Meandering around town, I just sort of go wherever the road takes me and should I come to a fork, I just pick a random direction. Not really considering where I’m going or why, I have other things on my mind. I mean, I do want this relationship with Myrna to work, but I don’t wanna rush it or wreck it. I suppose I could use some advice, but all immediate options for who I could ask seem like bad ideas.
That combined with my weakened state, as far as powers go at least, has me rather distracted. It doesn’t feel too good to be so... mortal, when I could be needed at any moment. I mean, I haven’t been called by that little alert-crystal, but it still feels like something bad might happen, especially when I’m not at the top of my game... or rather, lacking any ‘game’ at all.
It’s odd feeling sleepy, or hungry, or anything like that. I feel so... fragile. Mortal. I wonder if this will affect my lifespan at all, and I’m aging at a human rate. Sometimes I wish there was someone I could ask about this kind of thing, but nobody comes to mind. There is Luna, but she and I aren’t on the best of terms, even if I do want to fix things. She’s certainly gotten the short end of the stick from what I’ve seen and heard. I know what it’s like, having an older sister and basically being the subordinate, less important, not to mention a punching bag and butt monkey.
After wandering all over town, I end up back at the library and, feeling the tiredness I haven’t known for a while banging in my head, I step inside. In the library proper I see Twilight reading a book on psychological studies, as she said she’d do. She’s actually going to try and figure me out, it seems. Well, I’m not gonna make it easy.
Thankfully, she seems too absorbed in the book to notice me as I walk by, leaving small slips of paper between the pages with notes scrawled on them. The writing is unusually dense and cramped, Twilight’s note-taking ‘handwriting’ very different than the one she uses for normal purposes like letters and lists.
Out of pure curiosity, and kind of wanting to know what progress she thinks she’s made, I look at one of the notes, reading the spidery and squeezed message.
The writing’s contents appears to be in shorthand, but I get the gist of it; the note she’s putting in there now is about destructive personalities and violent personalities. Figures.
I head into the kitchen, and drop off the several-meals sized leftovers I had. I head for my room and decide I’m going to write a letter to someone, though who it is I send it to depends on the contents. Swiping a quill, inkwell, and blank rolls of parchment off Twi’s desk, I sit down and ponder what I want to write. I could... hmmm... Who do I know who could offer advice for... whatever issue I choose to tackle. How about my current relationship status with Myrna?
Hmm... They need to have a good knowledge of love... a decent idea of what they’re doing... and probably high-enough ranked that they won’t feel I’m trying to force something out of them. Getting advice from a sullen advisor is a terrible idea.
Yeah... Gonna have to be Cadence.
Alright, let’s get started I guess.
Dear Princess CadeHey Caden
Dear Cadence,
How do IIs there an easy waWhat’s the best way toI like someone andI need advice withWhat do you know about relationshWhat should I do aboutDo womenI feelSo I have a friend who totally isn’t me with a problem anHow do you tell whIs it awkward toIs there an easy way to sayWhen should II’m feeling
HELP
I stare down at the mess of scratched out words, and the huge letters at the bottom of the page, before I sign it and let my head hit the desk with a loud thump. “Uuuurgh, why do feelings have to suck so much to talk about, even without talking?”
“Uh, you got a problem?” Spike asks, coming in and looking a little concerned.
I look up. “Yeah, I have something I need to send to Cadence. You can do that, right?”
“Yeah. Shining Armor had me do that a few times when they were first dating; I was younger then, but I still remember how to send to her.” he says, reaching for the paper. Hastily, I roll it before he can get a look. One of his eyebrow ridges goes up, and he seems to acknowledge the action. “That bad, huh?”
“Don’t tell Twilight.”
Spike shrugs. “Doubt she’ll hear, she’s been really stuck on something. Why is she going through every book about psychology?”
I sigh. “I gave her incentive, it seems, to try and figure out my mental state or something like that. I basically just told her that if she wants to ‘know me’ she’d have to work hard and she... well, she’s being Twilight.”
He heaves a huffy sigh, looking a bit upset. “Well, thanks, all the chores are going to have to be done by me in the meantime.” he says, before shaking his head and doing his firebreath on the letter; the glittery dust sails out the window and heads north at high speed.
“I’d help but...” I begin.
“You’re lazy.” Spike deadpans.
“What?” I ask innocently. “Of course not, I just think you’re so talented that you can do it all by yourself just fine.”
“You’re going to get yourself in a lot of trouble some day.” Spike sighs.
“Pfft, as if I haven’t already a bajillion times?” Spike just shakes his head and turns to leave, a bit of a quizzical look appearing on his face for a moment. “Something on your mind?”
“Kinda. You really got Twilight wrapped up in this, and if I know you, you’re just going to keep her riled up over it. Just remember that everybody has a limit, and... Twilight’s can be scary. Fair warning.” he says, turning for the door once more.
I nod. “Alright. I just like pushing buttons and seeing what happens. It’s more interesting to do that than read what other people say about the generalized result.”
“Some might call that kinetic learning.” Spike says, not turning around. “I’d call it just plain annoying.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m a younger brother. I was genetically engineered at birth to be an annoying little prick.”
Spike says nothing, but shakes his head and shuts the door behind him. About ten minutes later he comes back with a scroll in hand. It looks a lot like the ones he gives to Twilight, from Celestia, but this one has a blue ribbon around it rather than red, and the seal is a heart, not a sun. He hands me the scroll and walks out. “Seriously though, Twilight can be... fragile.”
I nod, and open up the letter, most likely from Cadence, catching a small gemstone as it falls out. Looks like amethyst... Maybe her letter will explain.
Dearest Anthony,
I’m so glad you sent me a letter, as mildly confusing as this one was at first. Assuming you meant to ask for relationship advice (and before you ask, yes it’s an educated guess, this isn’t even the first half-finished letter I’ve received today) then I have some simple advice you’ve likely heard before: Be yourself. Every being that can love will do so, and trying to act like something or someone you’re not will only cause problems down the road. However, if you’d like more of an ‘in-depth’ bit of assistance, I believe I can clear a small spot out of my schedule to visit Ponyville in a few months. Even just for a vacation, it would be rather nice to see my sister-in-law again.
Signed, Cadence~
P.S. The amethyst is for Spike, since I’m assuming you didn’t offer him anything for the mail service.
I look down at the purple fragment of quartz and shrug. I just head over to Twi’s room and toss it onto Spike’s dog bed. He’ll find it.
I look back at the letter once I’m in my room again. Yeah, be myself. Sure, but which ‘myself’ do I be? I’ve got, like, ten different approaches I can choose from and they’re all technically ‘the real me’ anyways. This is the problem with having so many different ‘voices of reason’. Besides, she doesn’t even know who it is I need advice for, so she can’t exactly give me any real advice that isn’t generic as hell. Yeah, looks like she’ll have to come down here. It would be nice to see her though.
The next morning, I walk downstairs to see Twilight running around like a chicken with its head cut off and pulling books off the shelves and rifling through all manner of papers and parchment rolls. A large stash of them is deposited in Spike’s arms, comically large compared to his small stature. “I need you to quiz me on everything I know!” she demands without even looking back, another few books landing atop the stack.
“So... do I ask?” I question aloud.
Spike shrugs as best he can with his arms full before dropping the papers. “Long story short-”
“I have a huge test coming up, and I have to be prepared for anything!” Twilight half-yells, still going absolutely batshit.
Spike nods. “Celestia sent her a letter saying Twilight has to uh, apparently pass some kind of test.”
“Flash cards! Where are my flash cards?!” she yells, lifting an end table and shaking it violently enough that a leg falls off. “I’ll fix that later.” she comments quickly, as she goes to root through a desk.
Spike rushes over and grabs Twilight and gets her to cool down. It takes several minutes, but she stops hyperventilating at least.
“So... what’s the test actually about?” I ask, figuring if that gets answered then she wouldn’t need to worry. “And what’s the deadline?”
“The letter didn’t say.” Spike informs me. “That’s why... all this.”
“Sorry, I’m just so nervous. What if I fail?” she says, nervously dancing on the tips of her hooves. The rapid tippity-tap is a bit annoying.
I think about that. If the teacher springs a pop quiz that could be on any subject at all and the teacher isn’t an unfair asshole, the stakes wouldn’t be very high, just a way to see how much the student can recite at the drop of a hat, a standard memorization deal. I shrug. “Likely? What would happen to anybody. They get a report-”
“A bad report?! Oh no, oh no, oh no! I-I can’t let that happen! Spike, we’re taking the Complete Unabridged Full Encyclopedia, the larger one!” Spike groans, then shoots me a nasty look for riling her up. I guess that’s my bad, but if she’d listened to what I’d wanted to say in full... on second thought, it’s all her fault.
“So you guys are gonna be heading to Canterlot to take this test?” I look out the window, and see the rest of the Element bearers walking up. Looks like the support group has arrived.
“Yes, Anthony.” Twilight says curtly, and Spike sighs.
“It’ll be alright, Twilight... just calm down, get your things, and we’ll all get on the train before we’re late, okay?” he says, patting her neck reassuringly. She nods taking a shaky breath, and the others move in to reassure her as well and get her moving.
I step in with my own advice. “I’m just going to assume you’ve never really had to deal with such sudden... assignments, judging by your reaction. If I were you, I’d be doing something to prepare for it as best you can.”
“I am preparing!” Twilight says as she presents the mountain of flash cards on ‘everything she knows’ and I shake my head.
“No, not like that. You need to be ready physically. This isn’t my first time dealing with cramming for tests and let me tell you, burning all your time down to the last second before the test is not the way to do it.”
Twilight scoffs, and shakes her head back. “And what else am I supposed to do?”
“Re-lax.” I say, and I gesture towards the kitchen. “You need to be prepared physically as I just said. I doubt you’re feeling very rested, so you’ll need to make up for that. I suggest an energizing meal to start with. You’ll want brain food obviously, as well as protein to keep your body going. Fish is a good example, and some cheese on toast will be quick to make and stick to your ribs. This way you won’t be hungry during the test so you aren’t distracted by things like sleep or food.”
Twilight and her friends look at me with odd expressions.
I defend myself with, “Hey, I made lots of mistakes, but if you learn from them, then mistakes are fine. My high school years were rough, but they taught me a lot... mostly outside of a classroom, but I digress. You’ll need to be focused. Eat food now, a power nap while on the train and obviously a well-prepared backpack, making sure you have anything you might need within reason. Cramming is not something you should do, but if unavoidable, at least do it cleverly.”
“I... okay.” Twilight says, meekly, her ears back slightly as she begins to move towards the kitchen. Spike intercepts her, and points her instead towards the saddlebags, evidently trying to keep her from accidentally poisoning herself, and busy with something she does well instead.
Rainbow Dash flaps over, giving me an appraising look. “Huh, never took you for the sort to enjoy school so much.” she comments, looking a bit surprised.
“You kidding me?” I say, quirking an eyebrow. “Mostly I focused on surviving school until it’s over, the main points I’m making are just ways to keep you from screwing up and having to retake a class. The last thing any sane person wants is for school to last any longer than it legally has to.” I silently curse the Becca bill, the only reason I even kept going to school past Junior High. Twilight looks over at me, looking slightly hurt at that comment. I just roll my eyes. “There are, of course, exceptions to every rule.” I say, getting her to go back to her preparation.
Rarity soon joins her, helping to organize the backpack, so the myriad of things being inserted didn’t make it look like a lumpy mess. Which reminds me of another point.
“If you want to be confident, you have to look ‘ready’ as well. A great way to fake it is treating this like a normal occurrence. Don’t go rushing in and acting all frantic. Be... standard. Like you’ve done this a million times before. Not sure how Celly is as a teacher, but if you act all frazzled or off-balance, then you’re less likely to get a good grade. Teachers like students who are in control. Freaking out over a pop quiz shows weakness and implies you aren’t prepared.” I get further odd looks. “I spent more time focusing on the psychology of school than the schooling itself. Knowing how to game the system is a bit more important to me than getting another gold star on a piece of paper.”
A few of the ponies shrug, Applejack looks unhappy with my comment, and Rainbow Dash looks like she approves, nodding sagely.
Either way, Spike comes out with a skinny-looking cooked fish, hardly any meat on it at all and I wonder what kind of stupid market would sell such a fish. I mean... it’s really pathetic. But, fish is fish, and it’s a good source of vitamins... even in such small amounts. Alongside the fish is a few other snacks along the lines of what I suggested. About the time Twilight finishes eating, the clock is noticed and, once Spike and I convince her to take a minute to breathe, she leaves, dragon and friends in tow. A large support group is useful as well, though I consider my job done at this point and let them head for Canterlot.
I figure that they’ve got this handled and that Twilight will be back, likely tired as hell from being worked up over nothing. Leaving the now-empty library, I think about what I can do. It would be nice if I could do something to get my powers back. Like a sort of... soul-empowering form of tai chi or yoga or whatever. I look back at the library and figure if I was gonna find information on something like that Twilight probably had a book on it. And... all the books are on the floor and completely disorganized. Not finding anything in this haystack. Sighing, I think more about what I could do that doesn’t involve me having powers.
Unfortunately, all of the things that come to mind are rather boring. Normality is so... mundane...
I’ve managed to zone out for several hours, and I note that Twilight still isn’t back...
What sort of quiz takes this long? Unless it’s intended to be a full examination and at that point, it might be a good thing if she listened to me and took a nap on the train. I figure she’ll do fine no matter what the test is, but it is rather boring without anyone around, seeing as how she took the rest of her friends with her. I look back at my stash of gifts and, noting the little candy box Myrna gave me with the statues... Eh, sure.
I grab it out of the pile and open it up. It’s small, so I’m not expecting much but I find that it’s... one candy piece. Wrapped up in a classic candy-shop style, colored like the ribbon on the box, yellow and blue. Well, got it for free anyways so... whatever. I unwrap the candy and it’s just a regular chocolate ball. Likely filled with some sort of cream or other additive. Doesn’t look like anything special but given the hype that Pinkie put behind it just from seeing the box I suppose it might be worth a taste. I mean, it’s not puny, two ounces of candy at most but... it’s decent, mildly impressive for a single chocolate ball. So I guess this ‘Bon Bon’ runs a specialty candy shop, which would explain Pinkie’s mention of the insane price.
Alright, analysis is over, snacktime. I pop the roughly-golfball of treat into my mouth and... okay, that’s good. Like, really good. I mean, most boxes of chocolates I get from places like See’s or whatever I could eat a hundred in one sitting, but this... has officially, if temporarily, satisfied my sweet tooth.
This thing has been enchanted or something, no other explanation could be reasonable. I mean... I’m actually content with just one, and it’s not due to a sugar overload of, say, half of a lemon meringue pie, which has indeed proven too rich for me. But no, this is... mild. And fantastic.
I call shenanigans. I need to figure out how these things are made, because this is literally impossible. Nothing has ever been ‘enough’ for me without being ‘too much’ and it’s never been something so relatively small.
Looking through the box, I find the one thing just about every boxed candy has: a mailing address for the creator of the candy. Ponyville, of course, as well as... oh, I know that spot, I think I’ve passed it. It’s on the way to Fluttershy’s from here... in retrospect, this explains the delicious smells on that road.
Either way, though, the confectioner must be a pretty impressive unicorn to be making candy that filling, yet mild-flavored.
Heading down the path, I actually pay attention to the buildings I pass, looking for a candy shop, likely decked out in the ‘store colors’ which is highly likely to be the same design as on the wrappings for the candy as well as the box.
At first, I’m not able to find it, though, and it’s not until my second pass down the lane - empty box open in my hands as I try to figure out where ponies put their addresses on their houses - that I’m directed to the house. The only indication that it’s also a place of business is the cobble-paved path leading to one of the windows, and a few boxes of what I’d previously assumed to be decorative photo frames, but were in fact candy boxes. This would have been much easier if ponies weren’t so damned obsessed with bright colors and restricted their use to accents as opposed to using it for everything.
Either way, I walk up to the building and, rather than stop at the window, head for the front door. I’m here for information, not just to be a customer. Though if I can get more of these for a good price, I’m jumping on that.
After knocking, I hear a slightly nasally ‘Just a minute!’, a moment of silence, then the sound of hooves on hardwood heading for the window. “Hello?” I hear from the window, presumably where the proprietor is used to answering from.
I wave towards my position. “Hey, I’m looking for someone.” I notice that the pony is an Earth pony, not a unicorn. Two options: She’s an assistant to the creator, or the secret is not magic spells but magic ingredients, much like that Berry’s Punch drink. Either is likely at this point.
“Yes?” she asks, leaning out the window a bit more to get a better look at me, her voice changing mid-word to a bit more ‘normal’. “It’s just me and my roommate living here, though if you need to speak to Lyra, she’s in Canterlot right now.”
The name ‘Lyra’ sends my eyebrow upwards very quickly, recalling the name of the Constellation who I met almost four months back. Was it four months? Only two? Half a year? Hard to recall. Either way... “Actually I’m here for...” wait, how do you say you want information on a personal recipe without sounding obvious... “Information. Specific information. I was... directed here.”
She narrows her eyes. “Directed by whom?” she asks slowly.
I quirk my eyebrow again. Something about that response sounds vaguely... odd. Granted, my opening was odd, but it might indicate something going on, beyond candy-making if this mare assumes something else as well... Or I’m reading too much into this.
I shake my head. I move to the window. “I’m looking for... details. I’d like to know what exactly goes into these.” I hold up the empty candy box, and turn it so the little address is visible from her perspective.
“Oh! Uhm, well, it’s all local ingredients, except the cocoa and the sugar, but I can’t tell you everything. It’s a family recipe.” she says, visibly sighing in relief when she heard my request.
“I’m just a bit curious. Anything special about these ingredients? I’m a little, well, baffled at what could go into this. Considering how good it is, I expected some form of... arcane or at least obscure content...” I decide to drop the act at this point and be blunt. “Look, I’ve had candy before, lots of it, great amounts and varying kinds. This is... different. I don’t think a different ratio of sugar, or some generic secret ingredient goes into these.” I quote myself from earlier. “I call shenanigans.”
She laughs, her nasally voice back. “Oh, I hoof-make every piece of candy individually - the only ones I’m not working on one-by-one are things like the chocolate drops or the candy dots.” she explains. “Every single one is a work of art I pour my heart and soul into!” she says, sounding and looking proud of herself.
“Yeah, I’m not buying that... entirely. You’re using some extra special technique with these. I intend to find out what it is. I’m not aiming to replicate the recipe and make a profit, I’m just out to discover why this candy has done what no other candy I’ve ever tasted has done.”
She’s still laughing as she wipes a tear from her eye. “I just told ya, I work on every one of them by hoof. No machines, no magic, just me and the candy. It makes it taste so much better!” she says, smiling at me still.
“See the problem with that is that it’s not just tasty it’s... fulfilling. I can eat one of these and I don’t need to immediately have more candy. Let me put it another way.” I place the box on the windowsill. “I have an incurable sweet tooth. I will consume large amounts of sugar, past the point of reason or health, simply because I want more. I’ve never had ‘too much’ when it comes to candy. Ever. I mean, it’s scary how bad it can get considering I can’t eat normal food in nearly the amount I eat sweets and such.” I pause and indicate to the box. “I got that as a gift and just tried it. I don’t need to have another to be ‘content’. That’s more than hand-made, that ‘family recipe’ of yours is... astonishing. I just want to know what that recipe involves that makes it... so satisfying.”
She sighs, rolling her eyes. “Y’know what? Since I doubt the big-shot celebrity of Ponyville is going to go around selling off my secrets for money, I’ll let you sit in on a batch of candy. You come back when your sweet-tooth returns, and I’ll make a candy of your choosing, in front of you. I’m the best candy-maker in the southern half of Equestria, and I’m not afraid to prove it.” she says confidently, offering a hoof to shake.
I take her hoof. “Alright, deal. But I’m serious, something’s up with this. I don’t know if it’s the candy itself, or you... but there’s more here. I just need to find out what that ‘more’ really is.”
She smiles and shakes her head again. “Well, I’ll see you in a while then. Oh! Would you like to buy some more for tomorrow, by any chance?” she asks in her ‘normal’ voice, shooting me a hopeful grin.
I carefully weigh my optio- “How much?”
“Well, it’s six Bits for a Bon-Box, four for a Melt-in-your-mouth, one Bit for a strip of candy dots, and Lyra recently showed me how to make candyfloss, so I have some of that, too. Though, the floss didn’t come out how I’d hoped, so it’s a bit... crackly. Still working on that one.”
I check my pockets and I pull out a coin and- uh... I don’t know where I got this, actually. It looks like a Bit, but... silver. So... half a Bit? I mean, Bits are usually gold so maybe this is, like, a half-dollar equivalent or something. I present the odd coin. “Any idea what this is worth?”
“Oh, uh... idunno, I don’t really do much business with ponies from Cloudsdale. They have some kinda holdover from before they joined Equestria, their own mints and stuff. I don’t have any idea what the exchange rate is, sorry.” she shrugs, looking over the coin. “Looks the same as a regular Bit, though... not sure why they have to make ‘em in silver.”
I shrug and continue rifling through my pockets and come up with two Bits. Seems that’s my budget. “So, looks like two of those dot-strip-things...” I pass her the Bits as I wonder what it is. My first thought is the Nerds Rope thing, with a bunch of tiny candies on a strip of another candy material.
“Oh, the attempt at candyfloss is also one Bit for the whole batch, if you want it.” she says, holding out a dinner-bowl-sized thing of... of...
“Is that a bowl of pop rocks?”
“Uhm... no? Or, maybe. Have you seen something like this before?” she asks, offering the bowl up to me. I take a small pinch and try it on my tongue. They do the normal snapping and crackling, and taste of a pleasant ‘cotton candy’ flavor. Generic, but not bad.
“Seen? Lady, I haven’t even tasted this stuff since I was... what, ten? I mean, I know that they still have -or rather, had- it on Earth but I never really had them since I was young. Always been really expensive for just a small packet of the stuff. A Bit for a bowl? Deal!”
“Oh, well, that’s wonderful!” she says, pouring them into a small paper bag and handing it to me. “Do you think others will like them? I wasn’t sure, but if they’re popular where you’re from...”
“As long as you stay away from the ‘they can kill you’ myth, they’re great... although, the same myth is probably what made them so popular in the first place...”
“Uhm... why would ponies think it’d kill them?” she asks, eyebrow up as the nasally voice returns. I should ask her about that sometime.
“Okay, so the idea behind these is that they are like, well... they ‘pop’ in your mouth when they melt. A myth started that if you drank something carbonated such as a soda and then swallowed a bunch of these things, the carbonation would enhance the ‘pop’ and that swallowing the said mixture would explode in your stomach. I’m... not sure what chemistry-failure thought that would happen, but it’s been an urban legend since I was really little. I’ve tried it, it doesn’t do anything at all. Sure made the candy a playground dare for a long time though.”
“Huh, alright. Well, I’ll keep that in mind.” Bon Bon nods with a quirked smile and accepts my payment.
I take the paper bag full of pop rocks and the strip of ‘candy drops’ and carry on, thanking the mare. Speaking of playground dares... I wonder what kinds of crap I could spread to the kids. I’m pretty much the ‘Crazy Uncle’ anyways, I bet I could start a few urban legends. I mean, why would I lie to children?
Smirking to myself, I try to remember the day of the week. I think it’s a weekend, so there won’t be any school, but I can still scheme... and I have to pay attention to how hungry I am, so I can come back here. The secret to the recipe will be mine...
... Damnit, now my internal voice is in Plankton’s. Ah well, it could be worse.
Alright, well, now that that’s over... I wonder what else this town has to offer someone with no money, no powers, and an unhealthy amount of charisma...