//------------------------------// // Starlight - If the Worst Comes to the Worst // Story: One on One Philosophy with Discord // by CrackedInkWell //------------------------------// For a long time, Starlight didn’t know exactly what to think. Alone in her office, she was staring at the shut doors, letting her thoughts wander and trying to find a place to settle on. Even though the school had ended hours ago where students have probably gone home or retired to their dorm rooms, she remained there with her thoughts. She knew of the reasons why. Several hours ago, Twilight had come to her saying that she is naming her to take on the role of Headmare of the School of Friendship. Knowing Twilight, she was most likely prepared to take upon the task of running the school from paperwork to organizing events. She was most likely ready to take up responsibility if something did go wrong.   At the same time, on her desks where the profiles of ponies that may one day take her place as a councilor. She had spent several hours studying the qualifications of each and slowly narrowing them down. Since she would be in charge of choosing the next pony that would take up the stresses of the job. Especially when it involves giving guidance to students or being a referee to the teachers at any time, she has to choose carefully, not only for her own sake but for the students as well.   Both of these have the root problem in which made her stare at the wood on the doors. That being… what if something goes wrong and it’s her fault? What if she chose the wrong pony to replace her? What if a student comes to the new councilor and they’re unprepared to assist? What if she can’t do a good enough job as Twilight did? What if everything falls apart and it’s her fault?    ‘I know I need help,’ she thought. ‘But do I need… his help?’   Despite Discord being on his good behavior and sometimes students come to him for advice (not that she minded as it helped split up the work), there was a part of her that made her hesitate. However, the philosophy teacher was good at giving the advice anyone needed. Even some of the teachers have turned to him from time to time. Yet, she hadn’t talked to him since the Machiavelli incident. However, given the change in circumstances, she made up her mind as she knew that she had to go and speak with him.   Several minutes of navigating through the hallways and pass the row of classrooms that she stood before the door of Discord’s classroom. With a sigh, she knocked on it.    “It’s open,” Discord’s muffled voice called out.    Starlight turned the knob, only to get hit in the face with sand, burying her almost instantly. Digging her way out from the instant sand dune, she gave an annoyed glare at the cracked opening of sand and the doorframe where Discord’s head was peering through.    “I was going to say mind the sand,” he said, “but you opened it before I could warn you.”   The mare’s horn glowed, and the sand in the hallway was surrounded by her pink aura to be moved back into the space that was the classroom. “Discord, what are you doing?”   “Well, I was digging out Hamunaptra with a spoon,” Discord told her, “then you knocked on the door that was already buried in the sand, and now you’re annoyed at me. So, come on in.”   Starlight further used her magic to create solid enough stairs so she could climb up to the sandy desert where Discord stood. She shielded her eyes from the sun that was baking the dunes they stood over. Here and there, there were ancient ruins that stuck out from the shifting sands of this cursed land.   “Now what brings you to Southern Equestria, Comrade?” Discord asked, tossing the silver teaspoon to the side. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”   “Yeah…” Starlight conjured up a sun umbrella. “Normally I don’t come to you with these sorts of things. But now… I have to make an exception.”   “Oh? And what exactly does the all-wise Starlight would need my expertise?”   “Well, it’s about what I’m expected to do.” She explained. “Now that Twilight has designated me as the future Headmare of the School and me trying to figure out who to pass on the torch with my job – so to speak.”   “That doesn’t sound so bad.”   “Don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to taking up the massive responsibility. However…”   Discord’s ears perked up. “Yes?”   “Well… at the same time, I’m just worried is all.” Discord asked her what she meant by that. “I’m worried that once I am in charge and that I found someone to become the new school counselor, then something horrific will happen that’ll be entirely my fault. Even if it’s unintentional, I’m afraid that I might lose that position because I wasn’t ready for it. Or even with whoever I choose to become the next councilor that they won’t be good enough and I’d get blamed for hiring them in the first place.”   “So, in other words, you’re worried that the worst not only might happen,” he said, craning his neck down to her eye-level, “but it’s going to happen. Right?”   She nodded. “It’s something I’ve been dealing with for years now. I mean, can you blame me? With losing touch with a friend once, then nearly ending time itself out of pettiness, then almost made a student go missing… I mean, imagine the mistakes that I’m going to make and have to be held responsible for.”   “Ah, the ‘I’m terrified that something is gonna happen to me and I’m completely unprepared for it,’ fear. As it so happens, you’re in luck! Because I have the best medicine for that you’ve ever seen.”   “Yeah?” Starlight raised an eyebrow, “And how are you going to do that?”   Discord stuck his claw into the sand as if looking for something. “Have you ever heard of an ancient Pegasi philosopher named,” he then pulled out a marble bust of a curly mane and bearded stallion, “Seneca?”   “I know a little of his biography, but I don’t think I’ve covered his philosophy yet.”   “Ah good! Lecture time!” He juggled the bust over to his lion paw. “Once upon a time, Seneca here was known to be an author and statespony for the Pegasi Empire, who had the unluckiest job in the world to be the personal adviser to the nut-ball, Emperor Nero. Everything we know about his philosophy is from the letters he wrote to his distressed friends who were asking for his help.   “For example, a friend of his named Lucilius, who was a civil servant found out that there was a lawsuit against him that threatened to end his career in one fell swoop. So in a panic, he asked the philosopher for advice to help him out. So, to help you out, I’m going to follow what he wrote back in his letter.”   “And that being…?”   Discord smiled. “To quote him, ‘You may expect that I’m going to advise you to picture a happy outcome and to rest in the sweet promises of hope. But, I’m going to lead you to peace of mind through another route, which ends in the advice that you wish to put off all worry from – that you must assume that what you fear may happen is certainly going to happen.”   Starlight frowned. “So you’re saying that the best way to calm down my anxiety is to tell me that everything I fear is gonna happen?”   “Ah!” Discord then threw the bust over his shoulder, “No, what I’m presenting to you is an essential idea. That you must always try to picture the absolute worst possible outcome that’s gonna happen – BUT! And this is the big, important, reassuring, all-encompassing but – you’ll still be… okay. The worst is still survivable. The goal that I have for you isn’t to imagine that bad things don’t unfold or to depress you, or even to sink into dread every time you wake up in the morning. It’s to get you to see that you’re more capable of enduring the worst more than you currently think.”   Starlight, with a blank expression, replied, “That’s gotta be the worst way to comfort somepony I’ve ever heard.”   “Oh?” Discord inquired with a sadistic grin, “Shall we put it to the test?”   With a snap of his claw and a flash of light, Starlight blinked a few times to see that she was sitting down, hindlegs crossed. In front of her were hundreds of head shaven Discords in yellow robes, cross-legged in meditative poses going “Ommmm…” As far as Starlight could tell, they sat in the ruins of a stone monetary in the mountains. The Himalamas, by the looks of it. Looking down, there was a small mirror pond that reflected her and Discord in orange and an eye open.   “For this thought experiment,” he said, “I will lead you through a meditation where you’ll confront the fears of countless creatures face. Although I may tell you these truths, only you can overcome them.”   “And how exactly do you expect me to do that?” Starlight questioned. “Do you think I would come to you if I could?”   Discord nodded. “True. And you’re not alone in this. I’m going to teach you a meditation in which that instead of those destructive ‘self-help books’ that saying everything’s gonna be alright that leaves fears to fester, filling anyone unlucky enough to come across them to be pumped full of dread that they loom for much longer than they should.   “If anything, you ever noticed that the fear of something dreadful is oftentimes worse than the thing itself? Well with this, I’m laying down for you a way to look at those fears right in the eye, refuse to kowtow towards them but examine each in detail so that they don’t look so scary anymore.”   “And what’s the purpose of showing me my worst fears be?”   “To have you reach an important realization that very few adults could learn.”   “Yeah? What’s that?”   “We can cope.” He replied. “That even when the worst comes to the worst, it is survivable. What I invite you to do, Starlight Glimmer is to focus on the scary things, not for the sake of depressing you, but to awaken you to the sense of your own strength and adaptability. Ready?”   The mare closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. “Okay… do your worst.”   “There are thirteen fears that all life will have to encounter at least once in their lives.” Discord said beginning with the first. “If the worst came to the worst, you would find that you had far fewer friends than you think – but the ones that remained would be the real ones; the ones who can see past your ruined social status to the genuine you beneath.”   Starlight started to concentrate on what this scenario would look-   “Really Starlight,” Twilight’s voice was heard but it sounded as if it was muffled like hearing it through a wall, “Out of all the friends I have, you’re probably the worst one.”   The unicorn looked around, but at first, she didn’t see anything. But when she looked down at her reflection, she saw behind Twilight and her friends, looking down with disapproval.   “Don’t bother ta come around the farm no more,” she heard Applejack say, “cause you ain’t welcome.”   “You know,” Rainbow jabbed, “we put so much trust in you. We thought you’ve changed.” She frowned, “Guess we were wrong.”   Starlight looked behind her, but she didn’t see anyone. Looking back at the reflection pool, all that was left was Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie.   Rarity slapped her reflection in the face.    Pinkie frowned before turning away.   Fluttershy was the worst of them all, as she only exchanged a hurt, teary-eyed glance before sobbing away.   “Wow,” Discord commented. “That looked like it hurt.”   Starlight looked up at him. “Seriously, what’s this supposed to teach?”   “The pond here is your thoughts that are being reflected back to you. Still… You really can’t imagine a single one that would still be with you? Even when the worst came to the worst?”   “Well…” Starlight began, but her eyes trailed away back to the pond, in which her reflection was joined by two others. She saw in its Trixie to her left and Sunburst on the right, each of them giving a comforting hoof on her shoulders. “I guess that if this new job blows up in my face, I wouldn’t entirely be alone.”   Discord nodded. “If the worst came to the worst, you’ll find that following the safe, respectable, prestigious path wasn’t worth it to begin with. With far less left to lose, you’ll, at last, be granted the opportunity to explore the riskier, yet more fulfilling occupations you’d always wanted to give a try, but been too socially anxious to do so until now.”   In her reflection, Starlight saw in it the images that she had feared. She saw the angry, disapproving  faces of her teachers and students, a headline declaring her to be the worst Headmare in history and being kicked out of the School of Friendship. In her reflection, she saw the tears that ran down her face as she slept on the streets. Homeless.    “Wow, and here I thought you’d have a little more ambition than that.” Discord commented.   “What are you talking about?” Starlight questioned. “That losing this new job would mean the end of everything?”   “And yet, even in your fears, you’re still alive.” Discord pointed out. “Even if you lose this new job, what’s preventing you from doing something else? To try something new when you got nothing to risk? Think about it, even if you somehow messed up big time with being the new Headmare or put the wrong pony to be the replacement counsellor, would you just lay down in the dirt and cry?”   “Well… n-no…” She answered with an embarrassed blush. “I would have to go find a new job.”   “And with nothing left to lose, what would you do?”   In the reflection, they spotted Trixie holding a hoof out to Starlight. Lights and fireworks behind them of a new magic show.   “Maybe I was so focused on worrying about losing my job that I forgot I had options.”   Discord smiled and continued with the third meditation: “Now, if the worst came to the worst, you would learn to measure your self-worth by your own standards rather than the whims and applause of the crowd. You would grow a sense of self, independent of the verdicts of others.”   Starlight almost laughed. “It’s almost ironic now that I think of it.”   “What do you mean?”   “That I often tell students that come to me, some worried about not doing well with this test or that project that all that matters is if they give it their best. Kinda surreal that I’m getting similar advice from you.”   Discord hummed in thought. “In a way at a different angle.”   “What do you mean?”   “You know the old saying that the worst critic out there is yourself?” She nodded. “That’s the kind that I mean. While getting approval from others is nice, what does that matter if, to you, all your work is nothing but a pile of crap? Sure, others may see it as a masterpiece, but it only remains as crap as long as you see it as such. Does that make sense.”   “In a strange way… yeah, it actually does.”   “Good, now to the next one.” He cleared his throat. “If the worst came to the worst, you’d look with new admiration and humility at the unhurried calm, natural stoicism, and resilience of animals.”   Immediately, the pool reflected the overview of Fluttershy’s Animal Sanctuary.    “I’m confused.” Starlight said. “Why would I have admiration and humility towards animals? They don’t have the same problems that I have.”   “Maybe not. Then again, it would be funny if they did.” Discord pointed out. “I mean, would it be hilarious if birds got stressed out over a World War? Or that Pigs would have heart attacks over the state of an advanced message system? Or that Bears would be protesting over whatever political stupidity that the Princesses made into law?”   “Well yeah, but still, why would they care? It has nothing to do with them.”   “True. But animals do have one advantage over more sentient beings. And that is that even they know that it’s pointless to get worried over something that’s out of their control.”   “No, that can’t be right.” Starlight shook her head. “What if a fire destroys their environment or what have you? That alone should be upsetting.”   “Sure. But even then, do you notice something strange?”   Starlight blinked.    “They adapt.” Discord explains. “Whenever the landscape changes, they have to change with it. They don’t just stay in the ruins forever, eventually, they have to move on to someplace else. They have to find other means to live and continue. Sure, it might be upsetting over this sudden and dramatic change, but even animals learned to adapt to a new place.”   “Now…” He cleared his throat. “If the worst came to the worst, you would learn to consider your sorrows from the vantage point of some distant nebula and would recognize your life as the petty and insignificant thing it truly is and always was.”   The pond changed again, this time to show the reflection of the stars and moon.    “Now why would this be important?”   “Take a moment to consider every little thing that you find regret for.” He said. “Look at the mistakes, the outbursts, the wrong decisions, the embarrassing moments, the hurtful words you said, the dubious deeds you did…” He watched on and saw within the pond flashes of Starlight’s mind. Here the village she ruled over, there the time travel spell she used, this was her screaming at her dad, there a lie she told to her friends, that way dismissing a student who needed her help the most.   “What? Are you trying to tell me that I’m the worst pony who ever lived?” She said dryly. “Because that’s what I already think about myself already.”   “Now, take a mental step back. And by stepping back, I mean a couple of thousand light-years away. Look at these problems again from the point of view of a distant star. And at a point of view from eternity. Tell me, Starlight Glimmer, look at those same problems again at such a distance and all the time in the universe, how do your troubles stack up?”   She frowned as she looked back at the pond, returning to that starry reflection. “When you put it that way, you’re making everything I went through as pointless. But it’s still a big enough deal to me though since I live here in the moment up-close.”   “And that’s why we have Philosophy. Not to say that your pain is pointless, but to look at the same events but from the point of view of eternity. From that perspective of a distant star, the incidents that trouble you would no longer have to seem so shocking or so huge. After all, what’s failure at a job or losing the respect of one’s friends when looked at from the surface of the moon? What’s divorce, getting fired, or being rejected from a crush compared to the history of the universe? I’m telling you this because your nature means that you’ll always tend to exaggerate the here and now. But you do have an advantage though. You reasoned intelligence should give you access to imagine a perspective of eternal totality. Where you can cease screaming against the unfair status quo, to go with the flow of whatever events may come.   “Moving on. If the worst came to the worst, you would develop the right amount of gratitude for every apparently minor thing – and every day that unfolded without any further catastrophe that goes off-script would be seen as the blessing it truly is.”   “Off script?” Starlight tilted her head. “What are you talking about?”   “You know how you ponies have this unmentioned script which society puts before you and you’re kinda expected to follow? Such as first you have a fun foalhood full of self-discovery, then you get an education to make friends along the way, next comes a successful career, then find that special somepony who you might get married to, then you have foals to watch them grow up and be successful too, then you’d grow old, your parents would pass away peacefully in their late eighties before you go the same way too.”   “Well yeah,” she shrugged. “That’s just common sense, isn’t it?”   “Except, you ponies have this funny thing that you all seemed to leave out, and when it does happen, you’re somehow… surprised that it happens at all.”   Starlight raised an eyebrow. “And what’s that?”   “To leave enough room in your script for something to go catastrophically wrong. Despite all the things that don’t give two craps about anyone’s plans, that many are shocked that something would go wrong as if they expected the universe itself to kowtow to their wills when it’s coinvent. I think Seneca put it best in one of his letters. ‘You say, ‘I didn’t think it would happen,’ do you think there is anything that will not happen when you know that it is possible to happen? When you see it has already happened to many?... We never anticipate evils before they arrive. So many funerals passed our doors, yet we never dwell on death. So many deaths are untimely, yet we make plans for our infants. However, they well done the toga, serve in the army, and succeed to their father’s property. They might end up doing such things, but how mad to love them without remembering that no one, not even the gods, had offered us a guarantee that they would grow to maturity, let alone make it to dinner time.’”   “So, you’re saying that the script that society gives us… that there wasn’t one to begin with?”   Discord nodded. “Yes. If and when something goes wrong, don’t feel like you’re the victim of some conspiracy against you. The truth is, that even in those dark times, it’s also just as possible for you to develop the deepest of friendships, to surrender your self-righteousness to gain the right kind of dark humor, even when under the gallows. Just because things tend to go wrong, doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the stuff that does go right. Each day that goes by without catastrophe, is a blessing.”   “That’s… actually really mature of you to say.”   “I know my philosophy.” He responded. “Anyways, if the worst came to the worst, you would understand that life was not something that could ever be molded into a wholly flawless and error-free thing – but it’s always had been imperfect, necessarily unreliable construction, that’s full of marks and blemishes – which nevertheless possess their own beauty and dignity.”   “Just like you said with the last bit.”   He nodded. “If the worst came to the worst, you would learn to separate between what is really serious and worth mourning about, and what is just a passing nuisance. You would, in so many situations, be infinitely calmer.”   Starlight blinked. “I don’t get this one.”   “Well to skip a lesson that I have in mind for the context of this one,” Discord cleared his throat. “Tell me, what is the opposite of anger?”   She thought this over for a minute or so before responding. “I guess… calm?”   Discord shook his head. “Nope. Excessive hope.”   “That doesn’t make sense.”   “Philosophers like Seneca have said that the reason why creatures get so angry all the time isn’t out of just because – rather, it’s because they have a view that expects that a majority of things are going exactly according to plan. From waking up on time to have a cheesy omelet for breakfast, picking up your keys at the same spot, to getting to work without any complication, even something as simple as having the flight schedules of blimps is on time. But when they find that they have woken up late, or that they’ll have to eat an orange, that keys have gone missing, traffic is backed up for miles, and that the blimps are gonna be a couple of years late – these sorts of folks explode.   “You know the kind. The kind that when they couldn’t find their wallets they scream: ‘Where in Celestia’s mighty plot-hole is my wallet!?’ as if there’s a conspiracy to make your small things disappear just when you need them. Regardless if they find them again, they get upset over things that, really, shouldn’t be worth lamenting like say your parent dropping dead all of a sudden.”   Starlight nodded. “Okay, I guess that makes sense.”   “Moving on,” Discord said, “If the worst comes to the worst, your failure would inspire others to share stories of their own sadness, confusion, and humiliation and we would, together, face up to the suffering we so often, unfairly may I add, endure alone.”   Looking at the pool, Discord took notice of Starlight’s reflection of her time as dictator of her village. Starlight noticed this and shook her head. “How would that help?” She questioned. “I mean, most people would tend to focus more on success than anything else.”   “Maybe, but perhaps this might be the most important thing so far. As much as most societies tend to go toward merit and success – dare I say it – even worshiping it, that as beautiful as these ideals are, they are quite poisonous. If you fail at something, that if you did a bad job, or hired the wrong replacement – it’s entirely your fault. When you have no sense of tragedy or luck to turn towards, it’s no wonder why suicides rates go up when individuals are held solely responsible.”   “Why tragedy and luck?”   “Because it’s something that even the ancient Pegasi understood. If anything, it’s why they encouraged their citizens to see gory plays to teach them an important lesson: that even the worst could befall upon the good. And as for luck? The very idea suggests that anyone has gotten to where they are not out of merit or birthright, but because out of pure chance. Things don’t go your way or do because you or someone else wants them too – because some of the time, it’s because of luck. See what I mean?”   “So I shouldn’t worry if I make a good Headmare or choose a good replacement because either way, it’s still a gamble?”   “If you want to see it like that.” Discord said before moving on. “If the worst came to the worst, you would see that the struggle for fame, money, and success was only a doomed attempt to compensate for an unconditional love that you had longed for but was denied in foalhood. That worldly craving would give way to melancholy and mourning.”   Starlight didn’t say anything, instead, she looked down at her reflection in which she saw her foalhood self with tears in her eyes. For a split moment, she saw Sunburst moving away, and in another, a father that gave all the affection in the world, but she wanted space.    “Now this I don’t get,” she said, “growing up, Dad gave me so much love… probably too much of it now I think of it. To the point that he kept forgetting that I was growing up.”   “And your mother?”   This got a sharp glare from her. “Leave her out of this.”   “Why not? Did I happen to hit on a nerve?”   Looking back down at her reflection in the pond, they saw two ponies arguing. “Maybe if she stayed, she might give Dad the balance he needed… Maybe if they didn’t get divorced… who knows where things might have gone? Yet, that doesn’t matter as what I got was a father that wanted to make sure that I was protected at all costs to the point of severely limiting who I can and can’t see. Back then, I didn’t have control so… by the time I moved out and founded that village… yeah, things did get out of control.”   “You know,” Discord said, “in that, we’re more or less in the same boat.”   “Huh?”   “You don’t think that I have regrets too? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sorry for the chaos I created. But it’s different when it happens to the ponies that you got to know a little. Fluttershy alone, the things I had done… I’m still amazed she’s my friend now. That she had forgiven me over and over – and believe me, she has every right to be angry at me, and yet, she’s not.”   “Strangely… I can relate to that.”   Discord smiled. “Which is why it should be okay to mourn over it. Now, we’re almost done so let’s keep going.” After clearing his throat he said, “If the worst came to the worst, you’d cease to be so scared of looking within – and might, perhaps, give psychotherapy a go some time.”   “Yeah, I just never found the time.” Retorted Starlight.   “Then again,” he told her. “You did take the time to come talk to me about your problems.”   Starlight opened her mouth, but for a moment, nothing came out, so she closed it.   Discord continued. “If the worst came to the worst, you would play the saddest songs that have been waiting all this time for you to hear.”   “Like something to listen to for catharsis?” Starlight asked.   “Naturally. The author might recommend Shostakovich or Mahler, being the classical nerd he is. Personally, I go with Revolution No. 9 if I’m feeling down.”   Starlight shrugged. “Maybe listening to the Blues for me. Depending on if I’m in the mood for it.”   “Good. And now for the last one: If the worst came to the worst, truly, honestly the absolute, inescapable worst, then all the rage, grief, anxiety and fear you have in life would be at an end – and would at last, as those prayers best put it, be at peace.”   She gave a low whistle. “Now there’s some real heavy stuff.”   “Obviously. But for you mortals, there’s a strange comfort in that. I think a silent movie actor once put it best: ‘Nothing lasts in this wicked world, not even our troubles.’”   Just then, a bell was heard in which the other meditative Discords took a moment to stretch, get up and start walking towards the appeared classroom door to walk out of. All the while, the illusion started to fade in which the mountainous monastery gave way to a classroom. Starlight blinked as she realized that he and Discord were sitting on the desk.    “Welp,” Discord said, stretching his arms. “I hope that at least did something.”   “In a way… I think it did.” She nodded. “Although, did you have to bring up all that other stuff?”   “Why not? If you’re not going to at least confront it now, when?” He hopped off his desk. “You know, I didn’t fix any of your problems, just gave you the tools to use for when the time comes.”   “Still… I don’t want to fail at something so many are looking up at me to do.”   “Sure. But hey,” he said as he walked over to the door. He stopped to look at her, “even if or when it does, did you ever notice something truly odd? Even when we were talking about all that dark stuff, did you take notice of something that is the strangest of all?”   “What?”   He smirked. “The world didn’t come to an end.” With that, he left.   Alone in the classroom, perhaps out of the entirety of their conversation that was something that was the most profound to Starlight. She looked over at the windows, observing how dark it’s getting outside. So, getting up, she left the classroom door.   “Maybe… Even if I don’t got this,” she said to herself, “it wouldn’t be as bad as I thought.”