It turned out the queen wasn't available for the next few days, so I got a lot of time to myself to think.
What I mostly concluded was that I really hated thinking. Especially about stuff I might have messed up in the past, or things I needed to change.
Who even cares about what I need to change anymore? This whole dumb world needs to change now. I'm an afterthought.
That last bit saw me fuming for a good few hours.
I spent some of my time talking to the caretaker. Some of that turned into yelling, but most of it was quiet. I kept expecting him to try to push me somewhere new with my thinking, but he never did; I just kept retreading the same old arguments from new angles, and I kept coming to the same unwavering conclusion.
I was wrong. I was wrong and I hated it, but that didn't change it.
I'd been so eager not to be wrong I'd stuck to my position and sided with the villains. I ended up getting myself imprisoned in stone and I missed everything, even the end of Equestria as we knew it; I didn't even get to see the horrible apocalypse, the cause of which nopony seemed to know, because I had gone and screwed up so badly that history had tossed me in the trash and forgotten about me beforehand.
All because I was wrong.
Could I have made a difference, if I'd been around? Maybe I'd have met the villain and been able to do something. Maybe they were inspired by my original plan and re-enacted it. Except they succeeded.
I groaned, screwing my eyes shut.
If so, congratulations, pony villain lost to time. I'm sure it was worth it.
Just like it was for me.
It was a rough few days.
Still, the queen couldn't keep busy forever. I was fighting to contain my excitement when I finally made it to the throne room.
Turns out, she wasn't bothering; the queen bounded up from the table she was sitting at – why is there a table in the throne room? Huh, looks like crafting supplies – and pranced up to me, scepter pinned under one of her wings and a big smile on her face.
"Cozy! You actually came back to see me!"
I cracked a grin, as best I could, and nodded.
It's not easy to do this without some kind of persona...
"Hey! Pluteia, you changed your hair!"
That was putting it mildly! She had cleaned herself up entirely, gotten a proper spa treatment and the works. I almost felt drab by comparison.
Was she busy those few days getting cleaned up because I embarrassed her? I hope I didn't...
I felt pathetic worrying about her feelings like that, but then I remembered there was nothing else of value in this garbage-heap world to worry about.
She beamed at me.
"I sure did! You like it?"
"I love it. The wavy look really suits you. You look a lot happier."
She sighed contentedly and nodded, leading me over to the table as we talked.
"I feel it. I think maybe ponies have gotten used to the idea I'm in charge, so they're not so eager to plan a takeover anymore. You really woke me up, got me to stop hiding and get some things done. You were right; what's the point in being queen if I can't enjoy myself once in a while?"
I wasn't at all confident about that sentiment per se when I nodded to her, but I did it anyway as I sat down.
"Well, you clearly can't run the country properly when you're scared, alone, and unhealthy anyway; I'm glad to see things are picking up for you."
"Too right! So, um... I was thinking, maybe we could do some...?"
She gestured to the stuff on the table. I picked up for the first time that her cutie mark was a needle and thread, and hoo, boy, did it show; we had all sorts of sewing and knitting supplies, arts and crafts...
I had to fight down the urge to object, either because it was a little filly's activity or because it reminded me too much of Rarity's classes.
So what? I'm a filly, and the classes just helped me know what I'm doing here. It's not like Tirek or Chrysalis are here to judge me for not wearing my villain hat.
I smiled up at her and nodded. "Sure, that looks fun! Where do we start?"
"W-well, I made up some designs. I'm really rusty, so it's okay if you don't like them; we can work on something more advanced next time, but I figured we should start small!"
She passed me her notepad, and I looked over the first design.
Holy pies, she wants us to sew together a doll? And this big and complicated?!
I scoffed and shook my head, but also smiled. "Small, huh? You sure have a different idea on that than I do!"
She smiled sheepishly. "Well, I have a lot of practice with this kind of thing. You know, building things out of raw material, binding materials together and tying them off, it's all just really natural for me. It's okay if you don't want to—"
"No, let's do it! I like ambitious. Ambitious is worth doing!"
She grinned back at me. "That's kind of always been my motto. I guess I maybe overdid it with this queen thing, but... well hey, let's just have fun, yeah?"
We set into our work then, and we kept at it for a few hours. The project was way too big to do in just one day, and I realized that was her way to make sure I came back.
What, like I had anything else to do?
So I did come back, day after day, and we worked at it. I let myself get lost in the work, but we still cracked jokes and laughed, and talked about a lot of stuff. I learned a lot about what was wrong with Equestria. Crop yields were always low – pretty obvious with the perpetual twilight – and the number of crops that could even live in these conditions was pretty low. Ponies were constantly fighting over the low food supplies, or decent farmland, and she received petitions for that sort of thing somewhat regularly, even with her general do-nothing policy.
Once in a while she punished somepony for causing trouble in her domain, but short of that, she just didn't care.
I tried to pretend I didn't, either.
There was a mishap one day when she was really into her craft work, and her scepter actually slid out from under her wing. I hoofed it back to her without a second thought – look, that kind of work takes a lot of concentration, and that thing was way too big for me anyway – and her look of betrayal, followed by shock and gratitude, really burned itself in my memory.
The whole project took us a week to complete, even with her special talent and all of the premium supplies she had brought in, but we were both really proud of what we'd done in the end. It was a griffon doll, with black plumage and blue accents, almost a quarter the scale of a pony. She had just finished dying the tip of the beak black, and we both sat back and admired it.
"He's cute," I said, and giggled.
"Yeah, but he's also got this suave look, y'know? Like, what's he planning? Heheh."
"I've been meaning to ask, where are all of the griffons, anyway? I, er, I read that Equestria used to have all sorts of other creatures."
The queen scoffed and waved a hoof dismissively. "A lot of them died out when magic did, and the rest were banished by the first king. 'Equestria for ponies' was part of his whole, like, shtick. A lot of ponies were really serious about that, back then, I guess. The griffons all left, no idea what happened to them."
I balked. "You don't keep contact with the griffon kingdom?"
She shook her head. "Apparently some king or queen before me did, but they stopped answering. As far as anypony can tell, Griffonstone is abandoned now. Not my problem anyway."
I stared at the little griffon doll we'd made together, remembering all of the other creatures who had made up the school of friendship, and Equestria at large.
"That's... so stupid. Why would anypony want all of the other creatures gone? Other creatures make just as good friends as ponies."
The queen snorted. "Ponies are stupid in general, and worse when they're scared. You know how it is."
I thought back to the way I'd used that same fear and panicked idiocy to my advantage, once. I nodded uneasily.
"Yeah... I guess I do."
"But hey, we've got this little guy to remember them by, yeah? I think it came out pretty good. It's based on some old posters for a music concert that were still lying around. I think I captured the anatomy really well."
"You did," I said at once, without thinking, and hurried to add, "from, um, what I've seen in books and all, anyway."
She grinned at that. "I want you to take him. You seem to like griffons; I just thought it would be a neat challenge, and I like working with dark tones."
"Oh, uh, thanks! That's really nice of you."
I really hadn't been expecting anypony in this world to give me anything, but there it was. And I actually really liked dolls, I just hadn't had any since getting here. I smiled as I picked the griffon up and tucked him under a wing. "Let's get you home, little guy."
I stood up to go, and the Pluteia stood up and yawned, stretching out and clearly appreciating a job well done. She fixed me with a sleep, happy smile.
"Same time tomorrow?"
I hesitated. It sounded fun, but...
"Uh, I'd like to, but... shouldn't you be doing some queen stuff soon? I mean, we've been doing this for an entire week!"
The queen waved a hoof dismissively, rolling her eyes. "Oh, those petitioners can live without me. They just bother me for handouts anyway. Buck'em!"
I grimaced. "But... Pluteia, there are real problems out in Equestria right now! I m-mean, the sun and moon are broken, ponies are going hungry... you're the queen! You should do something about all of that!"
The queen balked, and looked affronted. "Why should I care about those ponies? They never did anything for me! I mean, you're not going hungry, right?"
"Well, no, but that's not the point! As a queen you should be running Equestria, improving it, not just letting it slide into ruin! You told me you tried making things better, once, right? Well... I know things didn't go well last time, but you have a friend by your side this time. I think together, we can turn this all around. What do you say...?"
I reached out a hoof for her, and she stared at it for a few seconds like it was going to bite her. I could see her mind whirling with the possibilities, before she suddenly hissed at me and smacked it away, causing me to recoil in shock.
"I see what this all was, now! You just befriended me so I could be the target while you used me to make things better for you! Oh, you're devious, but I get it, now! You just want a puppet-queen for your whims! No! I thought you wanted to be friends with me, but I see you just want to be distant friends with this!"
She waved the scepter around with her wing, her face absolutely furious. And I...
I just stared at her, partially lidded, bored. It wasn't because I didn't care; it was just that I was watching everything I cared about and I had managed to build fall apart in front of me, and I couldn't muster the energy to fight it.
"No, I just figure it's better to rule over a kingdom than a ghost town, is all."
"Oh, you think you're cute, huh, with your snappy little comebacks?!"
I slowly raised an eyebrow. "I'm adorable, but that's besides the point."
She aimed her scepter at me, which caused my eyes to widen in surprise, but then the depression settled back on me. I shook my head at her.
"Go ahead, if it will make you feel better. What do I care, anymore?"
The queen balked at that, and glanced at the scepter and to me, like she was wondering if it was working. A sense of outrage fought with a sense of despair in me, that this one little thing I had taken comfort in was being taken away.
I took a step forward. "What? Why aren't you blasting me? That's what you want, right? Because you think I didn't care about you?"
"Y-yes! I can't believe I let my guard down again! It was stupid!"
I grit my teeth. "It was not stupid. Stupid is being miserable rather than take a risk at being happy; because what have you got to lose? Huh? What exactly was soooo great about your life that I came and ruined by being your friend? If you've got nothing going, you might as well take the jump. Not doing that is stupid. The only thing more stupid is having something good and throwing it away because you're so hung up on stupid ideas you came up with before you had anypony in the world to care about that you didn't realize what you'd gotten along the way!"
I hiccuped, realizing I was crying now, and I had gotten up in her face. She was pressing the scepter into me, her eyes filled with panic and her mouth twisted in a grimace. Of course, I realized I was talking about myself, and I hated that, just like I hated all of this stupidity. I pressed into the scepter and glared up at her. She was silent, so I started ranting again.
"So what? Going to kill your only friend? Where's all that anger you had? Did you realize it was stupid?"
Her eyes flared, but her expression still seemed horrified. "G-get away from me! Don't call me that!"
I rolled my eyes. "Oh come on! I threw my hooves up and accidentally smacked the scepter away, causing it to roll across the floor. She froze in panic for a second, while I just stared at her. I sniffed and forced my throat clear so I could speak.
"I just wanted to help. For once."
She snapped to reality and dove for the scepter, snatching it up and clutching it to her like it was a precious baby. I just sighed in disgust and turned away.
"I hope it keeps you better company than I did. See you, 'your majesty'."
I heard her say my name as I stormed out, but I didn't care anymore.
What was there to care about?