Who wastes so many resources on a bathroom?
Whoever created this room had to be insane. She was missing her Crystal Empire, where nopony would make something as terribly, wastefully opulent as this place was! Slaves were too poor and too busy to think about it, and her honourable father was too intelligent to waste his precious time.
Still, she was only interested in bathing - it was almost a luxury, but she was feeling dirty after walking around so much today. And of any sort of make-up... who cared? She'd never had any sort of female role model, and it's not like her father would have taught her how to use it. The bath, at least, was wonderful - the water warm, the tub roomy, and even if the decor wasn't exactly to her liking, it still muffled noise enough to make it a quiet bath as well.
Though the soak was most certainly exquisite, it was only about five minutes in before she heard a knock at the suite door. The knock was rapid and staccato, like a woodpecker trying to get at a grub. Worse? It didn't stop; after about a minute, it was obvious that it wasn't going to stop until there was some sort of response from within.
Worse than that, it was slowly growing louder...
She had wasted FAR too much time here; it should have been a quick bath - get in, clean herself up, get out. She practically jumped out of the tub, drying herself with one of the frilly towels hanging nearby.
"I'm on my way! Wait a moment!" she shouted, hopeful that it would be enough. Who was that? If it was her liaison, then they would already know that she was in here! As quickly as possible, not even bothering to make anything decent out of her soaking wet mane, Obsidian trotted to the doors to open them.
When she opened them, standing there was an incredibly muscular orange mare, flanked by what had to be the most handsome stallion Obsidian had ever laid eyes on before.
The stallion had a sky blue coat, and large green eyes that shined like emeralds. His mane was short, neat and plain, and his horn was average sized, but seemed to have an extra-sharp point. He had muscle, but compact and wiry instead of bulky.
The bulky muscle was on the mare. Standing nearly two heads taller than the unicorn, she looked more like a bodybuilder than anything - and her coat and hooves bore the telltale signs of being a hard-working sort. Her amber eyes were about the only visibly soft thing about her.
The unicorn stallion's hoof was the one lifted to the door, still knocking in midair for a moment before he realized what he was doing and put his hoof down, sheepishly.
"Miss Obsidian, ma'am..?" The strong earth pony mare's drawl was thick, making it sound like she spoke slowly. "We were told to see to you and yer needs. So we're here ta do that. I'm Butter Churn, and this here's-"
"Cupcake Sprinkles! Nice ta meetcha!" The unicorn smiled broadly, revealing what appeared to be candy bits stuck between his teeth - just enough to give them a bit of color, but not enough to look disgustingly unkempt.
Churn gave a short chuckle. "Don't mind him - he's always onna sugar rush, but he's also just as sweet."
Cupcake rolled his eyes with a grin. "And don't mind her - she's slow but steady, and is as reliable as the day is long!"
They both stood there, waiting for her response.
Wonderful - now they had a numerical advantage! Well, to be fair, they'd had it before as well, especially with the large number of unicorns guarding her, but this time two ponies were talking to her at once. And talking a lot.
She was already missing her wonderful Crystal Empire; such a quiet & calm place, where nopony was talking without her father's approval...
It was strange to think that for her those times were literally hours ago, not a thousand years.
So... these two were servants? They surely didn't look like liaison officers... or maybe they did? After all, she had never really seen one before. However, they were talking about her needs, so they had to be servants... right?
"Are you... liaisons?" she asked eventually, a bit discouraged by their intrusive explosion of speech.
The two of them exchanged a look, then grinned.
"Well, that's YOUR choice, ma'am. If'n ya want me ta stay fer it, I can. I was sent to make sure you got what you need," Churn drawled.
"Or you could pick me, and I'd be happy as a pig in mud to talk all about the kingdom, the Mane Six, Ponyville, the various castles... whatever you'd like! I LOOOOOOOVE to talk!"
Churn rolled her eyes and nodded, but with a smile.
"We're here fer you ta pick from... though I'm purdy sure if you pick one, th' other'll be around, once inna while."
"Yeah! We're SFOMs!" Cupcake said with enthusiasm.
Churn gave a chuckle. "He means Siblings From Other Mothers; we're kinda close pals, me an' him."
"Yeah! But there's always room for more friends! Like you, for example! I can hardly wait to see what sort of stuff you come up with as presents for Hearthswarming!"
"Cup," Churn said, "we don't even know if'n she likes us yet - hold yer horses."
One way or another she was going to suffer, Obsidian realized. The mare was speaking less (but still far too much for her tastes), but she was barely able to understand that thick accent. On the other hoof, the weird stallion seemed to be very enthusiastic to talk about the world outside, but at the same time he was SO ANNOYING! She was going to have a headache if he was here for much longer.
But... she had to choose. If she had to have a servant - no, not a servant, a liaison - then at least both of them looked somewhat qualified. The first one could provide her with her needs, the second one with information, and considering that she didn't have any access to the library here...
Obviously she didn't like them, but she could at least put one of them to good use.
"My choice, correct? Then you, methinks," she nodded at Cupcake, with a grim realization that she is going to loathe herself for it... but she needed this knowledge.
The stallion's smile threatened to split his skull in half. "AWESOME! I just KNEW you were gonna pick me! I had this feeling, see? Like, my right front hoof was itchy, so that meant you had me in mind the entire time! Crazy-cool, am I right?"
Churn gave a soft chuckle. "Hope you ain't a fan o' silence, ma'am."
She then turned to Cupcake. "Alright, Cup - now, don't be drivin' Miss Obsidian nuts with yer river o' words, okay? She may wanna hear about the world around her an' stuff, but I'm purdy sure she ain't gonna wanna hear it all today, y'understand?"
Cupcake giggled like a schoolfilly. "Yeah, yeah, yeahyeahyeah! I know! I mean, I'll try not to overdo it..." he grinned at Obsidian, "but I got a LOOOOOT to say!"
Obsidian already regretted her choice.
Churn rolled her eyes with a smile, then faced the young nob-... the young EX-noble.
"Ma'am, even though yer choosin' Cup, that don't mean I ain't gonna do nothin' for ya at'all - I'm just not gonna be around as much as Cup will. He's excitable, but a good pony - y'ain't got nothin' ta worry about with him."
"Oh, stoooooop it! We'll be just fine, Churn! You have GOT to lighten up a bit more around company! After all, if you'd have been a bit more cordial and stuff, YOU would be the one leading her around and telling her stuff she should know!"
The large earth pony lifted an eyebrow at Obsidian. "Anythin' I can try ta find for ya? I'm purdy good at findin' stuff, so it might not be as much of a fail as you'd think. I can work on that while you an' Cup tour the castle... which I'm mighty sure Cup will want."
Alas, she just happened to be a big 'fan' of silence, but she was also a 'fan' of knowledge; in this particular case, it was impossible to get both at the same time, it seemed... so it was the most obvious choice. But this stallion was really, really loud and obnoxious. She wasn't sure what exactly Butter meant by 'good pony' - quite probably her own meaning for this term was a bit different than Obsidian's. If a pony was serving well, he was good pony - and that was all.
A quick flash of suffering passed over Obsidian's muzzle.
"At the moment I only want - and need - books. My knowledge may be a bit... er... obsolete, and I feel as though I need to correct this problem," she asked patiently of the earth pony mare.
Churn pondered for a moment. "Well... I got a few books, I reckon - I can try ta bring 'em by later on today, if'n ya like?"
Just... how old were these two? They were acting more like children than adults - at least children that had never met noble King Sombra, of course.
"Yeah, sure, okay... just leave them on the doorstep - I'm pretty sure we're gonna be busy today! Right?" Cupcake slipped her a wink and a smile; he apparently had plans to be as talkative as possible.
Oh. Joy.
"Welp... guess I best get back to the farm - you behave yerself now, ya hear me, Cupcake?"
He nodded vigorously, then gave the large mare a quick hug. "Later on, Cornpone."
She smiled and hugged back. "You bet yer fur." She turned to Obsidian and gave a polite nod. "Ma'am."
With that, the muscular-looking mare stepped quietly out of the room, closing the door behind her. However, this seemed to be some sort of cue, and Cupcake suddenly leapt into the air and tossed up a hoofful of confetti.
"Yay, new friend is NEW! Awesome! So!"
He sat on the edge of the bed, bouncing a bit as he did. His cutie mark, now that she could see it, was a cupcake, loaded with so many sprinkles there were a few loose ones at the base of the yummy-looking pastry.
"Whatcha wanna know about, Siddy!? Can I call you Siddy? I bet I can't, so I shouldn't, but it still sounds SO nifty! Ha ha HA, listen to me go on! Okay, so... you say you need information, and I'd be MORE than happy to give you information! So... whatwhatwhat you wanna knooooowwwww!!!!!"
His enthusiasm threatened to make Obsidian's headache into a migrane.
Perhaps killing him wouldn't be an entirely bad idea. Everypony might possibly forgive her, or maybe even celebrate it... no, Lemon Custard didn't seem like a pony that could let it slip. Nope. She probably wouldn't be allowed to even scratch him. Too bad; maybe it could help encourage him enough to get him into a more useful state of mind.
"Do you have to behave that way?" It was obvious that pure, unrestrained enthusiasm was exceedingly rare among Sombra's slaves, and she was beginning to understand why her father preferred to terrorize his servants into obedience.
Cupcake gave her a curious look. "Wh-what do you mean? I mean, what way am I behaving? Is it a way that you find fun and silly, to where you might be wanting to help me throw a 'Welcome Obsidian' party? OH! That would be fun! We could set up decorations, paper lanterns, streamers, balloons..."
He was looking at her as he spoke... which meant, as he listed off the things he suggested for a party, he watched the disapproval and discomfort slowly become more and more evident. His list petered out, and he lifted an eyebrow in curiosity.
"... you... aren't asking because you like the way I'm behaving... are you?"
He looked apprehensive, and perhaps a bit mollified by Obsidian's question.
"You are speaking more words in a single minute than I was normally hearing within a single day," Obsidian responded dryly. It seemed that her disapproving stare worked and she was, more or less, satisfied. Hopefully it would make him abandon his threat of a 'Welcome Obsidian party', whatever he may have been planning for that.
She didn't even want to know what streamers or balloons were.
Cupcake looked... hurt, at first. But he blinked a bit, then gave a smile. One that was a bit... smaller... than the last one, but a smile nonetheless. "Okaaaaaaay, so... I have to... what, speak slowly? Oh! Okay, I can do tha- I mean..."
He cleared his throat. "I... can... do... that... miss... Ob... sid... eee... an."
Obsidian's list of ponies to kill was growing rapidly. In the case of this particular stallion, however, killing him would be probably a mercy. His impaired and addled brain would probably welcome this release from the prison of his body.
It was truly an achievement considering that, up to this single annoying day, her list of ponies to kill was nonexistent.
"Speak less - not slowly. And not as loudly, either. Were you trying to shout me into confusion before?" She was really getting angry... and with Dark Magic illegal, that could possibly be fairly problematic soon enough.
Cupcake looked confused. "Speak... less? But not slowly? And not loud?" He scratched his mane a bit, then shrugged and sat back on the bed, taking a more relaxed pose and taking a deep breath.
"Okay. What, then?"
There was a look in his eye... one that said there may possibly be some sort of mischief a-hoof.
Did he finally understand what she was gently and kindly asking for? Obsidian could barely believe it, but maybe something finally managed to drill its' way into his thick skull. She even started to calm down, not realizing that there was a puckish look on his muzzle; her social skills weren't quite good enough to notice such a thing. Truth be told, she didn't really have any social skills to speak of; one has to be social to develop those skills, after all.
"Good. Much better. Now, whom is the owner of this castle?"
"A princess," he said... and nothing else. But he smiled.
Good enough, she supposed. "Which princess?"
"The one who lives here." Still grinning.
Never mind, he was still an idiot. Obsidian just wasn't sure if he was mocking her, or stupid enough to get into this sort of tautology.
"What is her name?" Maybe she just had to be more precise...
His smile grew. "The one she was given." Now there was a slight light in his eyes; he'd just found a new game.
Obsidian's right eye twitched. Cupcake gave her a look for a moment, then spoke up.
"Y'know... if you're really, reeeeeally trying to fit into the world around you, it probably isn't such a good idea to be so pushy about what others say to you. I mean, if you're gonna learn about someone, then it isn't a good idea to, like, stifle them."
He gave a stretch. "I mean, I didn't just blurt out, 'why are you so angry' at you, did I? That's called 'tact', and it's a pretty useful thing to have. Like, if you'd have just said, 'can you please slow down?', then I would be FAR more likely to cooperate."
He leaned up and put his muzzle right in front of hers. "Or, be not-so-nice, and get a runaround like you got just now. I'm a good pone... but I don't think I have to stand for being disrespected, and I won't."
He stood up. "Now, we wanna start over, with me not-so-rapid-fire, and you not so grumpy?"
Maybe that option of exile into Tartarus or turning into a statue wasn't so bad. This world was filled with crazy ponies, doing crazy things, and without any respect for their betters! She had only just learned that her whole world is gone as well as her father (temporarily, of course), and she already had enough of everything.
What's worse, she was getting angry, and that was most certainly a very bad thing; her most honourable father had punished her more than once for not controlling her emotions... and yet here she was, doing it again.
Obsidian sighed deeply, closed her eyes and counted to ten. Didn't help too terribly much, but it was better than nothing at all.
"Grumpy? I'm as calm as possible, all things considered!" She was really doing her best to say it as calmly as she could, but this stallion had struck a nerve inside her.
The stallion shook his head and sighed. "Okay. Keep telling yourself that. But my right ear itches, and that means that you're pretty peeved right now. Plus, the eye twitch gave it away."
He spread his forehooves wide. "Why are you so angry? I mean, you're getting all worked up because I talk a lot? Siddy, if you think I'M bad, you'll never make it out there," he pointed out the window, "because there are so many chatty pones in Ponyville alone who'd gab your ears off... 'specially my mom. She's the bestest, but..."
He glanced around conspiratorially before whispering to her. "... where do you think I got it from?"
Well, at least he started telling something useful. Ponyville... and avoid his mother like the plague. Maybe it wasn't too much, but it was still more informative than literally anything he told her before.
"But yeah," he sat back down, gesturing to her, "you obviously have some sort of issues going on in your noggin. Stuff that's bugging you, hardcore." He gave her a gentle, careful smile. "Care to talk about it?"
"Let's start with the most obvious: My father is, apparently, dead, my home is not my home anymore, and I've slept through the last thousand years. Oh, and I was informed that I'm not considered royalty anymore, as well..."
Maybe her voice was a bit more bitter than before, but she didn't exactly care right now.
Cupcake sat back a bit, eyes widening. "WHOA... that's some harsh juju, right there. No wonder you're all Funk Punk and stuff - that... well that sounds like it's absolutely NO fun at all."
His green eyes were almost electric, they were so bright as he looked at her with sympathy - not pity, but actual empathy.
But just what was this 'funk punk'? This stallion was speaking strange and alien in more ways than one - did language change that much? But it seemed that he, at last, understood that his behavior was annoying her.
"Okay, so you're dealing with a LOOOOOT right now. So, I guess the best way to start getting you back to being yourself would be for me to ask the questions for a bitty-bit, and we can try to at least help you get through what's happened."
Before, he looked like a giddy idiot, with his smile and his constant talking and moving around... but now, he was calm and collected, and though he still spoke a good bit, his voice was softer, more conversational than the blaring party pony he'd been mere moments ago.
"Right, so," he began, "would it be okay if I asked you what your father was like?"
"He was the wisest and the strongest pony I've ever known." She spoke proudly. "Stern, just and powerful. His lessons were valuable beyond gold and diamonds..." If he was asking for questions, there was no point in silence; she turned her head a bit to the side, observing him carefully. "Exactly how old are you?"
"Me?" He made a show of counting, making little symbols in the air as he tried to figure it out. "... carry the two... I'd saaaaaaaaaaay... nineteen summers. Yeah, that's about right, because that's how many birthday parties I've had. Easy to keep track THAT way, especially when Mom makes them so special!"
Birthday parties? Obsidian was somewhat familiar with this idea, but as far as she was concerned it was a complete and utter waste of time. A perfect entertainment for lesser ponies, though; it's not like they were able to make any other joy in their miserable lives, except for the enjoyment of service, that is.
Still... this stallion was three years older than her, but was behaving far, far less maturely. She wasn't sure what to think about that - was it a norm here?
Now, she wasn't sure if he had some hidden goal in his question... or maybe he was just talking. It would be quite easy to just write him off as an irritating idiot, but that pony that brought her there wouldn't possibly choose somepony stupid to take care of her, right?
He pondered her earlier words for a moment before he spoke again. "I'd always heard about how Sombra was a mean, vicious stallion with a heart of stone and a tendency to enslave ponies. That... doesn't exactly appeal to me much. But YOUR description does! I like YOUR Sombra better than THEIR Sombra."
"Oh, but of course he was vicious, with a heart of stone and of course he was enslaving ponies. I'm not sure about 'mean' part, especially as you were quite mean just a moment before..."
"Whaaaaaaaaa..?" Cupcake's eyes went wide, and he looked positively shocked.
"I wasn't MEAN! How was I MEAN? I was never MEAN! Okay, so I talk a bunch and I'm energetic and stuff - and I get that you don't like that, yeah..."
Suddenly, he leveled a stare at her. A hard one.
"... but you aren't the boss of me. Or anyone else. And if you want to make friends and live here in Equestria, I'd really thank you if you took that STICK out of your BUTT and started acting like someone who was raised royally, instead of a whiny, angst-ridden debutante who would just be another tyrant, given half a chance!"
He glared. "If you reeeeeeally want mean, I'm no stranger to it - but I don't like being mean. So, if I'm going to have ANY chance to help you, then you need to stop with the I'm-better-than-you-all attitude and act like you were raised with some sort of manners, instead of just rattling on about 'oh, woe is me' and all but demanding I act different, just for little ol' YOU."
He gave a huff. "I'm supposed to HELP you... not babysit a spoiled brat. Understood?"
Well, THIS was certainly a change in attitude!
"Now..." he smoothed back his mane (which popped right back up) and gave a long, drawn-out sigh while extending a hoof; it almost seemed like a personal meditation pose.
"... let's go back to the part before all the hullabaloo, okie dokie lokie? I'd rather be fun than angry, after all."
Now that was a lot of words. Once again Obsidian had to remind herself that she was dealing with a simpleton, that couldn't realize a value of a brief speech and was wasting far too much air...
And that he was offending her. Maybe she should try to get down to his level.
"Ah, I understand... so you are treating me in a similar fashion as you would like to be treated if you woke up surrounded by armed ponies in a strange, alien world and then find out that your father is dead?"
Wait, maybe this sarcasm would be too much for him to comprehend. Of all ponies, maybe he would enjoy getting such treatment in a similar situation? From what she could tell, it was quite possible that he would dance on her grave and walk around telling jokes about her cold, dead body, had he the chance...
She was actually getting rather angry - too many things in too short of a time. Not good.
"So yes, woe is me. Maybe you would enjoy losing everything and finding out that the world outside... it... well, I don't know, banned birthday parties or set up a daily limit for spoken words... but I do NOT consider myself to be in any sort of a comfortable situation - and DO excuse me if I'm not too keen to enjoy your antics, you... you..."
Brain-dead, useless, conceited simpleton...
"... meanie!"
Really? REALLY!? If that was the best she could come up with in her rage, then she just embarrassed herself.
However, she was trying to calm down - shouting profanities at this scatterbrain wouldn't help her current situation. Her entire body was shaking ever so slightly; most honourable King Sombra would be furious to see her behaving in such a manner!
At the word 'meanie', Cupcake's expression dropped like a slippery plate.
"M... M-m-m... M-m-meanie?" He sounded incredulous, like he'd just been slapped in the muzzle by his own mother.
"I'm n-not... I mean... i-i-it..."
Tears forming in his eyes, Cupcake jumped up and hit the door running, taking off down the hallway at a breakneck pace, heading away from Obsidian as fast as he could.
Huh, well that was unexpected.
Truth be told, it was the last reaction she would expect from an adult (barely, though) stallion. Were all future ponies that spoiled and pampered? And worse, she still didn't know anything. What a shame. The pony had been talking too much, but actually saying too little - at least she knew how to deal with this... obstacle... for future reference.
Unfortunately, it meant she had to wait for the other one to get any more basic info... and that assuming she wouldn't behave in a similar manner. After all, if she could get so angry that this simpleton ran away crying... well, that wouldn't be pleasant. So, for now, she decided to simply wait; she couldn't sneak away without her liaison, that's what the pony with the ridiculous mane had told her. A shame.
But NOW what?
The answer to that question came in the form of a voice making its' way down the hall, towards the Rarity Suite. A mare, the voice low and almost sultry, was speaking to someone, though there was no return talking to tell.
"... with me just standin' there, can you believe it? I mean, if you're gonna to insult someone, you should at least have the common courtesy to wait 'til they leave the room! Just because they don't understand doesn't mean they can just say whatever they want!"
"Mmm-hmmm." There was another voice - a stallion, from the sound of it.
"I mean, there IS such a thing as tact, y'know - something a LOT of ponies would do well to keep in mind; the way they act sometimes... you'd think they were raised in a friggin' BARN! Don't they have any shame? Decency? Sense of friggin' decorum?"
"Eh."
"What... do you think I'm overdoing it a bit? After all, they were talking about me, and ANY publicity is good publicity, right? I mean, my name is being spread around, but... do I want it to be lumped in with the words of those three?"
"Mmm-mmm."
"Exactly! They're just jealous, I guess - I mean, not everypony can look this good, can they?"
"Uh-uh."
The conversation drew closer and closer.
She heard those voices, loud and clear. Only then she realized that she should've closed the doors after Cupcake's tearful escape. Now, she just had to wait for those two ponies to walk away.