole. What the heck. Might as well ask her. “What does meat taste like?” “This?” Gilda looked at her slab of meat and shrugged. “Dunno. Tastes like chicken, I guess.” “And what does chicken taste like?” Gilda blinked, then banged herself on the head a few times. “It’s kinda bland, to be honest. Dunno why everygriff uses that as what things taste like.” “Oh.” When Gilda didn’t say anything else, Lyra knew she needed to say something to keep the conversation flowing. In her infinite smoothness, she blurted, “Do you eat mice?” “What are you, crazy?” Gilda scowled. “Of course I don’t eat mice! They’ll all bony and they’ve barely got any meat once you take those bones away. Rats are way plumper and juicier, but they’re harder to catch.” She ripped off a chunk of meat and swallowed it whole. “I don’t think this place has either, anyway. I haven’t seen any little mouse turds in the corners. Maybe there’s some anti-rodent spells on it.” “Hmm.” And the conversation was dammed again. Gilda’s tongue snaked out and flicked a string of meat from the hook of her beak. She sucked it down and asked, “So do you do this a lot or something? You’ve been super chill this whole time. I mean, Dash has, too, but she’s Dash.” “I don’t,” said Lyra, “but Dash has. Or something like it. It seems like she and Twilight and their friends are saving Equestria once or twice a season. Sometimes just Ponyville, though. This is the fir-” “Equestria need saving a lot, does it?” interrupted Gilda. “I mean, four times a year? Even Griffonstone doesn’t have it that bad. …Probably because Griffonstone doesn’t have anything worth taking over, but-” “I… Huh.” One of Lyra’s ears went down. She’d never thought about it before, but half the things Ponyville deemed “normal” really, really weren’t. And, yeah, what was going on in Equestria? “I guess it does. I mean, it always gets wrapped up in a day or so, but wow.” “Still, it does get wrapped up in a day,” said Gilda, almost grudgingly. “The apocalypse happening every weekend isn’t really a problem if it gets fixed before lunch.” She took a long drink of water, and continued, “And it’s always those six first. If beating up the villainous dork of the day only ever needs six random schmucks from a small town, how bad could those baddies possibly be, right?” “Twilight’s a princess. There’s no way she’s a schmuck.” “Maybe not now, but she was when I was last in Ponyville.” “Okay, yeah.” Twilight’s and Rainbow’s world-saving really had begun when they were neck-deep in schmuckdom. Lyra figured that she was still a schmuck, so maybe, if she was lucky… “Anyway, this is my first time doing something ‘big’. And I think it’s great!” She smiled and flicked her tail. “Watching a monster attack is fun and all, but it’s nothing like being in the thick of it. Even if this is a heist, not a monster attack. You know, ‘heist’ is a fun word. Heist.” “Eh.” Gilda shrugged and became engrossed in her meal. “It’s alright,” she mumbled. “Just ‘alright’? You sound like Bon Bon.” “Then maybe she’s got it right. Hooray for optimism and all-” Gilda mimed waving a flag. “-but you that if we mess up, we could die, right?” She flared her wings. “Like, dead dead? Gouda Feta’s not some mustache-twirler who’ll shake her hoof while yelling, ‘Curse you!’ once she loses, and not just ’cause she’s a mare and doesn’t have a mustache. She’s-” Lyra cut Gilda off by putting a hoof on her beak. “You do sound like Bon Bon. She already went over this like five or six times. You don’t think we got this?” “I think,” Gilda said as she smacked Lyra’s hoof away, “that we don’t know how deep we’re in it and we won’t be able to get out once we do. I mean, come on, Gouda Feta’s got like a bazillion bits to spend on security, all so she can protect even more bits! I bet career thieves have tried getting in. And you think all the weirdos in here-” She gestured vaguely around the room. “-can sit around thinking for a few weeks and just break in?” “Yeah.” “And-” Gilda froze. “That…” She clicked her beak. “That was a rhetorical question,” she muttered. “I know,” said Lyra. “And I still think that we can do it. Nobody else is quite as crazy as us. And look at who we’ve got! Equestria’s fastest pony, one of Equestria’s smartest ponies, one of Equestria’s most powerful ponies…” She wanted to add on “a retired spy”, but then she could say goodbye to Bon Bon’s friendship for the rest of forever. “We’ve even got a changeling!” “Yeah, don’t remind me of that,” shuddered Gilda. “Really, most of our people are unique.” Lyra started grinning. “Even if other ponies have tried, none of them have the same mix of ponies as we do. Everyone’s contributing something no one else has and the mixture is alchemical.” Almost literally, even. They weren’t turning lead into gold or looking for an elixir of life, but they were getting gold (somepony else’s, but she deserved it) and a heist this big would totally get them immortality through legend if anyone else heard about it. Which they couldn’t, because, y’know, illegal. But close enough, right?” “I guess,” said Gilda. “Friendship, friendship, rah rah rah, whatever.” She squinted at Lyra, like she was examining her. “So what do you have to offer?” Lyra’s smile didn’t slip an inch as she said, “I have no idea. Moral support?” Gilda huffed. It might’ve been a chuckle. “Well, it’s more than I got.” Between the two of them, Starlight and Bon Bon had asked for another assembly that night. A lot had happened in the past few days, and it was good to get everyone on the same page. And Bon Bon had said that talking helped her think. Starlight decided to let Bon Bon take the helm; she seemed good at that. “I know things are going well right now,” said Bon Bon to everyone, “but we can’t afford to get overconfident. We’ll start making stupid mistakes, Goumada will catch us, and then we won’t be around to make mistakes anymore.” “Yay,” whispered Thorax. “But we’re still on track,” Bon Bon said quickly, “so let’s get everything we’ve learned in the past few days together and maybe do some brainstorming. You’re taking notes, right, Sunburst? Good. Lyra? Have you learned anything from getting on the band?” Lyra twitched at being put on the spot but gathered herself quickly. “Okay, so, um, not much. We haven’t really done enough for me to learn anything. But I did see that Goumada is more than a bit of a jerk, as if we needed to learn that.” She paused, then sheepishly added in a small voice, “Also I got one of those key gem things to let me into entertainment back rooms. Did I mention I got one of those key gem things to let me into entertainment back rooms?” “No, Lyra,” said Bon Bon flatly. “You did not mention that you got one of those key gem things to let you into entertainment back rooms. Why not?” “Um.” Lyra rubbed the back of her neck; she seemed to be forcing herself to not look away as she didn’t really smile. “I forgot?” “Fair enough.” “It’s not a guard key or anything,” Lyra said more confidently, “but maybe we can study it. Or you three-” She pointed at Starlight, Sunburst, and the Doctor. “-can study it, because I don’t know a thing about this.” One of the Doctor’s eyes twitched. “She didn’t know how to perform arcanodynamic parametrization!” he whispered in Sunburst’s ear. “I don’t, either,” Sunburst whispered back. “Bad at magic, remember?” And suddenly the Doctor became very interested in a picture conveniently placed in such a way that meant he didn’t have to look at Sunburst. “Good,” Bon Bon said as she eyed the Doctor. “Thorax, you were doing the thing with the tracking coins, right? How’d that turn out?” “The coins didn’t have any problems finding the vault,” said Thorax. “It’s right where we thought it was, on I think the sixth or seventh floor, and when I tried one of the doors on the inside, it was a fake.” “And if the spell is still active, that means there’s nothing removing any enchantments entering the vault.” Bon Bon tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I thought you said she was an artifact collector,” Gilda spoke up. “Why would somepony be stupid enough to remove magic from things when she’s selling the things for their magic?” “To avoid magical contamination from outside objects. It might not be done to all objects entering the vault, just unchecked ones. But the magic stays, so it’s a moot point anyway. Rainbow?” “So, uh, I already told Bon Bon this, but the blueprints of the back rooms — the ones I saw, anyway — are pretty close to good. There’re a few things missing, but the layout’s the same.” “Including,” said Bon Bon, “the security room. Which is unguarded. We don’t know what’s in there yet, but we will.” “How’re we gonna do that?” demanded Gilda. “I’m working on it.” Bon Bon changed topics quickly, turning to Starlight and Sunburst. “How’s the arcanoscope coming?” Starlight and Sunburst looked at each other. “It’s… coming,” said Sunburst evasively. He went back to his notes, very intently writing not much. “We’ve got the 3D modeling done,” said Starlight, “but we’re still working on range. Based on Sunburst’s equations, it’ll start looking weird when the receiver is around three hundred feet away from the sensor unless it uses so much power that it’ll be drained and stop working in a few minutes.” “Give or take a, a few dozen feet,” added Sunburst. “We’re refining it, extending the range, making it more efficient, but, but that’s gonna take a while.” “Hmm. No good yet,” Bon Bon said. “We’re too far from the casino?” “So we go somewhere closer,” said Derpy. “Like booking a hotel room? In the hotel we’re robbing? Where we know the vault is?” She hit herself on the side of head and made the most effective “duh!” face in the history of Equestria. “Oh!” Lyra’s hoof shot up. “We don’t even need to book a room. I got a complimentary one when I got into the orchestra. If we drop the arcanoscope down the laundry chute-” “Hey!” Sunburst jumped to his feet and pointed a shaking hoof at Lyra. “I spent a lot of time on that, you are not dropping it down the laundry chute! It’s a very valuable piece of equipment and I do not want to-” Starlight’s horn sparked and a bubble popped up around Sunburst as he continued his rant, now silent. “He doesn’t want you breaking it,” said Starlight. “And what do you think the staff would do if they found a strange machine come out in the wash?” asked Derpy. A pause. “No, really, what do you think? I sure don’t know.” “Tie it to a rope,” piped in the Doctor. “I mean we tie it to a rope, not the staff. Somepony can lower it down the chute to wherever they want and pull it back up when they’re done. Or just stick it in their pocket and walk up and down the stairs a few times for whoever’s in Lyra’s room. For, ah, ‘exercise’.” “How would either of those do, Sunburst?” asked Bon Bon. But Sunburst was still encased in Starlight’s bubble, ranting away. Starlight dispelled the shield. “-made out of chocolate pudding!” he bellowed. He noticed everyone staring at him and casually pushed his glasses up his muzzle. “Sorry. Sometimes I, I get weird.” Bon Bon took a look breath in through her nose and let it out through her mouth. “Sunburst,” she said suspiciously levelly, “would having somepony sit in Lyra’s room watching the arcanoscope while somepony else goes up and down the stairs work at all?” “Oh, yeah, definitely,” said Sunburst. “As long as you’re not, you know, dropping it twenty stories. It’s, it’d still not be as good as getting it into the vault itself, but, but that’s a pipe dream and a half.” “Why?” Everyone looked at Derpy as if she’d declared that they should break into the vault tomorrow. “I’m just saying,” Derpy said saliently, “we’ve already broken into a building company and scammed the casino out of a few thousand bits. Why can’t we disguise the arcanoscope as something and see if Goumada would store it?” Everyone looked at each other; tiny murmured discussions broke out. Bon Bon looked like they were breaking out like hives. “That’s not going to happen unless we team up with some crusty old businesspony to store an artifact in there. An artifact we don’t have.” “Well, um, actually…” Starlight coughed. “A few weeks ago, Twilight forbade Spike from eating in the library. It would make a lot more of a mess that she’d need to clean up. So Spike got me to make some hollow ‘rare books’ to hide gems in all over the library. I’m pretty sure Twilight doesn’t know about it. If we can just borrow one for a day-” “I can be there and back in a few hours, no problem!” Rainbow declared. “Just tell me where to look!” Bon Bon frowned, then nodded. “That could work. Rare book collectors can be pretty defensive of their wares. If one were just passing through… Those books do look like real rare books, right?” “They have to be, in order to fool Twilight,” confirmed Starlight. “The inside of any one is large enough to hide the arcanoscope in. And if we’re worried about Goumada taking a look at the magic, any energy from the arcanoscope can be passed off as, I don’t know, the remnants of a curse from its creation or something. All original copies old, rare books of magic have curses on them.” “I thought that article said it was ninety percent, not all,” Lyra said with a frown. “Yes, it was ninety,” said the Doctor. “And that was after rounding up, remember. Still, a fascinating read.” Sunburst’s ears went up. “What was this from? I, that sounds like something I’d want to read.” “It was in Popular Arcanics a few moons ago,” said Starlight. “Part of a larger article about-” Bon Bon waved her hooves, and everypony quieted down. “Okay. Not a bad idea. Let’s suppose it works. But we still need a businesspony to convince.” A long pause. Then everybody looked at Thorax. His fins wilted. “Bugger,” he whispered. “I bet you could do it, Thorax,” Lyra said brightly. “Look big and talk tough and you’re home free!” “I’m not good of either of those things,” Thorax said quietly. “I was barely able to stare down somepony who called me a cheater today. I’m- I’m not a good changeling, okay? If I was, I- I wouldn’t be here in the first place.” “Oh, come on, you’d do great!” Rainbow swooped next to him and threw a leg around his shoulder. “Think about it!” she said, cheerfully oblivious to Thorax’s halfhearted struggles to get free. “You’re already doing more than most changelings ever could. Did you play poker before this week? I bet you didn’t! So we’ll give you a few days to psych yourself up, and-” “And we might not need you to do anything,” Bon Bon said loudly. Thorax finally managed to lever himself out of Rainbow’s friendship sleeper hold. “I like that plan, let’s use that plan,” he said. “We still haven’t tried going through the staircases,” said Bon Bon. “That might give us enough information that Thorax won’t need to talk to anypony. We shouldn’t make plans for something we might not even need unless that plan is an escape plan.” “Aw.” Rainbow’s ears drooped. “We’ll never get to do any serious disguises.” “Which means we’re staying away from the staff,” said Starlight, “which means there’s less chance of being recognized, which is good.” Rainbow Dash wasn’t particularly happy about safety, but what else was new? “And speaking of changing the subject,” Gilda said suddenly, “I really wanna know what’s up with those road train things. They keep passing the casino and we’re all kinda assuming they belong to the police, but does anybody know anything about them?” Nobody did. “Maybe somepony should, should follow them tomorrow,” Sunburst said as he jotted the notes down. “They have to, I don’t know, refuel or something, right?” It wasn’t long before they banged out a list of things to do the next day. Lyra and Rainbow had to be at the rehearsal for the concert, so they couldn’t do much, but everypony else seemed to be free for whatever. Top priority was taking the arcanoscope to do what scanning they could and figuring out who, exactly, the trackless trains belonged to. “And another thing,” said Bon Bon. “Do you think you could throw together another arcanoscope for tomorrow? One of the original sight-based ones?” “Sure, the hard part was the math,” said Starlight. “But why?” “Because I’ve got an idea. With somepony’s help, I bet I can get us into the security hub.” Everyone sat up a little straighter. “Yeah?” asked Starlight, leaning forward. “First?” Bon Bon rubbed her hooves together. “We’re going clothes shopping.”