//------------------------------//
// 13. - Polishing 
// Story: Pregnant Noses Know 
// by Irrespective 
//------------------------------//

Hokey Pokey awoke with a snort, a snuff, and then a groan as the fog of sleep began to clear from his head. For a moment, he was unsure of his location, but the twinges of pain in his back quickly forced him to remember what he had been doing before he had dozed off.

His couch. His house. With a changeling queen asleep on his shoulder.

Pokey stretched and realized that something was missing from the night before. While he was still on his own couch in his own house, he was currently short one changeling queen, though her drool still clung to his neck in a thick and sticky glob.

There was a reason ponies didn’t sleep while sitting upright, as the crackling pops from his neck proved. Chrysalis had been a fair pillow, however, and he had to admit that he’d like to further test her plush properties with some proper thumping, but in the proper place and time.

That probably would not be for some time to come. The bug had probably flown the coop, having loaded up on his emotions from the holiday, and was now unleashing unspeakable evils upon the populace of Canterlot with her newfound energy.

But that was the night shift’s problem. A glance at the clock told him he had roughly two hours to report for duty, which would be more than enough time for a hot shower to work out the kinks in his muscles. Once he was limber again, he would report in, hunt down his unintentional cuddlebug and clean up the mess she was making.

The idea of punishing the queen filled him with an odd sense of delight that he tried to quash. He was not a pervert, like she was. Chrysalis would probably enjoy whatever he would do to her.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of an entire series of stinging high-pitched chirps and screeches. Was Chrysalis still in his house?

His confusion grew when he rounded the corner and found the door to his bathroom ajar, with billows of steam pouring out into the hallway. The water had to be just a degree or two below scalding at that point, and Pokey chuckled at Chrysalis’ apparent inability to adjust the water temperature.

“You know, it wouldn’t burn if you’d give that knob on the right a twist,” he quipped as he pushed the door open and withstood a blast of steam.

“Now is really not a good time for you to be making jokes,” Chrysalis snarled back. “Get in here and help me out.”

Pokey stalled out in the doorway, and he took a good, long moment to take in the totality of what he was seeing. Queen Chrysalis, the fearsome leader of the Changeling Hordes, was in his tub, surrounded by clouds of steam and with the shower head blasting her back at full strength. The two layers of wax that she had applied to her chitin allowed the water to slide effortlessly off her hide, and the rivlets they made as they tracked over her withers, around her wings, and down her perforated legs was unintentionally and unexpectedly alluring.

It was a shame that the whole effect was ruined by the fact that Chrysalis was furiously scrubbing her left flank with his toilet brush while weaving together a tapestry of screeches that would probably translate into something profane in equish.

“Are you done gawking yet?!” she finally shouted.

“I don’t even know what I’m gawking at!” he protested. “What is this, some kind of weird changeling ritual to establish my house as your new hive?”

“Are you always this dense?! Quit being a moron and get this stuff off me!”

“What stuff?”

“The floor wax, you idiot!” Chrysalis’ furious scouring sped up, and she screamed when nothing happened.

“Floor wax?” Pokey glanced around the bathroom. “You’re trying to scrub off the wax?”

“Oo, give the genius a prize!” Chrysalis snapped. “I can’t get this accursed stuff off! It’s worse than my pod goo!”

“Serves you right,” Pokey snarked with a grin. “That’ll teach you to break into my house.”

“Keep gloating, Pokey, and we’re going to find out how good you are at patching pony-sized holes in the wall!”

“All right, all right. Did you throw the empty wax cans in the garbage?”

“Yes. Not that they’re any help,” she fumed, her anger dropping by a degree or two. “I already looked, and there’s no information on them.”

“There isn’t?” Pokey asked, his grin growing into a full-out smile. “Let me guess. The can just said ‘Wax’ in big red letters, right?”

“Yes. Now how do I get it off? I think my chitin can hold up against turpentine, if that’ll do the trick.”

Pokey chuckled. “That won’t work. In fact, there isn’t anything that’s going to work.”

“Quit being stupid, will you? Something has to get rid of this gunk.”

“Nope. You did not use floor wax to polish your chitin to a glorious shine yesterday, Your Majesty. You broke into and used my extra-strength, super-resilient and extra long-lasting official Royal Guard armor wax.”

“Great. So how do I get armor wax off, Mister Smartypants? I can’t go back to the hive looking like this!”

“You’re stuck, Your Majesty. Literally. Royal Guard armor wax was specially formulated and engineered to not come off.”

The toilet brush snapped in two. “What.”

“You heard right!” Pokey nearly broke into peals of laughter. “No guard wants to be constantly waxing their armor. I could go hiking through a mud puddle as deep as you are tall and come out of it without a drop on me. Nothing, and I mean nothing will remove that wax until it wears off.”

“Pokey, I swear, if this is some kind of sick joke you’re playing just to get some revenge…”

“I’m being completely honest right now.” Pokey tapped his chin in thought. “You know what this means? I have to requisition more wax. I’m gonna have to come up with a good story for the Quartermaster.”

“Why are you worried about that?!” Chrysalis shrieked. “I’m coated in unremovable wax, and you’re going on about getting more?!”

“Why is this such a big deal?” he asked, reaching in to turn off the water. “You’re a bit more glossy than normal, so what? Unless you breathe through your chitin or something weird like that, you should be fine. Just head on back to your hive and do whatever queen-y things you were going to do. But no stealing any love!” he added quickly.

“I can’t go back! Do you know what kind of revolt I’d face if those maggots back at the hive saw me like this?! I’d be run out of the Badlands in five seconds flat!”

“Okay. You’re a bug, right? Just molt, or shed your exoskeleton, or whatever it is you bugs do.”

“Absolutely not.” Chrysalis sniffed and stuck her nose in the air. “Drones and Scouts molt. A Queen does not molt.”

There was a long pause. Pokey did not say anything. Eventually, she did.

“I don’t know how!” she admitted in a burst of words. “It’s been centuries since I’ve had to molt, and I’ve forgotten!”

“Hm,” said Pokey. “The dangers of dating an older mare.”

“What am I supposed to do?” she wailed. “I can’t go out in public like this!”

“You couldn’t go out in public before,” Pokey countered. “Not without starting a stampede and getting yourself arrested again, anyway. Why don’t you just change into somepony else?”

Chrysalis gave him a flat, annoyed glare before being consumed in a green eldritch fire, making Pokey burst out in laughter. The hairs of Chrysalis’ green disguise were plastered flat against her, giving the impression that she’d taken a bath in candle wax and then allowed it to harden.

“It’s not funny!” Chrysalis shouted as she shifted back to her normal form.

“You’re right. That’s hilarious!” Pokey sat down on the floor of the bathroom and clutched his gut. “Do a griffon next!”

“Hokey Pokey!”

“Look, you can scream and shout at me all you like, but you’re stuck, Your Majesty. If your changeling magic won’t touch it, then the only thing you can do is wait.”

“How long, exactly, will it take for this stuff to wear off?”

“Well, you applied two coats, so that doubles the time. It should come off in six months or so.”

“SIX MONTHS?!” Chrysalis leapt out of the tub and rushed to the mirror with a sob. “What am I supposed to do for six months?”

“Not my problem. Now get out. I need to get ready for work.”

“Pokey, you’re not comprehending how bad this is.” Chrysalis turned to face him, her demeanor full of grim seriousness. “What do you think will happen if my drones are left alone for six months? They won’t just sit there, picking their noses and debating if rocks are edible. They’ll get bored, they’ll get restless, and they’ll get ideas. The wedding invasion will look like a bunch of grubs on a playground compared to the destruction they’ll bring down on Equestria, and I’ll be powerless to stop them. I have to get this stuff off.”

Pokey snorted. “Fine. When my shift is up tonight, I’ll ask around and see if anypony knows of something that’ll work. Until then, just stay here and lay low. Now clear out so I can get ready.”

Chrysalis glared at Pokey and grumbled something unflattering, but she left the bathroom without further argument.

“And no stealing any love!” Pokey added.


 * *  ✹ * * 


“When will you be back?” Chrysalis asked with a small whine.

“Late. Don’t wait up for me, dear,” Pokey said with a smug grin as he opened his front door.

“I would kill you if I didn’t need you,” she snarled.

“Aww, I love you too, darling. You remind me of a cat I had as a kid. Save some dinner for me, would you?”

“Sure. I hope you like fettuccini alfredo with arsenic sauce.”

“My favorite! Now you be good while I’m gone, my little buggy-boo. I’ll see you later.”

Pokey blew a kiss to the furious queen before pulling the door shut, and he chuckled to himself. While he wasn’t terribly keen on leaving Chrysalis alone in his house, at least he knew she was too mortified to go anywhere, thus making it all the easier to keep track of her.

But if she was being honest about her drones, then he did need to de-wax her as soon as possible, somehow. He also needed to warn Lieutenant Spear Point and Captain Armor about the potential problem, and—

“Good morning, Sergeant!”

Pokey groaned a bit, but he forced out a smile and gave a small wave to his elderly neighbor. “Good morning, Hazelnut. Did you have a happy Hearth’s Warming?”

“Oh, I had quite the pleasant holiday, yes. Mister Barky Von Schnauzer simply adores the new sweater I got him, and Madame Meow has more catnip than she knows what to do with!”

“That’s good to hear,” Pokey said. “But I’m afraid I’m running a bit late today. I’ll chat with you later, okay?”

“Of course, dear, of course. Oh! But before you go, could I ask you just one little thing?”

Pokey braced himself. Hazelnut was nice enough, but she did tend to stick her nose into places where it had no business being. “What’s that?”

“Well, I was just getting ready to serve my cheese soufflé at my annual Hearth’s warming party last night when I happened to glance out my window. You know how I like to watch the snow fall, of course, but this time, I couldn’t help but notice the most peculiar thing!”

Warning bells began to clang in Pokey’s head, but he remained outwardly calm. “Oh?”

“Yes. I’ve never seen anything quite like it before, so I wanted to ask you to make sure these old eyes weren’t deceiving me. Was there a changeling in fishnet stockings and a negligee on your porch last night?”

Pokey pondered what lie he could offer for a moment, realized there wasn’t anything he could say that would throw the snoop off his trail, and then decided to tell the truth. “Yes.”

Hazelnut nodded with a satisfied smile. “I thought so! It’s so nice to see you’re beginning to move on from that horrible Bluebelle. Well, I’ve held you up long enough, Sergeant. I hope you have an uneventful day at the palace today, dear! If you get a chance, stop by tonight and I’ll share some of the leftover soufflé with you. Ta ta, dear, ta ta!”

Pokey could only stare on in confusion as Hazelnut trotted back into her house, but after a moment, he shook his head, shrugged, and counted himself lucky as he began his flight to the palace.


 * *  ✹ * * 


“Hmm. Maybe grey would work better.”

Chrysalis hummed as her new pony disguise turned from green to grey, and she turned to check out her flanks in the mirror. It was an improvement, but the accursed wax still reflected the ambient light far more than she liked.

A changeling was not semi-gloss.

It would have to do. Chrysalis was bound and determined to get this junk off of her beautiful self, and it was beyond obvious that her daft Pokey was lying to her. The armor wax couldn’t possibly be as permanent as Pokey said it was, and she was sure that the secret removal formula was hidden somewhere in Sunbutt’s palace. All she had to do was sneak in, figure out where the guard kept the wax remover, and then apply liberally.

Thankfully, the time she had spent masquerading as Bluebelle would now be of great use. Pokey had revealed much about how the palace worked—and more importantly, how the Royal Guard operated—while he had been under her direct control, and with that knowledge, she was sure to either find a solvent or a book with the solvent formula within it, and all while avoiding detection to top off her masterful plan.

She hummed a bit more and changed from grey to beige. If she could find a suitable color to wear, there was even the possibility of simply asking some of Pokey’s co-workers about the wax, thus saving her the effort of doing any actual work.

That’s what underlings were for, after all. Once she had won back her Pokey and exacted her revenge on Sunbutt and that Bean, they would all be answering to her anyway.

With a grunt of determination, Chrysalis changed her color back to grey, added a ladybug cutie mark, placed her pince-nez glasses on the edge of her muzzle, and added a bit more length to her red mane. The disguise would work for her current purposes, and once she was cleaned off, she was going to tear Pokey’s house apart and remove anything else that had even the slightest potential of becoming stuck to her chitin.

It was a shame that the zap apple jam would have to be discarded, but it was for the best.

Still dissatisfied with her appearance, Chrysalis moved to the door and quickly concocted a cover story for her current mission. A simple lie would work best, and she could make up the details as she went, if needed. She could be a humble reporter from Baltimare, who was doing a story on wasteful government spending and wanted to know how much money the military was spending on minor things, like horseshoe nails or armor wax.

Chrysalis grinned and stood a bit taller as she opened the front door. Her plan was now perfect, and all that remained was to execute it flawlessly, as she always did.

She hesitated once she had shut the door, and her gaze remained on her hoof. Even in this color, the wax coating was still horribly noticeable, and there was an outside chance that a pony would ask about it.

The solution came quickly: she had a skin condition. Something horrible and with a gross name, like Treesap Secretion Syndrome or the like. Nothing cut off questions like a disgusting disease, and one that was possibly contagious at that.

“Oh, excuse me, dear? Dear!” a pony called out, and the changeling queen glanced to the frantically-waving neighbor. “Good morning, dear! Might I have a word with you?”

Chrysalis didn’t have time for idle chatter and gossip today—much as she loved the latter—but she knew better than to arouse suspicion so soon into her infiltration attempt. “Good morning. What do you need?”

“It’s so nice to meet you, dear!” the elderly pony replied with a pleasant smile. “I’m Hazelnut, but you can just call me Hazel if you like.”

“Nice to meet you, Hazel,” Chrysalis said through a clenched smile. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“Well, I was just wondering if I might ask you a quick question. You see, I was just getting ready to serve my cheese soufflé at my annual Hearth’s Warming party last night when I happened to glance out my window. I’ve always enjoyed watching the snow fall, dear, but this time, I couldn’t help but notice the most peculiar thing!”

“Could we get on with this? I have some urgent matters to take care of,” Chrysalis snapped.

“Oh, of course. You’ll have to forgive me, dear, I do like to ramble,” Hazelnut said with a laugh. “Since you’re in a rush, I’ll get right to the point. I was just wondering how long you’ve been dating the good Sergeant.”

“Dating? Who said we were dating?” Chrysalis asked with a bit of nervousness.

“Are you not? Oh, dear. I suppose that serves me right for assuming, doesn’t it? I naturally thought you were dating him, since you were on his front porch last night in a negligee and fishnet stockings.”

“You saw me out here?” The question came out before Chrysalis could stop it, and she shrunk back a little when Hazelnut smiled knowingly.

“I’ve lived here fifty-three years, dear, and I’ve never had a better neighbor than Hokey Pokey. I keep my eye on him so he doesn’t get into any trouble. But if you’re not dating, I suppose that means you’re here to comfort him. I didn’t know changelings had call girls, but I don’t imagine it’s very easy for you to find a more legitimate means of work at the moment.”

“What?!” Chrysalis barked. “I am not some fly-by-night hussy! My dear Pokey would never call on the services of some lowly, paid-by-the-hour tail!”

“I didn’t think so either, but ever since that horrible Bluebelle broke up with him…”

Chrysalis’ anger at Hazelnut’s assumption quickly evaporated. “What do you mean?”

“Hasn’t he told you about Bluebelle? Oh, dear. Well, it’s not my place to say, but Pokey had his whole world destroyed by that deceitful floozy. He was head over hooves in love with her, and then she just runs off on him, without even saying goodbye or thank you!”

Chrysalis shrunk back a little. “Really?”

“Quite shameful, if you ask me. He was going to ask her to marry him, you know. Pokey was so happy with her, but after she left… well, I confess that I was worried he’d never recover from the hurt. The whole messy affair crushed his spirits, dear, and though he never said anything, you could always see how badly he’d been cut. I’ve never seen a pony more heartbroken in all my years, and I’ve lived quite a few, if I may say. When I saw you last night, I was so happy for him, and I hoped that this meant that he was beginning to move on. It was so sad to hear him go on and on about how much he missed Bluebelle, or how he wished he had done something different.”

“Oh.” Chrysalis didn’t like the odd swirl of emotions that were stirring within her. They felt uncomfortable, and unpleasant, like somebug had just put a heavy boulder on her heart and then began to push.

There was a word for the feeling, but she couldn’t quite think of what it was. Eager to shake the unpleasant surge, Chrysalis shook her head slightly and gave Hazelnut a smile.

“Well, all of that will soon be a forgotten memory. I am here to get Pokey back on his hooves, and with me, he’ll be happy once again. I have so many deliciously wonderful ideas on how to perk him up, and I’m not going to leave him for anything.”

Hazelnut’s smile grew, and she clapped her hooves. “Wonderful! I do hope you can bring back the old Hokey Pokey. Just be gentle with him, and take your time. He’s going to be very cautious now about opening his heart.”

“Hazel, if anypony can fix him, it’s me,” Chrysalis said with pride. “In fact, I was just on my way to the palace to give him a little surprise.”

“Oh, and here I am, yammering away! Forgive me, dear. Off with you now! Go spread some cheer, and let me know how it goes!”

“I’ll be sure to keep you in the loop.” Chrysalis glanced around, then leaned towards Hazel. “Between you and me, do you think he’ll like how I look?”

The kindly neighbor squinted, leaned in even closer, and took a long moment to evaluate the queen with a critical eye. “He’ll like your glasses for sure, but I’m not sure that grey is your color, dear. I think you’d look better in green.”

“Oh, more like this?” Chrysalis changed her coat color in a flash of balefire, and Hazelnut nodded.

“Much better! Pokey will love it! Now, off with you! Go show that guard who’s really in charge!”

“Yes, ma’am!” Chrysalis saluted with a laugh, and with a final wave, she was off to the palace.

“Such a nice young mare,” Hazelnut softly said to herself. “I’ll have to ask her about her waxy outer coating later. It must be some kind of changeling detection spell that’s been placed on her. She looks quite silly with it, but who am I to judge?”


 * *  ✹ * * 


“All too easy.”

Chrysalis strode through the main doors of Sunbutt’s palace with a gleeful cackle, and she paused for a moment to properly savor the moment. The posted guards at the gates and at the doors had offered no questions, nor had they made any sort of move to stop and arrest her. The changeling queen was obviously still the master of deception, since her presence had not elicited a major response, even with her waxy outer layer.

But now it was time to take care of business. The sooner she got the wax off, the sooner she could get back to her hive and deal with the ache that had lodged in her chest like a thorn. The walk from Pokey’s house to the palace had been filled with uncomfortable thoughts about how she might have hurt her Pokey, and she didn’t wish to dwell on the prospect any more.

It was his own dumb fault, she had said to herself in an attempt to rationalize her actions. He was the one who had been deceived. The fact that she was so good at stealing love and manipulating ponies was not something that should be held against her.

Chrysalis glanced around the ornate foyer, and she smirked as her eyes settled on her first victim. The hapless earth pony guard was standing at the archway to one of the various halls, and the changeling knew that the guards posted in such positions were also tasked with helping lost ponies to find their way in the cavernous center of Equestrian government.

She silently thanked Pokey for the involuntarily-given knowledge as she slinked her way over. The poor fool was bored out of his mind, and a flood of eager emotions surged out of him as her eyes met his.

Or, at least she was pretty sure they were eager. It was hard to tell for sure, since emotions still tasted like week-old gum to her. With a note to herself to figure out what that Bean had done to mess with her taste receptors, she flashed the guard a winning smile. “Good morning, sir. I wonder if you could assist me with something,” she purred.

The guard didn’t respond.

Chrysalis tossed her mane back as far as the wax coating would permit and batted her eyes. “My name is Shutterbug, and I’m doing some research on military spending. Might I ask you a few questions?”

Again, nothing happened. Chrysalis blinked once, then retreated a step.

“Well, if you won’t answer any questions, can you at least tell me where I could find the archives? I’m looking for some information.”

The guard did not respond to Chrysalis’s perfectly logical question. She could not possibly know that there had been orders given out at the highest level, in triplicate, for the Royal Guard to ignore any possible sightings of the Changeling Queen, and that the current guard was struggling on the cusp between laughter and asking just how she had managed to get waxed. All Chrysalis saw was the unwavering armored exterior giving off a terrible tasting mix of multiple pony emotions, the primary one of which was humor.

“Never mind!” she huffed, stomping down the hallway. “I’ll find it myself!”


 * *  ✹ * * 


“Stupid, idiotic, worthless lumps of metal!” Chrysalis snarled as she paused at a four-way intersection of hallways. “Worthless, the whole bunch of them.”

She glanced up and down the similar-looking pathways, and she snorted. Every single guard she had met was the same, all the way down to the same emotional cocktail and unresponsive stares. It was like trying to get an intelligent response out of her own moronic minions, but without the option of corporal punishment.

And snickering. She wasn’t sure why, but she was sure she could hear snickering when she had her back turned to any of the ponies in the palace.

The changeling queen twisted around and glanced down the hallway she’d just come down. Even if she could find the archives in this sprawling labyrinth, she had no idea where she’d begin to look for the book on wax remover.

“How does Sunbutt find anything in this place?” she muttered. “She wouldn’t have nearly so much trouble if she was in my hive.”

Settling on the hallway presently to her right, Chrysalis moved up to a trot and grumbled under her breath about her sufferings. All of this trouble, and for what? A ridiculous pegasus guard, that’s what. No pony was worth all of this anguish, no matter how handsome he was. Or how his clear blue eyes sparkled, or how those finely-toned muscles rippled under that beautiful royal purple coat…

“Chrysalis?!” A proud voice broke her thoughts, and she secretly relished the twinge of delight that came to her heart as her Pokey quickly approached and grabbed her shoulder. “What in the name of Celestia are you doing here?!”

“What do you think I’m doing?” she snapped back. “I’m here to get the wax remover!”

“You are the most pigheaded creature I’ve ever met. There is no such thing! Even if there was, why do you think we’d keep anything like that here in the palace?”

“Pokey?” Sergeant Clover Leaf called out. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, just a little pest problem,” he replied as his partner rounded the corner.

Clover Leaf stood there for several long moments, her eyes locked on the slicked sight before her. Her wings ruffled, and her body jerked with odd convulsions.

It was a shame that humor didn’t have the same power that love did. Chrysalis would be fattened up for months.

“All right, are you done?” Chrysalis snarled. “This isn’t funny.”

“You’re right. It’s hysterical!” Clover cackled. “Why did you wax Queen Chrysalis, Pokey? Not that it isn’t hilarious, but what twisted bedroom games were you two playing?”

“She did it herself,” started Pokey, only to have Clover Leaf suck in a frantic breath and start laughing even harder.

“That’s so stupid!” gasped Clover.

“WHAT?!”

Pokey’s wings flared out, and he stepped in between his partner’s impersonation of a hyena and the infuriated walking candle. “Look, this is really not the place or time for this. You have to get out of here.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me how to get this stuff off!” Chrysalis snarled.

“Off?” Clover let out a snort of derision. “That stuff doesn’t come off. No guard wants to be constantly waxing their armor. It’s going to stay on, no matter what you do.”

Chrysalis blinked once. “What.”

“Chrysalis, listen to me,” Pokey began to push the queen back down the hallway. “Unless you have a burning desire to be imprisoned again, you’ve got to leave. Princess Celestia and Prince Bean’s personal quarters are right here, and Bean’s parents are still here. If you stay, you’re going to end up taking a pregnant alicorn’s full fury right in the face.”

“Nah, let her stay,” Clover offered with a devious grin. “I would love to see her lit up like a candle, since she looks like one anyway.”

“Not helping,” Pokey grumbled before turning his full attention to the queen. “Chrysalis, have I ever given you a reason to doubt me? I said I would ask around, and I will. Now get out of here before somepony sees you, please?”

Chrysalis glanced to Clover, then back to her Pokey. “Fine. But you better have something when you get home tonight.”

“If there’s something to be had.”

With a sneer for Clover, Chrysalis snapped her tail and began to march back down the hallway.

“Oh, Chrissy?” Clover playfully called out. “The exit would be that way.”

The two guards watched on in silence as the changeling queen grumbled herself down the correct hallway, but once she was out of sight, Pokey let out a long and frustrated huff.

“Take pictures,” Clover said with a small chuckle. “Nopony is going to believe Queen Chrysalis actually waxed herself without photographic evidence.”

“To say nothing of the blackmail opportunities,” he quipped.

“But then what?” Clover turned to her partner and gave him a concerned look. “As funny as this is, you can’t let that termite stay in your house, Pokey. She’s already destroyed your life once. You gotta take care of the pest before she eats through your defenses and ruins everything again.”

“It’s not that easy,” Pokey replied. “I would just kick her out, but—”

“But what, Sergeant?” a third voice asked.

“Captain Armor, Sir!” The two guards snapped to attention and saluted as their commanding officer suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Shining Armor gave the two of them a critical and sour glare as he rounded them once in a quick inspection, and he frowned when he finally stopped and faced them directly.

“At ease. Is there something you’d like to report, Sergeant Pokey?”

Pokey hesitated, his ears splaying back on his head as he tried to figure out how to report on what had happened. “Um… Can I have a few hours to think on that, Sir? It’s rather complicated.”

Clover remained absolutely silent and immobile, a state which Pokey was beginning to envy.

One of his eyebrows slid up, and it was clear that the good Captain did not appreciate Pokey’s response. “How about you give me the gist of it, Sergeant? And please use small words, so I’ll be sure to understand.”

“Yes, Sir.” Pokey swallowed hard and wondered how his life had spiraled so far out of control. “There was an incident last night at my house, Sir. Chrysalis broke in and covered herself in the armor wax that I keep on hoof. She was…” Pokey cleared his throat “she was trying to seduce me, Sir, but I refused her advances.”

“Oh, this just keeps getting better and better,” Shining groaned. “Pokey, I’m still trying to decide if this whole mess is my loyal guard defending Princess Celestia by flinging his body in the way of a possible invasion, or if it’s my guard being subborned by an enemy in the oddest possible fashion. Hearing things like that does not ease my concerns.

“Now, let me make this as clear as possible: I don’t care what the reason is. If Chrysalis ever gets this far into the palace again, I expect both of you to deal with the situation appropriately, and with force. Understand?”

“Sir! Yes, Sir!” both guards replied.

“Good. Now, I’m going to stand right here, and you are going to share every last detail of what happened last night with the Queen.”

“Um...” Pokey swallowed. “Including the stockings?”

Clover locked her jaws closed and trembled with restrained laughter, giving out a tiny snort when Shining Armor said, “Particularly the stockings.”


 * *  ✹ * * 


Hokey Pokey hesitated when he reached his front door, resting his hoof on the latch. Dealing with Chrysalis was fast becoming more trouble than it was worth, and he felt conflicted about how to best move forward.

The conversation with his commanding officer had been rather blunt and somewhat brutal, but at least he had successfully managed to leave out his testing of the bug’s pillow properties. Thankfully, by the end of his explanation, his Captain had relaxed slightly, and there were hints of sympathy for Pokey’s ensnarement in Chrysalis’ latest plan.

Clover, however, had been discouraged by way of direct orders and dire threats from mentioning a word of the proceedings.

Pokey’s hoof slid off the latch. He reached into his saddlebags with a wing, and produced a large tin of unlabeled armor wax. As promised, he had asked his fellow guards—and Captain Armor—about possible removal methods, and the answers had been “interesting.” A couple of guards thought the wax would last, but the vast majority believed that the Queen would be free in a couple of weeks, at the worst.

Unless Pokey were to extend that time. Chrysalis had no way of verifying the results of Pokey’s questions, so Clover had noted that Pokey could tell her anything he wanted to. In fact, he could tell Chrysalis that the tin of wax that he now held was the removal agent, and that with daily application, she would be back to her old matte self in five months instead of six.

The idea had made sense to him, of course. Chrysalis would remain waxed, and thus under control in Canterlot, and her drones would be left to themselves. A tyrant like her retained power by squashing individuality and independent thought, and without her central direction, any potential attack they might mount would be scattered, disorganized, and ineffective. With luck, the queen-less drones would descend into anarchy, divide themselves into factions and destroy each other.

By the time Chrysalis got back to her hive, it would be far too late, and the changeling threat to Equestria would be no more.

But where would that leave Chrysalis? Would she simply start over, somehow, and bide her time until she had assembled an unstoppable horde of changelings? Equestria would be secure for several decades, perhaps, but what then?

Pokey drew in another long breath. While he was concerned about the future potential problems that could occur, Pokey found his thoughts remained fixed on an image of Chrysalis, sitting on the burning and empty remnants of her hive, wasting away without a source of love and simply waiting to starve to death.

He had every reason to lie to Chrysalis. If he did not keep her in check, his whole career could be destroyed, to say nothing of what might happen to his charge and to his Equestria.

But if he did…

“Pokey?” The door cracked open, and the Queen’s glowing green eyes peered at him through a pair of glasses. “You’re back early. Did you find anything?”

“Let me in,” he softly said. “I’ll tell you what I found out.”

Chrysalis stepped aside, and Pokey slowly walked in, his gaze on his hooves. His eyes moved up when the door shut, and all of his previous thoughts were promptly bucked back out into the cold.

“Chrysalis?” He pointed with a hoof to the large, black-veined blob that was in the corner of his front room. “Do I want to know what that is?”

“It’s a pod, stupid,” Chrysalis replied, and she put a hoof on the sickly green surface with a gleeful smile. “Do you like it? I made it myself.”

“Follow up question, if I may. Why is there a pod in my front room?!”

“It’s going to be for you, if you keep asking ridiculous questions. Otherwise, it’s for me.”

“Please elaborate.”

“There’s nothing quite like sleeping on a bed of liquified love, Hokey Pokey,” Chrysalis said with a purr of delight. “You should really try it. I could share this one with you, if you like; I did make it large enough for two. I can even move it into your room, if that would make it better.”

Pokey wanted to snap out a reply, but he stopped when a realization hit him. “Wait. You put this here so you’d have a place to sleep?”

“It’s not like I have another choice, do I?” Chrysalis said. “Unless you have a way to unwax me, I can’t go back to the hive and I can’t go out in public. I have to stay hidden.”

“What about your drones?”

“I sent out a letter on my way back here, telling them I was going undercover to secure a new source of love. They managed without me for a time when I impersonated Lovebutt, so they should behave themselves if they think I’m going to bring them food later.”

“And when you don’t?”

Chrysalis shrugged. “It wouldn’t be the first time I came back to them empty-hooved. I’ll just figure out something else. There will be a lot of whining, but I’ve tolerated worse over the years. It just takes a lot of shouting to drown them out.”

Chrysalis’ gaze went to her hooves now, and Pokey thought over her actions. The changeling queen was willing to starve her hordes. He had expected her to demand love in exchange for a non-aggression pact, but the glint in her eyes told him that she’d never even considered the idea.

She was holding back for him, even if she didn’t fully realize it.

“So, what did you find? Is there a way to get this stuff off?”

This was the point where he was supposed to lie. It should not have been difficult. Chrysalis lied all the time, so lying to her about the wax was only proper. If he wanted to become more like her.

“Yes and no,” Pokey said after a long and thoughtful moment. “Nopony knows of a way to remove it, but since chitin and armor are different things, it was generally agreed that it would probably wear off in a week or two.”

Chrysalis’ demeanor perked up considerably with this news. “I see.”

“You can stay here until it does,” he said, with the hope that he would not regret his decision later and one long thought about how he was going to tell Captain Shining Armor, preferably without Clover in the vicinity. “But you can’t leave that… thing in my front room. Move it to the spare room.”

Chrysalis nodded, and she began to snip the support threads that held the pod up against the wall. “You know, I’ve been thinking that I needed a vacation lately. This gives me the perfect excuse, doesn’t it?”

“Sure.” It might be a vacation for her, but Pokey felt like he was entering a waking nightmare. Having an ex-marefriend move back in was always high on the list of no-no’s in any relationship, and the warning was probably magnified by several degrees when the ex was the sworn enemy of your liege.

But there was just a hint of joy in his feelings as he watched Chrysalis scrunch up her nose and hoist the pod up with her magic. She might be an evil tyrant, but she could be as cute as a button at times.

Pokey sighed as he flopped down on his couch, his mind filled with images of his potential cashiering in the center of Canterlot. There were so many ways this whole Chrysalis situation could go sideways on him, and yet he just couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it.

His thoughts were broken when his hoof brushed up against an unfamiliar object, and his eyes flicked down.

It was a crossword puzzle book, and a freshly-printed one at that. A smile tugged at his lips as he flipped the book open, and for a brief moment, he thought over all of the times when he and Bluebelle had sat on that couch, whittling many a pleasurable hour away as they chatted and laughed while filling in the small boxes.

A pair of perforated legs wrapped around him, and a lock of wax-bound cerulean mane dangled into his peripheral view. “You better not be writing in any answers. You know I have to be first, and I will stuff you in that pod and suck out all of your emotions in the most painful way possible if you ruined it.”

“Just looking,” he said as Chrysalis released him, slithered over the back of the couch and sat next to him. “I’ve already gotten into enough trouble today.”

“So, tell me something.” Chrysalis pulled back a stray lock of mane that was in her face with a small huff. “Did my efforts to seduce you even work? Do you like the way I look right now?”

Pokey chuckled. “Not really. But I’ll take shiny changeling over wax-coated pony any time. You looked ridiculous.”

Chrysalis leaned back and have him a lecherous grin. “You’re lying again. I can taste a hint of lust and anticipation. It tastes like hot sauce, you know.”

“Okay. So maybe having a hot mare in the shower this morning was a little distracting,” he admitted. “You do pull off the shiny look quite well, and the glasses give you a naughty librarian sort of look.”

“Interesting. I didn’t know you were that type, Sergeant. Maybe I’ll keep them, just for you.” Chrysalis snatched the book away and produced a pencil, but her eyes remained on him. “You know, I did enjoy the little chats we used to share when we worked on these together. Do you think we could do that again, maybe? Just to help pass the time, of course.”

Pokey studied her face for a moment, chuckled a bit as he looked at his reflection on her glossy exterior, and the corners of his mouth twitched upward. “Five across would be ‘renew.’”

“Hey!” she bristled in an abrupt change of emotional pace. “Not until I ask!”

Ever so carefully, Chrysalis filled in the letters, then paused with her pencil resting on the paper. The pause stretched for quite some time before she cleared her throat and added, “Six down. Ten letters, starting with C.”

“Compromise?” said Pokey.

Chrysalis grunted, but with a trace of a grin. “I suppose that would work.”


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