//------------------------------// // Attack of the deadman // Story: Fallen Order // by Jar Man //------------------------------// You know what I hate about May 16th? Its my birthday and not only that but I'm babysitting Starlight while the girls go to Canterlot for some bullshit. I think this is karma for that one time I forgot to type out the forms during church a few years ago. So now I sit in the back courtyard of Sol watching and brooding over the fact Colin and Kelso are swimming with Starlight in the pool the princesses had a thousand years ago. "Come on broski come swim with us" Colin prodded. I sunk deeper in my chair being nice and cozy in my armor. "He doesn't like me much" Starlight whispered to Colin who nodded in agreement. "Don't worry he'll come around but I think your on his kill list but it's pretty long" He assured her. "H-How long?" Starlight nervously asked. "Well his first one is Blue Blood but he's already dead...we do not know how it happend don't believe a word Celestia says" Colin got all serious but then smiled and they continued to swim. There were many reasons I didn't want to swim like me being self conscious about my body even though we looked rip as fuck when we got here and yes it's cause I don't like Starlight. I'm not being petty I just don't trust her, I can't see any reason to be friends with her but she got the boys to come around some how, she's basically the pony version of this girl from my school who manipultes other dudes. As I sat there amidst my pitiful brooding Lucky came by and kept me company, we chatted about nothing important and came up woth ways to hide Starlights body incase of an unfortunate accident. "You can go swim too if you want Lucky" I offered. She blushed and giggled at that. "Oh you do try to see all the mares don't you boss?" She teased. I immediately fell out of my chair embarrassed that she thought I was flirting. "N-No I just-" I stuttered hard. Lucky just laughed and shook her head. "I'm just joking sir, I have to get back to the armory to pick up my new blade" She stood up and left giving me a wink, I squatted down and picked up my chair. I can't believe I was pranked by my own soldiers, it may have been funny but that was mean. I was about to sit down but then I looked at the others having fun. I screamed inside myself debating on swimming or not, I went inside and changed into a shirt and some shorts, I walked back out and approached the pool. "Hey man come on in its nice and cold!"Kelso said before jumping in. "Yeah uh give me a minute" "You gonna still swim with a shirt man? Its not like any girls are gonna make fun of you" Colin chastised. I took a deep breath and took off my shirt exposimg my scarred body. Starlight gasped at it making me regret coming back now. "Your scars are quite frightening especially with the scary eye" She said. "Gee thanks" I slowly entered the water and sat on the steps. "I'm sorry I didn't mean anything by it I actually think it looks cool, it shows you were stronger than your enemy" Starlight complemented. I just nodded and sank in the water, it did feel nice but I still wanted my shirt. I stood on the wooden board we made into a diving board from a tree, right before I jumped someone whistled making me freeze and fall into the water. I poked my head out of the water and saw the girls standing by the chairs laughing, I looked to Rainbow Dash who was hiding in the back trying to act innocent. "I'm going to scissor kick you in the back of your head" I muttered swimming to the edge. "Well we're finally back and now its time to go to Ponyville" says Twilight. I put my shirt back on and acted like I don't know what their talking about. "Why?" "Its a surprise come on!" She grabbed my hand and started to pull. "I think I hear Lucky calling for me to...go fight monsters yeah thats it!" I scooted back and tried to book it across the yard but was stopped by the witches magic I tried punching the magic but it didn't work. "Damn you and your witchcraft women!" "Oh don't be such a foal it'll be fun" Twilight smiled sadisticly and carried me away. She let me put my armor back on before heading to town. I knew my fate awaited me today but I would have to put a pin in it for later, I tried to find Lucky or Dotharam to save ms but they were no where to be found. (Ponyville) We stood outside Twilights castle with my crippling doom right behind those doors. We walked in and I noticed hiw pitch black it was in here, I couldn't see shit it was like the abyss and I forgot the ring. "Yo I can't see shit man...guys?" I couldn't hear them which made me paranoid as fuck. I held my arms out and walked forward to find a switch or something, I bumped into a few chairs then felt something soft. My brain told me to squeeze and that's exactly what I did...I really wish I didn't. "Kobe your hands are a little cold" Luna whispered. The lights flashed on and everyone saw my hands on Lunas...we won't talk about that. I pulled back and stood there with my face so red my helmet couldn't cover it. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" Everyone shouted, the girls and the princesses were here along with Lucky, Dotharam and the boys, I couldn't move out of shame and embarrassment, Twilight came up to me and dragged me to a chair where a strangely large fucking cake was right in front of me. The decorations were little suns and some even had me and the boys with small bodies and big heads together. "You need to take off Your helmet to blow out the candles silly!" Pinkie appeared behind me and tried to grab my helmet but I held on to it. "I prefer to hide my shame under it thank you very much" I squeaked. "What's wrong sugar cube don't like parties?" Apple Jack asked stifling a laugh. They knew why I wouldn't take it off I just committed a horrible sin and now I wish I had my bible. I looked up at the 9 foot cake and sighed before getting a ladder. I climbed up and saw the little candle was a wax version of me, I thought that was a little cute then blew through my helmet like a retard, I just used my fingers to pinch the flame out. I was about to get down but Pinkie Pie blasted me with her party Canon sending me into the boys. "Sorry!" She called from across the room. I groaned and stood up, the party started and there was no escape now. I got me a slice of cake and sat down around everyone, I got a weird feeling in my gut which usually means something bad will happen to me or someone else. I took off my helmet and sat it next to me and started eating. It felt weird not being around my family for my birthday for once, I didn't miss them except my dog and my grandma but that's about it. I wonder what my dog is up to right now, probably sleeping in my bed like always and being a couch potato. "So dude hows it feel to be a boomer now?" Colin nudged me. "Bro being a boomer now means I can finally get that tattoo I've always wanted once I find a tattoo place here" I was wanting to get a cross with a few words on it. I watched Luna scooted her chair over to me and leaned on the table. "How are you enjoying yourself?" She asked. I noticed she had some makeup on which wasn't unusual but I couldn't look her in the face after what happened earlier. "I just want to apologize for what happend earlier It was dark and I couldn't see..." I said staring at the empty plate in front of me. Luna giggled before putting a hand on my leg making me shiver. "I thought it was cute" She shrugged. My eye twitched at that and I wanted to scream my head off. I banged my head on the table and groaned at my misfortune of being here. Maybe I should have gone with the bonfire, death doesn't sound so bad right now. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse Twilight came by and saw Lunas hand, I'm pretty sure her eyes sent hate to Lunas. She sat down in the other chair next to me and cocked an eyebrow. "So Kobe you want to see what I got you?" She asked while eyeing Luna. I did not like where this was going but I don't think they cared. "I wanted to show him the present I have for him, you can later princess Sparkle" Luna grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. Colin and Kelso what he'd ghe whole things eating cake like it's a grand show of entertainment. "Hey how about we take a chill pill and not give me any gifts I like that idea" I pulled away from her and got out of my chair only to be stopped by Twilights magic. They both stood up and grabbed me, my mind said fuck it and I kicked off the table and jumped over the two creepy women. I grabbed a piece of cake and made a mad dash to the stairs and trampled up them, the hallway had many doors to chokse from so I went with a random one and went inside. I listened to the sounds of footsteps run by and sighed in relief. "Why won't they understand?" I asked myself. "Understand what?" A voice said behind me. I screamed like a girl for a second not expecting anyone to be in here. Starlight just gave me a weird look before shrugging and sitting in her chair reading over some scrolls. "Sorry I didn't know anyone was in here I was hiding from Twilight and princess Luna they have this weird thing for me and its scary" I explained then slowly turned the nob before stopping. I didn't see Starlight down stairs so I wondered if she got any cake. "Hey uh did you get any cake?" "Nope I just sat up here, I didn't want to ruin your surprise" She replied not looking back. I felt a sting of guilt and closed my eyes out of stupidity for being such a dick to her. "Hey um...fuck ok I'm sorry I shouldn't have been a dick to you, I couldn't help it when I saw that village and I should have been more reasonable I know this is sudden but I've learned what happens when you hold a grudge against others" I was only a dick to nobles and demons and yet I put Starlight in that hated category when she's actually trying go fix her wrongs. I walked up to her desk and set the plate down next to her. She looked up at me and tilted her head in confusion and I just smiled and went to the door. "I didn't think you were the forgiving type, glad I was wrong" She smiled and started eating. "I am just not to monsters or Zebras especially the kids" I rubbed my shins from when thkse little fucks kicked me and ran off. "Well we both don't like kids so we have that in common" She pointed out. I nodded in agreement and was about to say my peace before her doorknob started rattling. I dove under her bed and prayed she wouldn't rather me out. "Starlight!" Twilight weezed pushing intl the room with Luna behind her. "Miss Glimmer I am looking for Kobe have you seen him anywhere?" Luna asked before Twilight could. Starlight hummed for a moment before answering. "No I haven't he just stopped by and gave me some came while I studied the friendship lessons then ran out the door" She lied to them. I was so grateful if I could right now I would legit do whatever as long as its not anything premarital. The two princesses rushed out the door and dissapeard leaving me and my savior I once hated. I crawled out and made a worshiping gesture to her. "I am in your debt Starlight name someone and I mean anyone you dislike and I'll go kill them for you as payment for saving me" I waited for her response and she just smiled amd shook her head. "Can you take me off your kill list?" She asked getting smaller. I nodded my head profusely and pulled out my list. "Oh yeah for sure, I better get going I gotta get back to Sol and think about genocide against zebras" I nodded to her and crept out the door. I never thought I'd befriend a communist but I guess tomorrows are full of surprises. I headed downstairs where everything was cleaned up, I didn't realize I spent so long hiding but oh well. The girls were sitting around some map thing that had all of Equestria and other countries on it. I walked over to it mesmerized by it. "Now that's some badass shit right there" I then noticed the floating cutiemarks hovering above Twilights castle. "Ooh that's some fancy shit right right there where'd y'all get this eBay or something?" I looked at the girls. They just gave me the same story Twilight did of how it came out of the ground. "Where's Twilight at I was sure she was with you no?" Rarity asked. "Yeah things got a little complicated and now her and princess Luna are hunting me down for reason I shall not say. But enough about that I want to thank you all for throwing this party it means a lot deep down to Me" "It was mostly Twilight and Pinkie Pie who set it up A hand touched my shoulder making me flinch and cranned my head around to see Celestia there holding a small box. I thanked the good Lord and turned to face her. "You gave me a mini heart attack I thought you were Twilight or Luna" I laughed scratching my head. "You and I need to talk but first I want you to open the box" She said handing me the blue box. I picked it up and inspected it then sniffed it before opening it. I gasp when I saw the golden cross with a sun in the middle of it. "Oh princess this is badass thank you" I put it around my neck and it began to glow. A yellow spark went around my body tickling me a little then stopped. "That right there is an enchanted necklace used to boost ones magical abilities like your lighting powers" She said. I thought that was fucking cool and now I can have more powerful lighting spears to kick ass. "Now we talk but not here I suggest the balcony outside" she lit her horn and in a flash we were on the balcony of Twilights castle. "So what's up Sunbutt?" I leaned against the Crystal rails. "It's about my sister and Twilights connection to you" She stated. "Oh..." I pursed my lips knowing where this was going. "You don't seem to show much interest in others beside your love for fighting, if I may ask why don't you like ponies by much?" That question hit differently mostly cause it wasn't that I disliked them I just couldn't get over the their like furrys and I keep putting my belief in only humans should days humans not aliens ok animals. "It's not that I don't like them I really do but where I'm from ponies and horses were just four legged animals and not sentient beings like y'all and so I guess I still haven't processed that yet and I don't even know how dating works I was a loner for like all my life and my friends are all I really needed" I never had a relationship due to me being socially awkward around girls I liked. "Is that all of the reasons?" She raised an eyebrow. I shook my head and continued. "Well no...I have my beliefs and I've always lived by them like no premarital sex, no more than one wife and bestiality although y'all are different since you are sentient and not dumb like animals back home" I felt like I was taking to a mom about sex ed but also not. "If it makes you feel any better I think you should do what you believe is right for you not anypony else" She smiled to me. I walked over to the railings then stopped, a sound from above us made me grab a throwing knife and spin around. I threw the knife at the diving shadow who landed behind Celestia, it was Johnny. "Come back from your hole have you?" I cocked. He just leaped towards me with his swords, not wasting any time I rolled to the side and pulled out another knife since I didn't bring my Zweihander. Celestia charged her horn but Johnny threw one of his swords at her. As it flew past me and neared ths princess I grabbed the handle and spun it back at him. I ran up to him and dodged his overhead attack then stabbed his leg and went for the throat, Johnny stepped back and impaled me with both swords then launched me into the wall. I looked up and saw Johnny approaching me for the final blow but Celestia stepped in front of me. "You will no longer hurt my friends nor my subjects stand down and I may spare you a painful imprisonment" She said through clenched teeth. I pulled out my estus and chugged it before standing up, I pulled Celestia back to her suprise. "He's mine" I twirled a fire bomb in my hand and threw it at him as a distraction. He blocked it but didn't expect me to be in his face right after. I jabbed the knife into his shoulder and kneed him in the stomach, he returned a favor by head butting me and kicking my knee to the side then pulled out the knife and looked over to Celestia who fired a few spells at him. Johnny dodged it and threw the knife at Celestia hitting her chest, she fell back from the impact and collapsed on the ground. I tried to grab him but he kicked me in the face then leaped over the balcony and dissapeard. I rolled over and started crawling to Celestia to make sure she was okay, I didnt know Johnny was so powerful it was my fault for leaving my weapons at Sol and not expecting him. I went to Celestia and she was bleeding real fucking bad, the knife was close to the middle of her chest. "Princess can you hear me?" She didn't respond. "Fuck" I lifted her up and kicked open the doors and rushed down the stairs as best I could. The girls saw me and gasped in horror, FlutterShy nearly passed out as I ran to the front door. "SISTER!!" Luna cried running to me. "We need to get her to the hospital NOW!" I said going down the stairs. The hospital was next to us so I didn't have to go far. We went inside and the staff immediately set Celestia on a bed and rushed down the hallway. The others soon rushed in and started asking me questions. "Dude what the fuck happend?!" "We were talking and Johnny came out of nowhere and attacked us. I didnt have my weapons on me so I had to use a knife and dude we were fucked from the start he's more powerful and fucking fast man" I explained trying wrap my head around the whole event. "Where did he go?" Kelso chimed. "Bitch fucking ran off after throwing the knife into Celestia, I couldn't chase him down since she would have died" I exasperated. The guards soon showed up for questions and about Johnny like how he got there which I didn't fucking know and why he was there. "You think he's trying to get payback for Tirek?" Kelso asked me. "I don't know but we need to find him and kill him or arrest him, me personally I'd beat his fucking shit in before handing him over" I sat down in a chair and waited for the doctors to come back. (An hour later) The doctors came back and we all stood up wanting to know if Sunbutt would rule again. "She is alive and well, the knife wound missed her heart by an inch and we have her going through surgery" "Oh thank you God" I praised looking up at the ceiling. "When will we be able to see her?" Twilight asked. Ths doctor looked over her papers and marked on it. "Maybe tomorrow or the next day but for now we need her to rest and relax" The doctor left us to our thoughts. Luna was visibly angry about this and Twilight was sad about it, me on the other hand I was celebrating ths fact I saved her ass but did feel bad of course. "I'm sure she'll be okay we'll get her something to get well" Flutter Shy said before heading out. Apple Jack and Rainbow Dash went around town to inform everyone about the attack. Me and the boys were gonna head back to Sol to make sure everything's alright over there. We needed to find Johnny and fast, I'm afraid to think of how powerful he can become.