Kichi’s Comment
“Ugh! It’s too early in the morning for this,” you groan as you rub at your sleepy eyes.
“Well bats are a big problem for the crop Shade,” Applebloom yawns.
“Bah, how bad can they be? They’re adorable and their bodies look like fruit and they listen to my every whim,” you counter and she shakes her head.
“Nah, those were Fruit Bats at the reunion, these here are the run of the mill Vampire Bats. They look more like mice with wings.”
“…That still sounds adorable,” you shrug as Applejack continues to stomp around yelling.
“Goramned, bucking flying rodents!” she shouts to the sky and you sigh.
“Early morning shouting should be illegal,” you grumble as you shut the window, head back to your bed and put the pillow over your head.
“Hey Shade, the sun’s already up, don’t you think you’ve had enough sleep?”
“Applebloom, I slept practically every day for the first two years of my life, so I know exactly when I’ve had enough sleep!” you explain through the pillow.
“…I still don’t get that. Weren’t you a baby at all?” Applebloom asks in confusion.
“I don’t know, and if I was, I don’t remember,” you hoofwave.
“Well alright then. I’m gonna get ready for the day, see ya later,” she calls out and exits the room.
“Yup, see ya later,” you say halfheartedly as you try to will yourself back to sleep.
“Sassafrassin Bats!” AJ’s voice echoes.
Just ignore it…
“The whole southern field is ruined!”
Ignoring…
“To Tartarus with all of you rabid evil pests!”
Ig-
“Why I aught to-“
“ALRIGHT I’M UP! YEESH!” you shout, blasting your blanket off of you as your shards blip. “UGH!”
And with that, you angrily stomp down the stairs, to see all the other Apples and Grandbuggy awake and around the kitchen table at this ungodly hour.
“Good morning honey,” Grandbuggy greets and you huff.
“There’s nothing good about it! Too much screaming about bats!” you grumble as you take a seat next to Big Mac.
“You can say that again chica,” Ahuizotl says, equally sleep deprived as he enters the room. “Too many screams before the rooster even crows.”
“Eh don’t whine so much you two, it builds character,” Grandbuggy smirks and sips some coffee.
“Whatever,” you roll your eyes. “Where are Greta, Ember and Garble?”
“Somehow, still sleeping,” Ahuizotl sighs. “I guess dragons are used to sleeping through loud roars and the like.”
“Makes sense,” you nod. “And Greta’s snores probably drown out AJ’s shrieks.”
“I don’t snore!” said catbird grumbles as she walks into the kitchen bleary eyed.
“Like Tartarus you don’t. Seriously, you’re worse than a Sontaran with sleep apnea,” Grandbuggy grumbles.
“Oh like you’re any better Fixie,” Granny elbows him. “For someone who can change their entire body structure, you can’t fix that chainsaw of a gob?”
Everyone snickers at that but he pouts and crosses his arms.
“Ain’t got nothing to do with biology Orchard, it’s years and years of cigar chompin.”
“You should really give those up Mr. Fix,” Applebloom pipes up. “Cheerilee says they’re bad for your health.”
“Yeah? Well you can tell this Cheerilee that she can go sit on a cactus and to mind her own business,” Grandbuggy grumbles.
“Hey now, that’s my ex wife you’re talking about!” Big Mac defends and Grandbuggy rolls his eyes.
“Fine, she can go sit on a nice plush pillow, whatever!”
“BBBAAAAATTTTSSSS!!!” Applejack screeches, rattling the kitchen window and everyone stops for a moment.
“Oh there she goes again,” Greta sighs as she grabs a cup of coffee.
“Honestly, why’s she yelling about them in the middle of the day? Aren’t they asleep?” you ask and Granny shakes her head.
“A lot of them varmints actually roost in our trees after sucking dry the apples. They are a pest to be sure, but she’s just letting off steam.”
“AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!”
“Of for-Will she just deal with those things already instead of yelling?!” you complain and hold your temples.
“It ain’t that easy cuz,” Applebloom says.
“Nope,” Big Mac agrees.
Kersey475’s Comment
WARGAMES’s Comment
“They’re right,” Grandbuggy nods. “Bats of any kind are a pain and a half to get rid of. Your Dad knows that for a fact. Poor boy got traumatized by ‘em during one of my schemes that those meddling kids and their dog broke up.”
“Oh right, I do remember him screaming like a little filly during the reunion,” Applebloom says in rememberance.
“Which is something I solved remember? All we need is me leading an orchestra to lead them away.”
“Those were different bats little Shade. This here breed is Vampire Bats, and they don’t especially like music,” Granny explains.
"Exactly, but there's one surefire way to deal with vampire bats. Care to take a guess?" Grandbuggy says.
"Clowns, cats, another reboot?" you respond drawing on your knowledge of Batmare.
"FIRE!" Grandbuggy exclaims to Granny Smith's annoyance who facehooves.
"Fire does sound promising..." you admit as you get a far away look in your eye.
You imagine the sea of Apple trees set ablaze, with apple flavored smoke filling the air as the red, yellow, and orange flames dance like brightly colored flowers, fluttering in the wind.
"Seriously Shade?” Applebloom remarks in disbelief, and breaking you out of your little daydream.
“What?” you defend. “I’m just saying that it is a useful tool!”
“Which can nearly burn down forests when used improperly,” Ahuizotl counters and you wince remembering when you went nuts with power.
“Hey! That was…I’m not like Daddy with it! I don’t imagine setting things on fire all the time…much.”
“Didn’t you tell us you burnt down Whinny Land?” Greta counters.
“That was an accident!”
“Fire is the great equalizer, it separates the equines from the beasts!” Grandbuggy declares and everyone at the table rolls their eyes.
“Wow. You, your pappy, and your great-grandpappy are all arsonists,” Applebloom sums up.
“I am not an arsonist!”
"And her grandma too,” Grandbuggy adds. “My baby girl had a thing for flames too. Hay, a favorite tactic of hers was to set her own hooves on fire before punching enemies."
“Oh, so she learned that trick did she?” Granny Smith says sounding more impressed than upset.
“Yup,” he nods. “Just like I used to do, she’d put firesticks in her hoof holes and punch away.”
"So basically thrift store Falcon Punch?" Greta snarks.
"What is it with your family and fire?!" Apple Bloom exclaims.
“I have no idea!”
"You can blame that on yer great great great great great great-" Granny Smith starts before Grandbuggy interjects.
"My ancestor Bruchus Ignis, the first changeling to utilize fire on the battlefield. Unfortunately he also thought the flames spoke to him telling him to feed them and wouldn't stop burning things to get them to speak up. Got so bad the changeling Queen at the time kept him quarantined in a fireproof dungeon, mainly unleashing him on towns they'd already looted dry."
"Quick? Weren’t you the one that spoke to him from behind the fire place in the first place?” Granny inquires and he scratches the back of his neck.
“Yeah, but to be fair we needed him to feed the fire so the steam engine could open the door before the clockwork robots got us.”
"Wait wait wait,” you interrupt. “So if you were the one that made him think flames were talking to him causing him to become a pyromaniac…”
"I'm gonna stop you right there before you go cross-eyed; Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey, closed time loop. Don't overthink it honey," Grandbuggy dismisses, "That being said, I'm pretty sure your Daddy is the most pyromanical member of our line due to a combination of that fancy glove of his allowing him to burn things at will and his own repressed libido."
"What's a libido?" you ask.
Before he can answer, Granny Smith slaps him upside the head.
“Uh, grownup stuff!” he stammers.
“Oh come on!” you cry out.
Down With Chrysalis’s Comment
Just then, the door is kicked open and the frazzled Applejack storms in and slams her hoof on the table.
“BBBAAATTTSSS!!!” she yells at the top of her lungs.
“Yes, we’ve heard! For hours!” Ahuizotl grumbles.
“If you’ve heard for hours then why ain’t none of you come out to help?!” she demands and you all look at each other.
“Sugar Cube, you’d gotten yourself all worked up. It was better to let you run out of steam first,” Granny explains.
“Eyup,” Mac nods.
“Well that’s just peachy! Ugh! Curse You Bats! You Are The Bane Of My Life!” she shouts to the roof while everyone plugs their ears.
“Sis, for goodness’ sake,” Applebloom sighs as the older sibling’s eye starts to twitch.
“I have a right to be upset! What if they get our entry into the Appleloosa State Fair Produce Competition?!” she yells in worry.
“You mean that giant Apple you yelled at me for even looking at the other day?” Greta questions.
“Yes! I saw you eying it with them hungry eyes!” she accuses.
“I have avian eyes! They always look hungry,” Greta huffs.
“Yeah, well so much TLC went into that apple to get it bigger than me, and I ain’t gonna have them Vampire Bats munching on it!”
“Why not use a scarecrow?” you question and she scoffs.
“I did! Them bats decimated him! Grrr, before this gets any worse, we need bat repellant and bat cages and bat credit cards!”
“Wait, what was that last one?” Greta questions.
“Bat Exterminators!” she says even though you’re positive that she said something else.
“Ain’t none of those things in Ponyville Applejack,” Granny points out and she slams her hoof on the table again.
“Fine! That I’ll start my own! All my friends can be a part of it! It will great and we’ll all have a good time!” she exclaims, her breathing ragged and her eyes unfocused. And as everyone looks at the mare having a meltdown, a single thought comes to you which you voice aloud.
“Wow Applejack, you are a lot more like my Daddy than I thought.”
The table goes silent at that as her head whips to you.
“…What?!” she yelps. “That’s absurd!”
“Is it?” you counter. “Because the whole screaming at the sky thing, coming up with ridiculous schemes and generally being crazy sure sounds like him.”
“That’s not true! That’s just…Well…I mean…” she starts to stammer as your explanation seems to take root in her brain and her eyes start to widen.
“Heh, that means they both get it from you Smithy,” Grandbuggy teases and Granny looks at him crossly. “What? It’s true. There ain’t a drop of my blood in her.”
And as he chuckles Applejack just starts shaking her head.
“Oh come on now! I ain’t like that! I’m just plain ol Applejack! Most dependable of ponies!” she says more to herself than anyone at the table.
“You both do punch things a lot,” Big Mac speaks up.
“Mac!” she gasps.
“And you both can be really, really stubborn to boot,” Applebloom admits and her sister’s face pales.
“Huh, by those descriptions he does sound similar to you chica,” Ahuizotl concludes. “I believe that makes you a bit narcissistic.”
“A narci-What?” she sputters.
“Means you love yourself too much,” Greta adds. “Why else would you make out with your cousin who’s so similar?”
“I didn’t know he was my cousin at that time! And quit bringing that up! AGH!” she breaks down and slams her face onto the table while everyone giggles at her misery.
“And there’s the whole laughing at you while you’re down thing. Just like folks do to Daddy,” you laugh and she groans even more, her face turning red.
“Oh, it’s so nice for our family to get along Fixie,” Granny says with a small smile and Grandbuggy grips her shoulder.
“Heh, you can say that again,” he smirks. “But I think she needs to be thrown a bone at this point.” He then looks to Applejack and says…
PrinceDuskRiser’s Comment
“Alrighty Jackie Girl, no need to mope. I can help you with your bat problem.”
She lifts her head off the table at that and stares at him with hope.
“You can?”
“Of course. All those things you listed off earlier, the cages and repellant? You can make your own. All you need is a few innocuous supplies from that Rich fella’s little store and the complete knowledge of the anarchists cookbook.”
“Huh?” she asks.
“It’s simple. We knock out and capture a few of the little buggers and using them as hostages, we corral the rest into your least favorite area of your property. Then with a bit of magic and homemade napalm, your varmint problem will be taken care of,” he explains in a scholarly tone.
Applejack just gapes at his explanation for a few heartbeats before she suddenly exclaims,
"No! Absolutely Not! We ain't settin' ANYTHING on fire!"
“Darn, there’s one thing where you’re different from Daddy,” you whine in disappointment but choke back a bit as she sends you a glare.
“Yeah Fix, we’ve been over this,” Granny agrees.
“I’m just saying. If fire were utilized more often-“
"NO! End of discussion!” Applejack says with finality. “Sure I’m hootin mad because of them flying rats, but I’m not just going to burn down my own property to stop them! And it ain’t right either, burning creatures alive. If I did that, Fluttershy would never talk to me again!”
"Actually, that sounds like a good idea. Why don't you just get Fluttershy to deal with the bats since she’s all about animals and all," you speak up. Applejack gives you a grin and nods before giving your Grandbuggy a smug look.
"See, much better idea."
“Yeah, yeah,” he rolls his eyes.
“Well if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna gather my friends, and with Fluttershy on our team, we’ll be able to exterminate them no problem,” she says before running out the door again.
“Uh, she does know what the word Exterminate means right?” Greta asks sounding disturbed. Granny and Grandbuggy don’t answer her though, because as soon as she says Exterminate, they both jolt and get a faraway look in their eyes.
“…Nope?” Big Mac guesses.
A Few Hours Later
Kichi’s Comment
Applebloom, Granny Smith and Big Mac, with packed bags, informed you all that they had to look into the produce competition at Appleloosa in preparation for the giant apple, and left for the train station. A part of you wanted to go with them, if nothing else, to see Braeburn and Little Strongheart, but you decided against it, wanting to take a break from traveling. It’s now almost lunch time, and you find yourself hanging around the kitchen, filling in your two dragon companions about the earlier shenanigans.
“So…why can’t you use fire to get rid of them?” asks Ember.
“Yeah, that sounds like the most logical plan right there,” Garble agrees and you shrug.
“Apparently it’s too much of a risk and she doesn’t want to kill the bats, even though she was talking about exterminating them,” you shrug as you down yet another slice of Apple cake. “Besides, we do that then there might not be any more apple deserts like this.”
“That would be a shame, this food is amazing,” Ember admits as she eats another slice with one bite.
“I told ya, ponies aren’t good for much, but they make some awesome dishes,” Garble says as he chows down.
“Hey, maybe you should slow down there?” you suggest.
“Never! If that purple pony can’t fix this and I’ve got to grow up and go through puberty again, I’d rather get a head start on the mass!” he says with a mouthful of cake.
“You’re only going to get fat,” Ember rolls her eyes.
“Who’s getting fat?” a familiar voice asks as the kitchen door opens. “Oh hey Apple Cake, you got any left?”
“Spike? What are you doing here?” you ask in surprise.
“Oh, uh, Twilight and the rest of the girls are here because of the bats or something, and they started arguing so I decided to see what you are all up to.”
“Not much,” you shrug. “Grandbuggy and Ahuizotl are building a bunker by the barn, and Greta went into town for groceries, so we’re just hanging out.”
“And there’s no more cake left!” Garble lies as she shovels more slices into his gob.
“Oh…okay,” Spike says in disappointment.
“And hold on a second, you said they were arguing? About what?” you inquire.
“Well…” Spike trails of, sounding disturbed.
Outside With The Mane 6
Down With Chrysalis’s Comment
Roker12’s Comment
“I’m just saying, think about it Applejack!” Rainbow Dash insists.
“And for the last time no! That ain’t right!” Applejack stomps her hoof while the others look on awkwardly.
“Come on! We made out during the Lovepocalypse and it got him going, so it won’t seem suspicious!” Rainbow continues and Applejack blushes.
“We were drugged Rainbow Dash! And besides, I ain’t gonna go along with this just so you can do weird intimate games based on a rumor by that deranged Spa pony!” Applejack guffaws.
“Hey, Bulk Biceps is all for it. Besides, what could it hurt? We’d both at least get a shot at him in the sack,” Rainbow persists and Applejack’s face goes from red to green.
“Oh good-Blagh!” she throws up behind a bush and Rainbow grimaces.
“Oh jeeze, are you sick or something?”
“Girls? Perhaps we can focus on the matter of hoof instead of devolving into scandalous talk?” Rarity suggests.
“Yeah, this is just…weird,” Twilight agrees. “And we came to talk about Bats, right Fluttershy?”
“Maybe Discord and I could…” she mumbles under her breath.
“What was that?” Twilight asks.
“Uh! I mean-Exactly, we came to talk about Bats. All they need is a bit of food. Maybe a section of your orchard to-“
“Absolutely not!”Applejack yelps, wiping spittle from her mouth.
Back With You
“I’d rather not talk about it,” Spike admits with a flush on his cheeks.
“…Fair enough,” you shrug though you can’t help but feel a tickle on the back of your neck like you’ve inadvertently caused some sort of chaos.
“So if they’re arguing, that means they’re not busy right?” Garble inquires. “And the purple pony has time to help me out?”
“Actually she-“ Spike starts, but Garble doesn’t even stay to listen as he bolts through the door. You all stare after him and sigh.
“Let’s go get him,” you grumble.
“Yeah, alright,” Ember shrugs as she follows you and Spike out the door.
It doesn’t take you long to find him, because he has stopped stock still in the middle of the road as he watches the Deadly 6 singing.
“What in the buck?” Ember mutters as she sees them sing arguing.
“Haven’t seen this in awhile,” Garble explains. “Ponies randomly break into song now and again.”
“At least three times a day depending on where you are,” Spike adds.
“Yeah, I’m no stranger to that, but are they chanting Stomp the Bats?” you ask in worry as you see them circling around Fluttershy while singing. All of the, except for Pinkie, are scowling as they sing it.
“…Okay, her hypocrisy is also the same as Daddy’s,” you conclude.
“Huh?” Spike asks.
“Nothing, it’s just…she’s not okay with burning the bats, but stomping them into paste is alright?” you say at a loss.
“I think they were actually singing st-“ Garble starts but you ignore him.
“Well fine, I’ll be the bigger mare here,” you pronounce before you look into the trees and spy one of the fuzzy creatures. “Oi! You there, your mistress of the night commands you all gather to me so you don’t get squashed by those crazy ponies!”
Puzzling Frost’s Comment
Ello Calebero’s Comment
The bats, upon hearing your voice however, squeak in fear and fly away from you to another tree.
“Hey! Where are you going?! Don’t you realize your lives are in danger?”
Again, the bats squeak and flee from you.
“What the-Get Back Here!” you demand as you chase the bats further into the orchard, leaving behind the Mane 6 while your dragon friends follow.
After awhile of running and flying around though, you can’t get the bats to stay still and it frustrates you to no end, causing your shards to fade in and out.
“AGH! Why won’t they just gather around me like the Fruit Bats?!” you exclaim in frustration.
“I think because they are afraid of you Nightshade,” Spike observes and you whirl on him with crazy eyes.
“What?! Why? Who would be afraid of me?!” you growl and they all flinch backwards. “…Okay, good point.”
“It’s probably not you specifically,” he placates. “Fluttershy said that a lot of the bats migrated here after that forest fire a few weeks back.”
Your eyes widen at that and you look back up at the bats who ARE specifically eyeing you with fear.
“…Oh crapbaskets,” you groan.
“Hey, didn’t you start a fire in the woo-“
“Yes dummy, I think she knows that,” Ember interrupts Garble’s stating of the obvious as you sigh and look down in guilt.
“Great, just great! This is all my fault. I burnt up these bats’ homes and they remember it. Now they’re driving Applejack up the wall eating all her crops and now she and the rest of the deadly 6 are going to stomp them…”
“Um, Nightshade, I think they were actually singing Sto-“ Spike tries to explain, but you talk over him.
“Well you know what?! Even if they’re afraid of me, I’m not going to let them get stomped! Bob!”
“Yes Mistress?” your imp says as he materializes in the shade of a tree.
“AGH! What the Buck Is That?!” Spike exclaims before hiding behind Ember.
“Wait, haven’t you met him yet?” You ask in surprise.
“No! What is it?!” he shudders.
“It’s like her slave minion or something,” Ember says nonchalantly.
“I thought that was you?” Garble snickers and gets bonked on the head.
“It’s okay Spike, he’s my loyal minion. I call him Bob, or Jackie, or whatever,” you shrug.
“The mistress was split on my name,” Jackie nods.
“I…Okay…I guess,” Spike sputters, still afraid of your minion.
“You get used to him,” you hoof wave before turning to him. “Now, Bob Jack!”
“Yes?!” he salutes.
“I need you and the boys to set up traps to protect the bats from the Deadly 6. Nothing that will injure too bad, but that will keep them from stomping them!”
Mangle pops out of your Inventory and replays their little song, especially the chant.
“Yes Mangle, I heard it the first time,” you dismiss and your pet faceclaws. “So yeah. Protect the Bats!”
“Yes Mistress!” he salutes before melting into the shadows.
“There, that takes care of that,” you say proudly, but your dragon friends and robot pet just look at you incredulously.
“What?”
“This is going to backfire somehow,” Ember says in defeat.
Later
“See?! It didn’t backfire too badly!” you defend as you point to all the corralled docile bats and the beaten and battered Deadly 6.
“Okay, maybe I was wrong,” Ember rolls her eyes.
“Oooohh…” they groan, many of them covered in tree sap and slight bruises from your minions leaving their Home Alone-esque pratfalls.
“I told ya them bats was evil! They even learned magic!” Applejack complains as she attempts to untie herself from Rainbow Dash.
“Really? You’re going to blame magic for yours and Rainbow’s little “Predicaments” you just so happened to keep getting into?” Rarity accuses and they flush.
For some reason, your minions kept grouping those two up for hidden pits, net traps, and other shenanigans that had them jumbled together fairly intimately.
“…To be fair, I was practicing a bit for when we join the swing clu-“
“We Ain’t Doing That!” Applejack throws her hoof down in finality.
“Your complicated shipping hijinks aside, I thought a lot of the traps were clever and fun,” Pinkie says with a smile. “Those bats sure know how to rumble.”
“I don’t think it was the bats Pinkie, I think it was something else,” Fluttershy says as she attempts to dislodge the mud and sticks from her mane and tail.
“Whatever the reason, we’re ending this now!” Twilight exclaims, her mane frizzy and a bit charred from electricity.
“Now Fluttershy, it’s time for you to do your Stare,” Applejack says in approval.
“Oh…okay, if you all think it’s best,” she says tiredly and they all nod. She then flies up towards the corralled bats, apologizes to them, then gives that horrifying look that even makes you shudder.
With all of the bats paying close attention to her, Twilight emits magic from her horn that encompasses all of the bats.
“Oh crud! Is she still going to stomp th-“
“Stop! They Sang Stop!” Spike exclaims.
WARGAMES’s Comment
As the one two combo occurs, and Twilight finishes her spell, you hear a slight yelp of pain within your mind.
Bwah! What was that?! you think as you rub your temple.
So sorry mistress, but it appears one of your troops was dissolved from that magic. They didn’t even get to activate their trap, Jackie responds.
Okay…that’s a bit unsettling, you mutter, before you witness Rainbow Dash offering one of the bats and apple…and it refuses it.
They all start cheering and Applejack thanks all of her friends while your group watches…but you feel there’s something off. You can’t put your hoof on it, but Flutteshy’s eyes don’t look quite right…
Later That Night
Down With Chrysalis’s Comment
You have the whole room to yourself since Applebloom is still in Appleloosa and you sprawl out on her more comfy bed rather than your guest one. You sigh in content because you know you are going to get a good sleep after all the shenanigans this day.
“I still think it’s bullspit that Twilight solved the problem with blatant Mind Control! Seriously! How come it’s okay for them to use it, but vilify Daddy even though he can’t even do it?” you mumble to Mangle.
“Skreonk,” she barks and shrugs. Sighing, you just add that to the list of stories you’ll tell Mommy, Daddy and Sombra when they return.
“At least the bats didn’t get stomped,” you say as you hug your pet. “And tomorrow Applejack won’t be yelling at the crack of dawn and…”
You trail off as you notice a shape outside your window, blocking out the moonlight.
“The buck?” you say as you squint and try to make out any details. Illuminating your horn you get out of bed and walk towards the window, spying yellow fur and a pink mane.
“Fluttershy?” you call out in confusion just as Mangle barks in alarm. A split second later, you realize why as your light illuminates leathery wings, pointed ears, blood red eyes and a grin with two pronounced fangs. The upside down distorted Fluttershy suddenly presses her face against the glass with a hiss.
“Hey Shade! You Wanna See A Dead Body?!”
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!” you shriek in terror as you run out of Applebloom’s room with Mangle on your back. “GRANDBUGGY!!!”
WHAT DO YOU DO?
