Mucking around through the mud was not how Gordon imagined he would be spending his day, but to look for a nice gift for a friend made it worth it. Twilight was a sweet girl, a pony, yes, but a sweet girl nonetheless. Up to his elbows in sticky clay mud, he helped Spike and Zecora feel around for anything noteworthy. The zebra had told them that this clearing in the forest was a spot where she often found ancient bones, plants, and fossils of all kinds. It was once a bog but constant mudslides turned it into a mucky, muddy marsh that was somewhat safer to walk on. A few gaunt willows poked out of the mud with their sickly branches and leaves hanging over them like vines.
It had taken quite a while to find anything of note. Mostly just a lot of branches, rocks, and recent skeletons of unfortunate animals that had gotten stuck in the mud recently. Close to the edge of the mud field, Gordon found a mound of mud and twigs built into the shape of a nest. It sat on the hard ground just beyond the deep gooey mud. Zecora spot this as well and began looking frantically around.
"A cockatrice nest! We must make haste and a fossil to acquire before the owner of the nest turns us into statues and plays us like a lyre." Zecora said nervously as she tapped her forehooves.
"A cockatrice? That another creature here? I'm afraid my world mythology knowledge is a little rusty." Gordon wondered aloud.
"Chicken with red eyes, demon wings, and a lizard tail that can turn any pony into stone with its gaze. It's thankfully only a shell. Gorgons turn you completely into stone and could kill you. Thankfully those are found deeper into the southern edge of the forest near Dodge Canyon." Spike explained.
"They also produce their eggs rather quickly with no lag. Gordon, if you are quick, you could take the unfertilized ones and put them in a bag."
"Demon Chicken scrambled eggs?" Gordon laughed. "That would certainly be a first. But if Equestria has taught me anything is appearances can be deceiving. I'm glad I brought my survival knife."
He unbuttoned the large offensive tool from his belt just to be safe as he approached the messy mound of mud and sticks. Gordon dove his hands into the mess of a nest, feeling around for anything. A couple of times, a few sticks and what he suspected to be bones of little birds and rodents grazed his skin. Then, his knuckles bumped into a bundle of what felt like bulbous stones. He was elbow deep into the nest at this point and tried his best to pull each egg out as gently and quickly as possible. One by one he did so, reaching up to three dozen. The zebra tossed a sack his way she had tied around her staff which he took gladly and started carefully placing the eggs in.
Suddenly, Spike jerked out of the dirt and pulled a rather large skull out.
"Hey, guys! Found somethin--whoa! whoa! WHOA!" the drake exclaimed.
It was twice his size and he was stumbling back and forth in the mud just trying to keep it over his head. Zecora smiled and trotted over, placing a forehoof on the skull and helped him out of the mud. It seemed to be made of a glossy dark green gem which Spike recognized. It made his stomach growl loudly.
"Is this jade?"
"A jade tortoise! What a lucky break for us." Zecora nodded.
A loud shrieking call from the trees drew their attention as they found the owner of the nest frothing at the beak. Its gleaming red eyes exuded rage and anger at the intruders trespassing on its territory.
"Run for it!"
Everyone broke back towards Zecora's path as the Cockatrice gave chase. Gordon kept ahead with his long stride. Zecora and Spike were holding up the skull, having a harder time keeping up with the human. He flinched every time the eggs bounced and clacked against his backs, sounding and feeling more like a bag of rocks rather than a bag of eggs. Gordon could hear the dreadful cawing of the beast and the slapping of its claws over roots and rocks and leaves as it chased them towards Zecora's hut.
'Move, Move, Move, legs MOVE! Or I'm gonna be eaten by last month's chicken alfredo!' the human thought fearfully.
While galloping, Zecora bit at the neck of a potion bottle on her staff and ripped it from its leather bindings. Risking throwing out her neck, she tossed it backward with her mouth.
"Duck!" she cried.
Spike and Gordon simultaneously obeyed as the human barely dodged being hit with whatever the zebra had chucked.
He didn't look back as he heard a pained caw followed by the shattering of glass and a whooshing of air that sounded like a sudden gust of wind. The air smelled foul of rotten eggs and manure for a few seconds but quickly went away as they ran further and further away from their pursuer.
Meanwhile, Twilight had arrived at the building where the Flower Sisters' new hotel was supposed to be. Unfortunately, all the doors in front were locked. She jiggled the handle a few times with her magic to see if the door was just jammed and rusty. She thought for a moment about using a simple unlocking spell, but to her, that would be rude and trespassing.
"What the hay?" she exclaimed. "Rose? Daisy? Are you in there?"
She tried looking in the windows to see if she could see anyone. The cafe was closed and so was the door into the main lobby. It was the first time she had seen the inside of the new hotel. The lobby at the very least appeared rather stunning. It was in a Colonial design that dated back to the Classical Era after Nightmare Moon's first banishment. Light blue and yellow striped walls, most likely signifying the royal colors, an ornate carpet, and a modestly beautiful chandelier that was made from local gemstones. Twilight preferred to be inside the building looking at the interior design as opposed to being locked outside. Scanning the building all around, she circled over to Third Street where the hotel stretched outwards towards. Luckily, she found a back door facing the street with no signs or indication that it was there. It was encased in a small porch indented into the construction of the building.
Opening the heavy metal door, she came into a long, very dark hallway with absolutely no lighting. Twilight thought for a moment that she was in the wrong place.
"This feels more like the entrance to the castle dungeon," she thought out loud.
There was a single window on the left side of the hallway that let in a small amount of light but not nearly enough to see. Twilight ignited her horn to give her a bit more ample light to look around. The hallway was bathed in purple light as she chuckled painfully.
"Gordon's personality is starting to rub off on me. This is ridiculous!"
Suddenly, she tripped over something and somersaulted three times into the brick wall of the hallway, and headbutted herself. Brick and Mortar smashed into her horn and sent an immediate shriek of pain down her skull. The impact hit her horn and sent her back into darkness. She tried getting back up again and lit up her horn once more, but only managed to trip on something and fall facefirst into the floor, only exacerbating her pain.
"DANG IT!" she shouted. "SONUVA-"
She had to bite her tongue before saying that curse word her human friend often used in abundance.
The alicorn grumbled and scrambled to her hooves as she made her way to the other side of the hallway and opened the door, finally heading into the lobby. It was much cooler and more pretty from the inside. She found herself entering a side hallway beside a stairway. The side hallway lead into the main lobby where she found the service desk.
To make matters worse, she found a sign on the receptionist desk that said in bold lettering: Gone Home For Nap Time
She felt her eye twitch, and Twilight collapsed to the ground, whining once, groaning the second time, and then roaring in frustration the third.
"Okay. Gordon and I are gonna have a harsh word with those girls, right after I head back home..."
Her head was pounding and her horn was in a lot of pain. The biological apparatus was one of the most sensitive parts of the body and she felt constant pain. Not feeling up to meeting them at the moment, she counted on the message she sent to them earlier to have gotten to the trio. So she stumbled back outside and started the walk home. Wanting to do nothing but lay on her couch for a few hours.
When she arrived back at the castle, she found three familiar figures, dirty, covered in mud, and cut up in several places. At first, she thought she would have to break out her usual roster of defensive spells as they approached closer. Thankfully, she quickly recognized them after getting a better look at them. Gordon, Spike, and Zecora looked like they had just barely escaped some kind of savage beast. She put aside her discomfort for the moment to make sure they were alright.
"What happened?" she exclaimed with worry.
"Cockatrice like last time. I think it might have been the same one too," Spike rolled.
"One big cock tried to bite off mine but thankfully Zecora saved us," Gordon pointed with his thumb as he wheezed.
"His language aside, we were lucky to escape with our hides," the zebra agreed. "Though it was heavy to lift, for you, the three of us have a gift."
Gordon showed Twilight the skull hoisted on Spike and Zecora's backs respectively. The heavy object teetering dangerously up and down, risking falling off and hitting someone in the hoof or foot. Twilight felt the pain subside and her heart fill up warmly as they presented her with this gift.
"Just consider this a gift from the big guy, though it did take all of us to get it." Spike insisted with a forced smile.
"A Jade Tortoise Skull!" she exclaimed. "They haven't been seen in Equestria since before the three tribes united!"
"Glad you like it, why don't we bring this inside so we don't have to carry it anymore?" Gordon asked.
The other three nodded and he grabbed ahold with both hands while Twilight directed them inside and onto a bare spot in the Castle main living room. It was set down with a solid knock of rock on rock and the three muddy individuals collapsed to the floor in exhaustion. Twilight giggled at the sight and gave them all a big group hug.
"Thank you every pony! But you didn't have to go this far for me!" she insisted.
"I wanted to do something for you as thanks for dealing with my abrasive personality and making me feel welcome," Gordon replied. "I certainly thank Zecora and Spike for helping me out with that."
"Eh, no problem," Spike waved off and tiredly saluted. "Always glad to serve..."
"I as well my human friend, I was delighted to serve," Zecora added. "I only wish next time, away from death and danger we will swerve. "
Twilight helped them clean up and with a little insistence on Twilight's behalf, Zecora was to stay for the night to clean up and rest before returning home. The zebra while a little hesitant, was grateful for the offer, and admittedly curious about the alicorn's new abode. They got cleaned up while Twilight thoroughly cleaned off the giant skull, along with the mud the trio had tracked into the castle. They all took a rest on the couch, each holding an ice pack Twilight had passed out. Holding it in a place that caused them the most pain.
"Cockatrice's usually don't chase their prey that far," Twilight surmised. "You steal its eggs or something?"
"Yes actually," Gordon replied sheepishly.
At first, she thought about getting angry as she felt her jaw tighten, but thought against it, knowing that they worked hard to get something nice for her. She could give the human Scot a talking to later.
"Alright, why then?" she asked unamused as she rubbed her snout.
"Curiosity mostly," he admitted. "I have a small web show back on Earth called Scrambled. Using different cultures to make scrambled eggs differently all over the world. Might as well do the same here."
"I enjoy scrambled eggs myself, though unfertilized eggs are hard to come by," Zecora added. "For some, I often have to impose upon Fluttershy."
"He owes me a good meal for today. I scouted out our first hotel and they weren't even there Gordon. The front doors were locked and I had to go through the back!" Twilight exclaimed.
"Really? Wow, that's pretty bad already. I'll make some lunch and then let's head over there together."
Gordon agreed to his impromptu punishment by heading into the large castle kitchen down the hallway. Jay and the rest of Gordon's team finally caught up with the group back at the castle after spending the day off exploring around town. Jay was more than happy to record Gordon in the kitchen any time. The Scot took the eggs out of the bag gently and placed them into two big bowls. They almost overflowed from how huge they were. Still holding the ice packs on their heads, Twilight, Spike, and Zecora followed him into the kitchen to watch Gordon work.
Jay turned the camera on and gave Gordon the signal to go. The red light on the camera lit up, once again recording everything that was happening. Gordon beckoned the three to come over and started speaking into the camera.
"Welcome back to our web series Scrambled, its been a while, but this time, it's Scrambled with a difference because we are cooking in a Castle! Not just any castle though, we are coming to you from Equestria," Gordon said. "The owner of this castle being Princess Twilight Sparkle."
Twilight, not sure what to do, greeted the camera normally and gave a half-hearted wave, holding the ice pack against her horn with the other hoof.
"Uh, hi everyone! I'm uhhh, not at my best right now. So sorry!"
Zecora and Spike awkwardly greeted the camera as well.
"Today, for her lunch we are making special Equestrian Everfree Forest style scrambled eggs. But not Scrambled Eggs plural, all we will need are a scrambled egg singular!"
He grabbed one of the massive ivory white eggs from the bowl and showed it to the camera, displaying its impressive girth.
"Now this is an amazing Cockatrice egg, nasty little bugger. I thought Ostrich eggs were massive. These take the cake. Equivalent to about three and a half dozen eggs. By the way, my darling, are these safe to eat?" Gordon asked Zecora.
"They should be as long as they are not fertilized and yellow, or your stomachs won't be so tender and mellow..."
"They look white enough to me, so I'd say yes," Spike agreed.
Twilight gave Gordon a look and felt her irritation rise again momentarily.
"You grabbed these without knowing if they were safe to eat?" Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.
"You should have seen my exploits in Cambodia," he replied. "Thought I'd take a chance. Everything else in this shit-crazy nation surprised me."
Gordon tapped the egg on the counter, demonstrating how thick the shells were.
"You wouldn't happen to have a saw on hand would you?"
Twilight giggled as Spike went off somewhere and ran back in with a hack saw he handed off to the human. He grabbed the saw and started to vigorously hack off one end of the egg as the others looked on with interest. Swearing under his breath, he tried to get the hacksaw to bite into the shell, with some difficulty. After a few seconds though, it went down, slicing through. He only cut off enough to let the yolks safely fall through without making too much of a mess.
"That's the hardest part done, now time to bring this beauty to a bowl first," he stated.
Grabbing one of the big bowls on the counter, he slowly poured the egg into the bowl, making a satisfying noise as it glooped out, like golden viscous molasses.
"I never thought to study the biology and anatomy of Everfree Forest creatures, but this is strangely tempting me to do so," Twilight said.
"And you think I only make decisions with my stomach," Spike teased.
"Jeez, that yolk is rich. Let's give that a little mix first."
Taking a spatula from a nearby drawer, Gordon began whipping away at the thick liquid for ten seconds. He then grabbed a smaller bowl filled with softened butter and scooped five tablespoons of butter into the eggs. Next, he vigorously beat the butter in until it was mixed thoroughly.
"Putting butter in before? I've never heard of that." Spike said.
"It helps hold the eggs together and just coat the pan, instead of sticking to it. Plus it adds to the texture and volume," Gordon explained. "Speaking of which, can you place a pan on the stove and heat it up Spike?"
"Aye, Aye!"
The little dragon went into a cupboard opposite of him and pulled out an extra large sized frying pan while Twilight and Zecora watched on. Setting it on one of the stove grates with a thunk, he grabbed some wood from the corner and threw it into the bottom of the stove. With a deep breath, he exhaled a bright green stream of flames, nearly scaring every human present out of their skins. Tiny flames erupted out of the stove as Spike adjusted the knobs accordingly, allowing the flame to shrink down to an acceptable height.
"Fuck! I keep forgetting you can do that," Gordon laughed. "That should definitely be just fine.
He went over and placed his hand far above the flame, feeling the raging inferno inside the metal box. He wrapped his hand in a nearby towl and drizzled a bit of olive oil in the pan before rubbing it all around. The metal shined from its new lubricaiton, ready for the next step. He was amazed by how seemingly simple, yet elaborate their appliances were. Ponies didn't have widespread electronics like humans, but they seemed to have more than made up for it with magic.
"Damn, that's hot. Thank you my boy, I ought to teach you a few things while I'm here."
Spike preened at the praise and raised his head high, standing at the ready for anything else he was needed for.
"Anything to keep him from causing trouble, I'm all for," Twilight giggled. "So what's next Gordon?"
"I want to go thirty seconds on first. One minute off, one minute on, one minute off."
He waited until the pan was thoroughly heated and then grabbed it with the towel he had gripped in his right hand while grabbing the egg bowl with his left. The egg went in and filled the whole pan up halfway, not leaving and room leftover.
"In she goes, and beautiful. The richness of this egg is just phenomenal. I have no doubt, this will satisfy all three of you just fine."
The trio watching all felt their stomachs start to growl as Gordon worked. The bits of butter sputtering in the mixture just made their mouths water like crazy. The human mixed it around for a minute before moving off to the side and grabbing some veggies from one of Twilight's special magically chilled pantries. He then grabbed a cutting board and a fresh clean knife.
"Some spring onions, a good bundle of cherry tomatoes, and nice red, yellow, and green chili peppers. Want one of every color to give the eggs a vibrant aroma."
To Twilight, it looked like Gordon was just flicking his knife at the veggies at lightning speed and they just so happened to be cut in the process. He was just that good and that fast.
"Now off the heat for a minute, and another solid mix."
He grabbed the pan once again with the towel and continued mixing with his spatula, making sure to scrape all sides and leave nothing to burn on the bottom.
"Butter is starting to properly melt. 42 eggs in this one Cockatrice egg. Incredible. I still have no idea why such a small little shit of a demon bird has eggs this fucking big."
"Their tail grows three times more than their bodies and helps them strike down prey. You were lucky that I was there and you did not end up like Twilight, who was petrified for a whole day," Zecora sternly reminded.
"Something Spike and I are VERY thankful for. You're expertise was lifesaving Zecora. I will find some way I can to pay you back for that, I assure you. Fuck Spike, that fire of yours is hot! Seriously hot!"
He placed the pan back onto the flame and stepped back to rest his hands. He hadn't shown it, but Spike's magical dragon fire was stacking up in heat faster and faster as time went on. The emerald green flames whipped and danced around frantically. It was rather mesmerizing. After the butter was fully incorporated, he grabbed the cutting board full of chopped chilis, scallions, and tomatoes and dropped them into the pan. For the last step, he just kept stirring and stirring until his arms were sore, making sure all the veggies were combined.
"Put the veggies in early to mix in the juices. The chilis will give it a nice heat while the scallions and tomatoes will cool down the flavor while also adding a sort of robust texture to the eggs. I know I keep mentioning the richness of these cockatrice eggs, which is amazing. The exciting thing for me is the yield and sheer volume of just one of these eggs is just fantastic."
Turning the flame down low, he looked around in the cupboard for a specific ingredient. He found a half-full carton of what looked like sour cream. Giving it a smell he nodded and brought it out.
"I didn't think you would have crème fraîche, but this sour cream should do the trick just fine. Just a little dollop will do."
"Crème fraîche? What's that?" Twilight asked. "Some kind of fancy ingredient?"
"Its a bit more popular in Europe and South Africa. Basically, a soured cream containing a bit more fat content and a little less sour then regular sour cream, but thankfully, yours will do perfectly. Just a dollop. It will cool them down and stop the eggs from overcooking. Then a bit of salt."
After a few final shakes and stirs, the eggs were finally done. They had taken on a very faint, light yellow color along with the gorgeous fresh greens, reds, and yellows the veggies had brought to the dish. Gordon grabbed three plates, quickly toasted some bread over the flame, and cut up some strawberries, neatly placing them on the plates before finally serving the scrambled eggs. He set them on the counter by the trio and placed cloth napkins and utensils down beside each of them.
"Your lunch is served my friends, I hope they are to your liking, and I hope this serves as a decent penitence."
"Why thank you Gordon," Twilight said daintily. "I will take you up on your kind gesture of generosity."
"You are quite kind Gordon," Zecora thanked. "I am certain I will be in a much greater mood, right after I devour your very delectable smelling food."
Everyone ate their fill while Gordon just sat back and relaxed. Afterward, Twilight showed Zecora to a nearby guest room where she could stay for the night. The zebra was reluctant to stay in the castle, but with much insistence on Twilight's part, Zecora relented. The alicorn then took a small nap to restore her horn to full accessibility before heading back out.
Gordon cleaned himself up, gathered a small rolling suitcase together, and put on nicer clothes before following Twilight back to the Sunshine Hotel and Cafe. It was about mid-afternoon by the time they made it to the hotel. Jay and the others set up a brand new recording for their first episode by filming Twilight and her human friend walking down 2nd street. The alicorn was having a hard time getting used to Gordon's performance talking, speaking into the camera which she hadn't gotten the knack of just yet. Jay had given her some pointers on the finer things of show business and how she should act. Having a different way to act "normal" in front of a black box was an odd concept, but she was more than willing to learn.
"We're coming to you from Ponyville once again," Gordon announced to the camera. Amazing and beautiful as always. Incredibly flat! Tulips and flowers everywhere, little farmhouses, and cute little stores. It's like Holland! I have my partner here in Equestria, Princess Twilight Sparkle on our next excursion and the first episode of Hotel Hell: Equestria."
"I'm glad to be here Gordon. I have an interesting project for us to tackle next," she replied.
Twilight looked at Jay behind the camera hopefully who gave her the thumbs up.
"Is that a little girl blowing on a pipe?" Gordon asked randomly. "Is that legal here?"
The alicorn, not sure if she heard Gordon correctly whipped her head in the direction Gordon was looking and saw Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom blowing what looked to be colored smoke up and out of a drainpipe. She just laughed and shook her head.
"They'll be fine," she brushed off.
Finally, reaching the hotel, Gordon looked up and was perplexed by the odd design. A five-story hotel that still looked like it was built in the middle ages with pastel paint had its own fair share of hazards to worry about. A roof comprised of hay and exposed wooden framing that did not look stable at all. The cafe that is normally opened up across two streets was locked up shut. The tables and chairs usually occupied every day were now empty. Thankfully, with a princess's resources, he was sure that could be dealt with later. He tried going up to the main door to head inside, but Twilight cleared her throat to get his attention.
"Ah, yeah forgot the front entrance is closed for some fucking reason."
"The back entrance is this way," she directed. "Do you have flashlights? I'd rather not trip over something again in there."
One of the cameramen pulled six flashlights out of his backpack and handed one to Gordon who took it gladly. Around to the other side, Twilight opened the backdoor into the hotel and into the dark corridor with her horn light on full blast. Gordon, apprehensively followed her in with the others following suit.
"This looks like the entrance to a fucking prison, not a hotel!" he remarked. "Its like a dungeon."
"Glad I'm not the only one who thinks that," Twilight replied.
Making their way out of the dark more safely this time, Twilight led them to the lobby where she failed to find anyone last time. At the back of her head, she was thinking if she didn't find the Flower Sisters this time, she would turn the Hotel upside down until she did. Thankfully, her prayers were answered this time as a neon pink earth pony mare with a blonde mane came around the corner. She look like she had seen better days as noticeable bags hung under her eyes and her mane was somewhat messed up. She wore a neatly fit waitress outfit that looked misplaced on her.
"Hello there! How are you?" Gordon greeted.
"Hi Lily, it's been a while," Twilight said.
"Princess Twilight! And you must be Gordon!" she replied.
The pony in question was Lily Valley, the third of the Flower Sisters who was their impromptu leader most of the time. Twilight's first meeting with her and her sisters was less than exemplary as she kept fainting at the most insignificant things possible. However, she somehow seemed to be much tougher and much more confident than last time Twilight saw her. She half expected her sisters Daisy and Rose to be following close behind as an awkward silence permeated through the room.
"Are you here working alone?" Twilight asked.
"Today I am yes," Lily sighed. "Let me help you all check-in."
She went behind the counter and began writing out paperwork.
"It was a bit intimidating seeing the human celebrity of Equestria for the first time. I hope I don't blow this," Lily told the interviewer.
"Does anyone work in reception?" Gordon followed up.
"Me."
"So you're the server and you run the front desk?"
The mare only smiled and nodded absent-mindedly. She helped them check-in before running off somewhere upstairs. Gordon heard stamping hooves and raised, panicky voices through the ceiling. Suddenly, two ponies came flying down the stairs and into the lobby.
Two more earth pony mares who were bubbly and smiling as they quickly curtseyed to Twilight and greeted Gordon warmly.
One was a dark pink mare with blue-green eyes and a light green mane while the other was a pale yellow mare with silvery blue eyes and a raspberry-colored mane. Twilight groaned inwardly as she immediately recognized the duo. They greeted each other, and Gordon was formally introduced to the other Flower Sisters, Rose and Daisy.
"So you're Sisters and you run the hotel? Lily up there I'm assuming is the multitasker around here? Server, Receptionist, Dishwasher?" Gordon guessed.
"She's actually our General Manager," Rose said.
"Really? General Manager, Receptionist, Head Waitress Cause she looks more like a busser," Twilight replied.
"We're not happy with her work here," Rose admitted. "Its really difficult to find ponies who are motivated to work here."
They were checked in and were given a room with a name that forced Twilight and Gordon to double-take. Twin mahogany doors with golden lettering across it that spelled, "Symphony of Romance."
"Our hotel's best room! The honeymoon suite!" Daisy wistfully swooned. "Many Couples from across Equestria come here often to relax and recoup on their vacations! I certainly hope the two of you enjoy your stay here!"
The duo looked at each other with faces of shock and awe, almost mentally screaming at each other how strange things had rapidly gone. Gordon tried pulling open the door, but much to his odd delight and confusion, the door wouldn't budge.
"What the hell?"
"Let me help with that," Twilight added.
She gripped the handles with her magic and gave it a solid tug. Her strength did the trick as the doors finally gave way. Unfortunately, they were unaware of what was on the other side of the doors. A flood of botany, flowers, leaves, and vines exploded out of the room like a tidal wave and knocked everypony onto their backsides. Whatever the camera had captured was now covered up in flower petals. Twilight could already feel her anger start to build back up again as the duo screamed something familiar that made her die inside a little bit every time it was uttered.
"OUR FLOWERS! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!"
"Oh buck it all..."
Next Time: Hotel Hell- The First in Ponyville part 2